Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Bringing down barriers


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Bringing down barriers Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Bringing down barriers - 10/19/2007 7:42:52 AM   
camisra


Posts: 18
Joined: 6/15/2007
Status: offline 		i have a question, if you love, care and trust your Domme what stops bringing barriers down to be able to fully let your Domme in and likewise openly show emotion eg: crying in their arms.?  In my case after major surgery there is a lot of mixed emotions, instead of bringing it out and having a good cry, i have kept it bottled up, i have expressed some feelings in my handwritten journal but that doesn't seem to be enough. i am afraid i am pushing my Mistress away and thats not my intention.

camisra
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/19/2007 7:52:17 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		Well, everybody expresses themselves emotionally in different ways.  If you have trouble expressing your emotions similarly around other people...then it's really not your fault.  All you can do is try your best.  One wonders why it upsets your Mistress...because if you're not the emotional type, then you're not the emotional type and it really can't be helped too much...

Are you only this way around your Mistress, or do you have trouble expressing elsewhere too?

(in reply to camisra)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/19/2007 3:10:20 PM   
Argentopal


Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline 		camisra,

i have to ask if you are still on pain meds.  I have had 3 major surgeries since we began our full time Ds.  Two of them, while huge (cancer) went well and I recovered quickly.  The third should have been in and out, day surgery.  The anesthesia was f***ed up and when I woke up I was in more pain than was imaginable, I was nasty to the poor day care nurses who are used to people waking up happy and leaving.  They had to pump so many pain meds in me I stopped breathing!  The ambulatory surgery nurses are not used to cpr and calling 911~!  2 days later I woke up in the real hospital, totally alone and nnot having any idea where the hell i was or what was going on!  Even after I came home, the pain was unbearable and I was maxed out on all kinds of stuff.  I had no idea from day to day whre I was, who I was, what was going on, and most of my days were spent 100% alone with the TV running on a 24 hour news channel (talk about feeding depression!).  Even after I was able to ramp down the meds and able to get out and get to PT, the after effects of the drugs was not anything I was prepared for.  Argent had no idea what was going on, but he knew it wasn't good.  Gouing back and forth to the doc who did it wasn't the answer since he was ortho and only knew his patients needed pain meds following surgery - he was not well versed in the depressant after effects some pain meds have and how long lasting they can be.  I urge you, if you are any pain meds, to see a doc who really understands the effects they can have on a persons emotions and libedo.  Pay attention to long lasting effects too.  I had to really work hard to get it all out of my system and them get back into a better state of mind - it was not pretty and to think back on it scares me a lot.

Good luck!
opal

< Message edited by Argentopal -- 10/19/2007 3:12:20 PM >

_____________________________

He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."

... and i did.


~Surrender without Fear~
~Power without Guilt~
~Love without Doubt~

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/19/2007 3:21:02 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Usually insecurity- need to be "strong," need to not feel needy, need to hold onto something inside

It's really your choice- if you can say it to a bunch of online strangers, you definitely owe it to the person you claim to be in a long term relationshp with.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Argentopal)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/19/2007 4:39:42 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camisra

i have a question, if you love, care and trust your Domme what stops bringing barriers down to be able to fully let your Domme in and likewise openly show emotion eg: crying in their arms.?  In my case after major surgery there is a lot of mixed emotions, instead of bringing it out and having a good cry, i have kept it bottled up, i have expressed some feelings in my handwritten journal but that doesn't seem to be enough. i am afraid i am pushing my Mistress away and thats not my intention.

camisra


Hummmm, I sorry this is the situation between you and your Domme. I myself really didn't exerience that when I was with my Domina. She had a way that I never felt closed up or closed off from expressing myself, she quite encouraged total openness and we got very deep in connecting in honest emotions. It was very cathartic for both  of us.
 
The best IMO would be 'communication', like in just what you laid out here, lay it out to your Domme, open and honestly.
If she pushes you away, maybe she is not someone who is good for you?
 
Missy.

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to camisra)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/19/2007 6:39:01 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I think the why is a fear of vulnerability.  No matter how much we trust someone, that fear can still be there.  The only people who can really hurt us and let us down are the people we give that power to by opening ourselves to them.  Anyone who's had a knife stuck in right when the armor came off knows.  Yes, spoken like a true intimacy-phobe.  I've mostly grown past that... but it is still hard sometimes to show weakness.

I don't think there is a way to change it except time and trust.  It takes time to know that when the armor comes off you won't be hurt, and you'll still be strong.  I hope you can reach that with your Domme.  Best wishes.


< Message edited by Tigrita -- 10/19/2007 6:41:57 PM >

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/19/2007 8:20:27 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		From what I can see here a lack of communication. Nobody's fault, but barriers tend to exist through lack of communication. I don't think you're pushing your Mistress away, but your fears of her reaction are shutting her out and that's maybe why you feel she is drifting.

You need to communicate with her. I've yet to meet a Domme who's reacted adversely to me admitting to weakness or vulnerability.

I think you are probably someone who communicates better in writing than speaking. Therefore there is a middle way - if you cannot face talking to her directly and if the journal entries haven't worked, how about writing her a letter directly?

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to camisra)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/19/2007 9:38:55 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Almost all barriers are erected and maintained due to FEAR and while cognatively you may have total trust if fear is keeping a barrier up it's due to some sort of reserved trust.
subconcious trust issues are difficult at best, since you can't work on something you don't even really know about conciously.
Having fear is normal having barriers is normal. It can take YEARS and YEARS to get past some issues.
BTW fear could be based on you not them in some cases.

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/20/2007 6:12:05 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with what Lucky said, that it is about insecurity and a need to hold onto something. I also completely agree with Archer, that it has to do with fear.  I have recently been thinking a lot about barriers within myself and the reasons why I have them. I know it comes from my past and it has nothing to do with my Sir. It takes time, patience, and a very understanding Master to pull those wall down. You have to do your part and let them be pulled down.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/20/2007 6:59:41 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Almost all barriers are erected and maintained due to FEAR and while cognatively you may have total trust if fear is keeping a barrier up it's due to some sort of reserved trust.
subconcious trust issues are difficult at best, since you can't work on something you don't even really know about conciously.
Having fear is normal having barriers is normal. It can take YEARS and YEARS to get past some issues.
BTW fear could be based on you not them in some cases.



Why thank you. I'm quite impressed. Thank you for pointing that out. I've learned something and I stand corrected.

Once again many thanks.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/20/2007 7:57:05 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline 		Hello sweetheart, good to see you back on the boards again.
 
Lots of things can hold you back, past experiences, feelings of fear, shame, not wanting to appear too needy, you name it.
 
The trick is to take it slow, remember to express your fears as openly as possible. A little trick i sometimes use it to talk about it in an email first, even though we live together. Occasionally a submissive will be afraid (even if there is no reason to be) to bring up certain subjects. Even those who have been in a stable relationship for a long time.
 
I know one thing for sure though hon, you can take me to the bank on this one. Your Lady loves you, and she is waiting patiently for you to relax enough to cry in her arms. (PS, the bonus there is you get to pillow your head on those...um...great pillows, lol)
 
Being loved or loving means sharing the tears and the smiles equally in full measure.

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to camisra)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/20/2007 4:49:06 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camisra

instead of bringing it out and having a good cry, i have kept it bottled up, i have expressed some feelings in my handwritten journal but that doesn't seem to be enough. i am afraid i am pushing my Mistress away and thats not my intention.


Are these things that you think might be going on or has your Mistress expressed these things to you directly? In order to give better advice, it would be helpful to know.

(in reply to camisra)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/20/2007 5:04:27 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Nope, i say open up to her let her know how your feeling. She's there to help you. i've learned to open up mostly to my Dom because i know he's there to comfort me, hold me, talk to me, etc. Communication is a two way street and both parties involved should be honest with each other.

(in reply to camisra)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Bringing down barriers - 10/21/2007 9:38:02 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		History and experience. The fact that you've been in a loving relationship for two years isn't going to magically erase 38 years of being ridiculed by your family or 12 years of being attacked by an ex whenever you showed vulnerability.

Years in a good relationship can help, but so can getting help for those issues since if you can't be open in the good relationship, the other person will eventually seek a partner who can be open with them.

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
Profile   Post #: 14
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Bringing down barriers Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078