RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/20/2007 9:41:03 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan
but what do you REALLY feel???

i feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight *walks around, flapping chicken wings*

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/20/2007 9:56:22 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

quote:

Does your question apply to submissives only, or to slaves as well? There is a difference in my theoretical perception of them, and thus there are two different main answers.

The question was about directing a submissive, but if you have insight into the same question as applied to a slave, please give us your thoughts.

The problem Blaakmaan is what's one's submissive is another's slave. Using these terms doesn't necessarily mean to others what you may think. I know plenty of submissives and/or slaves that desire to have at least part of their lives directed, others that do not.

In the simple case of low self-esteem or poor image, that is something I have seen commonly directed, whether the sub/slave agrees or not. Simple nuturing and helping someone see themselves in a different light can go a long way on this point, however, obviously it is up to the person changing themselves in the end.

I don't think you can honestly change something about someone unless they desire the change, so in response to your question about asking what they want to change, it seems you would have to either have their consent or desire in order to truly effect change. However, arguably, every significant relationship changes us by the mere process or accomodating each other, whether that process is intentional or not.

Personally, I have no desire to have someone change my life or change anyone else substantially. Do I challenge the way they think if it's self-deprecating or unhealthy the best I can? Yes.
l

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/20/2007 2:58:49 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

Do you learn from her how she wants her life to be, and then direct/guide her in that direction?

Or do you try to shape her into what you want her to be?

Yes, to both, questions.

I can change behaviors to meet what I want. For example, the way she talks, the way she dresses, the way she walks, how she cooks a steak, etc, etc.

I cant change the internal aspects of her, because unfortanely...and I hate to ruin any fantasies....but I am not God.

I cant instill an innate talent for football in a slave that isnt already there, cant train her to like paintings and art when her love is with music, or modify her to find happiness in filing papers for the IRS when her love is with teaching preschool kids.

If you meet any Masters who can do these things, give me a call.

At best, I can provide experiences or point them in the direction, but the actual growth and change is out of my hands.

So to me...having control over a submissive's life is a balance between my own selfish indulgence in Owning someone and directing her life to what meets best with who she simply is on an internal level.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Blaakmaan)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Directing Your Submissive's Life - 10/20/2007 6:04:17 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

Is directing/guiding your submissive's life part of being a Dominant? Do submissives want and expect you to (recognizing that every D/s relationship is unique)?

How do you direct/guide your submissive's life, if you do? Do you learn from her how she wants her life to be, and then direct/guide her in that direction? Or do you try to shape her into what you want her to be?

Or do you do something else?

A simplified idea of what my answer is:

(1) I have specific ideas and desires on certain topics, and anyone submitting to me will find their way into "compliance" for lack of a better word, with my wishes, one way or the other.

(2) The rest of the relationship falls into more of an open area; what she wants and feels certainly may be a guiding factor into how these things come about.

(3) Things always come back to "please me, and obey me".

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Blaakmaan)