RE: questioning the Dominant (Full Version)

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MsPleasure -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/20/2007 4:40:04 AM)

I usually talk to potential subs about likes, limits and fantasies before anything physical happens.  After a few rules and safe words have been established  usually there are no questions until play is over.  At that time I will be open to questions.  

In your case, ask for permission to ask a question.  Every Domme/Dom handles things the way they choose it really only matters how your dom wants to handle it. 



cheekysmile -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/20/2007 4:43:57 AM)

Thank you so much for the posts so far on this, wow im learning so much from the answers here.

thank you to everyone

ps big huggles back to you too Twicehappy2x



came4U -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/20/2007 5:11:36 AM)

quote:

why when a Dominant asks a submissive to do something the submissive does not understand the reasoning of, does a Dominant say 'its not your place to ask questions of Me!'

how is a submissive to learn if she cant ask questions?


If this were a training for purpose of learning his wants, needs and expectations of you, sure, a 'why' is appropriate. If he is not one for giving a basic reason for the currently directed obedience order then perhaps before, during or after it would also be appropriate to ask. If he refuses to even be questioned on the subject and you still agree to oblige then it is up to you to decide if this is the kind of teaching/learning situation that you want.  A silent mission is not always one without casualties.

It depends on the expected duty in a desired 'act' and it depends how well you know the dominant's views and his liability in knowing your limits.

for example: if a dom asks you : suck my cock, NOW!

is there need for a 'why should I suck your cock Master?'

no, you most likely agreed that sucking cock is not a limit and would do so as a greedy given.

If a dom asks you to: KICK THAT DAMN DOG!

Do you ask why? or just kick the dog?

Lets see, hmmm.

If you were aware and comfortable in your self and your surroundings then you would know the proper thing to do.

Dog A: sitting at your feet

you ask why.

If you were a good human and bad submissive, you would not kick the dog.

Dog B: ready to pounce upon some lil one in a park

you don't ask why

If you were a good human and good submissive, you would kick the dog.

You listen to yourself first, try to answer the why's in your own heart (as lead by HIS and your discussions of safety protocol) and your submissive-self secondly.

If one were aware of her environment and had a common goal with and of happily giving into adherence her dominant, a 'why' might only be used as an eclipse to real and likely danger.





Petronius -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/20/2007 5:50:55 AM)

This is, I think, the type of question that gets far better answers if posed another way.

Instead of "Does a Dom....?" one could ask "What type of Dom does... and what type of Dom doesn't....?" and "What are some of the reasons that different Doms do or don't....?"



AquaticSub -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/20/2007 8:47:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheekysmile

why when a Dominant asks a submissive to do something the submissive does not understand the reasoning of, does a Dominant say 'its not your place to ask questions of Me!'


Don't know. I've never had a dominant say that to me.



Missokyst -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/20/2007 9:48:01 AM)


There are questions and there is nagging.  To the first, I never get why someone would object to having questions asked for clarification.  If I took a class and the professor said that to me I wouldn't be in that class for long.  If I had heard that answer 12 times before and I can do the problem yet I still find the process of doing it redundant, so I ask and ask and ask if there is another way.. that heads to nagging.  It is continuing to ask until  you get the answer you want.

But in general when someone says that to me in a DS sense, it would be unlikely they would make a good match for me.  I want someone who knows stuff, is willing to talk to me about it, and whom I do not make uncomfortable with my questions because they may not have the answer.  And, I tend to view someone who says that as "parent" or "kid"  neither of whom I would follow blindly.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheekysmile


why when a Dominant asks a submissive to do something the submissive does not understand the reasoning of, does a Dominant say 'its not your place to ask questions of Me!'

how is a submissive to learn if she cant ask questions?


cheeky



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/20/2007 1:32:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheekysmile

why when a Dominant asks a submissive to do something the submissive does not understand the reasoning of, does a Dominant say 'its not your place to ask questions of Me!'

how is a submissive to learn if she cant ask questions?

My dominant doesn't respond like that.  And I would not be with someone who did.  I have a really inquiring mind.  For me it is not about "learning" but a curiosity about things.  And finding someone who celebrates and enjoys that in me is one of the things I look for as we do the early back and forth dance.  Reality is, they are not all alike.  You get to find one who works for you.  Who is compatible with you.  And visa versa.




velvetears -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/20/2007 1:38:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheekysmile

i have always had this niggling question in my head that needs answering, and i thought the best place to ask it would be here, as i know there would be serious answers coming forth.

why when a Dominant asks a submissive to do something the submissive does not understand the reasoning of, does a Dominant say 'its not your place to ask questions of Me!'

how is a submissive to learn if she cant ask questions?

hmmm ok theres 2 questions there, sorry.

looking forward to some answers, thank you

cheeky


There is a difference in asking a question because something is not clear to you - and questioning your dominant wanting you to do something. 

Master how many pages should my essay be?

Master why does my essay have to be 5 pages? 

Big difference. 



SteelofUtah -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/20/2007 1:56:06 PM)

I have never used this method in training because I encourage questions mostly because I perfer not to micromanage my time. If she asks what I want for lunch I don't have to make a menu for the entire week. See what I mean.

However there is a difference between a sub asking a question and questioning the request.

For isnatance if I tell my girl to get a Knife, a rubber ball, a gallon of Bleach, and a Gas Mask, I HOPE To God she asks me WHY?

But if I ask my girl to strip and she asks why then she is questioning me. I know that some people won't agree with this senario but it is the way that I am and that is all that matters in my house.

My slave has two choices that I cannot make for her this is the choice to Obey or the choice to Leave. I request many things of her and at any time she is always welcome to leave the dynamic but when it comes to deed it MUST be done. I don't mind her asking for clearification but simple orders such as Strip, quiet, stand, present, and down are no up for discussion and questioning the purpose behind the request shows a lack of trust of balking at the request.

:::::::NOTE:::::::: My slave is also my wife and there is a level of trust there that has been nurtured from the beginning and took TIME however from day one she understood that if I said one of the previous phrases I expected it done and right away.

If this Dom is new to you and you are not collared to him I would suggest you taking the time and respectfully asking him why he feels that you should so blindly trust him considering you do not know his mannerisms well enough.

as I said are you asking a question or questioning the request.

As Always

Steel



cheekysmile -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/21/2007 9:22:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Petronius
This is, I think, the type of question that gets far better answers if posed another way.

Instead of "Does a Dom....?" one could ask "What type of Dom does... and what type of Dom doesn't....?" and "What are some of the reasons that different Doms do or don't....?"


Dear Petronius Sir, with total respect Sir, if i wanted to pose my questions like the above examples, i would have, but as there was a reason behind posing the questions i had, the way i had, then that surely is why i posed them the way did. Thank You Sir.

Thank You all for answering my questions, i have a very inquisitive mind and an analytical one too, yes i have now learnt by Your many responses that there is a time and place to ask questions, and that it is done in a way that gives respect, for me i respect everyone and anyone until i get or am given the reason not to, to me respect for the Dominant is a expected, and foolish if not given.


From this thread another question has come about....the ultimatum of the choice to Obey or the choice to Leave. If for instance you have fallen in love, (yes love is blind sometimes) it’s not easy to leave when you love the Dominant that much. What do you do when love gets in the way of a decision like that when its only Obedience that is the issue?

Smiles happily learning

cheeky



batshalom -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/21/2007 9:56:57 AM)

"Because I can" or "Because I said so" can be effective training or a good reminder when used sparingly in order to make a point. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/21/2007 10:25:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheekysmile
From this thread another question has come about....the ultimatum of the choice to Obey or the choice to Leave. If for instance you have fallen in love, (yes love is blind sometimes) it’s not easy to leave when you love the Dominant that much. What do you do when love gets in the way of a decision like that when its only Obedience that is the issue?

Then you either choose to be a slave to love and be miserable, or you choose to be true to yourself.

Of course it's not easy- what does that have to do with anything?



onthedl94 -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/21/2007 11:18:20 AM)

While I don't necessarily agree with Knight Of Mists rather harsh response, I completely agree with what He is saying.  It has been my experience that each Dom/Domme has a different style of Domination.  I have talked to some who don't like it when I ask them questions, be they in general or in response to a command.  While others welcome the questions because they are aware that I am only trying to learn what they expect of me and it will only assist in the growth of our relationship.  Yet it is understood that He/She reserves the right Not to answer the question and the matter is closed from that point.  I have learned, though, if you first ask if He/She minds if you ask a question prior to firing it off it shows you have respect for the D/s relationship and that you understand your role within it.



akisha -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/21/2007 8:26:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cheekysmile

i have always had this niggling question in my head that needs answering, and i thought the best place to ask it would be here, as i know there would be serious answers coming forth.

why when a Dominant asks a submissive to do something the submissive does not understand the reasoning of, does a Dominant say 'its not your place to ask questions of Me!'

how is a submissive to learn if she cant ask questions?

hmmm ok theres 2 questions there, sorry.

looking forward to some answers, thank you

cheeky


Fast Reply and I haven't read everyones responces yet so probably will double answer someone else *S*

Only people that are playing at being Dominant and only have thier best interests at heart will tell you that you are not allowed to question them.

I mean yes, if you ask the same question over and over again and they have answered as fully as they can then I can understand fustration but being as it's your ass on the line (literally most the time) you should have the right to question everything and anything you feel the need to.

"Dominants" are human and not perfect beings (sshhhh don't tell them I said it hehe)  They can make mistakes and should have to clarify and explain things if they are unclear to the submissive.



kitttty -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/21/2007 9:43:46 PM)

I used to ask why and the Master almost never answered. Then i gave up on asking why and now he allows me to ask a certain amount of questions and only at certain times- basically only when he is quite pleased with me. i almost never have to ask a question for clarification but i do sometimes wonder what the Master's reasoning is. Generally i write him long emails about how i fret in uncertainty over why he does something and he generally gives me the response i need, which sometimes has nothing to do with the question i would have asked.

But the short answer is that mine is the type that does not answer why.



LDRandAstarte -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/21/2007 9:48:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dari
I always encourage my subs to ask questions, but I reserve the right to not answer. 


What she said!



twistedkytten -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/21/2007 9:53:45 PM)

Fast reply-

it has been my experience, the issue often is how something was said or asked.  as a slave to my Master.. mine is not to question why.. just do.. and quite often if the answer to whatever i might have been questioning is not clear .. after i am free to ask as long as it is done so with respect.



marieToo -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/21/2007 10:03:18 PM)

FR

In general, I feel more secure and comfortable with a dominant who is willing to discuss things with me.  If someone consistantly shut me down every time I wanted to question something, I'd probably not feel a connection to them any longer; it would make me feel like they are hiding something and I'd also start to question his confidence in his own ability to effectively dominate. On the other hand, I have also found that there are certain answers that I just don't want or need, or certain times when you just have to trust their judgement in knowing what to tell you and when to do so.



LadyPact -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/22/2007 11:05:47 AM)

(Haven't read the other responses yet.  Just a quick reply.)
 
I see the OP being right on both counts.  There is a difference though that has to do entirely with appraoch and presence.  To Me, there is a difference between asking questions and questioning My authority.  While he might be confused about the things he's required to do, or even why he should do them, he still knows he is expected to accept My final word in the matter. 
 
There is always the opportunity for him to ask questions of Me.  Much has to do with the way he approaches Me in doing it.  I would not deny him the opportunity to pose a question, as long as he brings it to Me in a respectful manner.  It doesnt' mean he will get an immediate answer.  Sometimes, I reserve the right to make him wait while I gather My thoughts on an issue.



Dnomyar -> RE: questioning the Dominant (10/23/2007 9:21:57 AM)

I dont have that problem. All of my subs are can read minds. They know when to bend over and hand me the mace.



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