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bipolarber -> RE: Newbies and the Local Scene (10/20/2007 8:14:54 AM)
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God, my first play party....
I was so nervous I almost didn't go through the door, pay my $10, and have a seat. I think I had to excuse myself twice to go outside and nearly threw up... my stomach was so jumpy. Luckily, the group I was attending was a "gateway" group, which did a lot of outreach to new folk. So, in short order, I was welcomed and put at ease. Still, a couple of parties down the road, I still had to swallow my heart again, when I was invited to be flogged by one of the board members. Getting naked in a room of about 75 other pervs was a HUGE step for me... and it took her a long time to finally get my head out of being aware of my surroundings, and focusing on what she was doing to me. The nice comments afterward from the surrounding voyeurs helped me too. Eventually, I learned that body image really doesn't count for all that much with this crowd.
But you shouldn't feel too alone, TN. It took me several near misses before I was able to screw up enough courage to go to that first party. After a couple of years with them, I eventually joined the board of that same group, and at every party, we would watch the parking lot for "panthers." This is what we used to call the folks who would eye the door, as they paced back and forth across the street, trying to decide if they really wanted to take that step inside, and by doing so, admit to themselves their own desires. In the winter months, we would send someone out to them with a cup of hot chocolate, or coffee. More often than not, they would bolt, jump in their cars, and not be back until next month. You just can't rush this sort of thing.
You make the decision yourself, when you are ready. Not before.
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