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Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 2:13:56 PM   
ArcticJohn


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/20/2007
Status: offline 		Hello A/all,

I've been thinking a bit about service, and what I am able to accept when the cards are down. Each of the few times I have "bottomed" for someone I've been terribly afraid. I felt like I wasnt sure and ready to leave it but managed to get over myself and enjoy it. I wonder if real service would come the same way.

I have met up with some of the local BDSM community but there isnt much opportunity for someone new to grow in the lifestyle without a dominant taking personal interest in them. I have made a few friends and there is one Master/slave couple that I've gotten to know a bit. They are a bit older than me and I dont think he is looking to own any more subs. Still I've begun to wonder if I should broach the subject with them. Everytime I visit them I feel like I should be of more help, I dont feel at ease sitting and just relaxing when she is serving him. I dont think he would consider me "his" sub, and to be honest I feel a little more comfortable arround her, but I think I could help them and even come to learn a lot about the lifestyle world (something Im still sort of new to).

A part of me has always wanted to be a typical housewife. Cooking, cleaning, raising children... it all seems nice to me at times. Granted, these are all things that I dont normally enjoy or find easy. I live alone and can be quite a slob at times. Its not that I like it or accept living like that, I just have a hard time with it. Lately I've given over thought of moving into another household as a service submissive. In part I've thought of it because its hard and frightening and scary for me, but I also think it would help me to grow. Serving someone, and all that which it entails... do you just step out on a limb and do it?

Submissively,
~cheryl~


P.S.> The other aspects of submission, BDSM and such are important too, I chose to address domestic service because I feel it clarifies my feelings without getting needlessly complex.

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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 5:52:55 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I understand the difficulty, but don't make it worse for yourself by imposing on a couple just because you see them as the first convenient possibility.  If they were poly and had expressed a desire to change their dynamic, perhaps it might be a good opportunity.  But your lack of ease at seeing her serve while you sit and relax is really YOUR issue and it really won't be solved by becoming an extra helper.  She's earned the privilege and training to do the service she provides.

Your fear is another issue.  Just keep taking it slow- you don't get bonus points for being "involved" within a short time of getting into the scene.  In fact most end up with a lot of loss when they try.

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(in reply to ArcticJohn)
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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 6:29:53 PM   
Myster


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline 		We never know what we like unless we try. If you trust this couple I would say go for it. Also be sure to explain your motivations and goals. Also make sure that your goals are compatible with this couple. Also discuss what the exact expectations will be within his service. I always say to take all educational oppertunities that you can throughout life.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 6:37:38 PM   
MistressFaye1


Posts: 276
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with Myster.  I feel it would be an honor to Him if you trust Him enough to express yourself.  Do it because it will be up to Him to decide how to handle it.  Since you've established somewhat of a relationship, respectfully let your thoughts and feelings be known.  If nothing else, maybe He would be willing to guide you.

Good luck and keep U/us posted.

Mistress Faye

(in reply to ArcticJohn)
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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 6:43:39 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		John, I think being afraid in a new situation where you are still learning about yourself and your own thoughts and limitations is quite common.  As LA points out taking the time to get to know the person you are going to be with goes a long way towards alleviating some of the anxiety about them, but your feelings on yourself and bdsm just take time to develop.  Expect and require others to be kind to you even in a dominant role, but also, be kind to and patient with yourself.
Good luck,
l

(in reply to MistressFaye1)
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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 6:58:57 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Keep to your side of the fence for now-just be friends.

If you push-you may blow a good refference for something on down the line..That you CAN commit to.

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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 7:08:58 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		If you decide to approach this couple to enter into a service role with them, be very specific about what you would like to do and learn. That way there is less chance of hard feelings if there is a misunderstanding of expectations. Instead of offering to have him take you on as a sub, perhaps you could offer to take on a very specific service role, like coming in to help clean on a weekly basis-you could learn skills from her and help them both.

There are other ways to try out service to see if it is fulfilling for you. Volunteer work is one way, and you can also help within your local BDSM groups when they have munches, parties, demos and such. There is always a need for people to put out food, clean it up, bring in tools, equipment etc... 

(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 7:10:13 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline 		This is coming from an owned submissive...it would make me uncomfortable if a guest infringed on the service that I provide Daddy without some sort of forewarning. Even then, it would change the nature of our relationship from friendship to something else depending on the situation. I would leave this situation be. You may end up stepping on toes rather than stepping out on a limb. 

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~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to ArcticJohn)
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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 7:45:44 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		If you trust these people enough as friends, I
would be honest and communicate my feelings
in the presence of both of them.
Know though, you may find your answer and everything
might be okay, or you will upset the apple cart and lose
them as friends.
Whichever the case, if you say nothing it sounds as if your
feeling uncomfortable and curious will most likely interfere
with staying friends anyway, I would just be honest.
 
Missy.

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(in reply to spanklette)
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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 8:18:27 PM   
daddyscherry


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2007
From: Daddy's Tower, CA
Status: offline 		i agree with spanklette. If some other sub was trying to help me around the house i would feel like my opprotunity to serve my Daddy was being interfered with. i am not expected to do alot, and typically do more than what is expected of me because i have a deep need to serve my Daddy and he is very laid back.

If someone else was then trying to do things it would give me even less to do.

If however, you feel closer to her then ask her how she would feel and then maybe she will bring the idea to her Master or the two of you can maybe do a surprise thing for him together (maybe serving a dinner or something) Certainly keep her feelings as his slave and your friend in mind.


_____________________________

~cherry
a.k.a. charismagirrl

For today i won't say but...
For today i won't say just....
For today i will simply obey...
For always i will be your imperfect slave.

(in reply to brightspot)
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RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 8:55:37 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ArcticJohn

Lately I've given over thought of moving into another household as a service submissive. In part I've thought of it because its hard and frightening and scary for me, but I also think it would help me to grow. Serving someone, and all that which it entails... do you just step out on a limb and do it?


Do step out on that limb, but bounce on it a few times before fully doing so.

(in reply to ArcticJohn)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Conflicting Feelings - Service - 10/20/2007 9:43:25 PM   
KnottyGirl69


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Spanklette and Daddyscherry....my Master has a very good friend, (who introduced us BTW) an do have to fight the urge to feel like she does things for him that I would like to be doing...she doesn't service him in anyway other than friendship but still...I sometimes feel like she is overstepping...I am his slave and she is not....I guess as a slave, I just love to serve him and don't want anyone else to do things for me that I love to do.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 12
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