Some advice please?

Some advice please? (Full Version)

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TakenPet -> Some advice please? (10/21/2007 12:51:46 PM)
Sirs, Master is ignoring me because of something he thought I implied about his ex-girlfriend, now what I said had no harmful intent at all. I was trying to be cute and funny. Anyway, heis ignorning me in all possible ways, and I am not sure what to do. He said if he was ever mad at me to keep writing my diary, but should I keep sending him emails and other stuff too? This lack of contact is killing me and I have no idea how long it will last. I am crazy about him, and its making me crazy. She is in his life more than often than I am right now, but he says he loves me and that she could never be in his life that way again. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

batshalom -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 12:57:09 PM)
Do the diary as he asked. Send him a daily (ONE) e-mail, as in don't e-bomb him. Apologize in a sincere and succint manner without whining. Tell him how you feel without whining. And for god's sakes, don't try to be cute and funny about the ex again. It was obviously the antithesis of what you hoped.

TakenPet -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 1:01:39 PM)
I am very intimidated by her, it was easier when she didn't live close to him, but now she moved back. She is there when he is lonely and for a list of reasons I can't be there right now. Whenever I try to talk about her he gets very defensive but I will take your advice.... thank you muchly.

Babybass -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 1:10:10 PM)
She is an ex for a reason...Do your journal daily and email it to Him. Do say that you are sorry for what you said - but i would only do this once. One sincere apology is enough. Tell him in your journal how you feel and how insecure you are - without making it his fault and without whining and complaining. You have been given clear instructions, so if i were you i would just follow them.

PryderiLoup -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 1:14:09 PM)
First, you have to decide if you believe him about his girlfriend or not. If you do, then you have to trust him. I know a lot of people here will make it sound like it should be easy to do that, but it isn't always. You have to try, though, and keep trying. If you do not blieve him, then you have to decide if you can live within the relationship with that fear. I am a big believer in communication, so I would rarely do this to a sub. It always concerns me when doms choose to cut off their sub. But as was pointed out before on these boards, we have no idea what has come before, so this might be entirely appropriate. In any case, your dominant has given you instructions should this happen, and you need to follow them. You might send him one email, stating that you are sorry and that you await his pleasure... something along those lines. Then wait for him to take you back. Of course, all this depends on events you have not shared, so try it on, see if it fits, and then decide.

windchymes -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 1:17:57 PM)
And he's ignoring his sub for a reason.....and the ex is "there for him when he's lonely" for a reason, and he gets really defensive of her for a reason. To me, that has "still has feelings for the ex" written all over it.

mnottertail -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 1:19:30 PM)
And I am telling you to pop by the house and blow me for a reason.....but you already know how much good that does, you pretty thing. Ron

windchymes -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 1:21:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail And I am telling you to pop by the house and blow me for a reason.....but you already know how much good that does, you pretty thing. Ron Well now, I tried to pop by, but I took a wrong turn in Sheboygan and ended up in Manitoba.....[;)]

mnottertail -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 1:23:33 PM)
you didn't write, you didn't call..........

windchymes -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 1:30:04 PM)
You mean they have cellular and postal services in ottertail? Who knew?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 2:32:30 PM)
This has major question marks all over it- no clear judgement of guilt of course, but definitely a lot to question and get clarity on. So write an email and ask for it- and decide whether this relationship dynamic of him shutting down on you at every little misunderstanding is what will work for you in the long term.

slaveluci -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 2:36:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes And he's ignoring his sub for a reason.....and the ex is "there for him when he's lonely" for a reason, and he gets really defensive of her for a reason. To me, that has "still has feelings for the ex" written all over it. Totally agreed, windchymes. Maybe that reason she's an ex is because she dumped him. Maybe he wants her back. Maybe, maybe, maybe. We don't know. But, what I DO know, is I could not serve a Master who handled such situations by ignoring me and refusing to speak with me. I'm sorry, I'm too adult and mature to handle a disagreement with the silent treatment. To me, there is nothing worse to do when something needs to be handled than to just ignore things and pout. Before I ever became Master's, I made sure He was the type of person who will talk with me and work things out. Ignoring me and leaving me to stew, imagining all kinds of things just doesn't work for either of us. Life's too short for such nonsense..................luci

Sinimint -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 5:43:06 PM)
I feel the same as luci. I could never be with a man who ignored me over something so trivial. Especially if you're feeling a little insecure because he spends a lot of time with her! He should be aware of you feelings and helping you with them, isn't that want Doms do? Nurture and protect their property? Ignoring you is just making you feel worse and miserable. Communication would be a better thing. You'll have to sort out how you feel about this sort of "punishment" [8\|]. Do you want to go through this needless cruel mind playing every time you do something even a little bit wrong? It's all up to you at this stage. But sounds a little weird to me.

Angam85 -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 6:01:25 PM)
"Ignoring" is a very blunt instrument to use for punishment, and can so easily in fact be a disguise for "Sulking". Whenever a sub fails in some way, then the Dominant person has to properly shoulder their share of the responsibility. To blame all on the sub is incorrect in my view. D/s is a two way thing - both parties gain benefit - and both parties should work towards resolution of difficulties. Therefore, BOTH parties must engage in effective communication. When one party deliberately opts out of this communication they are effectively opting out of the relationship as well. No-one can be both Dominant and isolationist, and the Dominant who expects the sub still to be there after a long period of "ignoring", is failing to understand that the basic need of the sub is to be actively dominated rather than just left to their own devices. In this particular situation I feel that it is the Dominant who needs to heed advice rather than TakenPet.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 8:58:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Angam85 "Ignoring" is a very blunt instrument to use for punishment, and can so easily in fact be a disguise for "Sulking". Whenever a sub fails in some way, then the Dominant person has to properly shoulder their share of the responsibility. To blame all on the sub is incorrect in my view. D/s is a two way thing - both parties gain benefit - and both parties should work towards resolution of difficulties. Therefore, BOTH parties must engage in effective communication. When one party deliberately opts out of this communication they are effectively opting out of the relationship as well. No-one can be both Dominant and isolationist, and the Dominant who expects the sub still to be there after a long period of "ignoring", is failing to understand that the basic need of the sub is to be actively dominated rather than just left to their own devices. In this particular situation I feel that it is the Dominant who needs to heed advice rather than TakenPet. Very logical, succinct and well thought out!..and in my estimation absofrickinlutely!!!..Tempting

SimplyMichael -> RE: Some advice please? (10/21/2007 9:13:21 PM)
Start practicing eating pussy and playing second fiddle because that is the only way you are going to be in this man's life.

batshalom -> RE: Some advice please? (10/22/2007 5:23:44 AM)
gasp Omg. choke laugh choke laugh choke laugh That's one way of putting it, Michael.

thornhappy -> RE: Some advice please? (10/22/2007 4:53:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Start practicing eating pussy and playing second fiddle because that is the only way you are going to be in this man's life. Yep, that there sig line of yours is twue, so twue [:D]

ehlovindom -> RE: Some advice please? (10/22/2007 5:48:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes And he's ignoring his sub for a reason.....and the ex is "there for him when he's lonely" for a reason, and he gets really defensive of her for a reason. To me, that has "still has feelings for the ex" written all over it. THANK YOU windchymes, a voice of sanity here. What is wrong with this picture? Hey TakenPet, you are in some kind of long-distance relationship and your "Master"'s ex-girlfriend is with him in person? And he says he loves you and she can never be in his life that way again? It seems to me she is in his life again and you are somewhere else. And as a form of "punishment" your "Master" is ignoring you? Is he still in elementary school because that "form of punishment" is completely juvenile and speaks volumes that he isn't one you should be with, but then you need to have your ears and eyes open to know this. Wake up.

angelic -> RE: Some advice please? (10/22/2007 5:56:31 PM)
i am not a Sir, but am gonna respond anyway. How does it feel to you? If it has become unhealthy for you (you are having a difficult time functioning in day-to-day life, you wake up wondering and go to bed wondering... you've sent emails asking for him to respond and he does not... ) deep down inside, how does it make you feel? Therein lies your answer. Good luck with whatever decision you make. [:)]

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