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RE: Some advice please? - 10/22/2007 6:53:36 PM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		it seems to me you are really coming here to get people to verify stuff you are feeling (maybe even made up your mind about) and not really advise. We can't really know the situation without seeing your relationship with this guy ourselves and talking to him as well, so instead of hunting for agreement, just decide what is really right for you in your heart, and go with it.

I could see many reasons for him to ignore you, some that revolve around his ex and some that don't.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Some advice please? - 12/9/2007 8:31:41 PM   
robertolapiedra


Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet

Sirs,
Master is ignoring me because of something he thought I implied about his ex-girlfriend, now what I said had no harmful intent at all.  I was trying to be cute and funny.  Anyway, heis ignorning me in all possible ways, and I am not sure what to do.  He said if he was ever mad at me to keep writing my diary, but should I keep sending him emails and other stuff too?  This lack of contact is killing me and I have no idea how long it will last.  I am crazy about him, and its making me crazy.  She is in his life more than often than I am right now, but he says he loves me and that she could never be in his life that way again.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you


Hello TakenPet. You are being punished. You have permission to communicate through your diary. That is a very indulgent dom you have there, as I would not even permit this if in my "dominant's opinion", my "jealous" submissive was giving me her "cute and funny opinions" on my ex. That's me.

It seems to me that he is not very interested in your opinions about his ex-girlfriend or he is not interested your "cute and funny style", isn't he? You say that you had no harmful intent? Good for you! What was your intent? A positive and "pleasing" few kind words to your master? By being cute and funny about his ex-girlfriend? You wanted to make him smile or what?

In your post, the ex-girlfriend seems (to me) to be threatening to you even if your dom actually told you that he loves you? I would think that the "green monster" had a little to do with the motivation department, could this be his motivation for punishing you? If this is the case, why is it so difficult for you to simply accept this, write your feelings in your diary and stay quiet until your dominant says it's ok? What is so difficult in submitting to this? It is not "that" harsh!

- On the other hand, your worst fears may be true... he is seeing  his "ex-girlfriend" more and maybe there is a possibility you will be released.  In that case, how about talking about your limits to your master? Limits are not only for the heavy physical stuff ! What do you think?

How about a limit on mind fucking? You could start by stopping doing it to yourself and then ask your master to replace the cold shoulder with punishment more to your liking... (would that still be punishment? maybe you could suggest other stuff you do not like! Some submissives opine for no punishment, that it is not that necessary.)

It all depends on your judgement. You either conform or you stop everything for a heart to heart. Try to use common sense, not fear of losing and most importantly not using dom management techniques (manipulation) that you get from some well meaning "in the know" people...

Remember, it's a lifestyle. If it's a problem with an ex-girlfriend, it's a universal problem (same for vanillas) and you should deal with it in that context. In this case, what is driving you crazy is fear of  a possible breakup. Time for a time out, and a serious heart to heart.

If it is a discipline problem, and there is no limit issue, just try to impress your dominant by the level of acceptance and compliance you have to his punishment. In this case what would be driving you crazy is yourself, by being weak in the acceptance and compliance department. Time to exercise! and get stronger (more confident) submitting to the more unpleasant aspects of "consequences" brought on by the well meaning cute and funny submissive discourse.

Hope this helped, and I hope everything turns out the way you wish. RL.



< Message edited by robertolapiedra -- 12/9/2007 8:35:15 PM >

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Some advice please? - 12/9/2007 9:13:24 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Angam85

"Ignoring" is a very blunt instrument to use for punishment, and can so easily in fact be a disguise for "Sulking".
Whenever a sub fails in some way, then the Dominant person has to properly shoulder their share of the responsibility.  To blame all on the sub is incorrect in my view.  D/s is a two way thing - both parties gain benefit - and both parties should work towards resolution of difficulties.  Therefore, BOTH parties must engage in effective communication.  When one party deliberately opts out of this communication they are effectively opting out of the relationship as well.  No-one can be both Dominant and isolationist, and the Dominant who expects the sub still to be there after a long period of "ignoring", is failing to understand that the basic need of the sub is to be actively dominated rather than just left to their own devices.  In this particular situation I feel that it is the Dominant who needs to heed advice rather than TakenPet. 


Welcome Angam85 to the forums, great post and I agree.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Angam85)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Some advice please? - 12/10/2007 3:45:52 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		This is an old thread, kinda. And the OP hasn't updated anything, so I will add my opinion, which the OP has probably already realized is true........

He is fucking his ex, plowing her like the back 40, knocking the bottom of of her, saying things to her that he never said to you while she is doing things to him that you have never done. And when the ex asks him who is the better sub and lover, he tells her, "you, babygirl, just you".

Hope this helps.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Some advice please? - 12/10/2007 7:30:39 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		my thoughts on the silent treatment: can be effective when used properly ie: time limits, a way to communicate, and an understanding of the infraction by the s and D.

he has met two of these three, to me this shows he is still invested in you.

so many times subs say things they will swear are cute and funny, but they are vying for power, whether it is making comments about an ex, or fishing for compliments, or trying to usurp dominance in a cute and funny way:  Bottom line most doms dont find it cute and funny.

please check yourself: why did you say those things about his ex?

now a red flag is raised that he has not set a time limit, just plain old ignoring seems a little childish and ineffective when using the conditioning tool of ignoring.

but maybe he does not know better.

id give him the benefit of the doubt, for now, because what you did was mean.

how many times have you had cute and funny remarks about you sting you?

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Some advice please? - 12/10/2007 6:07:52 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Pet, is this a net relationship or r/t?

Makes a difference re advice.

CP

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Some advice please? - 12/10/2007 6:29:28 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I don't see how you can foster open communication by shutting communication down every time you hear something you don't like.

And if he claims he loves you, but he's spending his time with her, then I wouldn't be implying things about her. I would be stating unflattering things about him directly to him right before I walked. She's not the problem here, he is. He's probably telling her you're an ex and he's just being friends because you took it so hard.

Situations like this make me very cynical. I wouldn't trust she really was an ex, and I would assume I was his bit on the side. And that wouldn't work for me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Some advice please? - 12/11/2007 7:56:21 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

This is an old thread, kinda. And the OP hasn't updated anything, so I will add my opinion, which the OP has probably already realized is true........

He is fucking his ex, plowing her like the back 40, knocking the bottom of of her, saying things to her that he never said to you while she is doing things to him that you have never done. And when the ex asks him who is the better sub and lover, he tells her, "you, babygirl, just you".

Hope this helps.


respectfully, i must say....

if i didnt like the way you posted before (and i did) i'd love it now.

kitten, giggling

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Some advice please? - 12/13/2007 5:20:06 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Do what Michael said. I will send you the knee pads.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Some advice please? - 12/13/2007 5:32:52 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

This is an old thread, kinda. And the OP hasn't updated anything, so I will add my opinion, which the OP has probably already realized is true........

He is fucking his ex, plowing her like the back 40, knocking the bottom of of her, saying things to her that he never said to you while she is doing things to him that you have never done. And when the ex asks him who is the better sub and lover, he tells her, "you, babygirl, just you".

Hope this helps.


LOL

(in reply to OldBastardly1)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Some advice please? - 12/13/2007 11:01:04 AM   
CMRTyson


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline 		Shutting you out is the strongest of punishments. I have found that a lack of communications is never a useful way to handle anything in a relationship as complex as D/s. The answer is more communications, never less, especially there there is a problem. Keep writing, but it does sound like there are no problems than not hearing from him. While I don't recomend SimplyMichael's solution, you may face it as the topic of your Master's next communication.

Tyson

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Some advice please? - 12/13/2007 11:11:49 AM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet

Sirs,
Master is ignoring me because of something he thought I implied about his ex-girlfriend, now what I said had no harmful intent at all.  I was trying to be cute and funny.  Anyway, heis ignorning me in all possible ways, and I am not sure what to do.  He said if he was ever mad at me to keep writing my diary, but should I keep sending him emails and other stuff too?  This lack of contact is killing me and I have no idea how long it will last.  I am crazy about him, and its making me crazy.  She is in his life more than often than I am right now, but he says he loves me and that she could never be in his life that way again.  Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you



Sounds like it is time to move on. 

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Some advice please? - 12/13/2007 11:30:00 AM   
MTsLightning


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline 		I've heard of Dominants "punishing" their subs by ignoring them, but for me personally this would be one of the most destructive things my Master (or for that matter anyone I am in any kind of relationship with) could do.  There is sometimes a need for a cooling off period when there has been conflict, but I strongly believe that even that should be made emotionally safe by doing things like setting up specific time to check in and communicate.  For me, being ignored like this, especially if the "mistake" was innocent/not badly intentioned, would be a total deal breaker.  YMMV.

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Some advice please? - 12/13/2007 12:31:50 PM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		Send him another email simply saying "WTF???" and nothing more. Unless you want to address him as "bitch" or "pouty-man" or something along those lines.

BTW, are you absolutely certain that it was only a silly attempt at humor and not you being snipey?

Hope this helps.

< Message edited by OldBastardly1 -- 12/13/2007 12:32:45 PM >

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to MTsLightning)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Some advice please? - 12/13/2007 1:13:45 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		I have heard quite a few subs over the years state that of all the forms of punishment they despise,  ignore is the worst.  It sounds effective to me.  Weather or not in this situation it is called for is another issue.  Personally I have not used it.  Never considered it, not my style

BadOne

(in reply to angelic)
Profile   Post #: 35
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