RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question?

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everhope -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/21/2007 8:48:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 I have alot to learn. i have never been owned and I crave it. I have to not give in to the fantasy of it all. .yeah it is different when the rose colored glasses come off. you are in Chicago. try a goggle (we know you know how...lol) search for events, workshops, socials, etc in your area. get out meet people, talk to people, learn the many varied ways to do this. have fun with it and take your focus off finding love. a hint..it is much easier navigating this online Dom search after actually being in the presence of people who live/do this other than the internet. sorry my first post to your thread was such a mouthful. i even deleted a bunch...lol may we all find our bliss, evehope

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/21/2007 8:52:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: everhope quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 I have alot to learn. i have never been owned and I crave it. I have to not give in to the fantasy of it all. .yeah it is different when the rose colored glasses come off. you are in Chicago. try a goggle (we know you know how...lol) search for events, workshops, socials, etc in your area. get out meet people, talk to people, learn the many varied ways to do this. have fun with it and take your focus off finding love. a hint..it is much easier navigating this online Dom search after actually being in the presence of people who live/do this other than the internet. sorry my first post to your thread was such a mouthful. i even deleted a bunch...lol may we all find our bliss, evehope I have done this. I joined a club last week. I didnt make it there this weekend. I actually met some people I recognized from here. It was fun and i played with a cruel but nice Dom. he seemed interested in more than just play. Of course i wasnt interested in more than just play as I always seem to go for the ones that are difficult. itold him I needed to keep my options open. this is still true. I need to stick with this and learn from real people.

fsub4use -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/21/2007 10:10:22 PM)
Don't forget, lusciouslips, that You are giving a precious gift - make sure the person You give it to is worthy .... that whole.... don't throw your pearls before swine thing. And by the way, you're allowed to just play for awhile to get your feet wet.... You know, chatting on line, a little webcam thing, go on the auction block at the chatroom here, do a scene at a party... whatever. Seriously, TAKE YOUR TIME. Even if you find a good Dom, that doesn't mean he's a good Dom for YOU!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/21/2007 10:13:58 PM)
Actually I wouldn't do webcam or "online auction" stuff if you're actually looking for a relationship based offline or with primarily offline connection. That stuff will only keep feeding your head with false expectations and won't get you real experience in the real world. However, if you're going to be happy with a relationship primarily based online or want an internet relationship with someone, then those are exactly the sorts of things you should do.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/21/2007 10:36:44 PM)
I do have to appreciate the ones who are kissing my butt. There are plenty who do. Why does that always send me packing? I do love a challenge. Well one thing that has happened as a result of exploring my submissiveness is it has surfaced all my demons and issues. hopefully this is productive.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/21/2007 11:22:24 PM)
Why isnt there a board here where the subs can list the names of the players ? like the website "girl, dont date him". Would save some of us alot of headaches if we knew which ones were here just playing games and we could have a list of the fakes ahead of time. being honest about wanting contact to feel more secure is not lassoing someone. Its saying "I dont know you and will feel safe if you can provide me with the assurance that you are on the level"

iammachine -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/22/2007 12:30:38 AM)
quote: Guys get really wierded out by women who try and play "rodeo" with them. After all-it's us that like to do the wrassling down and hog tyin-pisses us off when you turn the tables. Speak for yourself! Wait, I'm a chick.... nevermind, carry on! iammachine who really needs to not consume energy drinks late at night PS: mmm, wrasslin'!

Celeste43 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/22/2007 6:00:28 AM)
If he didn't know exactly when he would be in your town, he should have said so. But then he would also have to expect that you might not be available without knowing what days to not make other plans on. He is married and instead of admitting it decided the best defense would be to attack you. The only thing he was interested in was sex/play. Otherwise he might have said he'd prefer to exchange info after you meet for coffee as he doesn't like to give it out until he knows there will be a second meeting. You might prefer that also instead of giving out your name, address, home phone, license plate to a stranger off the net. Since he has as much to lose as you do.

RRafe -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/22/2007 6:40:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 I do have to appreciate the ones who are kissing my butt. There are plenty who do. Why does that always send me packing? I do love a challenge. Well one thing that has happened as a result of exploring my submissiveness is it has surfaced all my demons and issues. hopefully this is productive. Because you know they have a butt kissing agenda-playing on your weaknesses. Lots of guys on here play that game-very very vanilla. And it means you can probably twist them around your fingers-also very very vanilla. And very very BORING. Maybe the actual challenge is someone coming along who WON'T let you do that?

RRafe -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/22/2007 6:43:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Why isnt there a board here where the subs can list the names of the players ? like the website "girl, dont date him". Would save some of us alot of headaches if we knew which ones were here just playing games and we could have a list of the fakes ahead of time. being honest about wanting contact to feel more secure is not lassoing someone. Its saying "I dont know you and will feel safe if you can provide me with the assurance that you are on the level" Personally, I never balk at meeting for coffee. I do balk at making myself vulnerable to someone I have never met-who may go nutcase on me and give me all sorts of grief. It's not just bottoms who need to protect themselves-crazy comes in all sexes and flavors.

Vanatru -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/22/2007 6:51:12 AM)
"...i felt like if I questioned I would not appear submissive enough..." I ask TONS and TONS of questions when I'm getting to know someone as a potential, I also expect them to ask questions to get to know me. It may not be the most romantic or whatever, it doesn't really matter, my aim is to find out if they are compatible enough for a visit. It's way too easy to hide stuff online, so make sure to not give away your heart until you know it's the right one to give it to (and definitely never ever give it away online to anyone). A sincere dominant/partner/whatever will expect you to take time to get to know them, would expect that you might be anxious about the whole situation (especially if you are an M/s virgin), and certainly would expect you to have questions (heck I encourage questions). The basis of any relationship vanilla, BDSM, D/s, or M/s is still the same mundane stuff about there being no short cuts, relationships take time, and trust is only built over time. If a dominant can't address the basic relationship requirements, you should be wondering about him big time. Just like any relationship, you should have shared interests in many areas. If you are only talking about domination and submission, if you are only talking about sex, if you are only talking about kinks; this is also a warning sign things aren't right. You'll be living with him day-to-day, you'll share experiences other than just "get down on your knees!", you won't be just living in the bedroom or some dungeon. Rejection is not easy to take, but it's better than than winding up on a Missing Persons report.

batshalom -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/22/2007 8:14:38 AM)
Sorry to hijack ... but you know, Vanatru, I typically dislike facial hair. In fact, I usually hate it. On you though ... it works. Nice.

AquaticSub -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/22/2007 8:21:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Why isnt there a board here where the subs can list the names of the players ? like the website "girl, dont date him". Would save some of us alot of headaches if we knew which ones were here just playing games and we could have a list of the fakes ahead of time. Because people lie.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/22/2007 7:59:38 PM)
What would prevent someone from putting YOUR name on such a list luscious?

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/23/2007 8:06:11 AM)
Thats true. people are vindictive and do lie. i guess other subs willl have to learn the hard way, like me. I guess we can all chalk it up to lessons in learning. I use to have a problem with all these subs listing sets of rules and criteria for Doms in their porfiles. Now I understand why. they are trying to keep the abusers away. I listed in my profile after my incident that contact info will not be given unless it is reciprocated on both sides. I am now getting alot less e-mails. This is fine.

eyesopened -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/24/2007 2:01:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 Thats true. people are vindictive and do lie. i guess other subs willl have to learn the hard way, like me. I guess we can all chalk it up to lessons in learning. I use to have a problem with all these subs listing sets of rules and criteria for Doms in their porfiles. Now I understand why. they are trying to keep the abusers away. I listed in my profile after my incident that contact info will not be given unless it is reciprocated on both sides. I am now getting alot less e-mails. This is fine. The easiest way to keep abusers away is to simply refuse to be abused. Period. A good way to chase even great Doms away is to fill ones profile with a long list of criteria. If you want to be approached, be approachable. The details are worked out during the getting-to-know-you phase. Don't let one jerk color your entire experience.

everhope -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/24/2007 12:40:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened The easiest way to keep abusers away is to simply refuse to be abused. Period. A good way to chase even great Doms away is to fill ones profile with a long list of criteria. If you want to be approached, be approachable. The details are worked out during the getting-to-know-you phase. Don't let one jerk color your entire experience. i agree with you eyesopened. nothing worse than a profile that reads DO this...DON'T do this...or i will delete. staying open to others and true to ourselves is really the only way to do this. developing a 7th sense is helpful also. oh and patience lots and lots of patience!

OsideGirl -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/24/2007 12:57:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 he said it was too late because I attacked his integrity. So, asking for contact info and for him to confirm his days, is questioning his integrity? First of all, it's rude to keep someone hanging when it involves someone else's time. Next, I wouldn't be accepting a vistior with out getting his contact information. Lastly, I'm willing to bet that he was looking for a reason to cancel his trip and I'm also willing to bet that he never had any intention of making the trip in the first place.

Vanatru -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/24/2007 1:28:59 PM)
I pass by profiles like you're talking about as well. Seriously, sometimes I wonder if the women are really interested in finding someone or they just want to tell guys off. Another one I tend to hesitate on is the ones that demand you say something personal in your email to them, as they often don't even bother writing a reply, including not even a simple "no thank you" (which would be a canned response btw). I'd think more important than the content of the initial email would be the guy's actual profile and to consider the guy was likely interested enough to email you in the first place. Honestly, if you wrote 30+ emails to potential partners that you think might actually be compatible (and if you have seriously ever done this kind of search, it's no small feat in itself) only to have about 10 never opened, about 5 or so "no thank you"s, and the rest no response at all, how likely are you to keep writing personal emails? quote: ORIGINAL: everhope quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened The easiest way to keep abusers away is to simply refuse to be abused. Period. A good way to chase even great Doms away is to fill ones profile with a long list of criteria. If you want to be approached, be approachable. The details are worked out during the getting-to-know-you phase. Don't let one jerk color your entire experience. i agree with you eyesopened. nothing worse than a profile that reads DO this...DON'T do this...or i will delete. staying open to others and true to ourselves is really the only way to do this. developing a 7th sense is helpful also. oh and patience lots and lots of patience!

SexyBlackMan2 -> RE: Is this a normal reaction to a question? (10/24/2007 4:12:33 PM)
sounds like he wasn't being honest with something that he doesn't want you to find out.

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