Am I totally over-reacting? (Full Version)

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GlowingEye -> Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 12:17:47 AM)

Okay, so the other day, I was really bored and decided to go to a teen chat room (I'm 18, so I still relate more to teens than "adults"). Now, I normally don't have much luck in chat rooms, but have occasionally had some decent conversations from them. Anyways, I started talking to this guy and had a nice conversation. So, he asked for my email, saying he didn't want it to be just a one time thing. So I give it to him, no harm in that, and some mild flirting occured.

Now, I admit, I was pretty flattered. I don't get flirted with often, I'm the "girl who's the guy's best friend". So, when we chatted tonight, I was flirting back and feeling good about myself until he says something to the effect that he's keeping a secret that might make me hate him. I'm thinking, "Okay, he's got a girlfriend, no big deal."

Wrong! Well, I was close. HE'S MARRIED! AND 34! Big, big, huge freaking deal!!! I feel like such an idiot, and kinda betrayed, even though he never lied to me, just kept information to himself.

Rant over. So, has anyone ever had a similar situation? Do you think I'm totally over-reacting?



Shawn1066 -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 12:24:58 AM)

Not totally over-reacting, no...maybe just a bit.  It -does- sound really frustrating.  And, of course, he sounds rather like a sleazeball(does anybody say that anymore?).



ownedgirlie -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 12:29:21 AM)

I take it you don't frequent chat rooms much?  [:D]

It's more common than not, unfortunately. 



Sunao -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 12:33:20 AM)

my question is why is he on a teen chat? He's 34 and he is flirting with girls in a teen chatroom. That right there throws up red flags. Not to mention he is married.



meatcleaver -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 12:35:56 AM)

Wake up. it's the internet.



MissMagnolia -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 12:36:11 AM)

My immediate thought too laurell. It just screams predator.[&:] And what proof is there that he was 34, he could have been a whole lot older. Geez, don't kids listen to all the advice about predators in chatrooms? It's a scary thought.



GlowingEye -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 12:41:05 AM)

I understand what you've all said about the internet and the nature of predators. That's part of the reason why I don't post my picture, where I live, or ever use my real name online. However, for some reason this is really upsetting me, and I was wondering if that was just completely out of the realm of what I should be feeling.



SixFootMaster -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 12:51:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GlowingEye

Okay, so the other day, I was really bored and decided to go to a teen chat room (I'm 18, so I still relate more to teens than "adults"). Now, I normally don't have much luck in chat rooms, but have occasionally had some decent conversations from them. Anyways, I started talking to this guy and had a nice conversation. So, he asked for my email, saying he didn't want it to be just a one time thing. So I give it to him, no harm in that, and some mild flirting occured.

Now, I admit, I was pretty flattered. I don't get flirted with often, I'm the "girl who's the guy's best friend". So, when we chatted tonight, I was flirting back and feeling good about myself until he says something to the effect that he's keeping a secret that might make me hate him. I'm thinking, "Okay, he's got a girlfriend, no big deal."

Wrong! Well, I was close. HE'S MARRIED! AND 34! Big, big, huge freaking deal!!! I feel like such an idiot, and kinda betrayed, even though he never lied to me, just kept information to himself.

Rant over. So, has anyone ever had a similar situation? Do you think I'm totally over-reacting?


Okay, first off, he's lurking in a TEEN chat room - that should tell you something right there. Second, he's married.

Now it is absolutely possible that married men converse well with teenagers, but its also absolutely much more likely that he's there looking for a bit of teen fluff. You haven't gone into the nature of your conversation, but giving the benefit of the doubt it was mostly non-sexual, with a bit of flirting. Grooming follows several definable stages - the first of which is to establish rapore, the next is to build the contact into a stronger friendship, third comes the talking in isolation that gets deeper and more intimate away from watchers eyes, between just you and him, then come the "extensions" a picture of yourself, perhaps talking on the phone, all the time constantly reinforcing your affection and trust.

That said, this guy isn't a serial predator - he gave away his age way too quickly to be experienced, he also went for the email too quickly which can set of trust issues (and its harder to get someone to trust you from a distrusting point than a neutral or open point). Summary? He's a desperate man looking for no-commitment hot teenage action, most likely behind his wifes back, and that desperation is at the point where he jumps at the first chance he gets.





HotFaerieMama -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 1:03:00 AM)

been there done that.. i reported people like that..



laurell3 -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 1:30:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

My immediate thought too laurell. It just screams predator.[&:] And what proof is there that he was 34, he could have been a whole lot older. Geez, don't kids listen to all the advice about predators in chatrooms? It's a scary thought.


Heh that's not me, it's a clone!!! But I did have the same thought immediately...OMG IT IS A CLONE!



HaveRopeWillBind -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 2:41:06 AM)

Glowing,

Let's reverse this a bit. You are only 18 and you are visiting an "Adult" site. Now a lot of people think adult means over 21 and they may feel it's improper for you to be here. Just because a room is predominantly visited by teens does not mean it is restricted to teens. What if you had been chatting with a 9 year old who happened to be in your "Teen" room? Could just as easily happen. Would you have felt as burned then?

Realistically any time you are on the Internet you can expect that a great number of people you interact with are not going to be in your age group and a fair percentage will misrepresent their ages. So you should not rush into any kind of intimacy over the net until you've had some kind of verification. Conduct yourself as if you are talking to a minor until you are sure you aren't.

The guy may have been dishonest, but at least he didn't string you along with it until you agreed to meet with him at some motel or something. Maybe he was just looking to be flirted with a bit. I never met a guy of any age who wasn't both pleased and flattered by flirtations from a young woman. So he's not a Saint. If you stay on-line you are going to come across many who are worse.

Google the name John E Robinson some time and read about him.



CuriousLord -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 3:19:20 AM)

[Edit:  Deleted.]



Raechard -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 4:45:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HaveRopeWillBind
The guy may have been dishonest, but at least he didn't string you along with it until you agreed to meet with him at some motel or something. Maybe he was just looking to be flirted with a bit. I never met a guy of any age who wasn't both pleased and flattered by flirtations from a young woman. So he's not a Saint. If you stay on-line you are going to come across many who are worse.


I don't agree with that viewpoint.

The question I have is when did you tell him your were 18 because if he was in a teen chatroom flirting with someone he thinks might be younger than 18 he isn’t someone you want to be associating with. I don’t even understand what a 34 year old would want to be in a teen chatroom for in truth?



Duskwolf -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 7:31:09 AM)

Shame the FBI party van can't catch all those types really...

The only reason a 34 year old would be in a chatroom for teens is for purposes other than conversation, in my opinion.



soultoshare -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 8:56:43 AM)

I agree...this guy is definitely looking for more than just chat.  Find the place in the chat site to report him, and do it quickly!  All pedophiles start out as newbies.....and if nothing else, his wife needs to know about her hubby's "hobby"...what if they have kids of their own??????  What if he DOES get some poor unsuspecting younger teen ager to meet him?    Kids today think they are invincible, that nothing bad will happen to them, I see that all the time.  And there are so many kids out there with self esteem issues, abuse in their life, no parental support or control, that's why it is still so easy for these predators to get their sick hooks into them.  REPORT HIM!!!  I'll bet if you even go to the FBI's website, they have someplace to report his profile.  Even your local Police Department, Sheriff's Office, District Atty's offices all have places to report this kind of thing.

Also, on a side note, as an 18 year old, you need to make sure you get that out there quickly in your conversation, and since you are in a teen chatroom, if someone who identifies themself as younger than the age of consent starts to flirt excessively with you, you need to back out.....especially if the talk turns sexual in nature.  18 is considered an adult in all the states, and you don't want to end up in trouble becuase the 14 year old on the other end of a "harmless" flirtation is really a burly 40 year old cop.  This is something you really want to think about.

I don't think you over-reacted, hope you don't think I am.  Personally, I'd stop hanging out in teen chat rooms.....I also identify with people younger than myself...I don't have any friends my own age, they are at least 10 years younger than I am, so I can understand your point.  Even my relationships are with younger men.....no particular reason, I've never gone looking for one, they just happen.

Just my nickel's worth.



Estring -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 9:01:08 AM)

He's probably not the only one you have talked to who wasn't who they said they were. He just fessed up to it.  



HaveRopeWillBind -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 11:06:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raechard

I don't agree with that viewpoint.

The question I have is when did you tell him your were 18 because if he was in a teen chat room flirting with someone he thinks might be younger than 18 he isn’t someone you want to be associating with. I don’t even understand what a 34 year old would want to be in a teen chat room for in truth?


Raechard

You are free to disagree, but my experience of being in on-line chat rooms since the early 80's tells me that in any given room most of the people are misrepresenting themselves in some way. The same holds true for "teen" rooms. Probably half or more of the people in the room were not actually aged between 13 and 19. I'm not saying the guy in this case is a nice guy or even in the right, just that he did have the decency to fess up and not try to take it to the physical. That does count for something even if he is a slime.



CollegeConundrum -> RE: Am I totally over-reacting? (10/22/2007 11:24:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GlowingEye

Okay, so the other day, I was really bored and decided to go to a teen chat room (I'm 18, so I still relate more to teens than "adults"). Now, I normally don't have much luck in chat rooms, but have occasionally had some decent conversations from them. Anyways, I started talking to this guy and had a nice conversation. So, he asked for my email, saying he didn't want it to be just a one time thing. So I give it to him, no harm in that, and some mild flirting occured.

Now, I admit, I was pretty flattered. I don't get flirted with often, I'm the "girl who's the guy's best friend". So, when we chatted tonight, I was flirting back and feeling good about myself until he says something to the effect that he's keeping a secret that might make me hate him. I'm thinking, "Okay, he's got a girlfriend, no big deal."

Wrong! Well, I was close. HE'S MARRIED! AND 34! Big, big, huge freaking deal!!! I feel like such an idiot, and kinda betrayed, even though he never lied to me, just kept information to himself.

Rant over. So, has anyone ever had a similar situation? Do you think I'm totally over-reacting?


While I certainly empathize for your situation and am thoroughly disgusted at the thought of a 24 year old married guy trolling teen chat rooms but god damn, is it funny.



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