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RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 11:22:33 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		While its not all my life, or even the center of my life, it is a part of me, who I am. Denying this is to live a lie, and to live a life unfulfilled. I am an adrenelin junkie, I extreme ski, white water kayak, did street racing, free climbing,full contact karate, the whole nine yards and you know what, it ain't the same.
Its not the rush that gets it for me in BDSM, its the intimacy that comes with the power exchange.Standing there looking at a girl who I have tied up naked, hanging from her wrists, legs spread apart, gagged and on fire with the suspended expectation of the moment, knowing that I can elicit almost any response I desire with a touch, pleasure, pain, agony, ecstasy, nothing has ever replaced that high.Nothing.
And I have been spun out pretty much any way possible for a human being to be and its still the most impressive feeling I have ever had.
So to answer your question succinctly, for me, no.
I have tried vanilla,with great women, it doesn't work. Instead I feel an emptiness that leaves me wanting more and I know that I am living a lie with them and that bothered me. So I don't do it anymore.
In the end, for me, its about the power, always has been, always will.Its that simple.


(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 11:43:23 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FormerSub

For reasons which are outside the scope of this posting I no longer choose to be in the lifestyle.  I used to be a regular here (under a different name) and I quietly pursued my BDSM interests for many years.  So getting used to vanilla is a little hard for me and I do miss certain aspects of being submissive.

My question is this - can the amzing rush of feelings and trust ever be duplicated in a vanilla relationship?  As we all know BDSM can create some pretty special sensations in both mind and body.  If I have to give up that delightful mix of happy brain chemicals I will and won't regret it.  However if anyone has experienced similar feelings in a vanilla relationship I would like to hear about it.


It depends on which aspects you are talking about.  If you are talking about BDSM activities solely, you can actually achieve the endorphin rush alone by some of the extreme activities here...sky-diving, marathon running, extreme work-outs, etc.  That is an achievement of one aspect...but no, you cannot duplicate being bound without being bound, you cannot duplicate the feeling of a paddle coming down on your ass, you cannot duplicate the feeling of it coming down on your ass by a dominant who is "in control" of you.

As for the D/s aspects, you can choose a partner who is more along "traditional" lines without being domineering and actually enjoy a "dominant/submissive"- oriented relationship without full dominance and submission or without all the...as someone else put it...pomp and circumstance of a full on dominant/submissive interaction wherein lies punishment or discipline for failure to live up to the agreed upon dynamics.

I lived the vanilla life from 18 until 42.  24 years.  I have been in this life now for 10 years.  14 years shorter but for me, I see nothing in an all-vanilla lifestyle that appeals to me any longer...but then, living in a constant scene does nothing for me either.

(in reply to FormerSub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 12:44:09 PM   
FormerSub


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for the thoughful answers.  The rush that I was speaking of was, for me, from the power exchange.  Also, I will admit to being an adrenelin junkie.  I hadn't though of extreme sports, but that is certainly something I can try on for size.

As for why I am leaving -  I am at a point in my life where I have learned from unfortunate experience that no one can run my life better than me.  I have been happily and successfully running my own life for a while now and I really like it.  The next person who tries to tell me what to do will not get a positive response.

As for why I asked here instead of in the 'nilla world.  Well, quite frankly, most in the vanilla world have no idea what the feelings are so the point of the question would be lost on them.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 5:55:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think you're wrong when you talk about feeling like no one can run their lives better than you can, and not feeling like they will ever be able to be in a healthy relationship with someone who can fulfill them and suggest that vanillas can't or won't understand.

Why do you equate an authority transfer relationship to someone running your life?  Usually Ms relationships are about two adults running their lives TOGETHER.  It just happens to be in a particular authority format.  It's a myth that subs are the passive followers all the time in everything.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to FormerSub)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 6:24:57 PM   
FormerSub


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		LA - while I can appreciate that you have a different perspective than I do you do not have the right to say what is right or wrong in my life or opinions.  When I stated my opinion I was referring to my life only.  As long as I live within the law of the land I have every right to live and view my life as I see fit.

You may say what is wrong for YOU.  You may not say what is wrong for ME.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 6:35:26 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FormerSub

You may say what is wrong for YOU.  You may not say what is wrong for ME.



Sure she can... and she did!   mmmmmmmmm Nothing stopped her from doing it.... So... guess that means she could do it.

Now... just because she did it.. .doesn't equate to her being right!... she might be wrong... she is obviously wrong in your opinion and mostly likely in the opinion of others as well.  But you know what some might agree with her as well.

We can't stop others having opinions... even if the opinion is of ourselves.

As far as your situation... Regardless of Lifestyle... individuals can have incredible relationships...  It is not the lifestyle that causes these incredible relaitonships.. it's the people in the relationship.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to FormerSub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 6:45:09 PM   
Petronius


Posts: 289
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		In a single word ... NO.

You can't duplicate French cooking in a Chinese resturant or vice versa.

You may get French food that is better than Chinese. Or you may not.

But you can't duplicate one in the other.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 7:01:53 PM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		I feel a need to pipe up here.

to the op,

 I have entered awonderful relationship as of late and have had a whole host of unique and new feelings and experiences.  There is a D/s dynamic to our relationship, and through that, I have begun to recognize what is happening for me within the D/s as well as not that is creating the intense intimacy and love that I'm feeling. 
A D/s relationship fosters dependence and when a person experiences depending on another and not being let down, trust grows.  This happens vanilla as well as D/s, in D/s it is simply fostered and grows at a faster rate.
As humans, we connect through our pain.  I recently learned that and it makes perfect sense.  I wonder then if that is why I feel so much more bonded to my Lover when he spanks or whips me?  Are we attracted to these activities in part because they help us overcome our barriers to intimacy? 
For me it is more about the intesity of my love feelings than adrehniline ( I think)  I am still learning and exploring so I hate to say for sure but It feels that way to me.  I have much more in common with my Lover than simply D/s or sex, so it is hard for me to quantify just that part of our relationship, but that is how it feels to me.  I would say that yes you can live a fulfilled happy nilla life, but that you would need to work to establish those things in other ways.  It is not impossible, I just think in BDSM, we find the shortcuts.

Just my humble opinion,
oct

(in reply to Petronius)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 7:09:35 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline 		My bdsm relationship is also my vanilla relationship. It is in some ways more vanilla than anything else. In other ways it's extremely not vanilla. I can say though, that if the sex, the play, the kinkyness, the power exchange, if everything were gone, I think I would still love him because what I love about him is *him* you know? Everything else is icing on the cake but I've had the icing without the cake before (even had better icing) but it's not nearly the same. So in my opinion, if and when you're lucky enough to find that person that just does it for you, you may realize that you can get what you need through it even if it is "vanilla." My best advice is to try not to overanalyze or overcategorize. Maybe there's someone out there to give you the right mix of the elements you need. But bottom line, yes, I believe you can get the same quality of relationship in the vanilla world. I don't like it when people perpetuate the d/s is a better/higher form of relationship bull.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 7:19:30 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		I think anything is possible if you want it bad enough 

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 7:34:40 PM   
LostMyself


Posts: 72
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Can you ever duplicate any relationship at all? 
There are things and feelings from my last relationship that I cry for having lost every day, and I don't think that I'll ever find that again. 
I was looking for a new master for awhile, but I hadn't been looking for a 24/7 relationship when I got into that one, and while I was looking, it never seemed like there was anything that could give me anything even close.  I spoke to people, discussed bits about what I was looking for, who I thought I was, what they were looking for, but I just could never see  a meaningful relationship coming about quite so deliberately.  It was just like someone else was looking for something that I'd be squeezed into, and I always just felt uncomfortable.
I'm kind of unsure of my relationship situation now, although I'm not looking right now.  
I do really depend on someone else to take the lead.. but I suppose maybe I'm too unsure of what I'm looking for. 

Before, when I really needed pain, my master and mistress would tear at my back with vampire gloves, and then whip me, splattering bits of blood everywhere, telling me all the while how much they loved me, and that they were doing it for me.  I'd be gagged, or biting a pillow, or be burying my face into the bed trying to muffle my screams.. and feel so safe and loved. 
That's a bit extreme, and it wasn't particularly often, only when I was really upset and nothing else could console me.  And afterwards they'd pour alcohol on my back, I've found the feeling of alcohol on wounds to soothe me long before I got into BDSM, and then hold me, and tell me they loved me, and I was a good girl.  I'm crying just thinking about it, I doubt I'll ever feel that safety again.

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 7:38:10 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		There's a hell of a range between TPE and vanilla. If you miss certain aspects, then what about finding someone who doesn't want to run your life, but does want  control when it comes to things just between the two of you. Bedroom submission, he orders for you when you go out to dinner, picks your panties to meet him in, that kind of stuff. It isn't extreme but it still can be fun without being the whole nine yards.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 8:55:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FormerSub
You may say what is wrong for YOU.  You may not say what is wrong for ME.

I didn't say anything was wrong "for you."  I said that I think you are wrong when you suggest that vanillas can't or won't understand what you are going through.  I'd have said the same even if my own partner had uttered those words to me.  Read anything by Jane Austen for crying out loud.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to FormerSub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 9:31:00 PM   
FormerSub


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		deleted - I don't have the energy for this.


< Message edited by FormerSub -- 10/23/2007 9:57:49 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 9:53:31 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		So the first time it was a case of me being a meanie and not understand you were personalizing your statement, and now BOTH times it's been a case of my lack of understanding?  You sound like you're changing your story.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to FormerSub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/23/2007 11:54:22 PM   
Cntrolmeplease


Posts: 66
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FormerSub

For reasons which are outside the scope of this posting I no longer choose to be in the lifestyle.  I used to be a regular here (under a different name) and I quietly pursued my BDSM interests for many years.  So getting used to vanilla is a little hard for me and I do miss certain aspects of being submissive.

My question is this - can the amzing rush of feelings and trust ever be duplicated in a vanilla relationship?  As we all know BDSM can create some pretty special sensations in both mind and body.  If I have to give up that delightful mix of happy brain chemicals I will and won't regret it.  However if anyone has experienced similar feelings in a vanilla relationship I would like to hear about it.

Of course it can be duplicated.  It would be fairly arrogant for someone to say it can't be.  True, there is an amazing level of trust and connection present before a good BDSM relationship can get off the ground (and I am speaking in terms of a female submissive and a male Dom since that is all that I know) but I myself have felt that same connection and trust in at least one other vanilla relationship I have had..  As far as subspace and that endorphin rush I agree with many of the other posters here.  Extreme sports, yoga and meditation...
Good luck to you..

(in reply to FormerSub)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Can it be duplicated? - 10/24/2007 12:37:34 AM   
MsPleasure


Posts: 215
Joined: 1/1/2007
Status: offline 		Yes you can.  With the right person.

(in reply to FormerSub)
Profile   Post #: 37
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