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iammachine -> RE: trusting my boyfriend to dominate me (10/24/2007 9:38:35 PM)
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quote:
Unfortunately, introducing us to the scene by going to events isn't a possibility. I don't really know what it'd be like in a club or event, but I don't want to unintentionally freak him out. Besides, I'm in the middle of rural nowhere and if there is any place to go close by I don't know about it.
Events really aren't that scary of a place. I had the same concerns when I took a friend of mine with me to Folsom, talk about a trial by fire!
The extent of my friend's (heretoforth reffered to as "J") prior exposure to BDSM had consisted of listening to my banter (on a maybe incessant basis, I'm a natural professor...), and some light bondage play a month or so prior to my flying to Cali. I had asked J if he would be cool with going with me when I was planning my trip sometime prior, he said he was open minded and would like to go. In the time that elapsed between planning on going and the event, I had arranged a negotiation with a pony boy ("Jorge", not to be confused with "J" [:)]).
The closer to the event it came, the more I started worrying. I worried about whether or not J really would be okay at the event, I worried about how he would feel about actually seeing me play with other people, rather than just hear stories of my antics, I was worried about how my play date with Jorge would go, and I was worried about my little het vanilla boy in a sea of leather men. I was the Murphy's Law of agonizing over things.
Eventually, J took a time out and pretty much told me that he was a big boy, and he could make his own decisions, even if neither one of us were entirely sure what he was getting into (I had never been to Folsom, either). In retrospect, I was doing a lot of worrying when I should have been trusting his judgement. Sure, I was responsible for making the experience happen, and to be considerate of how he felt, but that didn't change the fact that we were going, and if there were any hitches to be had, they could be addressed when they came up.
When all was said and done, Jorge was a wonderful pony, J was my trusty pack mule and we all had fun hanging out and at the event. Aside from being goosed a few times, both of the boys came out happy and unscathed, and I got to tie up two hot men! Woo! I did not break J's vanilla brain, though he is decidedly less vanilla today. :)
As far as events go, here's a few things to think about.
Do nekkid people make you uncomfortable?
Do nekkid people doing naughty things to eachother make you uncomfortable?
Do people doing REALLY naughty things to each other make you uncomfortable?
Are you both secure in your relationship, and prepared for the inevitable flirting that will happen?
Are you not only secure in your relationship, but in your orientation, as flirting from your non-preferred gender may happen?
Generally, people at events are a little bit better versed in standard protocol. Most people are pretty polite and respectful of boundaries. Flirting will happen, though people tend to be pretty understanding if you're not interested in reciprocating, in my experience. Every village has it's idiot, unfortunately, so you will sometimes run in to people that might be a little too pushy or touchy, though they are generally fairly easily managed. As for events with play spaces, you are never required to play. If a scene is too "intense" for you to want to watch, you can always move on, as well.
I definitely very much highly suggest getting out into the community. I would probably suggest starting at smaller events on the local, state or regional level. Smaller events make it easier to actually network, since you're not lost in a throng of kinky people and the overall vibe of the event is more intimate. That and the benefit of regional events is that they're, well, regional. The people that you meet you will be able to more easily keep in touch with (unlike me... who has contacts all over the damn globe, but few locally). Munches are good for meeting people, as are clubs and bar nights. Warm up your google-fu and I am sure you can find something!
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