RE: Lost in the flood of young doms.

RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (Full Version)

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apiercedkitty -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 7:10:15 PM)
Ok... i've read a post or two of Yours before and i will say that i am usually impressed with Your ability to be respectful of pretty much whomever comments - no matter if they're snide comments or not. Now - to the point of the post. As a (ouch) middle-aged submissive woman, i have found the whole inundation of guys (many who call themselves "Dom") really has little to do with age. i have been approached by men of all ages just looking to stick it in any available warm spot. In my time here, i think i have initiated contact twice - both times just to comment on a journal entry that i thought was nice. i just don't initiate contact. i don't really know why - i just don't. When i read a message from a "Dom," i am always most impressed with the gentleman that can express Himself articulately... who tells me a bit about Himself... one who basically treats me as if He met me in the mall. So, my advice is this: go ahead and initiate contact - but think thru Your message and what it is You want to get across. Good luck in Your growing and exploration!

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 7:31:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: apiercedkitty Ok... i've read a post or two of Yours before and i will say that i am usually impressed with Your ability to be respectful of pretty much whomever comments - no matter if they're snide comments or not. Now - to the point of the post. As a (ouch) middle-aged submissive woman, i have found the whole inundation of guys (many who call themselves "Dom") really has little to do with age. i have been approached by men of all ages just looking to stick it in any available warm spot. In my time here, i think i have initiated contact twice - both times just to comment on a journal entry that i thought was nice. i just don't initiate contact. i don't really know why - i just don't. When i read a message from a "Dom," i am always most impressed with the gentleman that can express Himself articulately... who tells me a bit about Himself... one who basically treats me as if He met me in the mall. So, my advice is this: go ahead and initiate contact - but think thru Your message and what it is You want to get across. Good luck in Your growing and exploration! nicely said, and my thoughts exactly..!..Tempting

RRafe -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 8:04:48 PM)
Life is always better when you are yourself-rather than full of yourself.

Kana -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 8:05:50 PM)
OK, I am an old dom, but you know what, the situation is the same no matter what. The numbers run against you my friend, the men outweigh the women here by (conservative estimate time, deep breath, really conservative, breathes out) about 10 to one. This means no matter what age you are you are going to face the same problem; it’s a sellers market. With that said, to refuse to play the game just because you don't like the ground rules is silly. This is not to say that sometimes submissive women won't contact you, hell for all I know they think you are the second coming of Brad Pitt and are throwing themselves at you like paparazzi at Princess Di. It seems though that the real heart of the matter is this question of yours: " So, as a young Dom, how do you avoid getting lost in the flood?" Which is relevant to me. The answer I have found is to approach them with decency and try to accept the fact that you are going to have to do something to stick out from the masses. So send them something nice, well written and for Gods sake spell checked. Show some interest in what’s in their profile and put some thought into it before you write it. Talk with them as a human being first, a woman second and a submissive third. Crazy as it sounds those things just aren’t done a whole lot on Internet BDSM sites. Just by doing those few things you will have separated yourself from the masses and dramatically improved your chances. In the years I have been on here, one of the things I hear frequently is that submissive women often don’t feel comfortable approaching a potential master; they want him to approach them. Just my 2 cents worth.

iammachine -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 8:31:29 PM)
quote: Most women automatically assume that any man is only here because they are looking for sex, that they see BDSM as a great way to get it,. They assume any man is clueless, desperate, and will message anyone and everyone who they think might be hot. There we go, fixed that for ya. :) It's not about age, nor is it about titles. The reality of the situation, is it's about supply, demand, and there being a whole hell of a lot of horny men. To be fair, there are a fair number of obnoxious women, as well. The moral of the story? The interweb is an obnoxious place. It takes all kinds. Many, simply aren't compatible, some are comical, and sometimes you get really lucky and meet someone cool. shrug

RRafe -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 8:34:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iammachine quote: Most women automatically assume that any man is only here because they are looking for sex, that they see BDSM as a great way to get it,. They assume any man is clueless, desperate, and will message anyone and everyone who they think might be hot. There we go, fixed that for ya. :) It's not about age, nor is it about titles. The reality of the situation, is it's about supply, demand, and there being a whole hell of a lot of horny men. To be fair, there are a fair number of obnoxious women, as well. The moral of the story? The interweb is an obnoxious place. It takes all kinds. Many, simply aren't compatible, some are comical, and sometimes you get really lucky and meet someone cool. shrug Patience and honest expression help too.. Women like to see the face behind the mask-drop the role facade, and one always does better. Trying too hard is about the worst thing you can do-it screams of insecurity if you seem to ALWAYS take yourself too seriously.

writergirl -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 8:45:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty quote: I agree that young people -- dom and sub -- have a difficult time in the lifestyle i disagree...i have absolutely no problems in the lifestyle...i have problems online because my age is boldy emblazoned upon my profile...but in the lifestyle at large...no one knows my age becaue i don't act "my age"....or rather...like the numb nutz the OP was referring to.... You should consider yourself lucky then, I suppose. Most of the younger practitioners I know often complain of not being taken seriously, of older people brushing them off as if their opinions mean nothing, of being told that they can't really know what they want because they haven't experienced enough life. Just look at how many TNG groups have sprung up all over the country with the only real rule being that you must be between the ages of 18 and 35. So, again, I suppose you might count your blessings that you've not run into any of that sort of attitude. Wellwishes, wg

ResidentSadist -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 8:50:20 PM)
quote: The age question, again... Most subs automatically assume that any young Dom is only here because they are looking for sex... So, as a young Dom, how do you avoid getting lost in the flood? Not messaging people you wish to communicate with seems counter productive to the function of becoming a member here. I am not a “young turk” like yourself but even the older community on this site has the same exact problems you mention. I overcome it naturally with sincerity. If you are as sincere as you say, then it should be no trouble. If you are getting canned responses and flames, then either the person you contacted is so shallow that they weren’t worth further work or your approach is insincere. I have made genuine friends on this site, had a few dates and a relationship sprout from contacts here. It’s a good site, give it time. Like any online community, 90% of the people will have no interest or value for you. It’s holding out for that 10% of the good ones that makes it worth wild.

writergirl -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 8:57:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterShibari quote: ORIGINAL: writergirl Whether your tactic in dealing with the issue is successful is only something you can determine. I don't necessarily recommend not ever e-mailing anyone. What's the point of being here, then? I do recommend sending polite e-mails to those you find interesting. If they respond, wonderful and if they don't, then just move on. You never know who you're missing by not sending out that e-mail. I agree, except I’m not particularly here looking for anyone. If everyone adopted my strategy then no one would talk to anyone. But again, I must ask, what's the point of being on a social networking site if you're not interested in connecting with other people? quote: I’m mostly here to post the occasional psychological question on the forums and see what people’s responses are. This has been my first real post that is an attack, and the response has been interesting. Ah, and here's the crux, then. So it's not so much social networking for you, but social experimentation? I admit to not being familiar with your previous posts, as I am new to the forums, however I didn't get the initial impression that your OP in this thread was a troll for reactions. I suppose you got what you were looking for, though. wg

Damocles809 -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 9:19:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterShibari Back to the point, I don’t message subs, at all. I just flat out refuse to be part of the deluge. So write something unique. The deluge you speak of is boring email. From what I hear, most email subs get from doms is just: a statement of bdsm experience, protracted compliments, and pointing out compatible fetishes. Say something they haven't heard before.

EvilGenie -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 9:24:48 PM)
I, last week, had a submissive man email me to let me know that he had read my profile and journal and how 'normal' I seemed. I thought it a bit odd to tell me that until I remembered the mini profiles I have been reading of late. That aside, I would have to agree that the vast majority of 20 something ''Dom'' profiles that come blurbing across my screen make me want to say what the fuck are you doing? You are cluless and ready to potentially mess with someone's mind!! Years ago here there were not nearly the number of very young ''Doms'' as I have seen this go round. I think I said in my journal I find it frightening and in many ways I do. What is frightening are the dozens and dozens of young men stating that they have no experience and seek a live in slave to obey their every whim without question. I know you have all seen it. What angers me now is that if anyone here wishes to attack the way in which the OP was written then fine. But I wouldn't go attacking or judging someone personally. I do not see in the OP where anyone is on a pedestal or having delusions of grandeur. Some replies were great and others a bit to self serving in my opinion. Sounds as if many of you have your own pedestals which you should climb down from. Strikes me as a bit odd though that many of the attackers are men. Sorta makes you go hmmmm. I happen to think that this is finally an articulate young man who knows what he wants, has his own style of getting it from here, and asked a reasonable question. I'd rather see him ask the question than go out messing around or trying to in someone's head before he is ready and able to do so. It's fine if what works for him, works for him but what works for you who have judged is better?? I have been at this far too long to anger easily though I am and I just do not see the need for attack here. I wish you well and we older ones are always available for questions,,,,IF we are any good at what we do and know exactly who we are; we tend not to feel threatened so easily. Be Well, EG

crouchingtigress -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 9:27:20 PM)
dont forget you are not looking for just any one...you are looking for the only one....and to that end...trust me you will stand out like a lighthouse in the sea of her choices...and she will stand out to you as though she was radioactive and glowing....i promise.[;)]

EvilGenie -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 9:31:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress dont forget you are not looking for just any one...you are looking for the only one....and to that end...trust me you will stand out like a lighthouse in the sea of her choices...and she will stand out to you as though she was radioactive and glowing....i promise.[;)] Beautiful and oh SO true! Very well said though I may be biased as I just married mine 4 months ago back where I used to live . We are now seperated by an ocean though not for long. 12 years my junior and was that lighthouse amid a horrible storm. Be Well! EG {Edited because I cannot spell on no sleep}

iammachine -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 10:28:31 PM)
quote: IF we are any good at what we do and know exactly who we are; we tend not to feel threatened so easily. So, about that trip to Vegas... [;)] Well said!

EvilGenie -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 10:30:42 PM)
[;)] hahahahaha. I don't see that can yet anyway! EG

MissMagnolia -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 11:02:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Esinem You say that like there's something wrong with wanting kinky sex! I've passed the half century and still find it immensely appealing. OK. Are you ready? What do we want? KINKY SEX!! When do we want it? NOW!! The point is that, believe it or not, for some of us BDSM does not equate to kinky sex. I have zero interest in speaking with anyone, D or s, who thinks that what BDSM is all about.

MstrssScarlet -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 11:10:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EvilGenie What is frightening are the dozens and dozens of young men stating that they have no experience and seek a live in slave to obey their every whim without question. I know you have all seen it. What angers me now is that if anyone here wishes to attack the way in which the OP was written then fine. But I wouldn't go attacking or judging someone personally. I do not see in the OP where anyone is on a pedestal or having delusions of grandeur. Some replies were great and others a bit to self serving in my opinion. Sounds as if many of you have your own pedestals which you should climb down from. Strikes me as a bit odd though that many of the attackers are men. Sorta makes you go hmmmm. I happen to think that this is finally an articulate young man who knows what he wants, has his own style of getting it from here, and asked a reasonable question. I'd rather see him ask the question than go out messing around or trying to in someone's head before he is ready and able to do so. It's fine if what works for him, works for him but what works for you who have judged is better?? I have been at this far too long to anger easily though I am and I just do not see the need for attack here. I wish you well and we older ones are always available for questions,,,,IF we are any good at what we do and know exactly who we are; we tend not to feel threatened so easily. Be Well, EG I agree 100%. I didn't see anything arrogant about the OP and was surprised by all the nasty attacks. I'm impressed by this young man's ability to calmly and articulately answer the unnecessary snide remarks that were made. That expresses a lot of self control which puts you ahead of the game already. I wish you luck and as EG already said, feel free to ask us older members any questions you may have. We haven't all purchased a glass house.....yet. Mistress Scarlet

angelikaJ -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/24/2007 11:28:01 PM)
MasterShibari -- Honestly, I think you are doing very well in expressing yourself. I have seen some of the other profiles written by young Doms and have wondered how someone that age could be at expert at everything. Best wishes in your journey and I look forward to seeing your input here on the boards. aJ

MasterShibari -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/25/2007 12:15:20 AM)
I agree with the people who have stated that a well written and articulate e-mail is a good start, and I also think having a detailed and expressive profile is key. But, I still think there is a tendancy for these messages to get lost in the torrent and deleted, or skipped over. M. Shibari

iammachine -> RE: Lost in the flood of young doms. (10/25/2007 1:39:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterShibari I agree with the people who have stated that a well written and articulate e-mail is a good start, and I also think having a detailed and expressive profile is key. But, I still think there is a tendancy for these messages to get lost in the torrent and deleted, or skipped over. M. Shibari It does happen. I distinctly remember a time or two where an email that I enjoyed was accidentally swept away on a "clear all" when I was meaning to reply to it. There has also been a time or two when I have received a message that seemed sincere and well written... I just really didn't have anything to say. The presentation was nice, I just wasnn't feeling it for some reason. Overall, however, a well written intro is always preferable to the alternative, and more well received. [:)]

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