laurell3
Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PryderiLoup
quote:
I think IrishMist did indeed listen to you. You clearly said "we all agree that it is more important in D/s than in most walks of life" She disagreed as do I. A D/s relationship is no more special or difficult than any other kind of relationship (same sex partner, vanilla,etc). They all take communication and work to make them successful. If you think a D/s relationship is harder work than any other I suggest you go and talk to some people in relationships not in D/s. They will also tell you how hard it is to make a relationship work. How important the communication is.
Examining behaviour and interpersonal skills happens in all relationships. It is part of how 2 people become a couple.
Suggesting that D/s relationships are so much "better" or "more difficult" than any other type of relationships is one the things I find most annoying. I am sure my parents who are about to make it to 50 years of marriage, having gone through some amazingly hard times, would be insulted if their relationship had been easier.
Ok, I can agree that all relationships are equally difficult. Hell, I gravitated to D/s first because I thought it would be easier, given my personality. I found out, that for ME it was harder, took more work, etc... Perhaps if I had worked harder in my vanila relationships, I would still be in one of them!
I will not concede that communication is equally important in both types of relationships, however. I simply believe that the dynamics and trust that is required to maintain a strong D/s relationship make communication more important than in a vanilla relationship. Of course, I again made the mistake of making a generalization by saying we ALL agree that communication is more important... That is obviously not the case. I would have done better to say that I felt this way, and made my case from there.
As far as being "better" I have never maintained that. It is "better" for me, but my best friend would never do well in D/s, on either side. It would clearly not be better for him. Please don't paint me with too broad a brush here! 
As far as IrishMist is concerned, she either misinterpreted or misread me in two important places, first assuming that I did not feel communication was important, and second that I felt in order to communicate you needed to check you emotions at the door. I did not state that at all, but did state that emotional reactions, later clarified to be reactions dictated primarily by emotions, needed to be check at the door.
In any event, thank you for the civil response. In the future I will speak for myself, which is a position I can defend much more effectively. 
ROFL it's funny this is a thread on communication. She didn't misread you, you doesn't agree with you.
I don't either, I want to have sex and a relationship with a person, not a role. Yes, I want him to listen, but if he's upset, is it ok for him to respond that way, even if it is purely emotion? yes. I want to know he's upset. I want to know how he feels. Most often I find men don't let their emotions show in a relationship, ever telling them it's inappropriate would be something I would ponder as seriously silly.
_____________________________
I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.
When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.
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RE: Communication - 
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