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Two minds - 10/25/2007 1:29:26 PM

colouredin

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Im a relative newbie, in most of the Doms i have met there has been some mitigating factor, distance, attraction, time etc etc. In the last month or so i have been talking to a guy who lives close, has a similar attitude to D/s to me and who is soooooooooooo hot. Problem is, he suddenly stopped talking to me for a week. I couldnt get through to him. I wrote it off as one of those things. Then yesterday he started talking to me again, his explaination was that he had developed warts (his ex girlfriend gave it him and it had just come again). I didnt/dont know what to think. I mean during his period fo absense i got one text saying he was too busy for anything.

I really dont know what to do now. I dont feel the same about him as I did and obviously warts never goes away so thats an issue. Also his running away seems terrible. However i have never clicked with anyone like him before just from chatting, i dunno whether to give him the benifit of the doubt. Basically i think that ive become rather cynical and jaded and im not sure to what extent i can trust my compas of whether hes worth my carrying it on.

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 1:35:58 PM

slaverosebeauty

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Talk to him, be honest with your fears and where you stand. Things are still online as far as I can tell from your post, so nothing has taken place in r/t yet, so don't get cynical, yet. Just take it slow, talk to him and get your questions answered, don't be judgemetnal or harsh, just honest.

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 1:38:21 PM

batshalom

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In investigative work, when a person talks about one specific event but gives multiple / different stories with regard to the event, it is a reason to be suspicious. If you decide to trust, verify. If you don't verify, file this little nugget away for later comparison.

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 1:39:37 PM

toservez

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The always good advice of trust your instincts of course applies. I must admit someone just stopping based on that seems odd and not being honest would also be an issue for me that would cause some significant contemplation.

Personally though if you are ok in knowing the issue of warts going forward then why not still keep communicating with him. It does not mean you have to leave off where you were last with him but just go slower or be more aware going forward. Generally a person with faults to give up on them will display them more then once.

If you feel you can move forward with him barring no repeats and what problems that are yet or might be discovered then go forward. If not then do not. There is no right or wrong to decisions of this nature.

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 1:40:11 PM

curiosone

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Well first off, if he sent you a text saying he was too busy then maybe he really was too busy. He didn't drop off the map like you claim if he sent you a message giving you a heads up.

Secondly, have you met this guy in person? if you haven't I wouldn't start getting too worked up about him yet, it's too soon. Meet him first and then decide whether you want to go on with the drama you are creating for yourself. Because honestly I think you are making a huge deal out of a small problem.

Thirdly (last one promise) warts arent that big of a deal. they arent life threatening in any way unless you are a woman and get HPV, that kinda sucks, but it is completely treatable so it is still not that big of a deal. If you really like him you would work around it. As I said before, meet him first. Attraction online doesnt always translate to in person.

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 1:51:34 PM

colouredin

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quote:

If you feel you can move forward with him barring no repeats and what problems that are yet or might be discovered then go forward. If not then do not

Yeah i guess you are right with this. I suppose that if this is in his nature he will repeat it. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said :

quote:

but just go slower or be more aware going forward

i think sometimes writing things down, and asking other people can help you step back from the crap you have put on yourself in your head really.

quote:

ORIGINAL: curiosone

Well first off, if he sent you a text saying he was too busy then maybe he really was too busy. He didn't drop off the map like you claim if he sent you a message giving you a heads up.

Secondly, have you met this guy in person? if you haven't I wouldn't start getting too worked up about him yet, it's too soon. Meet him first and then decide whether you want to go on with the drama you are creating for yourself. Because honestly I think you are making a huge deal out of a small problem.

Thirdly (last one promise) warts arent that big of a deal. they arent life threatening in any way unless you are a woman and get HPV, that kinda sucks, but it is completely treatable so it is still not that big of a deal. If you really like him you would work around it. As I said before, meet him first. Attraction online doesnt always translate to in person.

The text, came the second day in and being too busy, i saw that he had been looking on my profile, i always worry about too busy, how can you be too busy to send a quick text??

I cant help getting worked up, its in my natures im afriad and i wish that i could tell my brain to stop it but you know that doesnt really happen for me. Plus i dont think a post on a forum to ask advice is making a huge deal.

Warts not being a big thing, i would agree with you except my aunt contracted cervical cancer due to warts and was unable to have children. The warts themseves though is not the problem for me, the problem is more that rather than telling me he just ran away.

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 1:59:26 PM

curiosone

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Yeah I know all about the whole cervical cancer thing, but I have to ask when did your aunt discover she had cervical cancer? because in the last few years doctors have become much more aware of the problem. did she get checkups regularly? because caught in the early stages it is completely treatable without surgery or medication even.

if you just let it go and let it go THEN you have a problem. caught within the first year you're fine.

quote:

I cant help getting worked up, its in my natures im afriad and i wish that i could tell my brain to stop it but you know that doesnt really happen for me. Plus i dont think a post on a forum to ask advice is making a huge deal.

No posting a question on the forum is not a big deal, it just sounded like you were making a big deal about it in your head, sorry if I was wrong. But you still haven't answered the most important question- have you met him in person yet?

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 2:16:45 PM

southernhart

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From experience with the men on this board. i say he was about to be caught contacting you by a girlfriend or wife. and had to stay away from the computer for a while.

If he was actually sick with something wouldn't that give him more time to contact you?

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 3:45:15 PM

YourhandMyAss

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I hope you realize that's not a very attractive quality in a partner, and will likely run a lot of people off, and secondly to busy to send a text but can check online again and again to see what I am doing, or be online at all, for non work related things would send a huge red flag. btw textings not easy for me I have a hard time making numbers spell out words, it takes me forever, even more so if it's involved like hey I love you sorry I am busy, so yeah I may be to busy to send a "quick" text.

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

The text, came the second day in and being too busy, i saw that he had been looking on my profile, i always worry about too busy, how can you be too busy to send a quick text??

I cant help getting worked up, its in my natures im afriad and i wish that i could tell my brain to stop it but you know that doesnt really happen for me.

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 4:04:51 PM

SageFemmexx

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My thought on this is that he was thinking and reevaluating his life and habits. I mean it has to be some kind of a shock to discover someone has given you anything that can be lifelong and a problem for your sex life.

Anytime I am stressed I back off for abit. I think he did too. Just take a deep breath and let him come back around. When you get to know him better you will probably notice it's his normal response and how he handles stress--he withdraws for abit and thinks. That's not a bad thing.

Blessings,

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RE: Two minds - 10/25/2007 11:06:00 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well first work on getting worked up and building unrealistic expectations based on a cyber discussing relationship.

Next, if a guy is into you, he's into you. This absence doesn't necessarily mean you need to cut and run- but obviously it's a serious character flaw that needs serious work and improvement for there to be any hope of a secure long term relationship.

Since neither of you are ready to get into a secure long term relationship, keep talking, start DATING, keep it casual and see where it takes you.

Or get all worked up and upset, have a few hissy fits and ignoring periods and work it out of your system until the next guy comes along to save you.

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RE: Two minds - 10/26/2007 10:45:02 AM

colouredin

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Thanks so much for all the replies and not just telling me im a looser :D I think most of you are right i deff need to chill out a bit lol

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RE: Two minds - 10/26/2007 2:57:16 PM

Argentopal

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Just to add a tiny comment. my daughter is in her mid 30's and has had a total hysterectomy 3 years ago due to cancer from Genital warts. Yes it was HPV, she had NO external warts or any other symptoms and was amazingly lucky that it was caught really early due to changing docs. Even though it was caught early, and they did other things first, it did reappear and she had the surgery. She was told even with early treatment there would always be a chance for it to come back. She did have 2 healthy pregnancies and once she had the surgery there have been no other complications. But to have had 2 outbreaks of cancer due to genital warts, my gut reaction is to be so careful. Comdoms do not provide 100% protection for HPV. We are helping our daughter pay for our grand daughter to have the immunization. At least, if you have a relationship with this gentleman down the road someday, you already know this and can protect yourself accordingly. It may impact your relationship in a way that means no relationship. But if it's true it is way better, imho, to know about it now, however he told you, than to not know.

The other worries about his actions, you ahve gotten varried and good advice here, the best you can do is be calm and think and trust your instincts. Chatting with him and seeing how he acts and how you feel only takes some time and it seems like we can always learn something from everyone we meet.
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