Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than M/f?

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Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than M/f? - 10/26/2007 5:51:40 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
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Random pondering that i wanted to get some more input on.

(and yes, the below are all gross generalizations, be forewarned!)

In general, i get the impression that Female Dominants are less likely to use bondage in a scene than Male Dominants are.

My initial train of thought would say that this is counter-intuitive, since (in general) men have more physical strength than women do, and so bondage would be more useful to F/m couples in establishing or reinforcing a dynamic of physical control.

However, this imbalance in the physical arena could make Women naturally inclined to prefer mental control (training) over physical control (restraint).

It also crossed my mind that Male Dominants may be drawn to bondage just because men like gadgets.

And of course, it could be that i'm seeing a "tendency" that doesn't exist, just because i both enjoy bondage AND believe the world is out to get me

What do you think? Are Female Dominants more bondage-averse than their male counterparts? If so, is there an underlying factor?

Post #: 1

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 6:21:50 PM

LadyHibiscus

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When you say "bondage" do you mean shibari type fancy rope work? Or just plain immobilization?

When it comes to rope work, I admire it, but my patience is limited. By the time I have someone glamourously tied up, I am ready for a coffee. Also, lots of rope gets in the way of the parts I want to rip into. So, rope for me is limited.

When it comes to immobilizing someone, count me in! Saran wrap, duct tape, luggage straps, tie downs, you name it. That latex tape is fun, too, but too much trouble to re-use. I have plain old cuffs, too, and one of those hogtie clips, and and and.

My informal survey (based on what my femdom pals like) is about the same. Get 'em so they can't get away! Because it's fun to watch them struggle. :)

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RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 6:24:21 PM

MzMinx

Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
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I love bondage .... physcal and mental ..... restraint and restriction is delicious to explore no matter the actual way it is done ...

I love partial bondage such as a bound cock and balls as much as intricate shibari .. or full heavy chains .... or simple yet effective cuffs ... I also love pure mental restraints and restrictions .... of all sorts .. and I love mixing them together

It all depends on my mood and desires at the time ... and the impact each has on what I desire from my submissive/slave

So I dont think I am more or less adverse to physical bondage than any one else .. I am not sure where you get the hypothesis from that, there is a gender bias in it in any way, most of the female dominants I know enjoy it at some level and I would say my experience is pretty matched between male and female as to their enjoyment of it

I do know that, I am less likely to chat about what I like with random contacts as I prefer keeping conversations about the conection and what I desire in a relationship rather than the acts I might do with someone .. so perhaps that is what effects the perception... how we discuss it and approach comunication of it rather than whether we do it or not

It is true that for me, much of my desires flow from the impact and effect they have on a person, rather than specificaly from the act or materials used .... although I enjoy and delight in them and the differences each has in its use, I dont crave the individual act or material, of say shibari over chains... what I crave is the effect and response it engenders in both the submissive/slave and myself ... so perhaps this is where the (slight ) differences in gender come about ... that more men like gadgets and toys and thus seek the perfection of the toy .. and more woman seek the emotional and mental aspects of the effects first and the thing used to acheive it is slightly less important (although I know lots of rope afficinados that are woman ) so at most it could only be a slight leaning or expression of preferernces rather than all woman or all men find either A or B to be true

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 3

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 6:35:56 PM

MistressDiane

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fast reply....
love bondage and can't think of a soul that loves gadgets more.

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RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 6:58:12 PM

Lucylastic

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love bondage, restraint, rope, cuffs, saran, tape, yes the same as LH, its the helplessness and vulnerability, the squirming to get even half an inch away from the mode of torture:) wether its with a toy or the suggestion in my voice. I actually have less patience with training, if you dont get it the first or second time, wellllllll
I know certain training is needed but give me bondage anyday, thats just my feelings, YMMV:)
Lucy

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Post #: 5

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 7:08:42 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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i love bondage; whether it be with ropes, cuffs, or command

i am a strong individual, though i usually go for a Dominant who can concievably overpower me physically; i am highly turned on (not necessarily physically or sexually) by the illusion of helplessness that some cunningly tied ropes give or securely latched cuffs etc...

*note, i say illusion because in a loving Ds relationship; i believe that the submissive is never truly helpless; that if an issue arises, the Dominant will release the sub from restraint

also, if well considered, there is an attraction for the bondage of command; giving a sub a task of holding coins on the wall with their fingertips or nose while the Dominant has her pleasure or even simply sits and enjoys a good read,,, also handy is to play (striking or tickling or some kind of sensual play) with your submissive whilst giving him instructions to not react or act to defend himself, even better if the submissive is blind-folded as the instinct is even stronger to defend yourself when you cannot see your "attacker"

another, quite frustrating example, for me at least; for those Dominants who are of a mind to use their submissives sexually... to have the submissive lay with hands at his side or clasped behind his head (but the only bondage is that of command), and for the Dominant seek her release while the submissive merely lays and fights to keep his hands to himself... this is something i wouldn't recommend for use regularly, as it is quite one-sided and many a selfish subbie's fantasy; and can also become very dull for both parties

in most of my play sessions in the past, bondage of some sort was usually a part of it... i find bondage an almost must-have part of scenes i am involved in; and those Dominants i have had occasion to play with have ever used it... bondage breeds helplessness, humiliation and humility; which are all things that i believe are one of the major keys for men seeking this lifestyle; many men are very much in self-control of their lives and there is nothing quite so obvious a symbol of loss of control as bondage is

-just this sub's perspective *wink*

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(in reply to MistressDiane)

Post #: 6

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 7:19:48 PM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Chains! I forgot how much I love that clanking sound!

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Post #: 7

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 8:36:03 PM

ocilla

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I am obsessed at the moment with ropes. The artistry and tehnique and groping is a total turn-on.

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Post #: 8

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 8:52:55 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
When you say "bondage" do you mean shibari type fancy rope work? Or just plain immobilization?

The whole gamut... from what i see as a lack of interest by FemDoms in heavy/complex bondage (shibari, full mummification, etc) to a higher frequency of "verbal" or "mental" bondage.

Well, everybody thinks i'm wrong, but at least it's interesting to read!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 8:57:13 PM

PrettyOHDomme

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Joined: 8/26/2007
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I'll admit it, petdave, I prefer mental bondage. I also love to play with big, hulking, alpha-type males, so the fact that they lie/sit/stand there and take it, without being restrained is a huge turn-on.

I'm little. You're big. You do what I say. It's fun!

And, I'm sorry, but everyone is out to get you.

Especially me.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 10

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 9:11:44 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PrettyOHDomme
I'm little. You're big. You do what I say. It's fun!

Aww, when you put it that way...

(in reply to PrettyOHDomme)

Post #: 11

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 9:15:14 PM

MsIncontrol

Posts: 261
Joined: 10/3/2007
Status: offline

I love bondage. In fact, I love bondage so much my husband/submissive sleeps in it at least 5 nights a week. I am very proficient in shibari, love very intricate work especially. As an artist and perfectionist I find this type of craft is very satisfying to me both from a BDSM aspect and aesthetics too. I get very competitive in this as I always need to make sure every rope is exactly in the right place, perfectly delectable position etc.

While I do prefer rope bondage to other restraints, I do have quite a selection of leather/rubber restraints and use them regularly as well. I also love love love duct tape (I play with one I coined ducttapeboy) and have had many a famous scene with duct tape. I teach two classes regularly on inescapable bondage/consequence bondage and mummification. I really enjoy plaster and duct tape for mummification.

Funny that you made this observation of men using more bondage because at the last few parties I've been at I noticed that very few of the M/f couples used any bondage at all.

This is not to say I do not relish in the delights of mental bondage as well.

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RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 9:30:22 PM

iammachine

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Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

men like gadgets.

I like gadgets! *checks* Nope, still don't have an outtie! I'm a woman!

Anyway, that said, bondage is my absolute favoritest kink. Particularly rope bondage, mmm yummy.... *happy place*

I think you might be right that you see a "tendency" that doesn't exist.

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RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 10:35:59 PM

onthenosetone

Posts: 118
Joined: 7/22/2006
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If Ma'am tells me to kneel there then thats where i kneel till she tells me different...

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Post #: 14

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 10:40:25 PM

FullfigRIMaam

Posts: 718
Joined: 6/21/2007
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I don't know how it is for everyone else, but it is not one of my "must haves" within a kink relationship... Honestly because I don't know it well enough, so I tend to stay with easy to use leather gear, and the other reason is that it takes too long and doesn't get me wet enough, and even if it did get me wet, I've probably tied him in a way that he cannot assume the position I need him to.
<<<--- Feeling silly, M

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(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 15

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 11:17:28 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

men like gadgets.

I like gadgets! *checks* Nope, still don't have an outtie! I'm a woman!

Anyway, that said, bondage is my absolute favoritest kink. Particularly rope bondage, mmm yummy.... *happy place*

I think you might be right that you see a "tendency" that doesn't exist.

*game show loser honk* Sorry, been here a while now, andi'd have to personally collect AND test the DNA sample to believe you. NEXT!

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 16

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/26/2007 11:20:03 PM

MissMagnolia

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Am I the only person on the face of the planet who thinks shibari is very similar to making macrame pot holders?

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RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/27/2007 12:20:11 AM

iammachine

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Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Am I the only person on the face of the planet who thinks shibari is very similar to making macrame pot holders?

Ask and you shall receive! "Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macrame" by Bridgett Harington

A friend of mine kept on making fun calling me a "kinky Martha Stewart" when a mentor of mine was in town. He (mentor-like person) just kept repeating "It's macrame!!!!"

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RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/27/2007 12:28:04 AM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

*game show loser honk* Sorry, been here a while now, andi'd have to personally collect AND test the DNA sample to believe you. NEXT!

Alright, I admit it....

I'm not a woman....

i am machine.

*drum crash* Thank you! I'll be here all night!

Okay mebbe not... even machine girls need time to recharge!

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

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Post #: 19

RE: Is bondage less common in Femdom/malesub play than ... - 10/27/2007 1:02:35 AM

Samwhiplash

Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

bondage bondage bondage bondage bondage YAY

my favourite

I practice many kinds.... shibari, scarves, stocks, cuffs, cling wrap and other methods of "physical" restraints.

I love it.

Hmmm... think I might restrain my sub for fun 2nite :)

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 20

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