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BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 9:02:03 AM

pageturned

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

I have at times an unexpected feeling (other than submission ...). I feel like many people in the BDSM community make the same mistakes they might be victims of.

The perception of BDSM people from the outside is often a picture of weird, disturbed, vicious people, sick sex. It's not commonly associated with sensitiveness, depth, feelings, love. Generalizations, stereotypes. Ignorance. It's very judgemental, and in a detrimental way.
So I thought that BDSM people would be more tolerant, open, non-judgemental, not inclined to generalizations, just because they may have been, and may be, the victims of such prejudices.

Then I see that often the discussion is about categories, generalizations, stereotypes: prejudices are in ambush, well, they live there. Rapid, sometimes shallow, judgements about categories occur. Some examples. A snobby attitude towards vanilla people. Lifestylers dominant running down prodommes (and their clients). Prodommes running down prostitutes. Fetishists seen as non-submissives. And then labels. Tops, bottoms, submissives, slaves, lifestylers, dommes ...

When I read these things, what I think there's something missing. The person. Every person is different, peculiar, and doesn't deserve to be judged on labels. I understand that categorizing is a very common and natural way of dealing with concepts and issues. It simplifies. It helps our mind. But maybe we should try and go beyond all this.

Have you ever noticed something like that? Or I'm too sensitive and I should just relax, grab a beer and watch a porn?

Page

Post #: 1

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 9:05:55 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

People are people, and not made special by their lifestyle.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to pageturned)

Post #: 2

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 9:06:19 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

First lesson learned then. Never expect someone to be a good up right open minded kind, ext ect person just because they're kinky, and do bdsm. There's assholes here, and judgmental behaviors and people into bdsm, are just that people. We don't have some special code of honor or behavior due to being "kinksters"

quote:

ORIGINAL: pageturned

So I thought that BDSM people would be more tolerant, open, non-judgemental, not inclined to generalizations, just because they may have been, and may be, the victims of such prejudices.

Page

(in reply to pageturned)

Post #: 3

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 9:08:00 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Yeah, if you've not figured out that people in the lifestyle are no different than any other people, you should probably grab a beer and watch porn. Labels, as a way of general classification, is a good thing. Making judgements, also a good thing.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to pageturned)

Post #: 4

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 9:08:25 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pageturned

So I thought that BDSM people would be more tolerant, open, non-judgemental, not inclined to generalizations, just because they may have been, and may be, the victims of such prejudices.

Page

BDSM people, are, first and foremost, human beings. So... they may (and often are not) more open about sex, and kink, but that's where the road dead-ends.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to pageturned)

Post #: 5

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 9:08:53 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

I admit to being surprised at the "snarky" judgemental people here. Then I remembered that they are people just like anyone else, so you have to take the good with the bad...Hell I was just as likely to be one of the buttheads that snarked. I hope i'm learning to be better then that.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to pageturned)

Post #: 6

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 9:09:57 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

First lesson learned then. Never expect someone to be a good up right open minded kind, ext ect person just because they're kinky, and do bdsm. There's assholes here, and judgmental behaviors and people into bdsm, are just that people. We don't have some special code of honor or behavior due to being "kinksters"
quote:

ORIGINAL: pageturned

So I thought that BDSM people would be more tolerant, open, non-judgemental, not inclined to generalizations, just because they may have been, and may be, the victims of such prejudices.

Page

It almost looks as if you're holding a gigantic cauliflower in your avatar pic....

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 7

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 9:24:49 AM

pageturned

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

quote:

...you should probably grab a beer and watch porn. Labels, as a way of general classification, is a good thing. Making judgements, also a good thing.

Labels are a good thing as a way of general classification of things.
Not of people.

Making judgements is a good thing, about individuals. Not if you judge on categories. Not if you judge based on your prejudices. Not if you judge not really knowing, not really having made the effort to know the other. Not if you judge thinking you are better than the other.

That was my point. Porn will wait.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 8

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 10:02:36 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Laughing in real life, oh my it does:)) But for the reccord no, it's a stuffed doggie, one of those pillow pals.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

It almost looks as if you're holding a gigantic cauliflower in your avatar pic....

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 9

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 10:02:44 AM

ShaktiWithLingam

Posts: 39
Joined: 7/16/2004
Status: offline

Page,

I agree with you. I have seen this happen every day. Presumptions and prejudices have just been one of the many reason I have stopped seeking out slaves or submissives. Everyone is very very very different in this "lifestyle". There is enough BDSM and D/s to go around, but not enough to create mutual understand and respect.

The lack of understanding that many of us want to be good at what we do, authentic at what we do, that not all Dom/mes and subs are in the same financial or social background. This pushes us in different styles, communities, wants and need of expression in O/our "lifestyle". The ego and trying to perfect the craft gets in the way of any kind of unity. Absolute (or the illution of) power often corrupts.

I have meet 100 plus Doms and subs/slaves that had different interpretations of what it means to be a slave or dominant. With so much diversity and judgment I find I would much rather meet others on a more"vanilla" level and see if we have anything in common with out the excessive judgment.

_____________________________

Severin Shakti

"In the absence of information, information creates itself. What is true about quantum mechanics is doubly true in the affairs of the human heart." - Robert Reed

(in reply to pageturned)

Post #: 10

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 10:11:36 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

People are people, and not made special by their lifestyle.

John

Exactly

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 11

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 10:16:41 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Hell I was just as likely to be one of the buttheads that snarked.

LMAO OMG, I am sorry... but that just tickled me pink

for myself.... I am a bitch, I am cruel, to the point, and downright rude 99% of the time... not because of what I am , but because it is just who I am.... a rude, bitchy, cruel person who sometimes has a breakdown and niceness seeps through
/shudders in distaste

seriously though... people are people... it does not matter what label you choose to pin on yourself or what clubs you decide to belong to. People are still people; and they act in ways that are familiar and comfortable to them.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 12

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 10:20:40 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

who sometimes has a breakdown and niceness seeps through
/shudders in distaste

LOL....I have witnessed such atrocity ! LOL

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 13

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 10:30:35 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Welcome to the internet, anonymity breeds contempt. In all the snarking, backbiting and arguing, you will find moments where someone pulls at all our heartstrings and we (mostly) come together to support that person.
What type of personality did you honestly think would be in a "power exchange"? Keep in mind, not every witty or snappy comment is meant to be offensive, many just expect others to have somewhat thicker skins.
I would point out, however, that message boards actually tend to contain people that are not necessarily representative of the "lifestyle" in general.
l

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 14

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 10:36:45 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

who sometimes has a breakdown and niceness seeps through
/shudders in distaste

LOL....I have witnessed such atrocity ! LOL

/shudders again

it's a horrible sight to behold, is it not?

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 15

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 10:45:20 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

FR...

i will be the first to admit that i am proudly judgemental and intolerant...of people...not based on anything but their actions...and in this forum words are actions...

i am also loving and compassionate and when i can remember to turn my left wrist upside down instead of keeping it against the wrist pad, patient and accepting of people that do not outright risk the lives of others...

my life is not defined by what i do in this lifestyle...personally, i would define it by what is tattooed on the inside of my left wrist...a personal reminder to myself...because i have lived way too long on my own will...and its not a good place for me... it says "God's will, Not yours"....

i would love to have the peace of mind to be able to be 100% nonjudgemental and tolerant...but i'm of the school of thought that says: God please forgive them, because i cannot...

chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 16

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 10:51:47 AM

pageturned

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

I wasn't impliying that lifestylers should be better than vanillas. I guess that there's the same chance to meet a lazy one, or a stupid one, or an arrogant one in both fields.
But as for prejudices, I thought that lifestylers should know better how to avoid them, as they would have probably experienced some on their skin. Some analogies comes to mind, but it'd go too far.

Then, there's the other factor which makes sense.

quote:

message boards actually tend to contain people that are not necessarily representative of the "lifestyle" in general.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 17

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 11:09:12 AM

Goddess20

Posts: 73
Joined: 7/12/2007
From: Birmingham, England
Status: offline

Its the same in every group of people, everyone judges, its just what people do.

I would have thought that people in a minority like the BDSM scene would be more open minded but then thats a judgement all in its self!

I think that maybe its more obvious and in your face when its written so its noticed more, but if someone said it in face to face convosation it would fly over your head.

you are right but go and have a beer and watch porn anyway, why not? Sounds like fun.

I might join you for the beer, but I'll skip the porn, not really into watching would much prefer to partake in the festivities

(in reply to pageturned)

Post #: 18

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 11:29:07 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

i am really shocked here people are talking about judging and labels the horror of it all the shame the terror and dismay that
WE ARE HUMAN DAMMN give me more shock treatment please

(in reply to Goddess20)

Post #: 19

RE: BDSM, prejudices, and beer - 10/27/2007 11:46:34 AM

DocRudy

Posts: 153
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

I agree with the whole "sitting down for some brews and porn" thing.

Even though 'nilla porn doesn't do much for me anymore.

-DR

(in reply to pageturned)

Post #: 20

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