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RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/27/2007 6:44:17 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

No interests tell me someone seems to be hiding something. And considering how hard it is to get ANY of the women on here to reply-at all. Do you think a serious Dom is going to even try? Especially if you don't even go into much detail of what you have as vanilla life goals?

I see an empty or sketchy profile as basically meaning.."waste your time trying to get through my wall." Serously? I have made interesting friends here-just by encouraging people to write me-if they had an interest in what I posted in the forums. They wrote to ME, and showed I was interesting. Someone they thought was worthy of some of thier time. SHOULD I waste my time trying to get the attention of women I know are burned out by a deluge of horny net geeks? With nothing there to inspire an attempt?

Makes no sense-subs expect to be pursued-as cyphers.

Sorry-not going to work.

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Post #: 21

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/27/2007 6:55:01 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP..My profile is sketchy at best as well..and I do not journal..and that is my choice in my profile..I let my posting history here speak to what I am about, who I am as a person or even my interests ,if the Dominant is resourceful and interested enough to peruse such then that says something to me..otherwise..meh!..no biggie!....Tempting

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(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 22

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/27/2007 7:43:13 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I like to see a brief lists of love and hates. This way, if someone hates needles, blood, knives and vampires, or loves strap on play and scat, I can not waste the time of either of us. This, however, doesn't mean that I need a list of 100 things with a scaling/ranking system. I go crosseyed...and, in fact, I simply go look for what I know I like and what I know I don't anyway.

Master Fire

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(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 23

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/27/2007 8:03:48 PM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

After having a relationship where the kinks did not match up and trying to make it work for two years with both of us being unhappy and unfufilled the interest lists were the first thing I looked at when looking at guys on here and to be honest if they didn't have them listed I didn't message them. I wanted to know both vanilla and the more kinky side so that I had an idea if we would be compatable first before wasting my time if we were not.

Willow

(in reply to PryderiLoup)

Post #: 24

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/27/2007 8:06:44 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I'm always dubious of the value of a BDSM checklist anyway. When they get to "barosmia," I'm like, what the fuck, why don't we just talk about it? Of course, if someone is passionate about certain things I don't like, then we're probably not going to get very far...but really...barosmia?

(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 25

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/27/2007 8:59:42 PM

PryderiLoup

Posts: 90
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Willowmoon

After having a relationship where the kinks did not match up and trying to make it work for two years with both of us being unhappy and unfufilled the interest lists were the first thing I looked at when looking at guys on here and to be honest if they didn't have them listed I didn't message them. I wanted to know both vanilla and the more kinky side so that I had an idea if we would be compatable first before wasting my time if we were not.

Willow

I agree there has to be common interest. We have to click though, without that, it doesn't matter if everything else is perfect. I love needles, but if she doesn't, I can deal with that. That is all I mean...

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 26

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/27/2007 9:13:27 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea
How many of You feel that it's imperative that a sub put up her bdsm checklist for all Doms to see?

For me, it was the best decision when I was looking. It gave a starting point and a point of referance and an 'idea' as to what I like, don't like, etc. Its a way for those who actually READ your page to know something about you. On here, they DO have things that are NOT bdsm related.

I am a firm believer in giving someone enough information to make an educated decision. Their is still a LOT left to be found out. I use to have an unspoken rule that worked for me; if a man did NOT have at least a dozen things on his 'checklist' on his page, his email was basically ignored. I needed to have an idea as to who I was talking with, if he that info in him profile, great, but a checklist was easier to look at at a glance.

quote:

How many feel that because some subs choose to list mostly their vanilla interests that that makes them somehow less "lifestyle-worthy?"

Vanilla interests show that you are balanced; some people appear to have just tihs one side to them, and negate their vanilla interests. I think if the profiel has alternative interests and the checklist has vanilla interests, then it shows BOTH sides and gives the person who is looking a decent idea.

quote:

Do You discount someone that doesn't use the checklist?

In a way I did. They didn't take a few moments to go through and mark a few things, even if it was only the things that they loved or disliked. It was something that showed thought and this wasn't a game to them. They wanted to put some information out there for another person to make a decision based on practical information, not just what is written or what they see as a picture.

It doesn't mean that if their checklist and mine didn't meld or that we didn't have things that were similarly placed that I would brush them off; MJ had things on His profile that made my blood boil, they are still there. I understand His POV on tem NOW, at the time, I had little respect for a few of them, it didn't stop us from talking or getting to know eachother. It was a place to start a conversation besides what was written on the main profile.

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(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 27

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/28/2007 2:17:05 AM

Beastwithinme

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

Greetings shellz,

I understand your desire for privacy and not wanting to reveal all of your wants, needs and desires in your profile. However, I would advise you to list them only to save you the precious time it takes to have to explain them all to every single Dom you may meet. You may find it saves a lot of time and energy weeding through those whom do not share the same interests as you. I know its hard to reveal things in public but whats easier for you....having your fetishes and personal thoughts in public OR wasting your time having to explain to every Dom you speak to? I guess thats your choice.

Good luck finding what you long for,

Beast

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 28

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/28/2007 4:03:32 AM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Hello shellz.

Read it, liked it, it's fine.

There's always going to be someone bitching at you for one reason or another. Tell them to bite their bum, then delete and block them.

It's OK to take your time and not tell everyone everything straight off. Good luck!!

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(in reply to Beastwithinme)

Post #: 29

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/28/2007 1:12:44 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

When I was looking, I found it useful to put up a sentence describing my interests in general terms. Something on the order of "straight, monogamous, submissive female interested in bondage and sex, no pain. Sadists need not apply".

With something that general I didn't get a lot of detailed sex/play questions but I also didn't get a lot of poly types looking for a bi female to be third in their relationship. Nor did I get a lot of heavy sadists looking for edgy, experienced types into needles and knives.

It helped eliminate the unsuitables who did read profiles, unfortunately it didn't do anything for the ones who don't read the profiles.

Basically, it's your profile. Be glad this twit emailed you to tell you he didn't like your profile, it showed you right away that you aren't compatible with anyone this pompous.

(in reply to PryderiLoup)

Post #: 30

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/28/2007 1:33:53 PM

Vanatru

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

what I'm really curious is, of those that don't put anything, or were extremely limited, in their interests would bother answering someone that emailed them that was very limited in their profiles as well.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 31

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/28/2007 1:41:19 PM

MasterDaveM

Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline

personally, i feel the more info given the better off you are at weeding out the "junk".
not everyone is a match. lay it out there. i dont think you can have tmi in any relationship. i do not subscribe to the "blissfully ignorant" idea of going into any relationship

but then again i tend to be less "romantic" and more "practical". i always liked a practical girl

(in reply to PryderiLoup)

Post #: 32

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/28/2007 1:41:24 PM

Vanatru

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

Actually, I'm starting to get the feel this is the same thing as the teen girlie game catch-me-if-you-can *snicker*

(in reply to Vanatru)

Post #: 33

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/28/2007 2:30:02 PM

silkenfire

Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

I feel that you should definitely make sure your hard limits are on the profile-- that way you won't get all the responses from people wanting something you're definitely not up to. If I had a very specific fetish I would check everyone's profile (that I was interested in) to see if they had it in any form. If not mentioned, maybe I'd mention it in a message and ask. If a hard limit, I know to stay away. I don't personally have anything that specific, but that's just an idea.

(in reply to Vanatru)

Post #: 34

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/28/2007 7:10:12 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Fast reply:

I never put anything other than vanilla interests in my checklist, and my profile (my original one "losttreasure") only speaks of my philosophy of D/s relationships... no kinks or BDSM interests mentioned whatsoever. It didn't keep me from finding my perfect dom, and I never received any negative comments. In fact, I received a lot of compliments.

I think what is most important is that you speak from the heart. Know what you want and ask for it.

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 10/28/2007 7:11:14 PM >

(in reply to silkenfire)

Post #: 35

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 10/29/2007 7:00:51 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I agree with TreasureKY, I never felt the least bit compelled
to list my BDSM interests on my profile.

I don't want to be contacted because of that checklist.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 10/29/2007 7:01:35 PM >

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(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 36

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 11/1/2007 5:46:31 PM

ehlovindom

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

Most of the responses i've received have been positive. However, i do occasionally (not as rarely as i'd like) get the Dom/Master who tells me how silly it is that i'm on this site versus something like Match.com. i know what my feelings are and i know how long i've had them. This is not my first trip into D/s and even though i fought the urge for years, i finally feel ready to accept and even embrace it.

i personally feel that unless a Dom is interested in my vanilla side, as well as my bdsm side, we wouldn't be a good match. i'm looking for both.

Why are you worried about those not so rare negative responses? If you know what you are looking for and wish to say so publicly on your profile, then what is the problem? Be yourself because the Dom you seek will want that. At least he should, imho.

< Message edited by ehlovindom -- 11/1/2007 5:47:19 PM >

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(in reply to shellzbythesea)

Post #: 37

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 11/1/2007 6:52:14 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Vanatru

what I'm really curious is, of those that don't put anything, or were extremely limited, in their interests would bother answering someone that emailed them that was very limited in their profiles as well.

Well, that basically was us. Both of us had barely filled out profiles, the one common thing was bondage. He sent me a one liner, I checked his profile, was confused about something, and sent him a two liner back.

We've been together over four years now. So don't know how often it works, but it did for us. Oh yeah, and I didn't take points off for spelling and grammar. I wanted a man who was more into doing things than writing about them. And I got him!

(in reply to Vanatru)

Post #: 38

RE: Proof in advertising...or TMI? - 11/1/2007 7:15:28 PM

DMFParadox

Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline

Frankly, writing a good profile takes work and experience, not just courage. I don't discount a girl simply because she has a minimalist profile... but I may open by suggesting how she can write a better one. On the flip side, the women that *do* have good profiles already tend to be far more interesting in person, if only because I have ammunition to draw them out of their shell. I can hold down 95% of a conversation all night long, but I enjoy a girl with informed opinions on the world... and those girls will usually say something about their passion on their profile.

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(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 39

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