Living a lie

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Living a lie - 10/27/2007 1:09:38 PM

Brisub

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Joined: 10/27/2007
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Hi i'm a 32 year old sub who has fought the desire to submit to women all of my adult life, i've finally decided that i need to explore this aspect of my personality even though it still troubles me. I live a normal (vanilla) lifestyle and am very self controlling, I dont think i could ever let my friends and family know i feel this was, and would like to hear from anyone else who felt like this.

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 1:14:30 PM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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I lived that lie for a very long time and it nearly ruined me, so I can relate to what you are saying. It took a long time for me to figure out my true nature, and then another long time to grow comfortable with it enough to start sharing that part of me with non D/s friends and family.

There are a lot of people in my life who would just feel too uncomfortable processing that kind of information, so I don't go out of my way to put that on them just so I feel better that they know. Those who are close to me know my heart, and that's good enough for all of us.

Take your time, be truthful with yourself, and enjoy your journey of exploration :)

(in reply to Brisub)

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 1:18:03 PM

laurell3

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Probably almost everyone will tell you at one point or another they struggled with that part of themselves. I personally did, and left the lifestyle to attempt to "get rid" of it...haha...fat chance.

Welcome to the lifestyle and the forums Brisub.
good luck,
l

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 2:28:56 PM

dizzy1

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Joined: 10/8/2007
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Hi, i lived a lie for 18 yrs before i found the courage to realise we only have one stab at life! no it isnt easy i ended my 18 yr marriage, ive got 3 kids and now selling the family home to start afresh....on my own. I have a master, but nothing serious regarding living togeather. You have to do this for yourself, even if it means a struggle and being alone otherweise it will never work. No my family dont know and never will, this is my life and its my choice. The kids r looking forward to moving to a new house with me and the divorce is going ok.You have to be true to yourself whilst considering others, but live your life without regrets!....goood luck xx

(in reply to laurell3)

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 4:19:23 PM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brisub

Hi i'm a 32 year old sub who has fought the desire to submit to women all of my adult life, i've finally decided that i need to explore this aspect of my personality even though it still troubles me. I live a normal (vanilla) lifestyle and am very self controlling, I dont think i could ever let my friends and family know i feel this was, and would like to hear from anyone else who felt like this.
[/quote]

Hi and welcome and yours is a sweet and sincere post.
It's a process, 'coming out'. The term used I know mostly to describe turning into Queer Street..but nevertheless the journey into Bondage Boulevard is much the same. A few false starts. A few emergency stops. Many a U turn and at least one major crash.
But once you are in the right lane you'll know that it is the most ecstatic journey to be on. Stop at the lights and take a look to your right (or left? I'm English). I am guessing the difficulties of coming out as a submissive male seem difficult because the so-called normal social role for the male is to be in charge. But many of the male submissives I have as friends are very powerful in their work situations. It's a power share within themselves.

Getting nearer to the truth of who I really am is a mssion for me. It keeps me alive, it keeps me hopeful, happy enthisiastic and hell.....in love.

Coming out with friends also for me kind of sorts the friends from the aquaintances.

If I see you along the way I will wave and ask you in for a cup of tea. Ok?

(in reply to Brisub)

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 4:28:34 PM

StephannNoah

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Tell your boys /// their girlfriends are controlling them at home anyway.

(in reply to Brisub)

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 5:31:27 PM

dcnovice

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quote:

Getting nearer to the truth of who I really am is a mssion for me. It keeps me alive, it keeps me hopeful, happy enthisiastic and hell.....in love.

That is one of the most beautiful thoughts I've ever read on CM. Thanks!

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No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Prinsexx)

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 5:52:03 PM

HutchGarahl

Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Brisub
Hi i'm a 32 year old sub who has fought the desire to submit to women all of my adult life, i've finally decided that i need to explore this aspect of my personality even though it still troubles me. I live a normal (vanilla) lifestyle and am very self controlling, I dont think i could ever let my friends and family know i feel this was, and would like to hear from anyone else who felt like this.

Evening Brisub....
Hun...you're not alone. There are so many in this life who hid or are hiding. I myself was one of them. I hid for a very long time...keeping everything secret. Not only the fact of being gay...but my desires and lust for domination...something that had apparently had been born in me. I remember stories from my own mother of how even in my playpen, I would control everything. The times I was caught hitting and forcing other children to do as I wanted. So my domination has been a part of my entire life as well as my love for women.
It wasn't untill 12 years ago I actually started coming out...so to speak. The woman I am with now had a lot to do with it. She got me to realize who I was and helped me to understand myself enough to where I could actually live my life open and free. I urge you to follow your heart and seek what's inside crying to come out. Believe me...I highly doubt you'd be sorry. I know once I was able to open fully and accept myself...I sure wasn't. Good luck to ya hun and I hope you find not only yourself...but someone to help you become all you can be in yourself and a full relationship.

(in reply to Brisub)

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 6:11:17 PM

CuriousLord

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Bah. I work hard to refrain from ordering others.

I think a lot of people feel some tendacy or other towards being Dominant or submissive. People are just told it's wrong, because, of course, we're all equal. And being all equal means we're all the same in these various aspects.

(in reply to Brisub)

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 6:26:43 PM

dcnovice

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<fast reply>

Bri ---

Thanks for your post. I think I too have been fighting all my life against my desire to submit (to hot men, in my case). And I'm far from sharing about it with family or friends, aside from two who first mentioned their own interest in BDSM. It's funny: I was at a gay/lesbian 12-step meeting today, and the opening text talked about how it was a safe place for identifying "the full extent of who we are." I looked at all the nice people, imagined discussing my submissive nature, and quietly rolled my eyes.

I'm still working on accepting this part of myself. I recognize that it won't go away, but I still tend to pathologize it, assuming it stems from poor self-esteem, depression, or some other brokenness rather than simply seeing it as part of who I am.

Warmest wishes for your journey toward acceptance and joy!

Cheers,

DC

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to CuriousLord)

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RE: Living a lie - 10/27/2007 7:22:56 PM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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Most of us have gone through similar things...and when we look back on our lives, we tend to 'see' we were like this all along. It's hard to overcome old programming. Give yourself time, find your local community and start learning. Welcome.

Master Fire

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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Living a lie - 10/28/2007 12:54:03 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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I can tell you that my family, friends, employees and most anyone that meets me knows I am living some sort of alternative lifestyle. I feel no shame about it, I do not try to hide it and do not preach or try to sell it to anyone. I find people react with natural comfort if you present yourself with the same.

If I were you, I would get comfortable with your position before you “out” yourself to anyone.

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-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

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