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what is submitting? - 10/27/2007 4:24:51 PM

magoobear

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/27/2005
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Hi everyone,
Im very new to this.. Im wondering just what submitting means?
I dont yet know if I am truely a sub or even into D/S at all.. maybe I just like kinky sex..
Please any advice on what submitting means would be helpful
M

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/27/2007 4:30:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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For me submitting in a Ds relationship means forming a personal intimate relationship based upon following the authority of another who actively acts as the authority figure in a broad day to day basis.

Also remember that you aren't really a sub until someone tells you that you're a fake at least five times.

But mostly remember that as much as you might want there to be a guidebook of answers, there really isn't one.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/27/2007 5:46:23 PM

TNstepsout

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Oh boy, even though it only has three words, that is a BIG question.

To me, there are a couple of types of submission that you might experience. One of them is sort of temporary and you might experience it in a scene. This is when you allow another person to instruct and order you to do things as in; kneel at my feet, call me Mistress, put your hands behind your neck, go get me a soda etc... Doing things like this on a temporary basis with a play partner can give you a little taste of what submission is like, but it's not as extreme as a relationship based on submission. It ends when the scene ends.

Relationships based on D/s can take on many different flavors. For some there is only D/s when the two people are together, perhaps for a scene, a date etc... For some, the day to day relationship is largely vanilla (both parties maintain authority over themselves) but it becomes D/s in the bedroom. For some it extends to all aspects of ones life. As in a Dom may instruct his sub on what clothes to wear each day, what chores to do and the way he wants them done, how to wear her hair, what friends she sees, even what TV she watches or how much. For these types of relationships it is usually an ongoing process. Rarely in the relationship does it begin from day one with this much control.

This is how I've come to understand it. Others may (and probably will) disagree.

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/27/2007 5:58:55 PM

Michaelsangel

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Joined: 10/15/2007
From: Portland Oregon
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To me submitting is giving of myself totally and in every way to my Dom. W/we are in a 24/7 real time relationship and the only time i have control over anything is when it comes to the kids and my own bills...i am not submissive to my children, but i live to serve and pleasure Sir. He has given me blanket permission to attend to my own finances and i am allowed to speak freely when i ask Him if i may.

He insists that i wear "girly girl" clothes as much as possible, always act like a lady wheither we are in a scene, at home or out at a vanilla function where our lifestyle may not be appropriate or in fact frowned on.

respectfully,
Michaelsangel

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/28/2007 4:35:39 AM

eyesopened

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my dictionary defines submission as yielding to the authority of another. i find the simple definition to be the easiest to understand. Yield implies consent, a type of surrender, a recognition of Authority and a desire to be under that Authority.

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/28/2007 7:04:18 AM

Mercnbeth

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to some, it is a word that represents the only way they can connect with God.

to some, it is a word that describes actions one takes when under regulation by a civil authority.

to some, in the form of a D/s relationship structure, the one who submits, gives up control/authority/power over decision making to another, the dominant partner in the relationship. the dominant partner's will, guidance, direction, authority is, at least theoretically, respected and obeyed.

some who submit, either for a week-end or a life-time, and for a myriad of reasons, construct "limits" of a specific thing or things that both agree will NOT be under the direction, guidance, control or authority of the one who is being submitted to.

clear as mud?

hope that helps!!!!

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/28/2007 6:48:35 PM

gracieamelia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

to some, it is a word that represents the only way they can connect with God.

to some, it is a word that describes actions one takes when under regulation by a civil authority.

to some, in the form of a D/s relationship structure, the one who submits, gives up control/authority/power over decision making to another, the dominant partner in the relationship. the dominant partner's will, guidance, direction, authority is, at least theoretically, respected and obeyed.

some who submit, either for a week-end or a life-time, and for a myriad of reasons, construct "limits" of a specific thing or things that both agree will NOT be under the direction, guidance, control or authority of the one who is being submitted to.

clear as mud? hope that helps!!!!

question. based on your third paragraph ...
how often does a dom see his girl if she is a good submissive?
does he want to see her often or is every 6 or 7 weeks good enough with phone calls every day?

I know what you will say, it depends on the "relationship"...but is that really a relationship?

Just searching for some answers

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/28/2007 7:03:54 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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It really just depends on what works for you. We have relationships here where months can go by without physically being together. We have relationships that see eachother two days out of a month. We have relationships where seeing eachother for hours every single day isn't enough (ahem).

LDRs are working on a completely different time/relational scale than live-ins are and need to be assessed as such. But they ARE relationships and as committed as any other.

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/28/2007 7:18:54 PM

krikket

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There are lots of good definitions and examples here, but i think it mainly boils down to the fact that it's probably different for all of us, on both sides of the D/s equation. My suggestion is to read, chat, read, think, ponder, meet others at munches and learn as much as you can in any way you can. Keep what feels right, toss out what doesn't, believe only half of what you see and less of what ya read..lol.

These forums are a great way to learn, so many here are real life participants, of all stripes, shapes and designs. It's a wonderful world, but like LA said there's no guide book (darn, now she tells me..lol). We never stop learning, and i've found i can still be a submissive without an owner, Dom, Top, Master, etc. i constantly strive to learn new things, keep my mind and body as sharp as possible, and try to stay positive when i want to give up the search.

If you meet someone from on-line approach it carefully, maturely and safely, and..let Google become your best friend...lol.

One other small bit of advice (and it's probably only as good as the paper it's written on..lol) is that while labels can help us in our searching, they're only words, and we all have different definitions for that as well. Nothing is black and white in this world or any other..but i hope you have a grand and great time learning, and you find what you want and need.

Cheers,
jimini

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/28/2007 7:32:56 PM

maclough

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WOW, what a question... first off I want a subbie handbook, cause it would make everything so much easier and hey do not leave any chapters out.

I agree with almost everyone's answer on this one especially jimini's.

My answer usually is if you are unable to give up control outside the bedroom then yep you are (excuse the term) a kinkster, and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you admit it. If you give up control and trust the One who owns you, then you maybe a subbie. It's not usually something that you wake up one day and say "OMG you know what, i think i am a submissive now". Take some time, talk with people, which you are doing a great thing by asking here, and make the desicion on your own.

furniture

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/29/2007 2:04:48 AM

laurell3

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The more apt question is and the only one that matters is...what does submission mean to you? Find that out, stick with it and take everyone's advice with a grain of salt (some a whole damn salt shaker).
good luck to you and welcome.
l

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/29/2007 7:39:17 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gracieamelia

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

to some, it is a word that represents the only way they can connect with God.

to some, it is a word that describes actions one takes when under regulation by a civil authority.

to some, in the form of a D/s relationship structure, the one who submits, gives up control/authority/power over decision making to another, the dominant partner in the relationship. the dominant partner's will, guidance, direction, authority is, at least theoretically, respected and obeyed.

some who submit, either for a week-end or a life-time, and for a myriad of reasons, construct "limits" of a specific thing or things that both agree will NOT be under the direction, guidance, control or authority of the one who is being submitted to.

clear as mud? hope that helps!!!!

question. based on your third paragraph ...
how often does a dom see his girl if she is a good submissive?
does he want to see her often or is every 6 or 7 weeks good enough with phone calls every day?

I know what you will say, it depends on the "relationship"...but is that really a relationship?

Just searching for some answers

sorry to have to repeat your own answer back to you...but it really does depend on the folks involved in the relationship.

for example: there are folks who have a spouse, and a D/s or M/s partner as well. everyone knows about everyone and they are all good with it. while the spouses live together, the D/s or M/s partners spend time together infrequently, according to their schedules, they may also use phone or text or internet chat or cam as a means of communication when they are apart.

it would be damn difficult for this slave to do, but for some, it is very fulfilling.

determine what is necessary to fulfill you...don't worry about if other's relationships are real relationships or not...they are real to them.

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/29/2007 10:33:36 AM

maclough

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Great answers... as for the one about seeing each other every 6 to 7 weeks. Actually short sweet response I would give is.... if those involved are happy with it then it works, if not everyone is happy with it, well then.... guess it doesn't work.

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/29/2007 12:59:30 PM

slavemaia

Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: magoobear

Hi everyone,
Im very new to this.. Im wondering just what submitting means?
I dont yet know if I am truely a sub or even into D/S at all.. maybe I just like kinky sex..
Please any advice on what submitting means would be helpful
M

For one thing - patience. Submission - real submission to another definitely involves patience because for one thing it's not your way in your time. If that statement thrills you or repulses you, you'll have at least a starting level of if you're submissive at all or not.

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She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/29/2007 1:13:28 PM

sugardaddyforme

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/24/2007
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submission is defined only by the directives of the Dominant. For Me submission could be anything from running a bath to making sure that My drink is always full. Dominance and Submission ar everywhere. In every aspect of ones life. You have to submit to the constraints of your job, your family life, the laws...in fact in some way...all of us are submissive.

Submission is a gift. Something that is given. Something that is taken. To know if you are submissive you have to understand how much of you, you are willing to give. Some Dominants will ask for little, others will ask for all of you. Some will tell you they only want you to submit in the bed room, others will tell you that they want you to submit in every part of a day to day life.

There is nothing wrong with NOT being submissive, or NOT being Dominant. People who are just into kinky sex are generally welcomed in this life as well, and at least from a lose understanding that I have called Fetishists, which are awesome open minded people.

You dont -have- to limit yourself. In fact its better if you dont. In time, you will find who and what you are. In time, you will know that you are either sub, or slave, or Dom or switch, or what ever.

If you find some one you like talking to, and they happen to be into this life style, ask yourself, can I see myself kneeling at their feet, taking my pleasure only from what pleasures them. Submission is finding joy in the service and pleasure of another, that is only part of it as a whole. The definition of submission will vary, as you can see, from one persons mind set to another, tho none of them are wrong. Each is distinctive to that persons needs, that persons wants and desires.

D/s as a whole is defined with in the realms of what each relationship can take. Submission is not weakness. It takes great strength to surrender...and a GOOD Dominant will see that submission as a beautiful gift and will love it as much as the submissive loves them.

And in time, I think each submissive grows and changes with in themselves, with in the world around them, and with in the relationship that they have with their Dominant. Your journey into submission, should that be what you choose, is something you should take time with, and exlpore. If you have the access to some one who is Dom to work with you, try a session and see where that takes you. See if you like it. How it feels. Perhaps also try to be Dominant over some one...see how you feel about that.

Life should be about exploration. It should be about what you can learn not just about yourself, but about the world around you and the relationships with in it. Labeling often only creates the illusion, falsely, of being something. When in fact you were something or some one all along.

Dont get hung up on the titles or ettiquites...just learn and absorb. Youll find your way.

I wish you luck.

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/29/2007 1:22:49 PM

MasterDaveM

Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
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quote:

Hi everyone,
Im very new to this.. Im wondering just what submitting means?
I dont yet know if I am truely a sub or even into D/S at all.. maybe I just like kinky sex..
Please any advice on what submitting means would be helpful
M

firstly its nice that you recognize that you may not be into anything more than just the kink... and there is nothing wrong with that. to thine own self be true

as for what is submitting? beyond the dictionary and into the esoterical... submitting is giving what you are ready to give, to whom you are ready to give and on what level with whatever boundary you are comfortable with...

basically... give what you want, how you want and when you want and dont let anyone demand more than you are able, willing or ready to give

also... you have a right of refund... just because you submit doesnt mean you cant "un-submit"(is that a word? well it is now) lol

< Message edited by MasterDaveM -- 10/29/2007 1:23:16 PM >

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/29/2007 8:04:34 PM

bipolarber

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Just to be a completeist:

Submit: verb: 1) to commit to the discretion or direction of another. 2) Yeild or surrender.

Essentially, TNsteps out has it correct, for practicalities: there are sensation submissives, and there are service submissives. The sensation subs are the ones who are the center of the dominant's attention. They get "worked" by the dominant, and are pretty much charged with absorbing as much of that intense attention as they can. Service subs are more into making the time they have with their dominant easier for them. They will clean house, do yardwork, run errands, act as personal assistant, as needed.

Both types of submision are performed at negotiated levels. You discuss with the dominant partner what you are willing to do... what you might do under the right circumstances, and what you definitely won't ever do. Also, both types of submission can be blended, so you might be doing a little of one, or the other in the course of a relationship, or even in a single evening.

See also: limits, safewords.

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RE: what is submitting? - 10/29/2007 8:32:07 PM

maclough

Posts: 25
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: magoobear

Hi everyone,
Im very new to this.. Im wondering just what submitting means?
I dont yet know if I am truely a sub or even into D/S at all.. maybe I just like kinky sex..
Please any advice on what submitting means would be helpful
M

*sigh* oh the thoughts that we think when we think we have made the thoughts :)... clear as 3 day old coffee huh?

Ok here you go basically get out into the community and meet others that live this life real time (hate that term) ask questions, watch, possibly make some friends and just listen and watch... it is something you will learn if you are or if you are just kinky and if that is the case, that is fine and admit it. If you find you are submissive, that you like giving up control that's fine also. You will hear that there are different types of subs and yadda yadda and so forth, but the fact is a sub is a sub they hand over control in whatever degree they have agreed on and they trust their owner. The level doesn't matter if you are a sub believe me you will figure it out

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