Alone and dissapointed, *sigh*

Alone and dissapointed, *sigh* (Full Version)

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RealDomFL -> Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 11:09:00 AM)
So here I am, writing another useless message, except this time its to vent my frustration at the 'system'. There are no rules in BDSM, I mean at least vanilla sex has kama sutra and various books on the subject, but nothing in the BDSM world is consistent with the next. Weird how this works. Some Dom's look down on switches, some subs thing they are a gift, etc. whats all this about? None of it make sense to me. So much for train of thought typing..... I have been seeking for 10 years now. I just realized exactly how long it has been and now I am ver depressed about it. Why you ask.... I'm 37 years old, male, married and a switch. My wife and I have an open marriage in regards to sex and bdsm however I have never actually made use of it. I am quite sure I am going to grow old and die never having my fantasies fulfilled. Both of us have looked for various things, we both want a 24/7 fem sub, and never found one. I would like to submit to anyone, gender not important, and found no one. Thats why. Now you know. I am constantly revising our profile, I never lie and show myself any better than I am. I'm just average joe, not rich, not poor, not fit but not fat either. I am neither handsome nor in any way ugly. Just average, like the rest of everyone else around here. Apparently average gets you nothing at all. I write to plenty of people, with about a 5% reply rate coming back. Most people are just plain rude and never reply. Sorry, I was not brought up that way to ignore others when spoken to. Drive me nuts each time a fem ignores me or worse deletes unread. Here is some of what I HAVE found: one Girl wantes to be our 24/7, but after speaking with her found out she wanted to have a baby with us and actually raise the child as a slave from day one. Needless to say we said no and we will watch for her on CNN News one day being led into a police car... One girl we spoke with for 6 months, only to have her tell us at the last moment she lost interest. Nice waste of time for a game player. One girl wanted us to 'kidnap' her on a family vacation to our area and make her a slave. Might be a nice fantasy but I dont expect the family would just shrug their shoulders and say 'Oh dear, we seem to have misplaced our daughter, oh well, lets go home' She did not understand that something like this could get us in jail. One girl was all ready to come down to join us but would have to go back over and over as her ex kept suing her for child support. Way too much baggage there. Yeah, then theres everyone we talk to to just scene with us. No stories there, just a lot of 'I read your email and ignored it' My ideal about BDSM is the 'desire to enjoy' Thus I dont care much about looks or such, just the desire to enjoy it and actually do it. Apparently every female out there has standards we do not understand. Maybe if I buff up myself, win the lottery and get a huge house and have all kinds of cash to throw around I might get what I am seeking. (Struck by lightning is a better chance) Yup, I'm depressed and going to prolly die that way, alone and never finding what I am seeking.

kisshou -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 11:20:09 AM)
Do you want me to send you an invite to the munch meeting for august?

kc692 -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 11:24:04 AM)
(raises hand...) welcome to the collarme boards...I am very confused; part of your post says you want to submit, and are getting depressed over not being able to. I realize you are one half of a couple, but anyone who would pull a search on the other side would not be likely to find you because you are listed as a dominant couple, and your profile says nothing about your individual submission. Am I interpreting this incorrectly?

RealDomFL -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 11:24:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kisshou Do you want me to send you an invite to the munch meeting for august? Yes. if its on a weekend and not too far away from Mount Dora, FL, i'll go !

Elegant -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 11:25:46 AM)
You say you have been seeking someone for 10 years. Has all that search been online? Is there a way you can spread your wings to local munches, parties, events and other opportunities? Frankly I think there is more structure in the D/s~S/m communities that in pure vanilla ones. True, sometimes there are various levels of structure but at least the journey is more self-enlightening. I wish you the best

RealDomFL -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 11:27:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 (raises hand...) welcome to the collarme boards...I am very confused; part of your post says you want to submit, and are getting depressed over not being able to. I realize you are one half of a couple, but anyone who would pull a search on the other side would not be likely to find you because you are listed as a dominant couple, and your profile says nothing about your individual submission. Am I interpreting this incorrectly? Sorta, we change profiles when one does not work. I am a switch, and thus looked down upon as being 'unable to make a choice' I disagree with this ideal, as I enjoy both sides, tho the sub side a bit more than the dom side. Currently we have a dom profile up as my wife has re-sparked an interest in playing with a fem sub again. I certainly have no problems with that. But failing that we will again try a different profile later. I am depressed because I cannot find anything on either side of the fence.

RealDomFL -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 11:29:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Elegant You say you have been seeking someone for 10 years. Has all that search been online? Is there a way you can spread your wings to local munches, parties, events and other opportunities? Frankly I think there is more structure in the D/s~S/m communities that in pure vanilla ones. True, sometimes there are various levels of structure but at least the journey is more self-enlightening. I wish you the best Its a matter of time actually, I want to go to the munches, but just recently have actually obtained a career with weekends off, so for the first time in years, i might be able to do just that.

Elegant -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 11:33:04 AM)
You probably have this info but..... http://www.orlandomunch.com/bdsmcalendar.htm Don't forget about weekend runs/educational opportunities. We have been to Orlando Bash for the past two years and it is fabulous! ..or come visit Atlanta now that you have some free weekends.

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 1:07:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RealDomFL Sorta, we change profiles when one does not work. This is probably a big part of your problem. Profiles don't work when they land you a hot girl slave to chat with. They work when they present an honest, candid, and true picture of yourself, so people who might actually be compatible with you can find you and learn about you. It seems that you bounce from telling the world you are a switch, to telling them you are a dom couple, to telling them who-knows-what else... Perhaps while you were doing all that playing with your profiles, there was a perfect sub who was looking for a dom couple with a switch man, but since she didn't find one, she threw away her computer and moved into a monastary in Sweden. In the ten years I have been doing this, I have had many many many desires and enlightenments and ways of showing them, but my profile has always been a reflection of the true me (at that time) and never a tool to trick the slaves into talking with me. It seems you are setting yourself up for the dissapointment you find... Taggard

darkinshadows -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 1:11:38 PM)
Now Taggard, I just said that to the same person on another thread - are you copying me again...(runs and hides) [;)] Peace and Love and where da heck have you been?(good zandana btw...)

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 6:33:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RealDomFL Its a matter of time actually, I want to go to the munches, but just recently have actually obtained a career with weekends off, so for the first time in years, i might be able to do just that. As far as I know, munches don't just occur on weekends. I hope you find a supportive group locally to you. I would encourage you to get offline and meet some locals in the lifestyle. Be well, Julie

IronBear -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 7:07:19 PM)
If you’re a member of other lifestyle groups on line, especially in MSN and Yahell, I find that a personal home page is an advantage. Mine is in MSN and I have added exactly what I am and where I’m going. It shows interests and what I’m looking for. It’s a good place for pics and information you want to store (Mine has an increasing number of pages on Gor as well as such topics as Anal Intercourse, Cunnilingus and Felletto. The point is if you do make contact you can direct that person to your home page so they can learn more about you and what you want. The only thing I get pissed off here is when a subby or slave messages me with a plea for me to consider him or her for a collar and never respond when I reply to their message… Still that to is par for the course. Regarding rules, I guess these will change from group to group… before I retired from active service my rule was (if I was body guarding you) “There is God and there is me and there are no rules. Guess what? God just left the house!”

themischievous1 -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 10:08:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RealDomFL Maybe if I buff up myself, win the lottery and get a huge house and have all kinds of cash to throw around I might get what I am seeking. (Struck by lightning is a better chance) Yup, I'm depressed and going to prolly die that way, alone and never finding what I am seeking. Hi, RealDomFL, You probably won't care much for my thoughts but I tend to speak my mind honestly, so here goes. Maybe it's not about "you" at all. Maybe it's about the circumstances you're looking under. I honestly have no idea how popular couples are in terms of finding a submissive or slave to join them or even get involved with either one of them separately; however, the problem could be that you're already married and involved, even though the relationship is an open one. It could also be that you're also a switch and that limits those who are going to be interested. Personally and honestly, it wouldn't matter to me if you had Donald Trump's money and Russel Crowe's looks ;) I'm looking for a single or divorced, uninvolved dominant for a LTR that one day leads to marriage, period. ~shrugs~ Finances don't matter, and looks are secondary. I get email from couples all the time looking for a submissive or slave to join them or just join one of them even. He's dom and she's sub, or she's domme and he's sub. Or one's a switch..yada yada. Doesn't matter. I have responded as politely as possible with complete honesty that I'm just not into the couple thing and am only into dominant individuals. Some just don't get it. I'm not quite sure why. Some keep writing, thinking I'll change my mind. Maybe your emails don't get a reply because some of the slaves and submissives on here (and everywhere else) are just a little tired of being bombarded by the never ending couples seeking someone to get involved with them. Again, it's nothing personal because it's each to his own, right? I do think that more people ought to have the courtesy to just tell the damn truth though, answer an email and not leave people wondering. I don't think it's about you personally, your money, your looks, your personality, etc. I really have no idea why you wouldn't be a draw to someone who just wants to play, or someone who is part of a couple as well. I agree about getting out and attending some local munches. In my local community there are a lot of people that want to play for an evening or whenever, couples included and you being a switch wouldn't bother them at all. Get out in person and socialize at the events, parties, and munches in your local community and you'll probably have more success. I sincerely wish you the best in your search. mischie

BalletBob -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/2/2005 10:27:31 PM)
Hi Real. All I can say is you have to stick to it, though you don't want to hear that. I chatted with a guy on the internet, and we had so much in common (Spandex, Nylon, Bondage Gags) and he told me how his wife was his Mistress. We set up a date to meet in person, where I work. We all discussed about getting together, and she would be my MADAM, as long as I followed rules and all. It was great for a couple years, with about 5 live sessions. Well personal things came up, and MADAM is unable to do anything anymore, so I am without, and looking again. What I am trying to say it (After long windedness), stick with it and don't give up. My request came out of the blue, and maybe your's will too. Good luck in your serch.

DublinSwitch -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/3/2005 2:50:54 AM)
Kind of obvious solution - get offline and get to a munch. I can't beleive it's that hard to get to a munch if one is in your locale, and that you have been that busy over the last 10 years. Some of the people that I have met at munches make huge efforts such as travelling 50/60 miles. Pinning your hopes on any relationship happening online is just madness, to be honest I think the vast majority of people here (on collarme, not necessarily the boards) are just playing out a fantasy how do you expect to a) differentiate yourself from these people b) manage to find someone that is not In any case, personally I am sceptical of anyone that has been 'looking' for 10 years and has not managed to attend anything in real life, smacks of someone being a player to my mind and sorry if that offends. Cheers DS

lovingmaster45 -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/3/2005 3:57:29 AM)
That has not been our experience at all. We are a married couple. She has a slut puppy who met us at a play party in Raleigh, NC...the last Gummi party as a matter of fact. As for looks, I am old and ugly...see pic for total exposure..lol. She is drop dead beautiful. We have done the local bdsm munch/group thing and found it filled with BBW of bdsm who like to write rules for everyone else to follow. It was so bad that we started our own group which did NOT discriminate against switches, swingers, gays, gangbang sluts, or any other kink or perversion. Our only requirement was that anyone who joined be tolerant of everyone else. I have found sub females in the grocery line, on line, at bars and restaurants, from my aquaintenances, and from unsolicited contact. Our life has been full of vanilla and lifestyle friends. I think that might be the problem; you are looking too hard. Just relax and let it happen. The best analogy I can think of is my male friends who used to go out to the bars looking for pussy. Guess what? They rarely found any. I would leave them to their folly and take a walk or go grocery shopping. My grocery store meetings have gotten me banned from more than one store...lol. The advice about getting out and meeting people is dead on the money. Good luck.

kisshou -> RE: Alone and dissapointed, sigh (8/3/2005 4:29:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45 We have done the local bdsm munch/group thing and found it filled with BBW of bdsm who like to write rules for everyone else to follow. It was so bad that we started our own group which did NOT discriminate against switches, swingers, gays, gangbang sluts, or any other kink or perversion. Our only requirement was that anyone who joined be tolerant of everyone else. I invited you to our local munch meeting so you could meet others. This group just started and the only rule is tolerance. The group is run by a man. We have had two meetings so far both with a nice turnout of all different kinds of people with varied orientations. We all had a great time sitting around talking, making plans for get togethers and discussing local events. A few people did drive quite far to attend. There were no BBW there, which I felt was a shame because I personally find some BBW hot . There was this one incredibly beautiful Domme though.

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