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RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 4:16:42 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		Greetings Nika,
In my opinion, if being completely open and honest, or "out", to your therapist is going to achieve the results of why you are there, I would say yes.  She can only help if she knows the whole story.  As you say, the way you describe your relationship will have a huge effect on the way she takes it but if she can read you at all during the description, she'll know that you are fine with it all.  It may give her another viewpoint or twist to take within her mind as to which road to take with you.   As well, ALL therapist files are under the doctor/patient confidentiality thingy, so you can rest assured the knowledge will nowhere else.   As I used to say with my kids, "Relax, take a breath, tell me where it hurts.  I can't help if I don't know."

Hugs to ya and mega-support from all of us, I'm sure.
sage

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 4:19:57 PM   
rmanrr


Posts: 358
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings
My woman ...you have said better what I was formulating within My own mind...as you often do.


_____________________________

Be Well, Be Careful

Jarl Rmanrr

"the road untravelled is the loneliest." Me
Courage...the ability to overcome obstacles during the course.
"to be insane is to be original!"...Me

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 4:30:53 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		There's no answer to your question only general rules.  Having been through the process of therapy personally, I chose not to disclose my kink, I know for a fact, however, that my therapist wouldn't have reported it, it just wasn't something I felt comfortable with or had a need to divulge and wasn't really relevant to the reason I was there.

The general rules vary rather markedly by state, however the exceptions to the absolute duty of confidentiality by a mental health practitioner that I am familiar with are as follows:
1) where there is a reasonable suspicion of child abuse or elder adult physical abuse;
(many states have a statute imposing an absolute duty to report this to the authorities and criminal sanctions if one doesn't with few exceptions);

2) where there is a reasonable suspicion that you may present an immediate danger of violence to others; 
(this varies alot per state especially who you have to report it to; the landmark Supreme Court case is Tarasoff v. Board of Regents; search tarasoff and your state law and see what you come up with.  I believe 17 states now have this provision "This duty arises only when, in accordance with the standards of his profession, the therapist knows or should know that his patient's dangerous propensities present an unreasonable risk of harm to others.")

3) where there is a reasonable suspicion that you are likely to be a danger to or harm yourself;

On the converse side, the fact that a report is made doesn't mean it can be used against you legally.  You as a patient have the right to claim the doctor/patient privlege in any legal action brought against you.  Again, there are exceptions for violence, child abuse and acts of sedition, commitment actions and many other circumstances where the need for the information outweighs the value of the privlege.  A judge can always order your therapist to disclose and they must follow the order or be subject to contempt.

If you are court-ordered to do the therapy or someone else is paying the bill, these rules may not apply.

Whether this therapist would consider your actions to fit any of those categories is the real question.  Why not make up a white lie and say the two of you tried some vanillaish tying/spanking stuff without mentioning any injury or bruising and see what the reaction is.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 5:02:24 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If you can't trust your therapist to learn everything about you, then you need to find a new one.

With that said, I had been with mine for some time prior to the beginning of this relationship. When it became more than just play, when it became important to me, that's when I wandered in one day and asked her how much knowledge she had of alternative sexuality. She said she was fairly knowledgable, and so I mentioned I had begun a D/s relationship. She thought for a moment and then said that considering the amount of stress I was under, that this was probably a good way to relieve it. She's only met him briefly once or twice if we've been going someplace afterwards. But she does feel as though I'm stronger with his support, and that's what it comes down to. Are you better off with him or without him? If you do better with him, she will see it and approve of it for you, if she's competent.

And as I said, if she can't put her own prejudices aside in favor of what is best for the patient, then you will need to find someone else. But she will not reveal anything learned in a session unless her files are seized under warrant. As you're an adult, and competent to run your own affairs, I cannot imagine any circumstance that would have a court demand your medical records.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 6:41:25 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say if you're willing to take the time and energy to educate her as much as she needs to be, if you really feel connected and know she's THE ONE who will really be able to help you work through things, then go for it.

Otherwise, don't mess up a good thing that you have on the level right now.

I've known lots of people who worked with their therapists and it helped a lot, and only a few who regretted it (and tons who tried to play games with their therapists and not take it seriously and give up after the first one wasn't "the right one" and somehow never made progress with their problems).

Just remember that she doesn't need to understand all of it on all levels, she just needs to get how it works and how it doesn't work for you and how it fits into who you are and how you go through life.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: To out myself or not - 10/28/2007 6:49:58 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

As others have said, it depends on how the therapist will handle it.  I outed myself to a former therapist and spent the next two sessions trying to educate her on why I do what I do, and on my relationship dynamic.  She was very disturbed by it all and did not understand it at all.  I didnt want to pay for more sessions where I sat there educating her on how being submissive is not a crime, so I stopped going to her.

My current therapist is helping me sort my feelings out regarding my father's death, my divorce, the loss of my house and now the loss of my job (layoffs last week).  I have not told him of my slavery; it is not pertinant to what we are dealing with.  If I feel it is, I will tell him.  So far, his help has been immeasureable for the purpose I am seeing him.  Interestingly enough, I think he already knows.  We have both alluded to it, and he has said we don't need to go there right now.

If you are seeing your therapist for overall direction in your life, then yes, I'd say the therapist should know all.  If it's for a particular area of your life and you are finding answers in that area without disclosing this, then I'd say follow your comfort level. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: To out myself or not - 10/29/2007 4:48:47 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Good morning,
I'd like to thank everyone for their imput it has given me alot to think about before I see her again.
 
blessed be,
Nika

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: To out myself or not - 10/29/2007 4:55:49 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Why are you going to this person in the first place. Is it because of the lifestyle. If not why bring it up. If it is you can get advice in here for free.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: To out myself or not - 10/29/2007 11:49:08 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Why are you going to this person in the first place. Is it because of the lifestyle. If not why bring it up. If it is you can get advice in here for free.


Man I hope that's a joke...this forum is absolutely no subsitute for a trained professional.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: To out myself or not - 10/29/2007 11:50:26 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

If you can't trust your therapist to learn everything about you, then you need to find a new one.

With that said, I had been with mine for some time prior to the beginning of this relationship. When it became more than just play, when it became important to me, that's when I wandered in one day and asked her how much knowledge she had of alternative sexuality. She said she was fairly knowledgable, and so I mentioned I had begun a D/s relationship. She thought for a moment and then said that considering the amount of stress I was under, that this was probably a good way to relieve it. She's only met him briefly once or twice if we've been going someplace afterwards. But she does feel as though I'm stronger with his support, and that's what it comes down to. Are you better off with him or without him? If you do better with him, she will see it and approve of it for you, if she's competent.

And as I said, if she can't put her own prejudices aside in favor of what is best for the patient, then you will need to find someone else. But she will not reveal anything learned in a session unless her files are seized under warrant. As you're an adult, and competent to run your own affairs, I cannot imagine any circumstance that would have a court demand your medical records.


I can and just stated several reasons and it doesn't take a warrant, merely a simple one paragraph summons.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: To out myself or not - 10/29/2007 12:22:10 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Why are you going to this person in the first place. Is it because of the lifestyle. If not why bring it up. If it is you can get advice in here for free.


Man I hope that's a joke...this forum is absolutely no subsitute for a trained professional.


I tend to agree laurell, I was/do hope that post was made tongue to cheek.
 
Blessed Be,
Nika

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: To out myself or not - 10/29/2007 7:58:10 PM   
TakenPet


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		Legally she can't tell anyone, because the events you engage in are completely consensual.  Of course that depends on the state you are in, but ... how much you tell her is up to you.  As a professional she is not there to judge you, and the moment you feel that, you need to stop talking and leave.  A therapist is supposed to be trustworthy, unbiased and open minded.  If you dont' feel that you can trust her like in any other relationship, dont' tell her.  Find someone you do feel more comfortable with. 

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: To out myself or not - 10/29/2007 8:22:56 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		The things you cited were illegal activities and still illegal if she was vanilla. The fact that she feels more comfortable in a relationship where she follows and he leads is not illegal and not grounds for anything wrong.

Molestation of those who cannot give informed consent is illegal whether or not one uses a flogger at any time. And I don't think the op is doing anything illegal.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 33
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