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Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 7:37:17 PM   
silentfire


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline 		If one is suddenly released after a long time..How do they learn to trust again?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 7:38:58 PM   
MasterDaveM


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline 		the same way as you do in any relationship... you pick up the pieces and move forward and try to learn from the experience.... good and bad


(in reply to silentfire)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 7:53:58 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		You take time to hurt and heal, work on you, then move on and when you're ready get involved again. Take the time to learn from what went wrong to hopefully be able to avoid a repeat in the future with other relationships and learn also from the good.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to MasterDaveM)
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RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 8:15:50 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: silentfire

If one is suddenly released after a long time..How do they learn to trust again?
Well, I have noticed you are 43 years old..how did you handle it in your past?..Unless this is your first time having a relationship end?..If this is a generic question, and not pertaining to you personally,,unless the submissive is extremely young the same answer applies...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to silentfire)
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RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 8:27:03 PM   
erebus


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline 		Understanding why you were released might give you some insight.  Was it because he found someone else?  Got sick?  Went vanilla? 

If it was nothing you did, it would be different (in my opinion) than if you screwed up seriously in some manner.

I'm sure the pain you imply would exist either way; however, it may be a means of learning and changing as you grow.

(in reply to silentfire)
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RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 8:40:58 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: silentfire

If one is suddenly released after a long time..How do they learn to trust again?


I'm of the mind that there are usually signals perhaps subtle or ignored, but to be released suddenly after a 'long time', isn't usual as far as releases go. I mean, unless there was some sort of catastrophic incident (lie, cheat, harm etc), I think most, if they are honest, will admit to seeing some sort of indication that things weren't working.

If you seriously believe that someone else is going to release you without a single signal that it was coming, you're probably better off getting some cats and living on your own for a while. That kind of pressure is going to be off putting to a lot of people in trying to prove themselves to you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to silentfire)
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RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 8:53:40 PM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: silentfire

If one is suddenly released after a long time..How do they learn to trust again?


To trust is to overlook risk.  Learning to trust is, typically, to willingly embrace ignorance.  Typically, it helps to minimize the present risk, or at least your perception of it, so that you may more readily overlook it.

Looking at the good; trying to look past, around, or away from the bad; reasoning out how the worst-case scenerio isn't so bad:  normal ways of minimizing one's perception of risk.

(in reply to silentfire)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 9:13:49 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_548339/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#548757
To trust or not to trust

http://www.collarchat.com/m_534521/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#534848
trust and abandonment issues

http://www.collarchat.com/m_48957/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#48957
trust betrayed by master

http://www.collarchat.com/m_96129/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#96129
will I ever trust a man again

http://www.collarchat.com/m_329482/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#329482
learning to trust again after being hurt

http://www.collarchat.com/m_346651/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#346651
how do you deal with broken trust?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_398537/mpage_1/key_trust/tm.htm#398537
trust...how to mend when it is broken


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to silentfire)
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RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 9:31:35 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Take the time to heal. So often I have watched people rush headlong into something new so as to not deal with the pain only to see the potential new relationship crumble due to the weight of prior experiences not dealt with. Taking the time will aloow you to process what happned with your last relationship and hopefully allow you to better be able to avoid the pitfalls that may occur in a new relationship.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/28/2007 11:42:31 PM   
TakenPet


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		Do what you have to do to heal.  Pick up the pieces learn from the experience and move on in your life.  I know its easier said than done, but this is truly no different than any other relationship in your life that has gone wrong. 
Do your best, take the time you need and then be strong and try again.
Good luck!

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/29/2007 2:55:27 AM   
nailgirl


Posts: 27
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline 		hi, when i was released form my first master, i took it hard. i personally think because our lifestyle is this way its far more intense thana nilla relationship. my master knew me totally, i gave to him parts of me i would never of given in a normal relationship, and for that i suffered when we split up. but its been a year now and ive moved on. there is probably not one day that goes by that i dont think about him and miss him but i cant have him again. all i can do is look back on the fantastic time we had together and remember them with a smile and yes sometimes a tear. good luck , this is not easy and i feel for you

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/29/2007 7:01:08 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		when i was released from my first Master, i took it hard...of course he didn't tell me he was releasing me....he dropped me off at my parents house and told me he'd be back for me in 6 months and my naive 19 (20 in 23 days) year old self believed him....he didn't ever come back...i never saw him again...the phone calls dropped off...after a month they ended and after 3 months i never spoke to him again....then again, i guess he didn't release me, he abandoned me...how did i learn to trust again? well getting into a relationship with a married man who was hiding the fact that he was fucking me from his wife certainly doesn't help...don't go that route....skipping from man to man to woman to woman to man....that doesn't work either....its really only been in the last year that i've been able to heal...you know how i did that? staying out of relationships!  now granted...i didn't do it perfectly...i kind of waded into a couple, but as soon as i saw what i was doing, i got back out....and durring this time of not being in relationships... (kind of getting into one now...but i am going slow)...i have worked on me...majorly...done so much growing in this time...its scary...i look back at who i was a year ago and go....how the heck did ya'll put up with me? because...i was a train wreck....but i am better now...but i had to heal...without adding more shit to wounds...but its hard...try to learn from the pain of others would be my best advice....but i sure as heck didn't take it....

good luck
chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to nailgirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/29/2007 7:19:46 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		One of the first steps in learning to trust again is accepting the idea that everyone is unique.  Yes, there are general characterizations...stereotypes are overblown examples of small, undeniable truths to be found within the human animal and within genders of the human animal...but remember, there is not just one stereotypical male, just as there is not just one stereotypical female.  Thank God!  You can't burden someone else with something they didn't do.  It isn't fair to them and it really isn't fair to you because such a burden might end up costing you the best thing you ever had a chance at. 

But...to get to the point above, you do have to step back and give yourself time to heal.  Time to hurt and time to begin to experience joy again.  It is a good time for introspection because...as Tempting pointed out...unless this was a long term relationship that started when you were very young, surely you have some past experience to draw on and to bring to bear on this one.  Is there a pattern you are fitting into?  Something you are doing that might not seem destructive to you but to outsiders...or to you, if looked at without prejudice and completely objectively...would?  Is there a similarity in the people you choose to be involved with that indicates an ongoing problem with them?  (constantly picking the bad boy, for example)

Finally...I think Bita hit on something that too many people ignore or deny...there are usually signals given.  Sometimes they may be so subtle as to almost be unrecognizable but they ARE there.  I am not suggesting that anyone spend their time in their relationship dissecting each and every little thing that is said or done but most of us can tell when someone has said something or done something that rings an off-key note within us.  As you look back, look for those times when something he said or did struck that off-key note but again, look for what you may have done that may have struck an off-key note for him.

(in reply to silentfire)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/29/2007 8:53:42 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		From another post I read of yours the first thing I suggest is realizing these are ordinary relationships and not special. Like others have written better then I can, you get over and move on just like in any other relationship that went wrong. Sometimes the healing is quick and sometimes it is long. The time frame varies from person to person as well. Hopefully when all human beings go through this we learn more about ourselves and hopefully do not repeat the same things over and over.

To learn to trust is a personal matter. If it affects every potential other you come into contact with or after a lengthy period of time and a person starts operating on a guilty until proven innocent with others then they must understand the problem is them not the cruel other people in the world. Time, professional help, talking things out with a person you want to trust are all good things.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to silentfire)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/29/2007 12:40:52 PM   
MasterDaveM


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline 		if all else fails go buy yourself the biggest vibrator you can find and name it "doug" and just wear that fucker out until you forget about the other dude

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/29/2007 8:15:07 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		fire,

first begin with an honest candid review of what went wrong, and then learn from that for the future.

CP

(in reply to silentfire)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Suddenly Released? - 10/30/2007 12:03:50 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think it is important to keep in mind that you may have to learn how to trust yourself again.

Be honest with yourself about what happened; the "good" and the "bad" but try to be gentle with yourself.

aJ

(in reply to silentfire)
Profile   Post #: 17
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