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Celeste43 -> RE: Deeper Commitment ? (10/29/2007 7:39:17 AM)
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My aunt and uncle have been married over 50 years. They've buried parents, siblings and ums. They've raised ums and helped with handicapped ums. There was a time about 5 years ago when he went into the hospital and a day later she collapsed and wound up two floors below him. There is nothing they haven't shared, no depth of fear, no vulnerability, no happiness. And they're vanilla.
However for someone who needs control, an equal power relationship where she is expected to be a self starter, self controlled adult will not be satisfying because it doesn't fulfill her need for control.
Equally, for someone who needs an equal power relationship, a D/s one will not fulfill her need to be a self starter, self controlled adult, indeed she will view a submissive partner as one who doesn't pull his own weight in the relationship, in decision making. She would view a toppy type as a control freak, abuser who didn't have any trust in her and not as someone compatible.
There is very little different between wiitwd and vanilla relationshipwise, to be healthy they must allow each person to grow, to lean on the other for support, to have good and clear communication skills, to be composed of two people equally committed to the well being of the relationship who will forego what they want in favor of the needs of the relationship and a high level of compatibility.
The fact that at your age, you are unaware of these simple facts and couldn't even recognize unhappiness in your partner does not say great things about you. There are private therapists, there are group therapy sessions and there are self help groups that can help you to learn what you still haven't. I urge you to get to work on yourself, and learn those necessary skills.
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