Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (Full Version)

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Kondolinni -> Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 11:19:16 AM)

I haven't posted in a while, but I was reading a few profiles today and came across this:

( I have recently met a man that I think will be a wonderful Dom/Master, a man that sounds as if he can fulfill all of my wants, needs and desires and who hopefully I can please with my own submission and servitude.  He has me "under consideration" and we shall soon meet.  I really feel good about this, amazingly good and hopeful. )

Fucking Christ.

There are too many broken women trying to rationalize their wounds by hiding them beneath a banner of submission on sites like this.



LaTigresse -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 11:23:24 AM)

Cheese? A loaf of warm crusty bread?

Aside from that.......yeah, there are alot of fucked up people in this big world. Why allow them to annoy you?



hisannabelle -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 11:24:20 AM)

greetings kondolinni,

i always get a bit wary when i see that happy go lucky super romanticized under consideration/new collaring stuff. maybe it's because i don't have a high sappy tolerance (most of the time). and i know what it's like to come to the realization that it's not ALL candy and roses, so i worry about people who get too into the honeymoon phase, because that letdown is difficult.

respectfully,
annabelle.



Kondolinni -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 11:36:58 AM)

I'm not annoyed , Tigress.

It hurts.

And not in a good way.

It's awfully easy to imagine the legacy of pain that caused this woman to come to the point where she can believe the words she wrote. What a crystal clear example of the self-justifying and self-perpetuating legacy of abuse.

I have a 28 year old daughter and a 16 year old son. I have 4 grandchildren. I can't tell you how much I hope to never see this kind of mental/emotional abberation in any of them. Thankfully, none of them have the background for it.

I just hope this gal never has kids, so that this particular chain of pain is, at the least, broken.



laurell3 -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 11:39:33 AM)

You can't be the sex police on a bdsm site and not get worn out.  Stop worrying about people you will never know (this is advice I give myself often)...as harsh as that seems...you only have room in your life for so much worry and worrying is tiresome.
l



Kondolinni -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 11:52:38 AM)

Thx for the comment.

It's not worry either. Heck guys, everyone has things that hurt them personally, or that they don't like, or that they find offensive. Just like everyone has an opinion.

I feel for the girl. And as far as why I posted this (which I have seen variations of a gazillion times in the 6 years I've been on this site)? Well, I guess I just achieved saturation. That and the fact that this post is a perfect, concise expression of the derrangement affecting women like the writer.

She neds a therapist, not a Dom. And certainly not a "Dom" who seduces her from far away. If the guy had enough snap to pull that off, he also knows just how troubled this chick is.

I'm fine guys. No fretting. Not obsessed.

It still sucks to see this kind of shit, though.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 11:54:43 AM)

People like that are occasionally looking for a fantasy.  You make the assumption that she will really believe what she said and allow it to bother you.  I look at it as if it will probably never actually go anywhere.The majority of the "consideration collars" that are given and accepted online only never go anywhere. Someone gets cold feet, someone realizes its a crock, and nothing happens. Let them be as sappy romantic as they wish. Keep in mind the vast majority of them have no basis in reality.  And for some of them, maybe they can be happy and have actually found Mr. Perfect Dom.
Make sure the children and grandchildren you have in your life are safe and know how to handle themselves.  Worrying about everyone else grown children is a sure fire way to get yourself an ulcer.

DV



Hime -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 11:56:48 AM)

You're either Psychic, know this woman personally, or are reading waaaaay too much into her profile.  

If she's currently in a happy and positive place in her life, then more power to her.  She and millions of others (male and female) have wounds from their past - so what!  It doesn't always make someone incompetent or prevent them from making rational choices when choosing to submit or not.  

Everyone has their Demons, when and how a person deals with them is as unique as the individual.



~ xoxo



MasterDaveM -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 11:58:30 AM)

i never put much stock into "under consideration"... sounds like a "placeholder" to keep her from talking to other men without making any real commitment on either end... but if she is happy..



toservez -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 12:00:08 PM)

I do not disagree with your statement but will point out for every female submissive searching for the mirage of a magic pill in similar percentage there are males in both roles, female dominants, poly and regular people of all types as well.

This life is no better or worse in that some people come into it for the wrong reasons. I may feel sorry for them or roll my eyes when I encounter them depending on my mood. I do not think though they are any worse then others in this life that choose this life so they can feel better then others and need to communicate this publicly.



chellekitty -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 12:04:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

I'm not annoyed , Tigress.

It hurts.

And not in a good way.



ummm...take a break from online if coming across a profile or 100 profiles that have anything written in them that hurt you, and not in a good way....in your own words....turn off the computer...walk away...go spend some time with those grandkids you spoke of....spend time on a hobby...get some perspective on life...cause some girls's profile on a bdsm personal's site...has no impact on your personal life and should not be affecting you this much....



LaTigresse -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 12:09:41 PM)

I guess I am a cynic. I don't see them as terribly tragic or hurt. Moreso, very naive. Stuck on the romance novel ideal, rather than the realities of life.

I just don't get too worked up about it either way. They will (hopefully) grow up and get a more realistic view of the world and relationships. I read alot of shit on profiles from both sides of the / and often just laugh and think.....goooooood luck with that!

One thing I have realized is that a greater percentage of the people online will never get past the computer. It's just a fact of life in the times we live in. This is like one big interactive computer game for them. They can make it as pretty or as tragic as they want it to be. Get totally enveloped in it, then shut the power off and go lead a totally different life. With no intention of combining the two. The problems start to occur when they collide with those of us that actually want the wonderful messiness of bringing the two worlds together. Time has a way of clearing those issues up. And then we get new threads, "poseurs, fakes, not who represented online, married and cheating, etc etc etc"



YourhandMyAss -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 12:11:42 PM)

I do not think you're qualified to diagnose who's hiding hurt under a banner of submission. How does someone having high hopes for a potential relationship make them wounded.

I put my partner under consideration, and was under his, and I'm not some wounded woman needing therapy not a dom.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

I haven't posted in a while, but I was reading a few profiles today and came across this:

( I have recently met a man that I think will be a wonderful Dom/Master, a man that sounds as if he can fulfill all of my wants, needs and desires and who hopefully I can please with my own submission and servitude.  He has me "under consideration" and we shall soon meet.  I really feel good about this, amazingly good and hopeful. )

Fucking Christ.

There are too many broken women trying to rationalize their wounds by hiding them beneath a banner of submission on sites like this.



Kondolinni -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 12:12:24 PM)

Okay, last shot from me on this for a while. I'm gonne log off and go do some artwork.

Assumption? Perhaps. It's damn easy to do. I became active in the life 8+ years a go. Not a long time, I know, but long enough, especially when you study a lot (I do), have been active in the local scene (I was, until just recently), have actually interacted in real life with subs who have the same delusions (I have, as a friend... I wouldn't meet, date or fuck this girl for all the tea in China... even if she looked like a goddess ((I did not review this girl's page... I have no idea what she looks like)).

Look maybe she's a rock of emotional/mental stability. I would venture to say that anyone who has been active on this, or other BDSM sites for any real length of time will agree their are a ton of women who have been hurt, who have been abused, who have an incredibly low (or non-existent) sense of self-worth.

I made the post and the comment because... because it shouldn't be about this kind of thing.

I am a Dominant because it is in my nature, and what I want.

Not because I feel it is perhaps the last, only chance to obtain a partner.

I love a good debate as much as the next guy, but let's get real.

Those of us with any experience at all know what this chick is (okay, I'll make a concession: IN ALL LIKELYHOOD) all about.

And it sucks how often you see it on this site. 



Kondolinni -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 12:20:32 PM)

My comments have nothing to do with her being "under consideration".

While I am not one for protocol, I don't care if someone uses this phrase. If you dig it, god bless ya.

The part of the post that bothers me, for those who didn't stop to really read it, is where she says that all they have done is talk online. She is planning to meet this guy in real life... based on what is almost certainly a line of bullshit. You don't need to be a guru on this lifestyle to know that the vast majority of those who make healthy connections in this lifestyle are FAR more carreful than this chick is apparently being.

Could this guy be for real? Obviously the answer is yes. Could this be someting that works for them both? Of course.

Too often situations like this are not good. The girl is willing to give this guy a chance to hurt her, in all probability, because she has de-valued herself. The guy is, is all probability, working a line on someone he perceives to be an easy mark.

I don't care who you are... that sucks.



colouredin -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 12:28:18 PM)

oh dear there are far worse things, this woman likes what she likes for whatever reasons dont instantrly assume that theres something wrong with her. 



Prinsexx -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 1:06:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

I haven't posted in a while, but I was reading a few profiles today and came across this:

( I have recently met a man that I think will be a wonderful Dom/Master, a man that sounds as if he can fulfill all of my wants, needs and desires and who hopefully I can please with my own submission and servitude.  He has me "under consideration" and we shall soon meet.  I really feel good about this, amazingly good and hopeful. )

Fucking Christ.

There are too many broken women trying to rationalize their wounds by hiding them beneath a banner of submission on sites like this.


Hi. intelligent six foot perfect Dom from Florida. Fucking Christ as well?  I bet that gets your kundolinni risen
Don't worry about her above. check me out instead.....i'm less than 2% of the population......it's an IQ, EI and SI kind of thing........

ed. to ask if you have ever considered synchronicity?



Prinsexx -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 1:09:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterDaveM

i never put much stock into "under consideration"... sounds like a "placeholder" to keep her from talking to other men without making any real commitment on either end... but if she is happy..


It must be Placebo Dom........I have him down as well.



CuriousLord -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 1:15:11 PM)

I tend to view those posts are likely a consquence of..
1.  Some Dom courts a sub.
2.  Dom puts sub under consideration.
3.  Dom tells sub to put up a message that she's under consideration.
4.  sub tries to please the Dom by writing the most indulgent message possible.

So, yeah.  You don't have to feel bad about it.

I tried two subs from off of this site.  The first, I told her to put up a message saying that she wasn't on the market for now.  She wrote something like that, completely romanticizing it like I was some great idol from Heaven or something, and that she'd love me and be mine for all of time.

By the way, it lasted three dates.  And neither of us was exactly surprised.  It was just a casual go at it.  I'm pretty sure she just wrote the profile in an attempt to be pleasing.



angelikaJ -> RE: Seeing this kind of crap is really beginning to wear me down. (10/29/2007 1:31:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kondolinni

My comments have nothing to do with her being "under consideration".

While I am not one for protocol, I don't care if someone uses this phrase. If you dig it, god bless ya.

The part of the post that bothers me, for those who didn't stop to really read it, is where she says that all they have done is talk online. She is planning to meet this guy in real life... based on what is almost certainly a line of bullshit. You don't need to be a guru on this lifestyle to know that the vast majority of those who make healthy connections in this lifestyle are FAR more carreful than this chick is apparently being.

Could this guy be for real? Obviously the answer is yes. Could this be someting that works for them both? Of course.

Too often situations like this are not good. The girl is willing to give this guy a chance to hurt her, in all probability, because she has de-valued herself. The guy is, is all probability, working a line on someone he perceives to be an easy mark.

I don't care who you are... that sucks.


I understand why this bothers you.
If she is wounded you don't want her to be hurt any more and that someone may use her low
self-esteem as a vehicle to get something out of her pisses you off.
It is painful to see; to think about.

Unfortunately, not everyone can be saved from themselves... .
If your presumptions are true then you can hope that she will someday get that BDSM is not "therapy" -- and continue to use the forums as a place to facilitate discussion.

The way I see it (and call me naive, as there is certainly an element or truth to that) it is good to have a place such as this to voice thoughts, concerns, hopes and fears.
I try to keep in mind that just because the message may not be heard does not mean it should not be said...and my opinion while based upon my limited experience is no less valid than anyone else's... .
I come here to learn and learn to think about something from a new perspective and grow.

Thank you for the thread.
aJ



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