Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Depersonalization


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Depersonalization Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 4:26:38 PM   
Veryleggyredhead


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline
My question is about depersonalization as it pertains
to the shaping and training of a submissive or slave of either
gender. I am using it in the context here of not a mental condition,
but one brought about by the ongoing conditioning of a bottom
to cease using personal pronouns or viewing themselves
as an individual. This is viewed as brainwashing and is a method
used in situations involving prison life or brainwashing.
It is also viewed as "dehumanizing". Is this
practice safe? Does it take into account the short and longterm
mental health of the recipient? Or is it abuse cloaked in
bdsm protocol around a Master's or Mistresses's
expectations of a slave or a submissive? The loss of the
use of personal pronouns, the total shift of focus from
oneself to that of the thoughts, needs and feelings of the
Master/Mistress are the hallmarks of this "training".
How do you view this practice amd what are the longterm effects
on the slave or submissive who is conditioned/brainwashed?
to this end? Lastly how does this differ (if indeed it does)
from objectification?

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 5:10:43 PM   
probablyknowme


Posts: 1875
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline
Well, as I don't have any experience with slave-speak per se, and I do have some experience with objectification, I will try to address that part of your question.

Objectification, as I know it, is the use of a submissive-type (insert whatever role works here) as something other than a human. For example, I have heard of some Domly types using their submssives as a coat rack, a lamp (with wiring and a bulb even), a table, a ottoman, a buffet...goodness, I could list these for a loooooooong time. This in my experience is a "scene" based occurance, and does little to change the sub-type's basic role in the relationship.

Well, enough of my ramblings,
kat

_____________________________

The human mind is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
-Anon.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NewcomersOK/


(in reply to Veryleggyredhead)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 5:15:42 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Veryleggyredhead

How do you view this practice amd what are the longterm effects
on the slave or submissive who is conditioned/brainwashed?
to this end? Lastly how does this differ (if indeed it does)
from objectification?




potentially, it could be damaging.  it also depends on the relationship, and how tis done.  there are several lovely ladies that post regularly who are in that sort of relationship, that they are there to be used as their dominant wishes, and are no more than his property.

HOWEVER.  they CHOSE this.  they're still allowed to speak their mind here, and i would assume in their homes if permission is granted.  that's the dynamic of their relationship, and if it works for them, more power to the relationship.

if you're talking about the type of dynamic where the dominant non-consentually makes his submissive/slave/wife/girlfriend/piece of ass (however he calls her....i'm speaking generally, this could be a woman dominant treating a male this way, or of course same sex pairings) feel as though she is worthless till that's ALL she is even in her own mind?  not a good thing.

in my personal relationship, Daddy treats me very well, and we fit together as though we were made for each other.  i'm fortunate, because this is what i need out of my M/s relationship.

kitten

(in reply to Veryleggyredhead)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 6:26:53 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
Unless you have the means to really isolate someone and/or create an environment in which non-personal behaviors are acceptable, it's a fairly limited practice.

As well, it often doesn't really serve a relationship in the long term.  Depersonalization can be very effective, very powerful, very fulfilling, but it's also something you really have to dedicate to and have it bring something really deep to yourself and the relationship.

Trust me, it's more than changing I to "this girl."  This girl is still a person and it's still YOU who is saying "this girl."  Breaking the bonds of being a unique little snowflake into a generic blank canvas is something a persons entire world has created against their whole lives.

Transforming back into a blank canvas isn't something you just do overnight.

Not that you can't enjoy dehumanization or objectification in the short term, not that it can't be really hot or really humbling or really productive in its more limited fashion.  It's much more about "What does this do in our relationship and how do we get there?" rather than seriously making depersonalization the whole of the dynamic.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Veryleggyredhead)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 7:03:52 PM   
TakenPet


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline
LA you are good at this, very well put.  It is very hard to isolate someone enough to depersonalize them, but it can happen.  It can be dangerous in the wrong hands.  The idea of this "brainwashing" is to rebuild the creature you want using your own mindset/values for lack of a better word.  It is hard to have someone refer to themselves in terms of being dehumanized as no matter how you look at it, "one, this girl, this slave" all pronouns or nouns.  Its not so much the words you use, its how you write really.  There will always be a subject, but when the subject is no longer personal then it can work. 

As some have stated previously it can be very demoralizing and can even bring about depression in some people.  Its not something to take lightly and it has to be done carefully and it does depend on your relationship.  Truly to be dehumanized or objectified it can all be done by your Master/Dom/me in the way you are spoken to and about.  I know it sounds silly, but really when someone talks to you like a dog, you learn to respond as such, its a form of conditioning.  When you are told to come, you come without question, when you are told to sit, you sit, its obviously not something you learn right away, it takes time to learn, but in my opinion its part of breaking someone's spirit in order to remodel them.  Its dangerous in the hands of someone who is not confident and knowledgable about human nature.  Be careful with it.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 8:26:47 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Veryleggyredhead

Is this
practice safe? Does it take into account the short and longterm
mental health of the recipient? Or is it abuse cloaked in
bdsm protocol around a Master's or Mistresses's
expectations of a slave or a submissive?

How do you view this practice amd what are the longterm effects
on the slave or submissive who is conditioned/brainwashed?
to this end? Lastly how does this differ (if indeed it does)
from objectification?

Anything can be abusive, often the dividing line is found in the intent.  Spanking in the BDSM sense isn't abusive, there's no intent to cause harm or trauma.  If it does cause harm its still not abuse, but rather an accident, because again there was a lack of intent.  Other forms of play are more dangerous and carry a higher risk of harm, so more caution is required, but even in these cases where accidents happen we still call them that, perhaps point fingers at someone's carelessness or inexperience, but without intent we rarely call it abuse.  However, we don't hesitate to call it abuse when we see someone angrily verbally assaulting someone (verbal abuse), because their intent to cause harm is clear.

Depersonalization can carry risks, like so many other activities we might engage in as part of this lifestyle.  Taken to an extreme it could certainly have unhealthy consequences.  Utilized with intent to harm it certainly could be dangerous.  Done as part of a relationship, with care taken to keep things healthy, it could be just another tool in a dominants arsenal of enabling a submissive to live up to their potential in that role.

I will say that I don't see it necessarily as brainwashing, except perhaps in extreme cases.  For example, if you took it to the extreme of convincing a person they really were some sort of human animal (i.e. a dog) vs. teaching someone to play the role of a puppygirl/boy very well, the former could be considered brainwashing because you're changing the persons self image in a very radical way.

Most forms of depersonalization are far less extreme and don't threat the self image.  Teaching a person to speak in third person, as LA already pointed out, doesn't remove their identity.  At best it acts as a verbal reminder of individual status (and more importantly the relationship between the dominant status and the submissives status, i.e. higher and lower).

Depersonalization has other uses as well and one of my favorite has a parallel in the military.  During basic training in most militiaries there is emphasis on hair cuts, changes in clothing (uniforms), eating habits, sleeping habits, etc.  All these things challenge an individuals conceptions of what they know, what they believe about their privileges, who they are, etc.  Its done with the purpose of forcing an individual to let go of one set of self beliefs and become open to adopting new ones.  Some have compared it to brainwashing, which it isn't because it doesn't radically change a persons self identity, though it does often alter and expand it, who they were at their core still remains. 

The same methods can be applied to training a new submissive, challenging either their conceptions regarding their behavior, privileges and habits from "vanilla" life, or just challenging conceptions carried from previous D/s relationship.  Its useful in teaching a submissive how a particular dominant wants things done, vs whatever preconceptions they may have.  Habits can be, as we all know, hard to break and this particular form of depersonalization can be useful to that end.

Some use it as an end in itself (rather than the means to an end in my above example), most chiefly in the form of objectification.  Teaching a submissive to be a piece of furniture, a foot stool, an ash tray, etc.  These things are done simply because stripping away their "humanity" is pleasing to some.  But in most cases its not really their humanity or self identity that is removed... but rather the privileges (especially regarding behavior) and sometimes also the social responsibilities, of being human.  That "footstool" is still the submissive Betty, she hasn't suddenly started believing she's a footstool.  However, for a specific span of time, she behaves as a footstool, or more correctly her behavior is restricted to that of something approximating a footstool.  The same is true of animal role play (puppyboys, pony girls, and other "pets").  Often an unspoken aspect of such play which the submissive enjoys is that while their behavior as a human has been restricted to that of the specified animal (or some interpretation thereof), there is also a removal of human social responsibility and expectations.  A puppygirl doesn't have to act like a lady, she can do silly, playful and even mischievious things as a puppy no human could get away with... and even be praised for it... and in that there is an escape that some find liberating.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Veryleggyredhead)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 9:02:30 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Depersonalization has other uses as well and one of my favorite has a parallel in the military.  During basic training in most militiaries there is emphasis on hair cuts, changes in clothing (uniforms), eating habits, sleeping habits, etc.  All these things challenge an individuals conceptions of what they know, what they believe about their privileges, who they are, etc.  Its done with the purpose of forcing an individual to let go of one set of self beliefs and become open to adopting new ones.  Some have compared it to brainwashing, which it isn't because it doesn't radically change a persons self identity, though it does often alter and expand it, who they were at their core still remains. 



This is one of reasons why I think protocols and rituals that some people might write off as "silly fantasy" are an important part in a M/S relationship.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 9:14:08 PM   
Nosathro


Posts: 3319
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: Orange County, California
Status: offline
greetings
 
Much of what you say veryleggyredhead would seem to fit Gorean ways or TPE (Total Power Exchange)  I do see the use of limiting speech, the 3rd person, as a means to train and punish.  Objectification the same way.  However to achieve the "brainwashing" or dehumanizing one would have to have total control of the person, that would been a closed enviroment, yes this has happened but generally in this lifestyle such is rare

_____________________________

"The love of a slave girl is the deepest and most profound love that any woman can give a man. Love makes a woman a man's slave, and the wholeness of that love requires that she be, in truth, his slave." Magicians of Gor, page 31

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 9:14:21 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
It's most often used as a method to focus an individual on a role. In other words, one becomes programmed to function in a manner that puts the service factor before the personal one.

How harmful it can be really depends on the mental aspects of both parties involved. It really has nothing to do with objectifcation. In that sort of scenario-the mind is expected to go away for a bit. In the Other method- the ego centric "me" is encouraged to take a back seat to performance.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to Veryleggyredhead)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 9:15:01 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
Agreed, provided the dominant is both aware of that use of such protocols and rituals and also has the intent to do so.  Someone who knows what they are doing (at least generally) and carries through consistently can use such as a way of changing behavior.  However, someone doing it just because they read about it is not likely to get the same results.  In other words, part of whether such protocols and rituals are "silly" or not depends on the intentions behind their use.

Funny how often why we do something turns out to be more important than what we do.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 9:24:02 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Funny how often why we do something turns out to be more important than what we do.


I agree with that completely. The small list of things I do, in addition to my own enjoyment have specific purposes. I also agree with the consistency part.

Regardless, even if there is no greater purpose besides "I just like it", I think its an important element for maintaining identities to do things that make it "feel" like a M/S relationship as opposed to the absence of those things where it is no different than any other "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship.

Necessary? I wont go that far since people will certainly play the nihilist card. Important in my experiences? Defiently.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 9:24:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
I think it's more funny as to how often that's a truly mind blowing revalation to people rather than a "duh."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 9:28:44 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think it's more funny as to how often that's a truly mind blowing revalation to people rather than a "duh."


It certainly was for me when I finally wrapped my head around the concept of "maintaing identity".

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 9:29:26 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline
Redhead, what do you mean by "safe" exactly?

It's probably not "safe."  That's why we do it.  The safest thing in the world, of course, is death.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Veryleggyredhead

Is this
practice safe?

(in reply to Veryleggyredhead)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 9:34:11 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
Right, and bringing all this back to the original questions of the thread.

It matters less what sort of depersonalization is happening as it does why it's happening.  Why is the dominant attempting to depersonalize the submissive in whatever form is occuring.  Why is the submissive agreeing to it?  Why does the submissive, in some cases, want this and seek it out?  Addressing those questions will shed light on how healthy or unhealthy things actually are.

You're also right in pointing out the importance of how things are done, which is as important as the why of it.  Is the methodology employed used consistently?  Is it done in a way that evokes the desired reaction and/or "feel"?  Is it done with a care for whatever risks are involved?  And so on.

The actual what of it, often ends up being least important of all.  Ironically, the one of the most common mistakes of inexperienced dominants I see is that they get caught up in the "what" and don't pay enough attention to the "why" or the "how" which comes later with more experience and maturity.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Depersonalization - 10/29/2007 11:25:30 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
A friend of mine uses this in his training program. Not everyone is "born" in this program. He uses the third person 'it' as one of many tools to get past the ego and to the Self. His house is a no limits house as well and he doesn't accept those who he does not feel compelled to Master in some way. In my opinion, it works well in his house, because he has no ill will or ill intent when it comes to the development of those who seek his house. It is not all about the power for him. In fact, it's about EMpowering...both him AND the slave. His name is SlaveMaster. http://bornslaves.com/

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Veryleggyredhead)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Depersonalization - 10/30/2007 5:25:45 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
Several observations about this topic:
 
1.  I hope that no one would consider allowing themselves to undergo surgery at the hands of a novice.  Or to fly in an aircraft piloted by someone without training.  That wouldn't be safe or sane, even if it were consensual.  And yet there are those that (profess to) allow untrained novices engage in mental, psychological and emotional reconstruction upon them.  Something is not right with this picture.
 
2.  It's quite a bit easier to "be" (ie: play) dehumanized online for an hour or two each day, than it is to *be* dehumanized real time.  In other words, as online role play this dehumanization is something anyone could engage in for short periods of time.
 
3.  As has been mentioned earlier, there are limits (hey, there's that word again) as to what can be done within the environment you choose to practice dehumanization.  Many places online are relatively tolerant of it.  But doing it in your real time place of work will likely get you dismissed.  Doing it around your friends and family will likely get you an appointment with a therapist.  And doing it only privately around your owner means that it's role play (another animal entirely). 
 
4.  Objectification is a short term (ie: scene length) role play with a finite beginning and end.  I would say that differs substantially from continuous, ongoing, long term "dehumanization".
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to Veryleggyredhead)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Depersonalization - 10/31/2007 1:19:03 PM   
HOUDINI1961


Posts: 71
Joined: 9/15/2005
Status: offline
whether depersonalization or objectification, it works! a Master started making me, call myself "it" during our online talk and it really did make me feel more slavelike and like property. when he had me call myself "it" over the phone, it was much harder and i kept slipping up. i really had to slow down my speech in order to use the word "it" instead of i.

it was fantastic though, unfortunately it didn't last long enough to do much if "it" in person. but it took me weeks to start calling myself "I" when talking on line again. and when i did, it felt like i had lost something.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 18
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Depersonalization Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094