RE: Battle of the Desperates (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive



Message

bigstud573 -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/30/2007 2:12:26 PM)

First off, I've never whined in my life, EVER! I know thats an easy way to pass it off..I'm not talking about myself, I'm trying to describe whats going through some subs heads. If your missing the point, oh well. I know the Dommes are frustrated, I've read the profiles and what you're not getting is thats what I was responding to, that there is frustration for both sides. Now who's playing the pissing contest?.. don't get so defensive.  It's just a board to share thoughts so we can learn more, is that so wrong? You all ask for honesty and then a guy gets condemmed for being honest..jeeezz.

bigstud



MistressGayle -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/30/2007 2:13:14 PM)

are you really 12 years old? Don't we have an age requirement to be on this site?!



bigstud573 -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/30/2007 2:20:21 PM)

Can you do better than that? Come on..

I'm simply responding to a post about a Dommes frustration with subs and with each response, you insult me rather than talk or debate on a mature level. Is that asking too much?  Who's really acting like the 12 year old here now. I'll back out so this doesn't get old for others reading our different takes on this.

bigstud



batshalom -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/30/2007 5:15:42 PM)

bigstud, let me see if I can intervene here.

I had a difficult time reading your first post. It was long and not overly organized, and it was pretty condemning of Dommes. Granted, you may have been making a case for the subs, especially male subs, but it was condescending and harsh. When others responded to you with that same sort of energy, it put you on the defensive.

Hold that thought please.

If a relative stranger came into a conversation you were having and rifled off some rambling accusatory opposing view, would you not be taken aback? You probably would. Just as you felt put on the defensive when other posters responded to your first post in this thread, that is how they felt after reading your original rant. Nobody comes out of such feeling good, including you, because now you feel attacked.

You were attacked ... and with pretty good reason: you attacked first. You put people on the defensive, as unintentional as it might have been. I don't mean to belittle your attempt at debate or communication - I'm just trying to help your stay here be a more comfortable one.

Be well.



therealboss -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/30/2007 7:16:34 PM)

what a good answer,that should shut him up



MistressDolly -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/30/2007 8:06:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: mya75

Just want to get some input or points of view on a few things I have noticed...Why is it so many people come across as desperate ..meaning you meet a seemingly nice person on here and then your at day 3 and there shouting out orders and expectations...I am a fairly reasonable person and definately not a procrastinator ....I would usually meet someone in person within 2-4 weeks of meeting online if I felt there was even a small chance of things working out...But lately I have recieved some overly aggressive/rushing messages. Has anyone else seen this? Im sure you have I just want to get your take on it...


Some are searching for something fast and easy...



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/30/2007 10:16:04 PM)

The thing to remember on both sides is that- IT WORKS.  At least for a little while, at least long enough to sincerely distract them from whatever they want to be distracted from.  People respond to that stuff all the time.

The best part is when you get people who get involved in the relationship for a few days/weeks, constantly question and worry and get upset over it, but simultaneously go on and on about how they just can't end it.

It's not sincerely real to them, not like long term relationships are.  It hasn't quite hit that awakening moment for them, and until it does, they keep playing those games, getting their highs for however long they can and then getting the next high somewhere else.

Trust me, all of the dumbass asshole dorky tactics we could complain about- THEY WORK on a LOT of people.



bigstud573 -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/30/2007 10:16:07 PM)

Thank you, I appreciate your approach. I understand how it came across, I was simply trying to make a point, it was never my intention to insult anyone and it shows how text messages wrong intents and misunderstandings lead to more chaos. Again..thank you and I agree.

bigstud



batshalom -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/31/2007 2:16:58 AM)

You're welcome. I know you were trying to make a point, and it was valid in its own right, but phrasing and tone can be everything, especially in a place where you don't have the benefit of body language and tone of voice. (Not that I'm not guilty of not taking my own advice at times.) ~smiling~ Welcome to the boards - I wish you good fun.



Celeste43 -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/31/2007 7:28:14 AM)

Myself, my natural pace is that of a snail. Toe in the water, ten minutes to get acclimated before I take another step. So I'm used to other people pushing. And I sort of expect it out of dominants, that innate desire to control everything including my pace.

What mattered to me was the response I got when I said, stop pushing, you're going too fast for me, and my response to you pushing is to drag my feet longer.

I was shocked at the number of people who in effect said something on the order of 'tough, I'm in charge and you have to adapt the second I snap my fingers'. Those types didn't get even a response, if they had to drag me, instead of getting me to willingly follow, we had nothing to talk about.

The Man was the only one who stopped pushing, apologized for going too fast, and then paid attention in the future to signs of me balking at which point he would ask if he was pushing too far, too fast again. And when I said yes, again he slowed down to a pace I could handle. He understood that I didn't have to agree to meet him the next day, or get tied up in an hour, that he would eventually get everything he needed if he just taught me at a pace I could handle.



bipolarber -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/31/2007 9:15:08 AM)

Testosterone + porn fueled fantasies + being brought up in an "instant gratification" society = N

(N denoting the vast number of desperate males with low social skills on the internet)

N = T +P/F +I/GS

Ultimately, this all stems from people getting caught up in their fantasies, and then they stop thinking of the other person that they are trying to communicate with. Sad, really.



meticulousgirl -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/31/2007 9:48:09 AM)

agreed

~meticulous~
_______________________________________________________________
The answer is probably a billion reasons.

For some so frustrated by the search finding one person that might be interested makes their brain lose all sense of reality.

For some cyber day dreaming has overcome reality.

For some it is just not knowing or trusting themselves that it is an ill fated attempt to show what they are about in that area.

I found on the other side during my search that the people I wrote back positive way too many mistaken this to be a race to a specific destination and not a journey to see if we have something and are compatible. These people are more concerned about getting to the phone after first message and meeting after first phone call that they simply lose reality of the point of the actual communication in the first place.

People simply forget that the head and heart often run at a different pace and is different for every individual. The ones who do what you are complaining about have forgotten this aspect and their heart and often have only thought things through with their big and small brain.




URASSISMINE85 -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/31/2007 10:02:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

Testosterone + porn fueled fantasies + being brought up in an "instant gratification" society = N

(N denoting the vast number of desperate males with low social skills on the internet)

N = T +P/F +I/GS

Ultimately, this all stems from people getting caught up in their fantasies, and then they stop thinking of the other person that they are trying to communicate with. Sad, really.


I agree, most men first getting into this lifestyle on this will be of that mindset. some because they honestly think thats how they should come on to sub and slave and that its that kind of attitude and approach that sub and slave's crave...But honestly if sub/slave could tell persons that come off that way, that they are still talking to a laby or man and that you must give respect to get respect it will help to curve this mindset...Basically if have a problem with it help do something about it or do you think they are going to read your mind or care if you block them they'll just move on?!



lateralist1 -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/31/2007 11:18:13 AM)

I always keep this in mind.
The Dom/me drives the car but the sub has his/her foot on the gas pedal.



jmasterson -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/31/2007 12:48:19 PM)

bigstud, I learned quickly from my short time here that some people just LOVE to start pissing contests. They'll say something hostile in responce to your original post and then when you respond back they will either dismiss what you say as whining or being immature or not respond. One thing you can bet on is that they won't rationally respond to your arguments cause thats not what a pissing contest is about, is it?

My answer to the OP is that I agree, it does make me want to back out when a person seems intent on meeting real soon, I think a certain amount of dialogue is necessary before meeting in real person. I personally still have a certain apprehension about meeting people from I met on the internet in real life. HOWEVER, I am also not looking to play an endless game of email tag. I have met a couple people that I really liked and apparently they really liked me, but after weeks of emails when I suggested meeting they said that it was still way too soon to talk about that. Sorry but I am looking for real time, not an endless chain of emails.



mya75 -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/31/2007 1:09:50 PM)

When I made this post it was in regards to a guy that has messaged me....now I am sooooo glad I didnt meet him after I didnt succumb to his forceful talk..he decided the best thing to do would be to tell me about all my so called flaws he knew so well in only 3 days LOL........and is now messaging me on several different names on CM and all claiming different states.......all I have to say is WOW.....and I am glad I didnt ever meet this dude...but I want to thank everyone for responding to my little post.....



bipolarber -> RE: Battle of the Desperates (10/31/2007 1:19:57 PM)

lateralist1,

Actually, the way that metaphor is supposed to be (since, as far as I can tell, I was the one who came up with it years and years ago) is: "BDSM is like being in a driver's ed car: The Dom is behind the wheel, controlling where the scene is going... but both he and the sub (the person on the passenger side)  have brake pedals."



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125