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Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 12:25:33 PM   
mya75


Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Just want to get some input or points of view on a few things I have noticed...Why is it so many people come across as desperate ..meaning you meet a seemingly nice person on here and then your at day 3 and there shouting out orders and expectations...I am a fairly reasonable person and definately not a procrastinator ....I would usually meet someone in person within 2-4 weeks of meeting online if I felt there was even a small chance of things working out...But lately I have recieved some overly aggressive/rushing messages. Has anyone else seen this? Im sure you have I just want to get your take on it...

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~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 12:34:27 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		God, everything from getting a cell phone number in the first message to an address with an open invitation to "drop in". All that says to me is ... yuck.

(in reply to mya75)
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 12:34:46 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		We all get them, you just have to chalk it up to learning and leave it there. IF you get worked up over them then you will be worked up all the time. Gotta kiss a lot of frogs till you get your prince and all that. 

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Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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(in reply to mya75)
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 12:39:01 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		The answer is probably a billion reasons.

For some so frustrated by the search finding one person that might be interested makes their brain lose all sense of reality.

For some cyber day dreaming has overcome reality.

For some it is just not knowing or trusting themselves that it is an ill fated attempt to show what they are about in that area.

I found on the other side during my search that the people I wrote back positive way too many mistaken this to be a race to a specific destination and not a journey to see if we have something and are compatible. These people are more concerned about getting to the phone after first message and meeting after first phone call that they simply lose reality of the point of the actual communication in the first place.

People simply forget that the head and heart often run at a different pace and is different for every individual. The ones who do what you are complaining about have forgotten this aspect and their heart and often have only thought things through with their big and small brain.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to mya75)
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 12:40:45 PM   
mya75


Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Ha I agree with you both ..it doesnt work me up at all usually I just say hey its not gonna work out and then ask them to not contact me..unless they just want general chat..but many cant deal with just that....its crazy.....its almost as bad as the spammers from Nigeria and Ghana

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 12:41:23 PM   
therealboss


Posts: 227
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		most i ignore,some interest me,all i learn from

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be the best

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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 12:43:20 PM   
mya75


Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		couldnt have put it better *toservez*....well said

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to therealboss)
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 12:57:54 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		I have kind of gotten the same things from subs.  Everything starts out really cool and then once they decide that they like me they act so desperate that I really dont want to meet them anymore because then they start acting all scary creepy like I am being stalked or something.

(in reply to mya75)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:05:47 PM   
MistressGayle


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I've had many subs/slaves (and other Dominants even!) contact Me, who after one or two chats become highly irritated and outraged that I won't call them, give them My number, or agree to own/meet with them immediately. It makes no sense. This is an interview process on both sides of the D/s coin; and it takes a bit of time -- not much, but still it takes some time. That amount of time is relevant to the Dom and the sub/slave. There is no rule book -- you have to handle this search in a safe zone. This is a huge commitment on both sides; it only makes sense to take the time we need. I won't be rushed or bullied into one thing; therefore, My "blocked" list is verrrrrrry long!

(in reply to FRSguy)
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:18:40 PM   
mya75


Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		My blocklist is getting longer I try to use it as a last resort but sometimes I have to just say "I dont need this stress or drama from someone I dont even know"

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to MistressGayle)
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:24:57 PM   
MistressGayle


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yes, I would like not to have to block anyone, but some just don't get it, so we do what we have to do.

I'm not into drama at all! Life is too short for that.

The sad thing is that they don't take "no" for an answer, even when you say it nicely or in a mean way! So, they create NEW profiles, as if we won't figure out who they are.... a doorknob is a doorknob! 

(in reply to mya75)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:31:41 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		The problem I run into is people not understanding that I do not meet someone right away in general, and less likely to do so if I am not looking.  Immediate interest, usually prefaced by some comment about my physical looks, is not going to lead me to believe that you are just wating to be "freinds".
If someone cant find enough to talk about online for a few weeks, then I dont hold much hope for a face to face conversation. Maybe I am asking too much, but if we cant hold a conversation with enough lag time to come up with somehting interesting to say... why should I believe that you can think better on the fly? And if all you can or care to talk about is sex, BDSM and activities therein even after I have mentioned that I dont think that is really much of a converasation topic for more than one discussion... you havent made much of an impression.
I think the desperation comes from frusteration in the search.  However, that desperation isnt going to help you any, since a desperate person comes across as being more interested in the title and the acts you might get into than the person they are attached to.  And if someone doesnt want to meet me for me, but wants to meet me only for what I am... I lose interest.

My 2 cents
DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MistressGayle)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:34:54 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressGayle

I've had many subs/slaves (and other Dominants even!) contact Me, who after one or two chats become highly irritated and outraged that I won't call them, give them My number, or agree to own/meet with them immediately. It makes no sense. This is an interview process on both sides of the D/s coin; and it takes a bit of time -- not much, but still it takes some time. That amount of time is relevant to the Dom and the sub/slave. There is no rule book -- you have to handle this search in a safe zone. This is a huge commitment on both sides; it only makes sense to take the time we need. I won't be rushed or bullied into one thing; therefore, My "blocked" list is verrrrrrry long!


ahhh that is why I put up all my *huge* disclaimers ( or at least I feel they are huge) on my profile... I still get the occasional " ya wanna whack me bum" sorta rubbish... but I guess we all get a bit a that.

I simply dont take in folks for short periods of time. Folks that are pushy in any sector of my life get *exactly the opposite* of what they are looking for.

I usualy fire off the usual brush off "involved" letter since that is what my profile indeed states. If they get pissy I iggy. If they are nutters off the bat, I iggy.

So many desperate people out there.. you wonder how many werent breastfed. 

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to MistressGayle)
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:37:05 PM   
therealboss


Posts: 227
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		they keep creating new profiles and i keep blocking them,i have all the time i need to get the sub i want,i give them text to get rid of people i don't want,text can come anytime

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be the best

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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:38:44 PM   
therealboss


Posts: 227
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		i meant test  

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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:40:16 PM   
bigstud573


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		The thing alot of you ladies don't get..is that much of it is frustration. There are just as many flaky non-responsive or jokes with Dommes listed here as the subs, you just don't see it since you don't seek them out like the subs do, you only see the subs responses. After awhile, it gets old on our part as well. It's also called passion for their true feelings and desires that often have to be held back and hidden from the real world. While as Dominants, you are applauded and rewarded for being a take charge, in control individual and don't have to hide it thus not getting frustrated.  The subs have to hide it since we live in a society that frowns on slaves, most often men, not acting like men so they have to sit on it and hide it. So when they believe they found someone who truly understands them, they get excited and push even though they know they are coming across that way. Much like a dog, getting excited as you fill his dish or excited to see you home. Its just like the real world of women to want men to want them in the worst way and not be able to live without them or for someone to have a dog or pet love them but on both accounts not tooooo much. You want the best of both worlds which is rare which is why we are all here.  There is much more sacrifice on the subs part than your part, just deal with it. You'll be ok, the subs have to deal with the same crap in other forms.

Women have a support system for every tough turn in or situation in life, men have 0, you are able to express these things and let them out, men do not, some yes, but no where near the options women have. Thus, frustration and over excitability when they feel they found someone who gets them. They don't intend to come on strong but when you believe you found happiness, you get excited. Why be condemed for it if it doesn't hurt anyone other than your precious time?

bigstud

< Message edited by bigstud573 -- 10/30/2007 1:46:29 PM >

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:44:56 PM   
therealboss


Posts: 227
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		lol

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be the best

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 1:57:54 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

Thus, frustration and over excitability when they feel they found someone who gets them. They don't intend to come on strong but when you believe you found happiness, you get excited. Why be condemed for it if it doesn't hurt anyone other than your precious time?


Because I think most work on the theory of wanting to find the person to be with in real time and like it or not this comes back to the difference between what the men want to happen and the reality of what has happen. The reality is often there has been just a few messages exchanged which is the equivalent of maybe a ten minute conversation. Would you at a bar after ten minutes start to graphically talk about what you want to do to that person sexually and ask them right then to go back to your place? If so what reaction would you expect?

I do understand the frustration aspect to it. But my advice is always the same about dealing with frustration; find someplace other then your profile, messages, journal entries and message board comments to vent it out. People regardless of gender are not wanting to deal with some stranger's baggage.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to bigstud573)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 2:06:32 PM   
MistressGayle


Posts: 76
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I think the "bigstud" is whining! hah hah hah! Get a life! Get over yourself. If you HAD read any profiles for any Dommes, you would SEE that we have just as much frustration with fake, whiney subs, as subs have with fake dominants! What a joke!

(in reply to bigstud573)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Battle of the Desperates - 10/30/2007 2:07:05 PM   
bigstud573


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		Works both ways..

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 20
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