getting to know a new Dom

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greenie -> getting to know a new Dom (8/3/2005 1:25:06 AM)
When an unattached submissive is ready for a new Dom what is the protocal on how many they can be getting to know? For instance is it wrong to be talking to 2 Doms, getting to know them, them getting to know you? Should a sub be getting to know only one until it reaches either the point where it's agreed it isn't a match or it is a match? i know that no sub or Dom for that matter wants to "settle" and so is it appropriate to keep options open unless the sub feels strongly "this is probably the one"? If it is ok to be doing this how do you tell the Doms you're getting to know that you're talking to others also w/o making them feel unimportant or offended? Also, other then the obvious safety protocols, what are good questions to ask a Dom you're getting to know? Other then the basic getting to know each others general and bdsm interests.

plantlady64 -> RE: getting to know a new Dom (8/3/2005 7:39:19 AM)
Hello There, When I was searching the web for my one true Master, all of the Dom's I was speaking to in person, or online, knew I was a t the point I was playing the field. I think to be a free sub, leaves the sub in control of her time and affections. She should be permitted to date one or many, depending on her own desires, till she finds someone with that special spark she seeks. I think most people online are speaking to more than one person anyway. I think it's good for the Goose & it's good for the gander as well to keep your options open till you find something worth the investment of a more single minded focus. The sub should be free to date who she likes till she decides to give her will and submission officially to someone. Even then some slaves/subs like me are permitted to have an open relationship even after she has her one that holds her heart. My Master has to approve all the people I play with, and must give his blessing to anyone who wants to see me privately. But even now I'm talking to, and playing with more than one. For some its full monogamy, for others it's intercourse only monogamy, for others it's only within their poly leather family, for others it's a free for all, and of course for some its none. There are so many variables it's more an opinion than a correct answer we can give you as far as protocol. It's totally the sub & Dom's call when dating someone as to the protocol for that sub/slave to follow. Sincerely, sub suzanne

littleone35 -> RE: getting to know a new Dom (8/3/2005 8:59:01 AM)
Ther is nothing wrong woith talking to more then one. Say you invest all the time it takes to get to really know someone just one person and it turns out it is not a match, you could have passed on someone who was a perfect match. Before i knew my late master was my match i met others and he and the others both knew i was seeing others. i would say keep you options open. littleone

greenie -> RE: getting to know a new Dom (8/3/2005 9:41:05 AM)
ty both so much and i tend to agree. my question then would be when you are getting to know a Dom how is it best to word it that although you are very interested in getting to know Him better you are actively speaking with another at this time?

nenakajira -> RE: getting to know a new Dom (8/3/2005 10:21:55 AM)
Theres nothing wrong with speaking to multiple men you just have to be honest about it. After all, as long as you havent yet made a commitment to any of them, its not even unexpected. Just be blunt about it. "I just wanted you to know that while I enjoy your time together I am speaking to others as well. I didnt want you to be surprised if you happened to hear something from someone else, but I do value our time together as well" ect..ect... ciao nena{R}

perfection20005 -> RE: getting to know a new Dom (8/3/2005 5:37:13 PM)
There is nothing wrong with talking to several men. Thats the only way you can find out who you are compatible with. Just tell each one that you are speaking with others to try to find out who is right for you. They should understand that you are just in the looking stage and be ok with that.

RavenofPK -> Just a rant....... (8/3/2005 11:17:02 PM)
Greetings, Here is a side note to the whole "talking to more than one man at the same time" train of thought. I refuse to use the term "Master" or "Dom", because it isn't a job description. It's simply a title or honorific. Anyway.........what's with the whole "won't talk to other men without my (insert title here) permission? I mean.......I can understand if the girl is owned.....to a point. But you've got all these other sub-titles of "mentor", "trainer", "under consideration by", and other such nonsense. Are the men that weak and insecure that they cannot handle a girl speaking to another man, for whatever reason? Or.........are the females that untrustworthy that they have to be put on such a short leash? The submissives are being hypocritical in expressing a need to learn and grow, and then shutting that avenue off by removing access to a wealth of knowledge and information from other men. There are only two ways: owned or unowned. Anything unowned has no claim to it. To state otherwise is to stifle and degrade growth and education. Raven

greenie -> RE: Just a rant....... (8/3/2005 11:24:50 PM)
ty Raven, all valid points i think. to clarify though i'm not worried about asking permission but was more concerned with whether it was appropriate to keep options open. at what point in getting to know a Dom should a sub close off the other options? i have your answer though when you said that a Dom has no claim to an unownded sub.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Just a rant....... (8/3/2005 11:49:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: greenie ty Raven, all valid points i think. to clarify though i'm not worried about asking permission but was more concerned with whether it was appropriate to keep options open. Another question would be, why would you question whether it is or not? quote: at what point in getting to know a Dom should a sub close off the other options? i have your answer though when you said that a Dom has no claim to an unownded sub. When you feel it's best to do so. No one has claim on anything unless you agree to it.

LdyAuburn -> RE: getting to know a new Dom (8/4/2005 3:24:38 AM)
Maybe a diplomatic way of mentioning is dropping into conversation for example ' I was talking to DA last night and he has a similar view to you etc..." that way there is no implied ' You have the right to veto my other discussions' and also it lets him know you are talking to others

Sir4now -> RE: getting to know a new Dom (8/4/2005 3:58:12 AM)
There is nothing wrong with Seeing and Getting to know a couple Dom's or Dommes at the same time. As long as it is in the open and everyone knows and is ok with it. Try very had to not compare them to each other, BAD BAD thing to do. would be like telling Dom #1 that Dom #2 can hit so much harder and He hits like girl.... LOL just joking but try not to compare them to each other. How would you feel if the Dom/Domme is seeing other submissives? and how would it make you feel if they talked about them comparing you to them? I feel the big part of this lifestyle is about respect. Letting him know what your feelings are and that you are speaking or seeing others is respecting his feelings on this, and if he can not handle that then maybe you shouldn't be seeing him. Remember that respect is a two way street.

greenie -> RE: getting to know a new Dom (8/4/2005 9:37:18 AM)
LdyAuburn excellent suggestion! Sir4Now i would have to agree that no O/one would want it rubbed in their face. i think that when it got to the point that W/we stepped beyond the beginning talking and getting to know one another and went to the next level that is when i would think that i would need to stick with just One, concentrating my attention on just Him. Talking and discovering interests via communication is a much different story.

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