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Its all changed - 10/30/2007 9:07:46 PM   
TakenPet


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/12/2007
Status: offline 		Master has over the last while changed a lot.  He doesn't want to play with me anymore, at least not since his ex has moved back into town?  We used to talk on a daily basis, now I am lucky to speak with him twice a week, and he never wants to play, just enjoy talking.  Should I be as worried as I think?
I have tried to discuss this with him, and he told me I was questioning him, and put me on indefinite punishment of silence?  Any suggestions?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Its all changed - 10/30/2007 9:51:57 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		As much as i hate to say this, it sounds like you already have your answer, and my "advise" such as it is, is to listen to that little voice that whispers inside and it will steer you in the right direction. 

i guess my biggest problem, if i had to pick, is the indefinite punishment of silence.  i'm a firm believer (almost obsessively so) in communication in any kind of relationship, from birth to grave (and beyond).  Problems aren't going to just "go away" by ignoring them.  There is always a little bit that stays with us when we ignore them, it can destroy our self-esteem, undermine our growth, and just in general "it sucks"..lol. 

As for my suggestion of what you should do, again i say you have to do what is right for you.  Is this the type of relationship you want or need?  If it was me, i'd move on, because like he's made his decision -- he's just waiting for you to catch up with yours.

Good luck and huggles
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Its all changed - 10/30/2007 9:56:19 PM   
Statepalace


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/20/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know if I've done the link correctly, but if not please take a look at the Red Flag's List under the Ask a Master section. Number 18 applies specifically to your situation. Sorry you are in a relationship that is causing you distress.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1355709/tm.htm

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Its all changed - 10/30/2007 10:01:43 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		No matter what kind of relationship it is:

If your partner is no longer meeting your needs, nor do they show any indication of doing so in the future, then it's quite possible that the relationship has turned unhealthy. My mother's advice: Ask yourself these questions: 1) Would you miss them if they were gone? 2) Is being in the relationship healthy for you? If the answer to either one is no, then you seriously need to reevaluate the relationship.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Its all changed - 10/30/2007 10:57:38 PM   
Sirandlil1


Posts: 272
Joined: 8/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet

Master has over the last while changed a lot. he never wants to play, just enjoy talking.  Should I be as worried as I think?
I have tried to discuss this with him, and he told me I was questioning him, and put me on indefinite punishment of silence?  Any suggestions?



Run do not walk away...Run....EOM....

_____________________________

A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Its all changed - 10/30/2007 11:12:29 PM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		Takenpet,

Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress.

Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us).

SixFoot


_____________________________

How-so oft fresh injurious deed
Doth turn Janus' petulant gaze
'pon the rocks and storm rift sea
And littered wood of broken days
disregard for toil shown
no ground broken, no seed sewn.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 1:47:54 AM   
Babybass


Posts: 230
Joined: 7/30/2007
Status: offline 		I will give you advice that i read in one of the threads here (SmokingGun82, i think) - I read it at a time i really needed to hear it and it helped me so much...i prob have the wording slightly off but the sentiments the same!!
Never make someone a priority when they see you as an option.

_____________________________

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting" - e e cummings

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 4:46:48 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		Based on what the Op said, she has tried to talk to the guy and he does not want to hear her concerns. My view is drop him and move on. You can find someone that will communicate with you and is not doing a half-assed attempt at trying to hide the fact that hes seeing his ex on the side which is shoving you to the side. Sounds like he is having his cake and trying to eat it too. Screw the silence, ask him point blank if hes seeing her. If he says yes do as I suggested before walk away.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to Babybass)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 5:03:30 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Blah, I typed a whole list of possibilities, but deleted them. He MAY be caught up in something you know nothing about, that will be explained later on. He MAY be planning on a poly relationship. He MAY be doing lots of things. But sadly, I do think the other posters are right.  He just hasn't had the balls to tell you that he is moving on, yet. Or he's hedging his bets and waiting to see if it turns out ok with the ex, or if he should keep you. An indefinite punishment of silence? For what? You haven't done anything wrong, but ask for the truth.

It doesn't really matter, if he is not speaking to you or willing to discuss possibilities with you, and you're out in the cold and not having your needs met, it's time to seriously think about the probability of him going back to the ex. Be aware, people are ex's for a reason, so he might come sniffing around your door again if it doesn't work out. Do you really want to be his "standby"? He's being completely unfair and sounds like a weakling who doesn't have the guts to tell you he's moving on without you.



_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to wisteriaV)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 5:14:19 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		an indefinite punishment of silence is the swift kick to my ass telling me it's time to move on.  i wouldn't call him "master" if he refuses to communicate with me.

that's just me and what i would if i was in your situation.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 5:22:22 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster

Takenpet,

Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress.

Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us).

SixFoot


This reply is worth reading a second time.
 
John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 5:54:36 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		He's already told you in  both words and actions what you don't want to admit to yourself. Indefinite silence? That means he isn't going to be man enough to tell you the truth, that he's picked her over you, and just wants to keep you hanging around in case she leaves again.

Me? If I can't come first, I don't play. YMMV.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 8:30:02 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster

Takenpet,

Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress.

Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us).

SixFoot


This reply is worth reading a second time.
 
John


Sorry this is classic dominant is always gets the benefit of the doubt so submissive must be wrong until proven not crap. The OP has clearly lined out things that have CHANGED in the relationship and not about what she is expecting something different or unrealistic.

As most of the others have said if your needs are not getting met and communication on his end, which to me is clearly being stated by the OP, is lacking then it does not look good.

Generally in my opinion relationships generally move forward and sliding back of this nature are often not going to work. Personally I would communicate with him and see if he is going to work on the relationship or in fact he is just mailing it in. You have to be you and in the end jumping through hoops is a fool’s errand.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 8:41:03 AM   
lux221


Posts: 21
Joined: 10/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster

Takenpet,

Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress.

Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us).

SixFoot


This reply is worth reading a second time.
 
John

The OP stated when she tried to voice her concerns he shut her down.

(in reply to Rover)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 8:46:37 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

quote:

ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster

Takenpet,

Have you talked to him about these changes? Don't jump to any conclusions, it could be anything at all causing it - but be open about your concerns in a non-confrontational manner. Invite him to talk to you about any stresses he is under, and what you can do to make his day easier. Only you really know the timbre and tone of your relationship, so only you are qualified to decide what to do about it. It could simply be depression or work stress.

Just be open, honest, and gentle, and let him provide the answers you need (not us).

SixFoot


This reply is worth reading a second time.
 
John


Sorry this is classic dominant is always gets the benefit of the doubt so submissive must be wrong until proven not crap. The OP has clearly lined out things that have CHANGED in the relationship and not about what she is expecting something different or unrealistic.


actually thats the "the rational person gets the benifit of the doubt and the over emotional, he's sleeping with the ex and if it doesn't work out with her he'll come sliming back to me, irrational assumtion might be wrong" response....

for all the OP knows, it could have aboslutely nothing to do with the ex...i read the same things from the OP as everyone else...and the only thing that i know for sure is...she doesn't know what's going on with her Master....so, how is assuming that the relationship has gone to shit and going from there going to help anything?

to the OP...i agree with SFM and Rover....

edited to add: sometimes there are higher priorities to deal with than our already established relationships....in fact, isn't that one of the benifits of having an established relationship....that they can be sustained without that constant, overwhelming need for attention?


< Message edited by chellekitty -- 10/31/2007 8:48:57 AM >

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 8:51:05 AM   
lux221


Posts: 21
Joined: 10/30/2007
Status: offline 		By what criteria did you determine her Dom is a rational person, chellekitty?

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 8:51:23 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		pet,

The replies you have received are like a pendulum swing>

My suggestion without adding to the verbiage is ask for your release!

CP

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 8:53:30 AM   
sweetstorm


Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakenPet


I have tried to discuss this with him, and he told me I was questioning him, and put me on indefinite punishment of silence? 


I would call that a serious red flag and tell him that if I'm not allowed to discuss concerns or ask questions, I walk. That's just the way I am. I need to be able to talk about everything! I'm a talker and I'll ask and ask and ask.

Or course, I warn about that in any meet-ups  *sheepish grin*

_____________________________

You don't need a parachute to skydive.

You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to TakenPet)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 9:05:52 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lux221

By what criteria did you determine her Dom is a rational person, chellekitty?



By what criteria did you determine that her Dom is not a rational person, lux221?


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to lux221)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Its all changed - 10/31/2007 9:12:06 AM   
lux221


Posts: 21
Joined: 10/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: lux221

By what criteria did you determine her Dom is a rational person, chellekitty?



By what criteria did you determine that her Dom is not a rational person, lux221?


I've made no assertions about him at all.


< Message edited by lux221 -- 10/31/2007 9:14:41 AM >

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 20
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