Under consideration... (Full Version)

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tootsiepop -> Under consideration... (10/30/2007 10:43:27 PM)

I am a submissive that has accepted a LDR with a Dominant with the proviso that W/we suit when W/we meet in the next couple months. My profile clearly stated 24/7 D/s LTR and that I am monogomous.

I am happy with this arrangement except tonight, for the fourth time, I am asked why my owner's name is not mentioned in my profile and why He didn't put His name or nic onto my TSR certificate when He filled it out.

Yes, I've thought of the possible reasons. Good and not so good.

Suddenly I have doubts. The first three questioners were curious subs/slaves so I gave it no regard, but tonight it was a Dominant/Master. What does that mean?

Do I have cause for doubt or am I being overly sensitive? Do I have the right as His owned submissive to ask Him about this? I don't wish to shake this up needlessly. Am I missing something here? Is it common practice to put a Dominant's name into our profiles?

Thanks so much for any insight Y/you can give.



mya75 -> RE: Under consideration... (10/30/2007 10:45:53 PM)

How long have you known your Owner?

If you are submissive you can ask but as with all things you may not like his response. I would think he would be more than happy to ad his nickname or preferably his real name to the TSR certificate.In addition it is customary for many Owners and subs/slaves to include eachothers names on their profiles...From what I have read it all seems odd to me and may be cause for you to worry especially if you havent known him long and have never met and already accepted his collar..However he could just be slow at these things..so I would mention them and see what his response is....



tootsiepop -> RE: Under consideration... (10/30/2007 11:04:02 PM)

Hi mya...

It has been 3 weeks... W/we chat everyday, talk everyday... sometimes twice when He is home... and He emails and texts when away for work. Communication has been excellent.

I am not collared. Just owned. Subtle difference but a difference all the same. I have accepted His dominance and He has claimed me as His submissive. Neither of us wished to jump that fast which is why I thought nothing of NOT putting His nic into my profile. But the question keeps coming up...

Yes, I was just checking and I am seeing many Dominant's nic's in their sub/slave's profiles now.

And I never ask a Man a question I am not ready to hear. Good or bad. *grins*

Thanks for your help.



mya75 -> RE: Under consideration... (10/30/2007 11:05:15 PM)

Your welcome and good luck! I will have to do my research now on being owned and not collared ...*starts to read the web* I havent heard of that before but I learn something new everyday...*hugs*



tootsiepop -> RE: Under consideration... (10/30/2007 11:23:48 PM)

http://www.londonfetishscene.com/wipi/index.php/Ownership

http://www.slaveregister.com/

At TSR the choices for the certificate is:

unowned sub/slave
owned slave
collared submissive
owned property
submissive in service
servant in service

And thank again mya... going to just not let the question bother me for now. Noticed many claimed subs without owners nic in the profile... so about 50/50. No sense getting my panties in a twist over something so inconsequential.

*huggles*



hisannabelle -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 12:05:03 AM)

greetings tootsiepop,

have you asked him about his reasons for not doing it?

personally, my master is not on this (or any other) bdsm website, and i don't know anything about the slave registry...so while i clearly communicate that i am collared, i do not think it's odd not to include his name or nickname, and even if he were on the site, i could understand not putting his nickname in my profile. it would throw up more red flags for me if your dominant were hiding the fact that he is in a relationship at all (or if you were). but yes, in my experience from reading profiles, if both parties are on cm it is common practice to include the partner's nickname. it all depends on what you are comfortable with, really, and if you feel it's something you need to be worrying about...your security is ultimately more important than other people's questioning. has he specifically told you not to put his nickname in your profile? have you asked him about that?

my advice is to just be open about it with him and communicate that you would like to include that information. see what his views are on it before you jump to conclusions that it is a problem. best of luck :)

respectfully,
annabelle.



twistedkytten -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 12:21:07 AM)

FR

My Masters name in any variation is not in my own ... never has been... though my profile, speaks of Him regularly..



tootsiepop -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 12:38:38 AM)

greetings annabelle,

I didn't want to ask via email or chat so must wait until Saturday to talk via phone. And no, I am not one to jump to convulsions... *laughs* ... but am one to study a situation and have my information ready to present at the time of first bringing it up. Saves the pain of having to bring it up more than once.

That being said, I cannot say if He is hiding it or not. His profile makes no mention either way, so yes He could be hiding it and yes, He may just want to wait until after W/we meet.

I did ask when I changed my profile and saw no reason to question His not wanting to be mentioned. Having done so could open a can of worms even larger than this one. There are always a few malcontents on a site that like to stir up trouble. *doh!* And I just walked right into it, didn't I? *she's laughs ruefully at herself*

In light of that little thought and now that the emotion of getting slammed with this yet again has passed, I have to say I trust Him to do what is right for U/us both. I trust Him for He has never given me any reason to not trust Him.

So, I guess that's my answer, yes?

And Sir, should You read this, I apologize for allowing others to cast that niggling little doubt... I should not have. *she glances at the box that holds the pegs and sighs*

Thank you all...



batshalom -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 3:03:20 AM)

tootsiepop, you have known this person three weeks and you are calling him your owner? You have never met and yet you have committed so deeply? You have doubts and think it is wrong to doubt?

You've been in law enforcement for ten years and know when you're being set up. You've also been a woman for 40-something years and have that ability in relationships. My guess is that you are a brand new sub, have met this dude who trips your subbly trigger, makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, have tons of NRE, and you're afraid to appear unsublike. It'll getcha every time.

Listen to your gut. It might not be exactly right but it's rarely completely wrong. And don't be in such a rush to commit. You don't KNOW this person, for heaven's sakes - nothing is different just because this is a D/s dynamic. It's still a relationship. He might be "alla that" but if he is, he's not going to care if you go a little more slowly, with caution, a trust-but-verify attitude. If he does care that you approach with caution ... well then there's even more reason to be cautious, isn't there?

Argh. This is falling on deaf ears, I just know it.

In which case ... have fun! Be well!



RCdc -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 3:04:38 AM)

quote:

Suddenly I have doubts. The first three questioners were curious subs/slaves so I gave it no regard, but tonight it was a Dominant/Master. What does that mean?

Nothing unless you want it to mean something.

quote:

  Do I have cause for doubt or am I being overly sensitive?


I would say for me, that is being overly sensitive - but for you? - I cannot answer that.  Master/dominant/significant other makes no difference - their desires/rules/limits are what matters, not what other people think or say.

quote:

Do I have the right as His owned submissive to ask Him about this? I don't wish to shake this up needlessly.

If he allows it.  This question would concern me as it indicates you have not discussed and communicated to know this, yet are owned.  If you do not know the structure of your relationship between each other, regardless of others, why did you submit to being owned?

quote:

Is it common practice to put a Dominant's name into our profiles?

Not overly - some do, some don't, some like Darcy and I have a joint.  You do what you both decide, what your Master deems appropriate and you submit(if you do) is what matters, not what the majority 'do'.  Don't get caught up in following rules or ways of others, be yourself and the rules of your dominant.  But if you haven't already discussed the limits and rules and expectations, then I don't understand how anyone can submit to being owned, which as far as I am concerned is not being under consideration.
 
Ask him, decide if it is something you want, regardless of others, if it is something you would like, request permission or discuss it.  Communicate before you make any commitments and decisions that lead to being overly sensitive or jealous.
 
the.dark.



tootsiepop -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 3:39:07 AM)

Not deaf ears. Sometimes You click with someone and sometimes You don't. Never felt a red flag here. And slow it is going. Allowed ownership... maybe too fast, maybe not... time will tell. As stated, NOT COLLARED. And I am safe until I deliver myself into His hands... with my 6'2" 220 pound adult son standing next to me. And all info known that needs to be known. Stupid I am not... un-learned about the 'customs' definitely.

First D/s relationship? No... but not for a long time. First LDR? No... unfortunately. New to BDSM? Not even. New to critisism? Don't I wish. Know who and what I am? Most intimately since a kid. Gut feelings? Yes, as I mentioned before.

The questions asked were more about 'protocol'... Do/can/dare I ask? Not do I trust Him. Is this done? Not should it be done. As also stated I am out of touch with Him verbally for the next few days... before bringing it up I wanted to know information about it first. Not unreasonable.

As for jealousy? Where did that come in? I never mentioned or intimated it for it isn't there. Neither is anger for both are counter-productive. And it is what sparked this whole thing... people who hate to see others happy and just won't leave them be.

For those who offered help, suggestions, and SUPPORT... thank you. I sincerely appreciate your efforts.

BTW, this whole thing is a great reason to NOT put another's name/nic into Y/your profiles. Just my opinion...



TheIslandofO -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 3:43:34 AM)

Reality is, only time will tell. All owner types are different, some preffer not to broadcast what they own. While others want to shout it out on the highest mountain. Validation can only come in time with reality, not romance or fantasy at the forefront. Sadly today more and more alot of people are romanticing the life. Communiction is always key, take your time enoy the path you have started on. have a great day!!!!


P.S. Can you help me get green card ????? oh wait, do I need to get green card if I live in Florida from California? HMMMMMMMM,



Squeakers -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 4:33:30 AM)

     I doubt very highly that if my partner had a profile on here that he would include my name, I would not expect it, or want him to.   I in turn would never put his screen name in my profile.   



wisteriaV -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 5:01:20 AM)

Communication, communication and communication. You can never ask too many questions in my view. If he takes offense at questions, it would raise a huge red flag for me....As Master says, you can never ask too many questions.[8|]



RCdc -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 5:08:26 AM)

quote:

The questions asked were more about 'protocol'... Do/can/dare I ask? Not do I trust Him. Is this done? Not should it be done. As also stated I am out of touch with Him verbally for the next few days... before bringing it up I wanted to know information about it first. Not unreasonable.


It is obvious you are asking about protocol and not unreasonable at all, however what people have tried to stress is that - what other people think and do is probably not what your Master would do or desire, therefore the advice is ask and request from him, not strangers.  He is what matters - He is the dominant and it is his protocols that matter in your relationship.
 
Clicking with someone and having a relationship in a short time space is not uncommen, nor unheard of nor negative.  There are many LDR that survive longterm that started swiftly.  However communication is the key and your post indicated that there isn't sufficiant to know what your partner/master/dominant/submissive might be thinking/wanting/desiring.  Your Dominant is the Master of the protocols of your relationship - not strangers, not me, not anyone.  All people give is advice and thoughts to your questions.  Not everyone wants to reply in a fluffy and comfortable way - but offer down to earth thoughts which you take as critique or in the negative.
 
As for the jealousy issue - that wasn't aimed at you - but a statement of what can happen.  There are other people reading these threads who are in a similar position to yourself, with different outlooks, so opening and broadening the reply is just what happens - so no need to take things personally and be sensitive (in your own words) to what others comment/write.
 
If you're happy without him in your profile and if he doesn't require it, that is what matters.  What other people think or infere by asking why do not matter unless you make it matter.

the.dark.



xaria -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 6:11:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tootsiepop

I am a submissive that has accepted a LDR with a Dominant with the proviso that W/we suit when W/we meet in the next couple months. My profile clearly stated 24/7 D/s LTR and that I am monogomous.

I am happy with this arrangement except tonight, for the fourth time, I am asked why my owner's name is not mentioned in my profile and why He didn't put His name or nic onto my TSR certificate when He filled it out.

Yes, I've thought of the possible reasons. Good and not so good.

Suddenly I have doubts. The first three questioners were curious subs/slaves so I gave it no regard, but tonight it was a Dominant/Master. What does that mean?

Do I have cause for doubt or am I being overly sensitive? Do I have the right as His owned submissive to ask Him about this? I don't wish to shake this up needlessly. Am I missing something here? Is it common practice to put a Dominant's name into our profiles?

Thanks so much for any insight Y/you can give.


Greetings tootsiepop,

Well, i must say that many things have popped in and out of my mind as i have read through from start to finish.  You may notice that most people have the same'ish type advice.  i'm going to try to make points instead of suggestions.  Try, being the optional word....

Point 1:  The relationship is new.  There will be questions that appear here and there that will make other questions "pop up", so to say.  This is a time when you're establishing if it a relationship that will work once you have met, so make sure you quiry everything.

Point 2:  Not all people rush out to place their new-found ownership (both ways of being owned or owning) out there for others to see.  This generally has a variety of reasons from things like "why flaunt it, until I know for sure?" to generally not wanting to express their interests for all of collarme.com to browse through. 

Point 3:  Why let others put worries into your head when most are probably just trying to cause problems?  i can't tell you how many times i've had people, Dom's especially, trying to say they would be better for me than my Dom.  When they don't get what they want from you they will try belittling you to make themself feel better.  It's pointless to put yourself in that position.

Point 4:  As a submissive you have the right to question anything.  Even as a slave, i am allowed to question Master.  It's just in my case, because Master has owned me for so long, i know that His decision is final.  i am allowed to ask questions.  Most people are, unless their dominant denies such things.  One that constantly denies such things should be questioned, (in my opinion obviously) because where is the communication or the ability to build trust.

Ok...i think that's enough points.  i hope these help you, even if only in a small way.  my personal opinion is that you may or may not have a right to be concerned.  The only way to settle your curiousity is by being open and talking to him about your fears, worries, or concerns.  Whether they may seem silly or not to others, they probably don't to you.  Addressing him openly is truly the only way to clear them up for yourself to have a peace of mind.

One small personal point, i guess everyone calls it something different.  Don't let anyone try to tell you that it's "wrong" to say that you're owned, but not collared.  Most would consider it more as you're under his training or consideration collar.  That doesn't mean you're wrong.  It just means you two mutually see it as ownership, without the collar for now.  There's nothing wrong with that.  There is no one way of doing this lifestyle and the things that make it up to what it is.  i hope it all goes well for you.



Celeste43 -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 6:47:03 AM)

How can you be owned by someone you've never laid eyes on? Why would you proudly proclaim owned by Mr X when you might meet him next week to find out he was actually a she, or a foot shorter than you, or wider than he is tall, or even your first cousin's husband (God forbid). I remember somebody saying they agreed to meet and walked in to see that the man with the red carnation in his button hole was actually his 9th grade science teacher who made freshman year living hell.

Even so, even if you've been together for years there still are good reasons not to list someone. You're not trolling as a couple, you're just here to forumize. Your partner isn't even on the site. I added The Man to mine, hoping to cut down on the HNG mail but he didn't add me for over a year, and even then it was only because I asked him to. The truth is he, like most nonposting doms, didn't get unsolicited emails so it never occurred to him.



tootsiepop -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 7:42:10 AM)

xaria,

Thank you... perfectly said and in a supportive way. I appreciate that more than even the advice. But mostly, yes, it is what W/we think that matters.

As for some points from others... I have learned that looks don't matter to me. Yes, it's true. There are some of us that know such things are not so important as what is on the inside. As for 'owned' the TSR doesn't have an option for under consideration (options were stated above)... so how else to pull Yourself out of the loop and still be available to friends? How else to make clear that You are not available so that even the dimwits can understand? Trust me... owned was not enough. And for some collared wouldn't do it, I'm sure. Dead might stop them but not ALL of them.

Again, thank you all for your support... and others for their 2 cents. But for me, I'm done with this one.



KatyLied -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 7:58:48 AM)

quote:

so how else to pull Yourself out of the loop and still be available to friends?  How else to make clear that You are not available so that even the dimwits can understand?


Just tell them you aren't available.  You don't need to use special words to convey that simple message.  And if you are talking about unsolicited emails, does it really matter that you convey anything?  Why are you corresponding with dimwits anyway?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Under consideration... (10/31/2007 4:33:46 PM)

As Darcy said, she will learn the difference between having a spark and having a fulfilling long term relationship.



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