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peppermint379 -> RE: Forcing your sub to safeword? (8/3/2005 6:01:52 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: And for the subs....how would you feel if you knew your Dominant was going to intentionally MAKE you safeword and they would not stop until you did?
It depends on what the Dominant and i have decided. Let me try to explain.
Not so long ago i was a newbie...had never played....only dreamed. I met a man and he becomes my Mentor. Note: I don't want to get involved in a discussion as to whether a Mentor should play with a sub. Enough to know that he wished me to have some experience to know if this is what i needed and wanted. So he tells me he wants me, and will make me use a safeword. Heck....he wants me to safeword.!! I didn't see anything bad or wrong with that. I'm a sub remember....i will obey and i'm too much a newbie to know that i'm supposed to be proud if i've never had to use a safeword. So we play, and i eventually safeword. Was that a bad thing? NO!! You see, now i realize that if i need to safeword, he will stop. Oh wow....what has happened?? Trust has happened. I know he will stop if i safeword......he trusts that i will safeword if i feel the need to do so, and he has taught me that the safeword is not a dirty word. Next time we play, we go beyond the limits of our first meeting.
Recently i attended a BDSM event that lasted several days. I arranged to see a Dominant there, one i'd met but never really played with before. Previously we'd talked about safewords...which words we would use, and it seems we both thought of them in the same way. We play one day....play the next day....all goes pretty well. At night on the third day, he decides he's ready for a real scene with that single tail he's been practicing with for awhile. He'd gotten some more instruction and more practice during the event. I've never done a scene with a single tail....oh well, first time for both of us. There is the element of the unknown for both of us. The dungeon area is out in the woods. There is some light, but not much so he checks with me frequently to make sure i'm okay. The feel of the whip is more intense than anything i've ever experienced...SNAP....burn....SNAP....burn. He's brought nothing else to the dungeon, only that whip. He checks on me one last time and i look at him and softly say "red". The scene is over.
The rest of the night passes in a blur. I'm too high on endorphins to think straight. I don't remember some things, and remember small things very well. We don't discuss the scene that night, and in the morning there is no time because he needs to pack up and leave. I just got home today, so we haven't been able to talk about it yet.
Was he waiting for me to safeword before he stopped? Hmmm....i 'think' so from our previous discussion on safewords, but i'm not sure. The problem in playing with someone you have little experience playing with, and also doing a new scene is that there can be miscommunication due to not knowing the other better.
I've had days to think about what happened. I know now how i feel things could have been done differently, and prehaps better. It's something he and i will discuss, for only by discussing and coming to understanding will we both learn.
So, in my long, round about way...would i safeword if i knew the Dominant intended on MAKING me use that safeword? Why...of course i would. I've been taught to do that. I don't consider MAKING me safeword a challenge that i need to get myself in trouble about...just part of playing the way my Mentor taught me to play.
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