RE: Why is serving / being pleasing equated with being a submissive/slave?

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RE: Why is serving / being pleasing equated with being ... - 11/1/2007 7:54:25 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: meticulousgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: mya75

Hmm ...I am a submissive I love the feeling of being overpowered I love to give up my will submit to the will of another..however that doesnt make me a servant....I love to serve but what makes me a servant is the things I do.....kneeling,cooking,domestic things,sexual things etc etc..combining the two makes an easier lifestyle but many submissives are not always servants...I guess the best way for me to explain it would be for me to take it out of the D's concept ....I am a very attentive and caring person by nature I love to make others feel better and this requires serving in some aspect....my employment is also of a serving nature.....I hope that helps and doesnt confuse you....

I couldn't have said it better myself so I'm sticking with Mya's words.

i serve because i enjoy doing things for other people, at work, in my home, and in my Owners home, i dont do it for my own gratification, or for the attention, i do it because i have a need to please others, to make other's lives easier and more fulfilling. That need has always been there but for me it's used in more than just the D's context.

~meticulous~

These two write it better then I can write it for myself. To me there is my personality that needs/enjoys wanting to take care of the people I care for. Then there is the power exchange part of my life which I have consented to, and between my love for my Master and compatibility/knowing of each other, doing things that we would equate to being his servant because it works for both of us.

To me they are two different things but just happen to intertwine together most of the time.

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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

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RE: Why is serving / being pleasing equated with being ... - 11/1/2007 9:32:22 AM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
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I believe the majority of people do like to please other people on some level, but what distinquishes them from a submissive is that the submissive happens to experience personal fulfillment in serving, pleasing, pampering, gratifying, catering, and satisfying the needs of a chosen individual through surrendering and taking orders.

This, btw, also distinguishes a submissive from a bottom who prefers to dictate, not follow orders.

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RE: Why is serving / being pleasing equated with being ... - 11/1/2007 10:07:23 AM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

That question may seem strange to those of you who automatically associate the terms, but I would love some answers anyway. =) Talk to me like I'm 2 for this one, please? Also, do any of you feel like you aren't very much of a servant, but do feel you are quite submissive? Thanks in advance.

I think that service is inherent to what I consider submission. However I don't think that a servant is inherently submissive. To me, submission naturally includes doing acts and things that make the persons life run smoother and add value to the submissive. They absolutely go hand in hand to me.

C~

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RE: Why is serving / being pleasing equated with being ... - 11/1/2007 11:03:10 AM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
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I am not service oriented in the sense of enjoying being a servant. I deeply enjoy anticipating needs and doing little things to bring a smile to the face of people I love, my dominant or otherwise. I often put a bit more effort and conscious thought into it for my dominant. But I believe I'd be very unhappy in a dynamic where there were lots of laid out expectations and protocols for service. I'm much more in line with the submissive CreativeDominant spoke of, I feel the value in the things I do comes from the fact that they were not structured and commanded. A subtle but critical difference that is hard for a lot of people to wrap their head around; this is kind of what I see as one of the primary things that distinguishes a submissive and a slave in my mind. That is just my way of thinking of it, I know everyone has their own perspectives.

That said, I do get commanded from time to time to do certain service type things, and I enjoy that too, it gets me hot because it demonstrates his authority, but I don't enjoy it for the service its self or even for the pleasure he gets from the service, it is just the power and authority exchange I enjoy in that instance.

~ J

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RE: Why is serving / being pleasing equated with being ... - 11/1/2007 11:08:28 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

That question may seem strange to those of you who automatically associate the terms, but I would love some answers anyway. =) Talk to me like I'm 2 for this one, please? Also, do any of you feel like you aren't very much of a servant, but do feel you are quite submissive? Thanks in advance.

I'm an owned person but I'm not submissive nor do I have any drive to serve. I don't live to please M primarily, and in general I think of myself first. I have the ability to submit my will and I have the ability to serve when required, even though it often takes quite an effort.

agirl

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RE: Why is serving / being pleasing equated with being ... - 11/1/2007 11:08:31 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
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some of the biggest organizational masochists i have met have been Dominants, because they love to serve their community...and i dare you to tell them that they are submissive just because of that...

oh to be a fly on the wall when that happens....

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RE: Why is serving / being pleasing equated with being ... - 11/1/2007 3:27:39 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

I guess what I mean is what makes a submissive, a submissive a desire to please/serve? Is one a submissive if they have one of those other traits usually associated (or several) but not that one, or is it key? e.g. they want to be owned property of another, they are obedient, they like being overpowered, they are the passive partner to an active one, etc? Are there not many who identify as a sub/slave who fear or do not enjoy serving or giving out of their own power of will? If they like to be commanded / taken / used / controlled. Or is that something else? Thanks. :)

I'm really not sure I'm fully understanding what you're asking, so if this response is off base let me know. I consider there to be a difference between active submission and passive submission. Active submission is when I kneel, when I ask to kiss his feet, when I actively choose to do things that will please him. Passive submission is when he forces me to my knees, rapes me, tells me to kiss his foot or he will split my lip...it's more about him dominating than about me submitting.

I do think that a good submissive is one who surrenders actively, rather than one who is constantly being forced to do things to please her partner. Don't get me wrong I love being forced...but only when he wants to force me. If he had a rough day and just wants to come home to his girl treating him like a king...it will be my pleasure to kiss his stress away. If he would rather work out his stress by chasing me around the apartment and having wild rough hate you sex that's fun too.

A relationship shouldn't feel like a chore - for either partner. If you are truly a submissive in nature, one day you'll find a man who just makes you want to crawl to him...serve him...give him every part of yourself and then some. It won't feel like a chore or a task but simply an expression of love. But staying in a relationship where you suffer through giving, and he suffers through forcing you to be pleasing, is not fair to either partner.

< Message edited by xoxi -- 11/1/2007 3:28:13 PM >

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RE: Why is serving / being pleasing equated with being ... - 11/1/2007 4:16:23 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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FR- as others have said, it's just one of those fluffy myths people like to toss around and sound pretty

The best masters tend to be the ones MOST inclined to provide service to the world in which they live.

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