Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/3/2005 3:20:36 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

OK... on another thread I made reference to an exploding penguin. Someone wrote back and made reference to a dead parrot. Since I didn't want to hijack that thread, I figured I would start a new one.

Post your favorite Monty Python skit or line(s).

From Monty Python and The Holy Grail

Peasant: Who are you?

King Arthur: I'm your King.

Peasant: Well I didn't vote for you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

Post #: 1

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/3/2005 3:29:11 PM

Isolde

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline

Mm, dead parrots...

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Also:

Sgt.: Sorry, Mr. 'Arrison. Come at me with that banana. Hold it like that, that's it. Now attack me with it. Come on! Come on! Come at me! Come at me then! (Shoots him.)

Chapman: Aaagh! (dies.)

Sgt.: Now, I eat the banana. (Does so.)

Palin: You shot him!

Jones: He's dead!

Idle: He's completely dead!

Sgt.: I have now eaten the banana. The deceased, Mr Apricot, is now 'elpless.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 2

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/3/2005 4:04:06 PM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

Excellent topic.

My favorite skit is The Bicycle Tour. That's the one where one of the Pythons, on a merry tour of Britain on his bike, picks up Leon Trotsky (creator of the Soviet Red Army) and rides him around on the handlebars. They have great adventures, and narrowly escape a firing squad. I think it takes up a whole 30-minute show.

The Spanish Inquisition is pretty damn good, too!

My favorite line is from the Upper Class Twit of the Year Event:

Announcer: He doesn't know when he's beaten! Doesn't know when he's winning, neither! In fact, he has NO sensory apparatus WHATSOEVER!!!

I dunno why that cracks me up so much.

Bob "Pinin' for the fjords"

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 3

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/3/2005 5:28:22 PM

softandshy

Posts: 297
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

The initial meeting with the Knights of Neep in the Holy Grail, the request for a shrubbery and the part with the bunny "Run away, run away". For some reason i get a real kick out of the Urban Spaceman skit too, even though that one's not too unusual, i like the words. Who am i kidding, all the skits and movies by that group are great.

< Message edited by softandshy -- 8/3/2005 5:29:26 PM >

_____________________________

Happy "Swamp Thing"

(in reply to DesertRat)

Post #: 4

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/3/2005 5:45:19 PM

greenie

Posts: 579
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

from Monty Python and the Holy Grail "yes You must spank us all!" hehe

(in reply to softandshy)

Post #: 5

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/3/2005 6:52:35 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I have a friend called Dickus Lickus

Death You are all dead.

People What? how?

Death The turkey was poisoned.

Person I did not eat the turkey.

Death Too Late.

People Shall we take the cars?

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 6

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/4/2005 4:33:27 AM

gbscloset

Posts: 16
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

"ALBATROSS!"

"Oh.....intercourse the penguin!"

How To Recognize Different Parts Of The Body

The Money Song...I've got 90 pounds in my pajamas...I've got 40 thousand French francs in my fridge...I've got lots and lots of lira....

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 7

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/4/2005 6:50:25 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softandshy

The initial meeting with the Knights of Neep in the Holy Grail,

Lol the knights that say Ni, NI,NI
Who later become the knights that formerly said NI.

(in reply to softandshy)

Post #: 8

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/4/2005 7:58:19 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Post your favorite Monty Python skit or line(s).

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again.

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 9

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/4/2005 9:33:03 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

If you think I am gonna work up out of this trench, you can just get your self a goddamn stuntman!

And the spanish inquisition
And Nic Nic Nudge Nudge know what I mean?

Say no more!

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 10

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/4/2005 11:31:49 AM

nenakajira

Posts: 221
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

From Life of Brian:

ARTHUR:
Hail Messiah!
BRIAN:
I'm not the Messiah!
ARTHUR:
I say You are, Lord, and I should know. I've followed a few.
FOLLOWERS:
Hail Messiah!
BRIAN:
I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand?! Honestly!
GIRL:
Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
BRIAN:
What?! Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
FOLLOWERS:
He is! He is the Messiah!
BRIAN:
Now, fuck off!
[silence]
ARTHUR:
How shall we fuck off, O Lord?

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 11

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/4/2005 11:32:11 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

"I cut your arm off!"

"No you didn't ... it's just a flesh wound!"

I love the Black Knight scene ... lol, the whole thing.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 12

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/4/2005 11:47:13 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Vikings with horned helmets on. A man and his wife enter.
Man: You sit here, dear.

Wife: All right.

Man: (to Waitress) Morning!

Waitress: Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, sausage, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato and spam;

Vikings: (starting to chant) Spam, spam, spam, spam...

Waitress: ...spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam...

Vikings: (singing) Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!

Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor au Crevettes with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.

Wife: Have you got anything without spam?

Waitress: Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY spam!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?

Vikings: Spam spam, spam, spam (crescendo through next few lines)

Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?

Waitress: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!

Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.

Wife: (shrieks) I don't like spam!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam!

Vikings: (singing) Spam spam, spam, spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!

Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.

Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?

Waitress: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)

Vikings: (singing elaborately) Spam, spam, spam, spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spaaam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Lovely spam! (Lovely spam!) Lovely spam! (Lovely spam!) Lovely spaaam! Spam, spam, spam, spaaaaam!

Oh... and not forgetting....

Brians Mum - He's not the messiah - He's just a very naughty boy!

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 13

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/4/2005 3:05:44 PM

MadameDahlia

Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline

I enjoy pretty much all of them...

Two men in a pub
Norman Is your wife a...goer...eh? Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Nudge nudge. Know what I mean? Say no more...know what I mean?
Him I beg your pardon?
Norman Your wife...does she, er, does she 'go' - eh? eh? eh? Know what I mean, know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Say no more.
Him Well, she sometimes goes, yes.
Norman I bet she does. I bet she does. I bet she does. Know what I mean? Nudge nudge.
Him I'm sorry, I don't quite follow you.
Norman Follow me. Follow me. I like that. That's good. A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, eh? (elbow gesture; rubs it)
Him Are you trying to sell something?
Norman Selling, selling. Very good. Very good. (hand tilting quickly) Oh, wicked. Wicked. You're wicked. Eh? Know what I mean. Know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Know what I mean? Nudge nudge. Nudge nudge. (leaning over to him, making eye gesture; speaks slowly) Say...no...more. (leans back as if having imparted a great secret)
Him But...
Norman (stops him with finger which he lays alongside nose; gives slight tap) Your wife is she, eh... is she a sport. Eh?
Him She likes sport, yes!
Norman I bet she does, I bet she does!
Him She is very fond of cricket, as a matter of fact.
Norman (leans across, looking away) Who isn't, eh? Know what I mean. Likes games, likes games. Knew she would. Knew she would. Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She's been around, eh? Been around?
Him She's traveled. She's from Purley.
Norman Oh...oh. Say no more, say no more. Say no more - Purley, say no more. Purley, eh? Know what I mean, know what I mean. Say no more.
Him (about to speak; can't think of anything to say)
Norman (leers, grinning) Your wife interested in er... (waggles head, leans across) photographs, eh? Know what I mean? Photographs, 'he asked him knowingly'.
Him Photography?
Norman Yes. Nudge nudge. Snap snap. Grin grin, wink wink, say no more?
Him Holiday snaps?
Norman Could be, could be taken on holiday. Could be yes - swimming costumes. Know what I mean. Candid photography. Know what I mean, nudge nudge.
Him No, no we don't have a camera.
Norman Oh. Still (slaps hands lightly twice) Woah! Eh? Wo-oah! Eh?
Him Look, are you insinuating something?
Norman Oh...no...no... Yes.
Him Well?
Norman Well. I mean. Er, I mean. You're a man of the world, aren't you...I mean, er, you've er... you've been there haven't you...I mean you've been around...eh?
Him What do you mean?
Norman Well I mean like you've er...you've done it...I mean like, you know...you've...er...you've slept...with a lady.
Him Yes.
Norman What's it like?

Now... are there any other lumberjacks about?

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 14

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/4/2005 3:10:53 PM

Isolde

Posts: 213
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: Hamilton, Ontario
Status: offline

Oh yes, can't have this thread without the Lumberjack Song.

I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night. I work all day.

Mounties : He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

Mounties: He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.

Chorus : I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) okay.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

Mounties : He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

Chorus : I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) okay.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Mama

Mounties : He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra?!

Chorus : I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) okay.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

Yes, I'm (He's) a lumberjack, and I'm (he's) ok-a-y.
I (He) sleep(s) all night and I (he) work(s) all day.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)

Post #: 15

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/7/2005 3:33:34 PM

MasterBenedict

Posts: 309
Status: offline

Oh Yes!!! I've been looking for those lyrics for.... I don't even remember when I started looking!!!

_____________________________

If you can LAUGH at it you can live WITH it!

(in reply to Isolde)

Post #: 16

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/7/2005 3:44:49 PM

ModeratorOne

Posts: 935
Status: offline

WAITER:
Good evening! Uhh, would you care for something to... talk about?
MR. HENDY:
Oh, that would be wonderful.
WAITER:
Our special tonight is minorities!

MR. HENDY:
Ohh, that sounds real interesting.
MRS. HENDY:
Um, what's this conversation here?
WAITER:
Uh, that's, uh, 'football'. There you can talk about the Steelers-Bears game this Saturday, or you could, uh, reminisce about really great World Series.
MRS. HENDY:
No, no, no, no.
MR. HENDY:
What is this one here?
WAITER:
Uhh, that's 'philosophy'.
MRS. HENDY:
Is that a sport?
WAITER:
Aah, no, it's more of an attempt to, uh, construct a viable hypothesis to, uh, explain the meaning of life.

FISH #3:
What was that?
FISH #5:
What's he say?
FISH #4:
What was that?!
FISH #2:
Shush.
FISH #5:
Eh?

MR. HENDY:
Oh, that sounds wonderful. Would you like to talk about the meaning of life, darling?

MRS. HENDY:
Sure. Why not?
WAITER:
Philosophy for two?
MR. HENDY:
Right.
WAITER:
Room?
MR. HENDY:
Two-five-nine.
WAITER:
Two-five-nine.
MR. HENDY:
Yup. Uhh,-- uh, h-- how do we--
WAITER:
Oh, uhh, you folks want me to start you off?
MR. HENDY:
Oh, really, we'd appreciate that.
WAITER:
Okay!
MR. HENDY:
Yeah.
WAITER:
Well, ehh,...
MR. HENDY:
Mhmm.
WAITER:
...look. Have you ever wondered... just why you're here?
MR. HENDY:
Well, we went to Miami last year and California the year before that, and we've--
WAITER:
No, no, no. I mean, uh, w-- why we're here... on this planet.
MR. HENDY:
Hmmm. No.
WAITER:
Right! Aaah, you ever wanted to know what it's all about?
MR. HENDY:
Nope.
MRS. HENDY:
No. No.
WAITER:
Right-o! Aah, well, uh, see, throughout history,...
MR. HENDY:
M-hmm.
WAITER:
...there have been certain men and women who have tried to find the solution to the mysteries of existence,...
MRS. HENDY:
G-reat.
WAITER:
...and we call these guys 'philosophers'!
MR. HENDY:
Ohh.
MRS. HENDY:
And that's what we're talking about.
WAITER:
Right!
MR. HENDY:
Yeah.
MRS. HENDY:
Ohh, that's neat!
WAITER:
Well, you look like you're getting the idea, so why don't I give you these, uh, conversation cards? They'll tell you a little about philosophical method,...
MR. HENDY:
Oh.
WAITER:
...names of famous philosophers,-- Uh, there you are. Uhh, have a nice conversation!
MR. HENDY:
Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
MRS. HENDY:
He's cute.
MR. HENDY:
Yeah, real--
MRS. HENDY:
Yeah.
MR. HENDY:
Real understanding. Mmm.
MRS. HENDY:
Oh! I never knew Schopenhauer was a philosopher!
MR. HENDY:
Oh, yeah! He's the one that begins with an 'S'.
MRS. HENDY:
Oh.
MR. HENDY:
Umm, like, uh, 'Nietzsche'.
MRS. HENDY:
Does 'Nietzsche' begin with an 'S'?
MR. HENDY:
Uh, there's an 's' in 'Nietzsche'.
MRS. HENDY:
Oh, wow. Yes, there is. Do all philosophers have an 's' in them?
MR. HENDY:
Uh, yeah! I think most of 'em do.
MRS. HENDY:
Oh. Does that mean Selina Jones is a philosopher?
MR. HENDY:
Yeah! Right! She could be! She sings about the meaning of life.
MRS. HENDY:
Yeah. That's right, but I don't think she writes her own material.
MR. HENDY:
No. Oh, maybe Schopenhauer writes her material.
MRS. HENDY:
No. Burt Bacharach writes it.
MR. HENDY:
But there's no 's' in 'Burt Bacharach'.
MRS. HENDY:
Or in 'Hal David'.
MR. HENDY:
Who's Hal David?
MRS. HENDY:
He writes the lyrics. Burt just writes the tunes, only now, he's married to Carole Bayer Sager.
MR. HENDY:
Oh, waiter. This conversation isn't very good.

(in reply to MasterBenedict)

Post #: 17

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/10/2005 2:29:59 AM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

From Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
"Your leg's off!"
"No it isn't."

From Flying Circus:
"HA! No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
(Oddly enough, my freshman year honors medieval history term paper was on the Spanish Inquisition. I put that quote in very small font at the bottom of the page and the prof bumped me from a B to an A on it. I guess the Python gets you places. ;)
or
"TIGER?! WHERE?!"

From Meaning of Life:

"A tiger? In Africa?"
"Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
When a sperm is wasted
God gets quite irate."

LOL. I love this thread.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 18

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/25/2005 7:43:34 PM

msub4Domme

Posts: 66
Joined: 3/22/2004
Status: offline

"That parrot ain't dead. He's just restin'."

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 19

RE: Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line - 8/25/2005 7:56:36 PM

tade

Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline

"But what if they have a pointed stick?"

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to msub4Domme)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> Favorite Monty Python Skit/Line

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094