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Feeling Letdown.... - 11/1/2007 5:34:12 PM   
sweetdemure


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline 		Hello my sisters ...

       I'm feeling very hurt at this moment and need to ask something of you all ....what would you think if a Dom has asked to marry you and lets plan for the futher to marry ....Ok now the question I have to ask is : what if this Dom calls you up and says ( hey lets get married I just drove by the justice of the peace and I got this feeling ...so do you just want to get married that way )?  and then the next day I asked him about it and he said to me ' what ? I wasnt serious ...were you' ? I didnt think you took it serious ? and now I feel like a fool ....what is your opinion ?
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/1/2007 5:40:57 PM   
mya75


Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Going by what you wrote I would say he could have possibly been joking not a nice joke at all especially if he had the inclination you would take it seriously...its a girl thing a lot of us do it if you enjoy him and enjoy being with him then just write it off as you being emotional and thinking too much into what he said....There are other factors of course to consider how soon after you met did he propose that you marry and have you actually done any planning....But going by what you said I think he was just trying to get your reaction on things and it possibly could have been just an innocent joke..Sorry you feel bad but I can relate and dont let it get ya down *hugs*

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(in reply to sweetdemure)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/1/2007 5:58:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well for the first question I would give my honest feelings.  Some people would be fine with a wedding like that, some wouldn't care and some would hate it.  If you're being asked for your honest feelings, well it's best to give them.

If they said the next day they were kidding and were honest about it, I'd say that I hadn't gotten that impression and perhaps to be a bit more blunt about it next time.

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(in reply to mya75)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/1/2007 6:01:47 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I'm confused - was he kidding about getting married at all, or about getting married at City Hall?  And if he wants to get married but not at City Hall, why are you let down?

Don't feel foolish for believing him though, I'm always taking my Master seriously when he's kidding.  He finds it amusing.

(in reply to sweetdemure)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/1/2007 6:05:22 PM   
LadyLegs


Posts: 176
Status: offline 		I would assume that he genuinely felt that at the time, but that he wasn't in a really logical mindframe.  I would just relax and let him figure it out, & keep being your adorable self. 

smiles

(in reply to mya75)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/1/2007 6:10:36 PM   
givemyall


Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		Tell him that you are so glad that he was only messing because you have just won the lottery and you wouldn't want people thinking that he was only marrying you for your money

On a serious note, sorry to hear that you feel letdown - its rotten when that happens

(in reply to sweetdemure)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/1/2007 6:35:18 PM   
octavia


Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetdemure

Hello my sisters ...

      I'm feeling very hurt at this moment and need to ask something of you all ....what would you think if a Dom has asked to marry you and lets plan for the futher to marry ....Ok now the question I have to ask is : what if this Dom calls you up and says ( hey lets get married I just drove by the justice of the peace and I got this feeling ...so do you just want to get married that way )?  and then the next day I asked him about it and he said to me ' what ? I wasnt serious ...were you' ? I didnt think you took it serious ? and now I feel like a fool ....what is your opinion ?

If i understand you correctly, he pulled a bait and switch and "teased" you with the idea that he wanted to marry you.
My gut  reaction is RAT BASTARD!
Lemme at em....  I would karate chop his ass.

(in reply to sweetdemure)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/1/2007 7:25:34 PM   
Willowmoon


Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		Master knows that one day i want to get married and have children with that in mind I don't think he would ever do something like that to me because he knows its something that I wouldn't forgive and get over quickly.

I find it interesting comparing rules surrounding marrage between countrys for example in america you can do it on the spur of the moment but here we have rules to prevent that - A person must have declared there intent to wed at least a month before the intended date.

Willow

(in reply to octavia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/1/2007 11:33:44 PM   
slave4urneeds


Posts: 47
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		Be honest and tell him exactly how you feel and what your thoughts are before and after.  Of course that should happen after you walk in the door with a wedding dress in your hands. 
Then you can tell him you were just kidding too! 
Sorry im a real bitch!

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~pleasures

(in reply to Willowmoon)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/2/2007 12:30:30 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If I took him seriously, I'd be hurt. I'm not sure I'd take him seriously if I'd only known him for a little while. But, in the end, someone who would toy with your emotions like that or someone who would make light of something you hold important would NOT be someone I'd find to be a good match. I'm betting you're much the same.

But, talk to him about it first. He simply might not know that this is a hurtful thing. Some people are just kinda dense.

Master Fire


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(in reply to sweetdemure)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/2/2007 6:24:04 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		Men, in general, can have constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth on lots of occasions, whether dom or sub.  In other words, men are stupid.  Most times, men don't think past their noses when they get something up in the brain.  They just blurt it out.  What he thought was a sincere spontaneous act of romance actually hurt your feelings.  The feeling may have crept up on him and he felt compelled to share it with you at that moment, but I think it was more along the line of he was swept up at the prospect of marrying you and the brain shut down while his mouth overloaded his butt, then tried to back out of it by passing it off as a joke.  If he is a compassionate and understanding master, you should be able to sit down with him and talk about the fact it hurt your feelings and why it hurt.  Tell him it is a very serious thing for you and you would greatly appreciate it if he refrained from saying anything like that until everything is lined up right for the both of you.  Just talk about things and get the facts before you overreact.  If he turns out to be a prick, you'll pick up on it quick.

Just my opinion, I could be wrong.  I just hope it's not the whole constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth thing...

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Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/2/2007 6:38:00 AM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		I'm going to play Devil's advocate here and offer another possiblity, one with a positive spin.

What if he was serious? What if he does want to marry you, but he knows that for financial reasons, all he can offer you is court house wedding? What if something in your tone of voice or response made him think you wouldn't be happy with that? Or .. what if after thinking about it over night he decided he wanted to wait until he could give you something better?

rubberpet could be on the mark with his "men are stupid" remark. But, men are also sensitive when it comes money. We don't like the idea of not being to take care of someone we love and we generally won't just come out and say that.

I could be way off .. but at any rate .. if I were you .. I'd discuss it with him and find out what is really going on.


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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/2/2007 6:42:59 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Willow, there are only a couple of places in the U.S. where you can get married without waiting. Most places require blood tests and licenses, but you can do that in under a week.

Plus I didn't read it as let's get married right now, but as a proposal of marriage.

Personally I'd be pissed and tell him it hurt for him to say he was just joking because I was seriously thinking it over. But that's the kind of joke that can make a woman rethink the relationship. If he withdraws the proposal she's likely to think that he doesn't view her as Ms Right, only as Ms Right Now.

(in reply to Willowmoon)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/2/2007 6:43:52 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Perhaps he was trying to guage your reaction. Maybe he wants to be closer and wanted to test the waters, so to speak, or maybe he doesn't want to be closer and wanted to know how far you wanted to go. It wasn't handled in a way that would settle well with me ... but you never know what goes on in other people's heads.

I would tell him that you did take him seriously, that your feelings are now hurt, that it wasn't a joke to you. (That's what I gather from your post. Please forgive me if I misunderstand.) I would also remind him of the boy who cried wolf story - you won't know when he is joking or serious if he jokes about things you take seriously, and could thus undermine his own command.

(in reply to SoulPiercer)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/2/2007 10:09:11 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I think he thought you would be as amused as he was.  Maybe he does want to marry you but does not want to be rejected so was seeing your response to it.  In any case tell him it hurt you because you thought he was serious and it got you all excited.  He may  just be nervous about asking you outright.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to batshalom)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/2/2007 10:20:19 AM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Depending on the trust you have with this guy and if i was a serious d/s relationship, of which i'm assuming it is. i would have asked him first off," Are you serious about it?" and see what his reaction is with that. If he says no, then sigh a relief that at least you knew before your feelings were hurt, and i am sorry this happened. Or if he said, yes i'm serious. i would have asked for him and you to discuss it whether than to jump to conclusions so quickly. And knowing a guy's sarcastic side is really helpful as well, knowing from experience on that on here. If you do love him, again i'm not making any assumptions, talk to him about how your feeling and that further down you want to get married. Nothing wrong in communicating.
  Best of luck *hugs*

(in reply to sweetdemure)
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RE: Feeling Letdown.... - 11/2/2007 10:06:31 PM   
sweetdemure


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/4/2007
Status: offline 		Smiles...thank you all for such good advice ....we have worked it all out , we have set a date for June of 2008 ....Yes I think Master was testing the waters .....

(in reply to sweetdemure)
Profile   Post #: 17
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