A few questions.

A few questions. (Full Version)

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WildOne247 -> A few questions. (8/3/2005 5:47:30 PM)
What should a slave do if they are in a relationship with a Dominant that is hurting her emotionally? She can't leave Him, she is finanacially dependent on Him at this time. They are in a 24/7 relationship. Is there any way she can try to heal the damage He has done while she is still with Him? My other question is what is the difference between making love and having sex?

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 6:02:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WildOne247 What should a slave do if they are in a relationship with a Dominant that is hurting her emotionally? She can't leave Him, she is finanacially dependent on Him at this time. They are in a 24/7 relationship. Is there any way she can try to heal the damage He has done while she is still with Him? Refuse to allow the dominant to emotionally hurt her anymore. Contact local support agencies to get you out of the house/relationship and begin to become self-sufficient. Counseling, time and independence can help heal- but only once the relationship has ended. I assume we're talking actual emotional abuse and not simply "breaking my heart" If it is breaking your heart, then ask for release and for some financial assets to help you start on your own, or allow to live with him until you get employed with your own income. quote: My other question is what is the difference between making love and having sex? Sex is a physical act, love is a personal inner experience.

LilyOR -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 6:05:45 PM)
Hi there, First things first. Start referring to yourself in the first person (if it's you in the relationship). I understand that talking about oneself from a third person perspective can be a nice add on, for some, in a healthy D/s relationship. If the relationship isn't healthy, though, the first step is to take some ownership and control over it and yourself. Just because you are living there, and dependent, doesn't mean you have to continue to behave as his submissive. You may be financialy dependent, but until you can become financially INdependent...start becoming emotionally and behaviorally independent. Easier said than done, I know it's very hard. But I know you (or your friend) has the strength to do it. Good luck, and hang in there, Lil

imtempting -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 6:22:47 PM)
sex is just picking someone up to get your rocks off, making love is more intense.

RiotGirl -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 6:25:11 PM)
All good advice. Free yourself. Learn to become your own counsel. Learn to shut yourself off from him. Try even speaking to him. Like the others ladies said.. become independent emtionally, phsycially, and mostly mentally and once you get that all else can fill into place. Once you can seperate yourself from him, you'll be able to figure something out

RiotGirl -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 6:26:32 PM)
oh and making love.. its sweet and there's love involved. Sex is just a quick screw and rolling over to sleep. No intimacy

perfection20005 -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 6:55:37 PM)
No matter what you may think, there are people out there who can help you financially wise. You never have to stay with anyone because of that. I know, I have been there. Left everything I had with only $5 in my pockets, and I had 2 children at the time. If you can't heal the damage, I would get out ASAP. Even if you could find a place for a few days to think things out in your head. Since no one knows if the damage can be healed but yourself, you need to some soul searching. I wish you luck. Making love involves some kind of intimacy and feelings of love. Sex is just the act of two people doing it, no emotions or attachment.

MstrHellsFury -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 7:45:11 PM)
WildOne..my heart goes out to you...I know you may think physical abuse is not an issue..and it may not be..but mental abuse IMHO can be so much worse...abuse in any form is still abuse..although you use the word hurt ..I can only guess to miminize the pain of the issue presented...I don't think you'd be asking this question in this forum if it hadn't passed a stage where you're at the end of your road and need to know what to do and how to go about doing it...some of the men on here may not like this but..it's not for them it's for you...look at yourself in the mirror and don't just see a hollow reflection...look at yourself and see the inner strength you have...keep this thought in mind...without you he's not what he thinks he is...bottom line..you have more power than you realize...Dominants need to have that submissive aura around them...start by taking it away...how you may ask...by remembering how you were before you gave away that control...now you can say...I'm stronger without giving all of me..and he's damn sure weaker without your compliance...don't become confrontational...just little by little...take back more and more ...pinch pennies if you have any money..if you don't...seek out agencies that may help you if your situation is that bad or you fear physical harm because you withdraw...in that case bolt out that door with the smallest crack of an opening...you're still who you always were...your mind is a terrible thing to waste..so don't waste it on anyone...I'm sorry what you have isn't a beautiful thing..but trust in this...if it ends...that's just a new beginning...from the open arms and heart of a Master... Fury

MstrHellsFury -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 7:46:47 PM)
sorry I didn't answer that love or sex thing...I thought this issue was much more important... Fury

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 8:15:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RiotGirl oh and making love.. its sweet and there's love involved. Sex is just a quick screw and rolling over to sleep. No intimacy I guess some people haven't had great sex. I've had sex that was absolutely awesome for hours, physically exhausting, exhilirating and fabulous. It wasn't anything like making love, that's a completely different experience. But just as intense, in its own way.

onceburned -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 8:16:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WildOne247 Is there any way she can try to heal the damage He has done while she is still with Him? If he is emotionally abusive, if it is pattern, then he is probably doing it it to compensate for some deep emotional problem that he has. And he will continue to abuse because it provides him temporary relief. If he is emotionally abusive you might feel that you can help him, that through love you can reach into his hurt and overcome his deep problem. But do not fall into this trap. He needs help from someone who is not emotionally involved with him. He needs therapy. Can you heal the damage that he has done? If he is emotionally abusive, not until his pattern of abusive behavior is broken. Until then, you need to distance yourself (in as many ways as possible) from him and the harm he is doing to you.

SteelBondager -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 10:21:12 PM)
quote: What should a slave do if they are in a relationship with a Dominant that is hurting her emotionally? She can't leave Him, she is finanacially dependent on Him at this time. They are in a 24/7 relationship. Is there any way she can try to heal the damage He has done while she is still with Him? That you are considering leaving him leads me to believe we're discussing emotional abuse, not just "hurting you emotionally", like neglecting your feelings or just being a jerk. If it's abuse: No, you can't heal the damage. Sorry. You don't qualify for the job. Get out, stop putting an "H" on "him" and get alone with yourself for a few years (or more). You need time to figure yourself out or you'll just end up with another abusive idiot. Get on the phone today and find a place to go. There are shelters and other programs. There are family members. Etc. Etc. Get out quickly and don't leave a forwarding address. If he's just being a jerk: End 24/7 now and work on the relationship for a while before you try it again.

teaweed -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 10:50:32 PM)
>My other question is what is the difference between making love and having sex? My feeling is that the difference is artificial. Of course having sex with someone I love is different than having sex with someone I don't. However, I find myself bonding with anyone and everyone I have sex with. The bond may be weak, it's not as if I fall in love with everyone I sleep with, but there's no way to keep people and feelings in tidy little boxes. Masturbating is the only way to have meaningless sex.

brightspot -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 11:04:57 PM)
Hello WildOne, Call a Woman's Crises Center in your area. They will have all kinds of refferals to emergency safe homes, financial help, therapists, support groups. You do not deserve to be treated like this and you need to take care of yourself and take leaving that situation seriously. Chances are that things will not get better, but instead I think the percentage of times the emotional abuse will turn to physical. Be very careful and make sure you are in a safe place and with people, should you decide to leave. Statistically when women finally leave an abuser it's a time of high vulnerability for this is most often when abused women are murdered by the abuser. Take care and I wish you the best! Sex: To me is having sex consenually with someone I don't have a love connection with. Making love: To me is having sex with someone I am in love with and/or where there exists an emotional loving bond. *Brightspot

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: A few questions. (8/3/2005 11:08:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: brightspot Sex: To me is having sex consenually with someone I don't have a love connection with. Interesting, I have sex with the people I love all the time. A hot quickie or just a fuck or a romp in the hay is great, with someone I love or not, just enjoying sex for sex. quote: Making love: To me is having sex with someone I am in love with and/or where there exists an emotional loving bond To me making love can happen without sex at all.

darkinshadows -> RE: A few questions. (8/4/2005 3:22:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WildOne247 What should a slave do if they are in a relationship with a Dominant that is hurting her emotionally? She can't leave Him, she is finanacially dependent on Him at this time. They are in a 24/7 relationship. Is there any way she can try to heal the damage He has done while she is still with Him? Leave. It can be done, but the slave has to do it by themself (with or without the support of others) I am not going to go into the organisations becuase people already have. But having no financial support, being in a 24 /7 relationship, is no excuse not to leave. Can she heal whilst still with him? Why would she want to? She has to find the power to leave and make it better for herself, even if she isn't strong, because that is what everyone deserves - to be happy. You cannot fully heal whilst still in a abusive relationship of any sort. quote: My other question is what is the difference between making love and having sex? Whatever you make it. To me, sex is wondeful, fulfilling and sexual in content and is done with someone I care about. It may not be like that for another person. I have sex with my partner as well as making love. Making love to me is for more special moments and doesn't mean I have to have sex - it is emotional, or physical or mental - but it doesn't have to be all these things at the same time. Peace and Love

UtopianRanger -> RE: A few questions. (8/4/2005 3:57:23 AM)
quote: She can't leave Him, she is finanacially dependent on Him at this time. I know it's not simple, nor a quick solution, but she should start making moves right away in order to gain financial independence. - The Ranger

fourpeas -> RE: A few questions. (8/4/2005 7:53:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: ORIGINAL: RiotGirl oh and making love.. its sweet and there's love involved. Sex is just a quick screw and rolling over to sleep. No intimacy I guess some people haven't had great sex. I've had sex that was absolutely awesome for hours, physically exhausting, exhilirating and fabulous. It wasn't anything like making love, that's a completely different experience. But just as intense, in its own way. No, some of us have had great sex... I remember those times... Back when I was young... (LMAO) It's just that looking back it didn't move me in the same way. I thought it was really pleasurable and enjoyable, but I'm just not wired to have that be what I remember, or rather, what I want when moving forward in the future.... I love sex but it just doesn't move me unless the emotional connection is there. And sometimes even making love doesn't do it for me... I'd rather listen to music instead LMAO Edited to add: I like sex and making love. Don't get me wrong. But when it comes down to it I think there are lots of other things I'd rather be doing.

domm4subf1970 -> RE: A few questions. (8/4/2005 8:02:55 AM)
is this emotional abuse or you broke my heart kind of thing? Sex is sex, but love making is more with the mind.

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