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the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 1:11:04 AM   
Requiempoet


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: New York
Status: offline 		one of my major flaws that my Master couldn't get past *(though he loved me dearly)* was the fact that i had terrible OCD and if he asked me to do something i would spend hours trying to perfect it, and if it wasn't perfect, i would basically break down because of the bad thoughts of punishment and fear. How would i explain to a potential (if i ever do decide to commit myself to another again) that i have OCD and it's not my fault, that i have this compulsions?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 2:15:44 AM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		I would suggest providing some printed materials , with some example anecdotes of how its affected you in the past.



_____________________________

How-so oft fresh injurious deed
Doth turn Janus' petulant gaze
'pon the rocks and storm rift sea
And littered wood of broken days
disregard for toil shown
no ground broken, no seed sewn.

(in reply to Requiempoet)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 2:19:06 AM   
Sunao


Posts: 71
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		I understand your pain with OCD. I don't have it as bad as you do but if I see a bunch of bottles together I'll make it to where the label is facing directly at you forward with no difference in each bottle. Or if I see something thats in a pattern I'll try to continue the pattern. Funny thing is though that my room is a wreck XD.

_____________________________

quote:

"It takes an idiot to do cool things thats why its cool" said by Haruko from FLCL

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 2:19:20 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I have a mild form of OCD.  I will start on a project for him and will stay at it until it is done and done well.  We have learned to channel it for good, and to break some of the bad OCD habits that were getting in my way.  I'm not an expert on OCD but I don't know why you had such a fear of punishment for a lack of perfection.  Without knowing your relationship, I'd say that was a dysfunction of the relationship itself, rather than of OCD, but that's just a guess.

If it makes you feel any better, my Master wanted me to find him a hotel in a particular area.  I stayed up ALL night, until 5:30 AM, and produced him a spreadsheet with a comparison between 23 different hotels at 6 different discount fare sites, and what each hotel offered.  When he learned I didn't go to bed because of it, he wasn't so happy, so tonight when he wanted me to get him flight options to somewhere else back east, he instructed me NOT to stay up all night, and to finish it tomorrow if I needed to (I just emailed him another spreadsheet, a few minutes ago, lol).

I told him in the beginning I had some OCD issues, and he chose to help me channel them.  They do not have to be a deterrent if your dominant is willing to work with you and if you are willing to do the work to get around them when you can.  The mind can be trained to overcome a hell of a lot  - the question is if you're willing to do the work or if you give in to the problem.

(in reply to Requiempoet)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 2:25:12 AM   
Requiempoet


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: New York
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your comments. they are very helpful! i'm currently on meds for my ocd but somedays just trigger more rituals then others.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 5:46:56 AM   
Sabella


Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline 		Well I think it would be helpful to remind yourself that when doing any task "done is better than perfect". If he requests that you do something give yourself a REASONABLE amount of time and stick to it, no matter what. This will take some hard work on your part retraining yourself, because if you think about it honestly it's a selfish thing to devote an inordinate amount of time to any given task - thereby cutting down on the time you could be devoting to other things as well. Perfectionism can & will paralyze your life in many areas. Do you often procrastinate on things you want to do for fear of failure or not being able to "get it right"?

Ownedgirlie's example is a fine one (no not picking on you!) did he ask for you to get him hotel options or book a hotel? if he wanted you to book the hotel & after all those endless hours of research you still had a list you couldn't narrow down not only did you waste valuable time, lose sleep, wear yourself out, left countless other things undone but you still didn't do as he requested!

I would guess (but don't know) from the OP's post that the fear of punishment & failure were probably self inflicted. Perfectionism can be a good thing in moderation or on specific tasks that require it. Look at the tea ceremony where people will practice for years seeking perfection. But if they do this with fear in their heart they've already failed, it's a ceremony of grace and clear thinking. But if these tendencies are growing roots in mundane tasks then there is a problem that needs to be addressed. Start by giving yourself permission (vocalize it) to be imperfect and do something in a reasonable time period. You may find another problem is being scatterbrained, starting on one thing which leads to another and then another so at the end of the day you've accomplished nothing tho you've worn yourself out.

<---Stealing ideas from Flylady's book *G* btw but they are valid. You may want to pick it up at the library, and a timer as well. It may help considerably.


_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to Requiempoet)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 5:49:36 AM   
SixFootMaster


Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		My spiritual brother suffers from extreme OCD. For him, the obsession is over the possibility of things going wrong, when it hits, its like a stark and unrelenting terror - it is irrational and beyond control, and unless he obeys the compulsion that goes with it, unrelenting. He has proscribed medications, but they turn him into a souless zombie, so he refuses to take them (they are just to control the manifestations, not treat the underlying problem), instead trying to fight against the terror with every inch of will. 

_____________________________

How-so oft fresh injurious deed
Doth turn Janus' petulant gaze
'pon the rocks and storm rift sea
And littered wood of broken days
disregard for toil shown
no ground broken, no seed sewn.

(in reply to Requiempoet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 6:34:54 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		I know nothing about living with OCD. Can it be directed toward another outlet? Can you, for example, turn it into "I have to get this done (within X time frame) in order to please my Master"?

I think I understand your fear of punishment - you feel it needs to be perfect or there will be repurcussions, and not necessarily because you have been punished by your Dom for imperfection. Is that correct?

Can you focus it on overcoming this obstacle? "In order to please my Master I have to shrug off this need for perfection and get this task done"?

I wish I could help more but I would love to understand.

(in reply to SixFootMaster)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 8:15:01 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

I know nothing about living with OCD. Can it be directed toward another outlet? Can you, for example, turn it into "I have to get this done (within X time frame) in order to please my Master"?

I think I understand your fear of punishment - you feel it needs to be perfect or there will be repurcussions, and not necessarily because you have been punished by your Dom for imperfection. Is that correct?

Can you focus it on overcoming this obstacle? "In order to please my Master I have to shrug off this need for perfection and get this task done"?

I wish I could help more but I would love to understand.


you did a great job in starting with one of the biggest things that helps me...thanks!  having limits put on my OCD by my Dominant (when i am living with them)...he knows i have it, so he uses it to his advantage...instead of letting me obsess on a task, he gives me a time limit....have to get all this done in a certain amount of time...or else i will get a punishment...it is a great motivator...and then when i do get it all done, if something wasn't done "right" he gives me extra time....because i will beat myself up for days over that kind of thing...

does that help?

chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 8:53:55 AM   
IamJustMe2C


Posts: 94
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		I have a small problem with OCD as well but here is the funny part Im a Dom. Try to get the pattern just right when your OCD kicks in and the meds are wearing thin in a canning scene is a pain sometimes. Thats when you have to say hun Im so sorry or thatk god that the person you are playing with really loves to be cained. Thats why floggers are better for me. But mine is not so bad and the meds do work. Just trying to put a little lighter side on here. DONT worry about the punishment just talk to who you are with and if they dont understand your fears and what you have move on. But bring it up in the first coupple of meetings so you dont get attached and feelings are not built.
Be Well and best of luck

_____________________________

Submission is a gift unlike any other. The one who can sculpt that gift in a graceful manner is a Master.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 9:15:43 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		My Pet is a perfectionist. As with most slaves, the words "you've failed me." would be devastating. She isn't any different. I realized early on that any failures on her part made her sad and meek. To correct this I sat her down and explained the difference between failing at a task and failing me. They are not the same. She won't always have the answer I seek, she won't always catch my hints, she won't always remember her training. Any leader knows that followers will fail, given enough time.

My advice to you is to find a dominant who understands that you are a complete package, for better or worse. When I accepted My Pet I accepted her lovely curves, beautiful face, wicked tongue, shy nature, kinky mind, angry ex-boyfriend, openminded family, financial situation, living situation - everything. When she accepted me, she did the same.

A good leader, BDSM or not, knows this. Look for someone who understands the strength of these compulsions. A dominant can't just tell a truly OCD submissive "Don't [inset ritual here]." It won't work.

How to find a dominant that is understanding? I suggest avoiding the "BDSM dating scene." It's probably offensive to anyone who takes this take on love and relationships, but lots of people do BDSM for a kink. Nothing wrong with it, but a dominant who's great at the sexual side of dominance may lack the skills needed to be emotionally dominant.

My principles should only be adopted by others if they proove sound.

I. A submissive always has the right to leave.
II. A submissive should a way to voice concerns to their owner. (with us, it's called cuddle time)
III. Until a power exchange is developed, people are equals. (Just because you're speaking with a dominant doesn't mean they should be regarded as above you.)

I have other principles, but they don't really apply here.

In short:
Avoid BDSM hobbyists.
Talk and communicate.
Make your desires clear.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to IamJustMe2C)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 9:37:14 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sabella

Ownedgirlie's example is a fine one (no not picking on you!) did he ask for you to get him hotel options or book a hotel? if he wanted you to book the hotel & after all those endless hours of research you still had a list you couldn't narrow down not only did you waste valuable time, lose sleep, wear yourself out, left countless other things undone but you still didn't do as he requested!
.



Hi Sabella,

No worries, I don't feel picked on!  Actually he had no idea where to stay or what his options were, and wanted a list of options from which he could choose.  So I asked what his parameters were, and I listed every hotel within those parameters, and then took it a step further to make a recommendation.  So I actually did precisely as he asked, but I should not have stayed up all night to do it - the trip is in February, after all :)

He loved and appreciated the work, but did not like that I denied myself sleep to do it. It's an area of self discipline that I am still working on.

(in reply to Sabella)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 10:28:21 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

you did a great job in starting with one of the biggest things that helps me...thanks!  having limits put on my OCD by my Dominant (when i am living with them)...he knows i have it, so he uses it to his advantage...instead of letting me obsess on a task, he gives me a time limit....have to get all this done in a certain amount of time...or else i will get a punishment...it is a great motivator...and then when i do get it all done, if something wasn't done "right" he gives me extra time....because i will beat myself up for days over that kind of thing...

does that help?



It certainly does, pretty girl. Thank you.

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 10:50:20 AM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		I have OCD, it get worse when I start to write, I am STILL editing and rewriting some things in a story that was published 12 years ago. What I found that helps me out, is I remind myself NOTHING is perfect, NO one is perfect and I can only do the best I can, and leave it at that. 
 
If your OCD is like mine and it involved cleaning stuff, the best thing my other was advised to do when I was younger is, 'get the cleaning supplies out.' A councelor I saw TOLD my mother to watch how my OCD manifested itself and if it was laundry, then get don't do laundry for a while or get things REALLY dirty so I had to take the time to use stain removers, etc to get the stains out and do laundry, including folding, etc; that got worse when I was pregnant, I use to rewash ALL the linens every week. Since I wasn't hurting anyone or myself, it was an acceptable way.  I also picked up sewing as a hobby, since that requires concentration and it keeps my hands buisy, you can see what you are doing, its a cheap hobby for the most part and their are so many things you can do - cross stitch, needle point, latch hook, crochet, knitting, tatting. Seeing a councelor might also help.  There are medications, I'm not a proponent of medications for those sort of things, but, they may help you; I won't take them, so I had to find other ways of henadling and managing my OCD.  
 
My LAST ditch effort when I know I am bad is, I take a cheap dictionary that I find at dollar stores an I start to fill in all the little 'bubbles.' Starting with the number 4, then 6, 8, 9, 0 and I go from the first page all the way through  after I get the numbers done, I start on the upper case letters, then lower case letters then symbols.  It takes HOURS and its relaxing.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 10:58:35 AM   
BruisedTonsils


Posts: 11
Joined: 10/22/2007
Status: offline 		I believe a domiant could very much help with a sub's OCD,  Setting rules and inforcing rules could help a person with OCD to realize the small things simply do not matter.  My OCD is from cleaning, organization, grooming side.  I have learned to supress some things, the small things, but I am not completely over it.  I do not want to be cured either, it is something that is me, and right or wrong, it would need to be respected.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 2:27:56 PM   
Requiempoet


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: New York
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

I know nothing about living with OCD. Can it be directed toward another outlet? Can you, for example, turn it into "I have to get this done (within X time frame) in order to please my Master"?

I think I understand your fear of punishment - you feel it needs to be perfect or there will be repurcussions, and not necessarily because you have been punished by your Dom for imperfection. Is that correct?

Can you focus it on overcoming this obstacle? "In order to please my Master I have to shrug off this need for perfection and get this task done"?

I wish I could help more but I would love to understand.




Thank you all for your help. it's much appreciated. Here is the wikipedia definition of OCD, though I have been diagnosed by a doctor.

Obsessions are defined by:
  1. Recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress.
  2. The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems.
  3. The person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action.
  4. The person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind, and are not based in reality.
  5. The tendency to haggle over small details that the viewer is unable to fix or change in any way. This begins a mental pre-occupation with that which is inevitable.

Compulsions are defined by:
  1. Repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied rigidly.
  2. The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive.

My worst fear was that i wouldn't do a good enough job, so i would punish myself severely with mental punishment. For instance i would practice writing and if i made a mistake like not writing a word perfectly i would start from scratch and re do the whole thing. ( if i was writing a paper and it was one little mistake...my night would be consumed with re doing it...so it was perfect...)

So, with my Master, i wanted to be the perfect sub and i wanted to do EVERYTHING to a T... and i think finding a Dom that would set specific rules and time frames for my rituals would help a lot!! thank you very much for all of your fantastic advice.

< Message edited by Requiempoet -- 11/2/2007 2:31:42 PM >

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 4:34:30 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		I am just amazed by all I read.


(in reply to Requiempoet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 4:44:03 PM   
Requiempoet


Posts: 29
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: New York
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiynasha

I am just amazed by all I read.





is that a bad thing?

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 5:27:09 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you, RP. The information throughout this thread have been most interesting.

(in reply to Requiempoet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: the OCD slave - 11/2/2007 6:15:14 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Requiempoet

one of my major flaws that my Master couldn't get past *(though he loved me dearly)* was the fact that i had terrible OCD and if he asked me to do something i would spend hours trying to perfect it, and if it wasn't perfect, i would basically break down because of the bad thoughts of punishment and fear. How would i explain to a potential (if i ever do decide to commit myself to another again) that i have OCD and it's not my fault, that i have this compulsions?


Well, speaking from the view of "if a sub came to me with this issue" they could explain by going over what sort of medications and therapy they are to be on, how well they are following that regimen, if and how much progress in controlling their OCD they have made since beginning psychiatric help, and how willing they are to take responsibility for all such things in the future.

Being mentally ill and having personality disorders, I'm very serious on requiring any subs/slaves with similar issues to be proactive in their treatment and to take responsibility with their illness/behavior.

Addressing a dominant from the angle of "I have this issue and I'm actively dealing with it in these ways..." is a very good way.  The biggest problem with such things tends not to be *having* them, but that many don't want to take care of themselves with them.  Letting them know you're one of the latter is strongly the way to go!

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 11/2/2007 6:19:21 PM >

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Requiempoet)
Profile   Post #: 20
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