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Part time Dom? - 11/2/2007 1:17:04 AM   
PsychoticWolf


Posts: 91
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline 		I've been thinking over this for some time since it's my current situation. How do Dom's been, well a Dom when they can only see their sub (or a sub) for the weekened?
Better yet, even if you can only see someone for a short period of time, what if their's no available place for you to be alone with your sub. I know this requires doing with what you can nowadays, bathroom stalls, movie theaters, swimming pools, etc wherever you can imagine.

How do you be a Dom with limited time and space without seeming like just a normal person?

More than willing to hear answers from subs as well as they have experience too. :P

_____________________________

"If what you seek in Reality, turns out to be Fantasy, but your Fantasy becomes Reality. . . In which can you put hope into, to find *the* person."
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/2/2007 2:23:15 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		As naturally as water finds its own level, I find/make time for the people who matter to me.  You've got something better to do?
 
Focus.

(in reply to PsychoticWolf)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/2/2007 3:10:44 AM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		Uh oh, buddy.  Sounds like it's time to go get a better job.

We trap ourselves in walls that blind us to the opportunities around us... THAT'S why immigrants do so much better--not because they work harder, they don't necessarily, but because they don't have preconceptions about what's possible.  They humble themselves and talk to EVERYBODY about work... not having grown up in our system, they attack it the right way--as an outsider.  Make yourself an outsider with something to prove.  Finish your education.  THEN get yourself a subbie.  If you have one already, she'll understand and appreciate your priority in money first, play later.  If she doesn't, then run away--you, her, and any children you have will have a miserable life for decades to come, and you REALLY don't want that.

That said... get yourself a tent and some supplies, and take her on regular camping trips.  It's cheap or free, and it's exclusively the two of you, and the possibilities for bondage play are endless... as long as you know what poison oak and leafcutter ants look like and how to stay away from them. 

Whoa, re-read your question and it burns even worse the second time...  If you have no space, you are not 'just' a normal person... you are LESS than a normal person.  Hell, go out and rent a work shack.  I used to sublet a music studio for $75 a month, and I'd take girls there all the time.  It was awesome, it had a full sound stage and a lounge, and a playstation setup, even a beer tap.  But I talked my way into it.  Next door was a woodshop, and they rented for about $250 a month; that is almost equally good for a bondage scene, and more likely for you to find.  Home away from home, capiche? Talk to people.  Be creative in finding and renting space.  Be creative in finding and making money.  Test, get knocked down, and test again until you are making more money than your parents do.  Seriously, this is a priority.


_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/2/2007 3:26:13 AM   
PsychoticWolf


Posts: 91
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline 		Well, no, I think my question was misunderstood. Tendency to happen.. I make fine money, and not an entire issue. Enough to get me by and pay off things I owe. I'm just using scenario's that if you're busy and don't have the time alone.
Take for instance living with a roommate or other people living with family (I don't have any of my own so can't use it for reference), I was just wondering what people did. With everyone doing school/work nowadays life is busy.

_____________________________

"If what you seek in Reality, turns out to be Fantasy, but your Fantasy becomes Reality. . . In which can you put hope into, to find *the* person."

(in reply to DMFParadox)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/2/2007 6:37:19 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		If you live with a roommate then the roommate will want privacy as much as you do. That being said, you agree to go to the movies for three hours Friday and he goes out Saturday or next Friday.

You have offspring, once they get old enough for sleepovers you trade them with a friend. They take yours this week and you take theirs two weeks later. Gives you both one night and morning a month to look forward to.

Otherwise, soundproofing. White noise machine, stereo, tv, tapestries or rugs hanging on walls. As many of them together as possible. Gags and locks on the bedroom door and the toy trunk.

(in reply to PsychoticWolf)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/2/2007 11:49:29 AM   
Myster


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with a lot of the things said earlier. Make time, make space. Network in your local BDSM community. Ask if any have a play space that you could use. If you want her thinking of you while you are apart have her write an e-mail to you every morning or evening. Rituals could be performed alone by her. Keep it simple, but have some meaning behind it.

Kevin

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/2/2007 12:07:48 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Rent a hotel room.

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Boycott Whales!

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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/2/2007 8:22:44 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		Understood, Wolf.  Then I'm going with the 'rent work studio space' bit.  Generally made out of reconfigured storage lots, work studios are cheap and you can do them up pretty nicely.  I know one guy that has a bar, a half-pike, and an APARTMENT inside a complex of storage units.  Wicked parties there... anyway.  Use your imagination.

Oh, and camping.  I personally love camping, and it fits your bill, so that goes too.  But meh, it's not for everybody.

As far as public space?  I've done all kinds of things 'nilla.  Sex in department stores, churches, graveyards, museums, sometimes two of the above at the same time.  I imagine you can do bondage scenes as easily with the right girl.  Also, hidden vibrators, cuffs, and clips make for entertaining 'hidden' public displays.

Regards


_____________________________

bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/2/2007 10:30:36 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		First, you have to figure out if being a Dom is a physical thing, a mental thing or a spiritual thing. If it's the first, you can only be a Dom part time 'cause you can't play and f**k all the time (damn). If it's the second or things, you can be a Dom all the time without having full time interaction. It depends on how the relationship is set up.

Master Fire


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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to PsychoticWolf)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/3/2007 3:14:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		What's wrong with seeming like a normal person?  A great majority of 24/7 live in Ms relationships LOOK just like vanilla relationships 90% of the time.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/3/2007 7:04:29 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		How can a dom claim to be a true dom when he's working for someone else 8 hours of the day, taking orders? And what about when he's sleeping, he sure isn't ordering her around in his sleep, or hers?


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/3/2007 7:36:22 PM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		I'm wondering if you are thinking more a Top for play, than like a Dom as in a relationship. I can see if you are thinking play (scening) you'd need some privacy in most cases. I have had no problem meeting new people in public places and us understanding what each other meant without being obvious to other people while talking about lifestyle stuff.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Part time Dom? - 11/4/2007 6:04:43 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Some wise person once gave me the most important piece of wisdom ever... "For that which is truly important, time and money, WILL be found."  i have yet to find an exception to that rule.  And before i get flamed for the times when more than one thing is truly important, those are the times when people set priorities and one thing has to be even slightly more important than the other.

When it's truly important, you will find the time, the place, the resources.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to PsychoticWolf)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/4/2007 6:07:14 AM   
Vanatru


Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		very true, eyesopened.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Part time Dom? - 11/4/2007 8:47:48 PM   
msindigomontoya


Posts: 28
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		May I suggest a 24 hour self storage place? They are cheap to rent, often deserted and you can string up a light and throw in a couch, a camp bed etc..   In a lot cases electric power is available and if you live in a cold climate you can even buy a little electric heater.  I used to know a guy who rented one for about 75 a month, and he setup an armchair, a radio and a little mini fridge.  Saturday's he would go down there and listen to the game.  It got him out of the house, and his wife was happy cause she didn't have to smell his cigars or watch him drink beer all day, lol.  I think it would prolly work out well for a play space, imagine setting up your own little mini dungeon.. the possibilities are endless!

Indigo

(in reply to Vanatru)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Part time Dom? - 11/5/2007 5:25:16 AM   
SottoVoce


Posts: 13
Joined: 5/26/2007
Status: offline 		Being-

That is the key, no matter how much time you get for training- or whether you have a slave or submissive in your life at all.

Dominant is a state of Being.

It is what I am, it shapes how I interact with other people. I know dominants, male and female, who have nothing to do with the lifestyle, they are perhaps not kinky but are still extremely dominant people.

Now, as for how to train when time is limited- a different question altogether- you can remind her who she belongs to and why in one minute if you are, as another dom has put it, focused-

It just does not take that long to grab her hair and push her face to the floor, to slap her ass lovingly as it is forced to rise and to be right there-

In that space-

No matter WHERE you are.

Much luck.

SV



(in reply to msindigomontoya)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/5/2007 6:59:40 AM   
TethersEnd


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Part time Dom?  I identify as Submissive and Part time makes no sence to me unless it is only the ~act~ you are refering to. 


(in reply to SottoVoce)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Part time Dom? - 11/6/2007 3:02:12 PM   
LillithWithin


Posts: 48
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline 		In response to your post, here are a couple of quick thoughts which may or may not be useful:

"without seeming like just a normal person?"
It may be helpful on a deep level for to you to do a little self-exploration to find out why external validation and/or adhering to a pre-defined role is so important. Many normal people also happen to be Dominant. If you find yourself trying to perform a role that someone else has defined, or that you haven't realized you're trying to "play", all manner of things can become sticky and complicated. Be you. If you happen to be Dominant, then you're Dominant, whether you and your submissive have the time for elaborate play or not.


"only see their sub for the weekend"
It sounds like you're referring to playtime, as opposed to the other infinite varieties of activities and training that can be engaged in with little face time. If that's the case, a weekend is actually a nice bit of time for play. If you share space with roommates, get a hotel room and go to town! I've had some delicious two and three day encounters huddled in a Best Western when I didn't want to freak out my roomies with the sounds of chain and muffled agony. Even better, since there's room service and often a certain degree of anonymity, you don't have to waste as much playtime cleaning (or having your sub clean up) afterward, and you'll never run out of ice. It takes a bit of preplanning and an annoying amount of packing to really deck out a hotel room, but it only takes a time or two before you know exactly what you'll need and want, what touches will make a huge difference.

But location bits aside (which, frankly, seem a bit self-explanatory) I'd suggest getting back to the self exploration bit. If you define your needs more clearly -- particularly to yourself in this case -- you'll be able to figure out a variety of ways to meet them.

Best of luck!


_____________________________

"Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness; not through insensibility, but through greatness of mind." -- Aristotle

(in reply to PsychoticWolf)
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RE: Part time Dom? - 11/6/2007 3:21:40 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		It's the same way with james. His job is wonderful pay, wonderful family type inviroment, however, his schedual can change at a whim, today he could be schedualed off at 9 pm and low and behold no more work needs done so he's off at 7. Tomrow he could be off at 7 and not offically clock out till 9.

That and being two hours from each other, our only times together is his 2 days off in a row every week.

However the once a week visits don't change the fact he is who he is, together or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PsychoticWolf

Well, no, I think my question was misunderstood. Tendency to happen.. I make fine money,

I'm just using scenario's that if you're busy and don't have the time alone.

(in reply to PsychoticWolf)
Profile   Post #: 19
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