Dommes Husband

Dommes Husband (Full Version)

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fit2pleaseu -> Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 12:28:18 PM)
I have passed the interview test and will be summoned to meet a new Domme within days. My only reservation is her Dom husband they have been together for a long time and both have there own subs but i have this nagging feeling about him being around in the background. I know im going to feel like im an intruder in his space even tho she says its ok because im being invited there. Dont know how to deal with this...any similar experiences and how you dealt with them would be appreciated. fit2pleaseu

MystressDream -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 1:04:10 PM)
It is HIS home... HIS wife... and HIS domain, just as much as it is HER home, HER husband, and HER domain. You are entering into the picture knowing this upfront. Will he be "in the background"? Of course he will. He is married to her and lives there. You may not be an intruder, but you will be a disposable addition to the household. You already sound like you are uncomfortable with that. If you have red flags flying before even starting, I would advise you sit back and assess whether you are interested in, or capable of getting into a poly relationship. You have never met this Domme. She "interviewed" you and you seem to be proud that you "passed" the interview. I think you need to figure out if you are so desperate for a Mistress, that you will consider entering into one with someone just because you have found one who agrees to meet you. Poly is beautiful if it works.... but, it is VERY difficult. You better have a firm grasp on your own feelings and your own self worth before considering entering into that realm.

MasterLDesade -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 2:45:14 PM)
[sm=crop.gif]fit2pleaseu , Re-Married Dominatrix , let me give you the mans side of this viewpoint and some helpfull questions for your prospective Mistress . I am married to a Pro-Dominatrix and have been for more than a decade , Mistress Mercedes has been a Private Traditional Pro-Dominatrix for twenty years with a four year apprenticeship served as well under a Traditional Mistress whom happened by the way to do her Training under a married Pro-Domm couple whom were Mistress & Master Traditional as well you see in Traditional the Training is handed down and on to selected people who after much observation of their character are selected to begin an apprenticeship . This first paragraph can help you in your questions , 1- They have been together a long time ....Excellent as they have an intrinsic working knowledge between them in personal and play area's . 2- They both have their own sub's , once again what a bonus you have walked into my friend , you are under the Mistress no problem , now ask your prospective Mistress & Master if they believe in Female Supremacy if this is so then you are in one of the best situations around for all your major tasks will be set by your Mistress and the Master would not ask of you anything sexual or task orientated beyond what the Mistress & Master have agreed to prior . So that should dispel your nagging feeling . You have been " Invited "which means your arrival will make not much more than a ripple into a well organized Poly Unit of Submisives , we have twelve submisives and slaves in our Stable ranging from BBW , T.V , C.D , Asian , and couples sub/sub we have no switch's nor dominants in our Loop nor would we accept them . Now if your Mistress & Master have it rocking you will be in a situation i hope like ours where we organize Playtime for our submisives involving multi-player multi-scene scenario's , then we will bring in other Mistress's & Master's and their sub's and have a pre-organized Theme Night's at our " Den " in Sydney's heart to play ........the mind boggles and C.M won't put our pic's up that we shot for our various Playtime's go figure . You live in New Zealand so please don't take the advice from above , you are not desperate , some people whom are World Geographically Challenged mainly from the U.S have not a clue about population rates nor the access to Real Dominatrix's & Master's nor players and people , society's in their respective country's of residence . If you come to Sydney at all then contact us to see the above in a working state , Light's On Door's Open your welcome . Regards MasterLDeSade

chiaThePet -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 3:22:19 PM)
Your hesitation tells me that perhaps they have not passed your interview test. You are afterall, responsible for yourself as you enter into the doorways of your desires, crossing the threshold is a choice and responsibility which rests upon you. If there are genuine questions you yearn to have answered, ask them of those from whom you need the answers. Otherwise, all the lovely darlings here at the collarme hive, will not hesitate to make fun of you when you return to complain. chia* (the pet)

fit2pleaseu -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 3:24:02 PM)
Thankyou MystressDream and MasterLdesade. Having read both of your responses and seeing they are so opposing has given me some a good middle ground on this subject. I will proceed with caution but an openmind..i do take a great deal from your personal experience MasterLDesade and would like very much to become involved in a stable situation such as yours. Will post a further progress in the coming weeks. fit2pleaseu

MystressDream -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 4:01:10 PM)
I find it interesting that you would feel the need to post to a "Ask A Mistress" forum.... things a bit slow on the Dom side? <chuckle> Seriously... we have opposing opinions on this issue. However, I am not impressed with your "don't take the advice from above" comment. My opinions are just as valid as yours. The OP did not appear to be interested in a poly or "stable" type of household, thus his concern about the Master of the House being "in the background". Also... for the record... I did not SAY he was "desperate". I told him to examine his motives in being interested in moving on into a possible poly situation that already seemed to bother him. I have a great deal of contact with slaves from all over the world, and take exception to your comment: "some people whom are World Geographically Challenged mainly from the U.S have not a clue about population rates nor the access to Real Dominatrix's & Master's nor players and people , society's in their respective country's of residence" I would not presume to discount your opinion. I expect the same courtesy in return. Have a good day.

fit2pleaseu -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 5:03:11 PM)
What i was concerned about most was the Husband being a distraction but then im probably diving to deep into things that havent happenend yet.

youngsubgeoff -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 5:49:15 PM)
This is why I dont get involved with married people beyond friendship. Causes too many fears, and can cause major strain on a relationship.

fit2pleaseu -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 5:56:42 PM)
i dont think thats the issue here youngsubgeoff this couple have been on the scene for a long time and are both totally at ease with there situation.

LadyLynx -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 7:02:28 PM)
General comment: even if a sub that lives in a place that has a lower population overall, should be careful about whom they hook up with. I live nearby a fairly sizable bdsm community, yet been looking for a Mistress close to a year. There are others on this site who have been looking for many years and live near sizable communities. OP: Take your time to get to know both of them. even if you are not to be involved with him sexually, he will still be in the picture and it will go better if you are able to be friends with him. (as well with any other members of the household.) Have you done much research on poly households? if not, you should. try browser searching polyamoury and see what you come up with. look up the archives in the poly section of this forum, there are some pretty good threads there. If there is any sort of community near where you live, get in touch with them, talk to those involved with poly. lastly but not least, don't make any hasty decisions. if ethier of them is pressureing you to make a decision, then you should back away. Good Luck and please keep us posted! Mystress Dream, I am cool with a Male Dom posting here, after all I regularly poke my nose in the Ask a Master section if I have something to contribute. or any of the other sections for that matter. (actually not a Mistress ethier. I am just a naughty switch.)

fit2pleaseu -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 7:46:32 PM)
Thankyou LadyLynx i will check those threads!

undergroundsea -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 7:51:36 PM)
What I sense is that you are not concerned about being disposable, or about entering a dangerous situation. I sense you are uncomfortable about being with a woman in her husband's presence because of how one might feel in such a situation in the ordinary world. The boundaries are indeed different in couples who are polyamorous or have open relationships. My first experience in such a situation was when I went to a domme's house who is married to a vanilla, polyamorous man. He was working in the basement. He came up to say hello and we greeted each other as one would in a vanilla situation. He then went back down and it was an easy experience. Another time I was out with a group of friends and one married woman was being quite friendly. And I kept thinking that she is very friendly and that if she wasn't married, I would think she was trying to pick me up. Well, it turns out I was being a bit obtuse. Eventually her husband came over for a conversation and made it a point to mention that they have an open relationship and she can date whomever she wants. And so we went on a date ;-) Another time, a domme had a dom boyfriend and it was important to her that he be there when I visited, especially the first time for sake of safety. I went a couple of times but did not like the vibe and looks I got from him. This aspect and the sum of all led me to stop going. It seems in your situation they each have their own subs, and I know of couples of who do not interact with subs of each other. If you are concerned about whether you are expected to be submissive to him, it would be a good idea to explicitly discuss this matter. Cheers, Sea

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/2/2007 10:38:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MystressDream You may not be an intruder, but you will be a disposable addition to the household. I disagree. Just because he will be a part of a poly household does not automatically mean he's disposable. It CAN, but it's not automatic. To the OP: You don't yet have all your questions answered. Meet her face to face...and visit their home to see how you feel. You might be projecting your feelings of how you'd feel if the situation were reveresed onto him. He may not, sincerely, feel that way...but then again, he might. Don't judge until you meet. Master Fire

MistressMercia -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/3/2007 12:00:19 AM)
MystressDream my apologies to ones self on my generalization on that comment , you are indeed more apt at geography than most of your peer's . In the desperate part a beg to differ that was the only advice i commented on , the rest of your article is adept at its explanation and usefull . And the reason i answered this was rather pertinent as i live in such a relationship and the ying is as you said equally valid as the yang , normally i do not comment in Mistress's Territory and expect the same on such a question in my arena . Edit the site has thrown my answer to you in Mistress's name , this has happened to myself before on occasions , i apologize for any confusion . Respectfully MasterLDeSade

MistressPurpleFL -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/3/2007 2:13:52 AM)
I am curious did you discuss what your obligations would be to HIM with HER if ANY??? Did you discuss if once you meet and decide there is a connection whether or not you will be playing in private or with the husband there?? These are the sort of things that you need to know beforehand don't you think???

LadyPact -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/3/2007 3:12:09 AM)
All I can add is that many poly households work differently. It might benefit you to ask some questions about their house in particular, since the comments that you will get here might be good, but still different. I consider Myself poly, but the way I do things isn't the same way as others do things. It's kind of the beauty of it. To try to help you a bit, I'll throw My situation out there. I have a husband. I also have a submissive. My submissive doesn't serve My husband. My boy isn't jointly owned or anything of the like. Yet, because they are both important to Me, they do interact. They each get seperate time with Me, and there is also time that W/we all spend together. For some, that's not a requirement, but it's My preference, so that's how it's done. My husband and I have found it best to work with a set of house rules, that everyone understands and respects. It works well for the three of U/us. It might benefit you to ask the Mistress you refer to how Her household works. It's always good to know a situation before you get into it. Have a good understanding of what She expects. Then, you will know whether or not you can live up to it.

MisPandora -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/3/2007 6:47:22 AM)
I have two questions for you: 1) What do you want in a relationship with a dominant woman? LTR? Wife? Kids? 2) If you wish to have more than just a "play" relationship, are you willing to be polyamorous in order to attain that? Is he?

MisPandora -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/3/2007 6:53:10 AM)
Male doms are welcome to post here, no worries. However, I think the ladies here generally carry ourselves with respect, especially among the dominants. There's no reason to insult someone, jump to broad judgements not knowing us and how "worldly" we are without personally knowing us. We each come from differing backgrounds and geographies, but neither is more superior than the other. It's a wise move that if you choose to come and post on a board where men seek the advice of WOMEN that you can act maturely and respect that dominants will of course have differing opinions rather than tell the guys to "not listen to us." You might get further with those seeking the women out if you show some respect in their "house".

MuscleCuteClever -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/3/2007 7:01:26 AM)
quote: << Older Topic Newer Topic >> Dommes Husband - 11/2/2007 12:28:18 PM fit2pleaseu Vanilla Posts: 6 Joined: 10/26/2007 Status: offline I have passed the interview test and will be summoned to meet a new Domme within days. My only reservation is her Dom husband they have been together for a long time and both have there own subs but i have this nagging feeling about him being around in the background. I know im going to feel like im an intruder in his space even tho she says its ok because im being invited there. Dont know how to deal with this...any similar experiences and how you dealt with them would be appreciated. fit2pleaseu quote: ORIGINAL: MystressDream It is HIS home... HIS wife... and HIS domain, just as much as it is HER home, HER husband, and HER domain. You are entering into the picture knowing this upfront. Will he be "in the background"? Of course he will. He is married to her and lives there. You may not be an intruder, but you will be a disposable addition to the household. You already sound like you are uncomfortable with that. If you have red flags flying before even starting, I would advise you sit back and assess whether you are interested in, or capable of getting into a poly relationship. You have never met this Domme. She "interviewed" you and you seem to be proud that you "passed" the interview. I think you need to figure out if you are so desperate for a Mistress, that you will consider entering into one with someone just because you have found one who agrees to meet you. Poly is beautiful if it works.... but, it is VERY difficult. You better have a firm grasp on your own feelings and your own self worth before considering entering into that realm. I agree, I can see why poly would be difficult. The way I see it there are many Dimensions that can be sadomasoshitically erotisized one of which is social power among many others such as movement (bondage). The reason I think poly would be difficult is becuase its a kind of erotisizaction of social power when one has more than 1 sub, this in itself will likely conflict with the conventional interpersonal aspects of a relationship especially knowing that most people who arent into BDSM tend to veer to the side of monogamy. Knowing where you say Poly is very difficult I would think this is due to that, so perhaps to make it work people have to be capable of contextuallizing the fantasy / reality correctly without getting confused with power / rights etc in the relationship. The only situtation I think I would be potentially capable of would be a trio with 1 Domme and 2 male subs in which on personal terms we are all equals. She plays us off against each other while the 2 subs are actually very good freinds or something like that.

MuscleCuteClever -> RE: Dommes Husband (11/3/2007 7:04:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MuscleCuteClever sadomasoshitically That was a genuine typo, the s went where the c should have been then there was no s where it should have been. I will leave it there for fun.

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