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RE: Dommes Husband - 11/3/2007 3:40:42 PM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline

thanks for all of your input to date.
i have been told that when we meet first that her husband will also be present..i have been told that would only be her property
and no physical contact with her husband is expected or desired.
I guess it really comes down to how i feel when we meet as that will give a guide if i am in the presense of them both although
once again this will be at a neutral venue.

(in reply to MuscleCuteClever)

Post #: 21

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/3/2007 3:44:32 PM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline

Would it be a mistake to ask if we could meet at there home..am i overstepping what i should be asking?
Im just thinking i may get a better idea of how i will feel if its actually at there home.
I have also been told that i would be taken to her friends places that are Dommes so she can make use of there dungeons.

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)

Post #: 22

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/3/2007 3:51:22 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Again, just My perspective to show that people have different situations.

I don't bring My subs home for a first meet. Actually, getting invited to My home comes much further down the line. However, My husband does come along on all of My first meetings. It's a good safety measure to have him there. Just because a person is Dominant, doesn't mean they don't have to have that concern.

While your idea might be accepted by the Dominant that you are about to meet, I can tell you that it wouldn't go far with Me.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)

Post #: 23

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/3/2007 5:01:20 PM

ladyofthecastle

Posts: 46
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

I can tell you from personal experience that mostly the Dominants have things figured out before anyone else enters the picture. I do not have this type of situation, as my husband is my pet. Though still I have seen slaves who allow themselves to get distracted, which usually means they are not invited back. It is a beautiful thing when it works. As I love having Slut and Slave at my feet or scurrying around the house. Good luck, maybe give it one try and if you hate it or feel uncomfortable then just explain it. It may not be for you but it might be.

Good luck

Lady Ann

(in reply to MuscleCuteClever)

Post #: 24

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/4/2007 5:32:09 AM

MasterLDesade

Posts: 67
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

MisPandora , refer to above , please read my first message and my second before you pull the trigger on to you what seems like a smoking gun to yourself , read not what your mind is saying in response to me but what i am saying , this helps clarity when you find someone or a subject you react to , and listening in context to desperation and its connotations are what i stated . Most of what you have written has been quite well answered in manners and decorum in your forum , so please demonstrate where i have failed to do so respectfully , i neither involve myself in your columns and my record show's such its a pity more females would not return the same courtesy to the Master's Column where the respect you demand is not shown in a great many instances so please observe your Lady's as prudently as you observe myself . I wish no slanging match with you but clarity in what is said by myself .
Regards To Yourself
MasterLDeSade

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 25

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/4/2007 7:39:11 AM

MissAndry

Posts: 142
Joined: 10/12/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

there is a difference between a partner and a pet. I love My partner in a different way than I would a dog, cat or slave. Nevertheless I would still love them in a certain way, but this would differ to how I love My partner
Just my tuppence
:)

(in reply to MuscleCuteClever)

Post #: 26

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/4/2007 12:02:08 PM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline

thanks MissAndry..i dont think that i could ever be anything more than "a pet" in this situation as obviously the real partnership is Domme and Husband.
Maybe this would even be unhealthy for me as without the emotional attachment this lifestyle would not be attractive to me.

(in reply to MissAndry)

Post #: 27

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/4/2007 12:12:49 PM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline

It sounds like you may have just answered your own questions.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)

Post #: 28

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/4/2007 5:35:59 PM

gcarlos

Posts: 98
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

I agree with the many comments regarding red flags that seem to exist for you in this situation. If you are truly thinking you would like to be a part of a poly relationship, EVERYTHING needs to be out in the open. If you have any concerns/questions about him they should openly be answered by one or both of them. Why hide anything? Just my two cents.

--Master's {girl}

(in reply to MuscleCuteClever)

Post #: 29

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/4/2007 11:27:42 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fit2pleaseu

I have passed the interview test and will be summoned to meet a new Domme within days.
My only reservation is her Dom husband they have been together for a long time and both have there own subs
but i have this nagging feeling about him being around in the background.
I know im going to feel like im an intruder in his space even tho she says its ok because im being invited there.
Dont know how to deal with this...any similar experiences and how you dealt with them would be appreciated.
fit2pleaseu

Hi from across The Ditch

You asked about personal experience, not online poly fantasy or theory:

1    We had a fairly notorious "long time highly respected" D/s couple in the Melbourne scene who were both Dominants with their own hot and cold running slaves etc etc blah blah blah

Stories began to filter out that the Domme would lure the males into the home, take them down to the dungeon, tie them up and then the husband would rape the men anally.

Too bad if you didn't specify "forced homosexuality" in your interview!

Did any of the male subs go to the police about the rapes? No. So we will never know if the stories were really true. Plenty of victims squealed about it afterwards, but they were too embarassed to go to the authorities.

2    I do know for a fact that same couple would make male subs have sex with the Domme while the husband watched. Harmless fun perhaps (if you like swinging), but wouldn't your own partner - not someone else's - be a better choice?

3    Another Domme/Dom couple I knew very well (who were long time, well respected blah blah blah) had a male and female sub each. The situation was fairly toxic because the husband's female sub was slowly (and successfully) stealing the Domme's husband. The Domme tried using her male slave to make her Dom husband jealous, but the Dom left her anyway.

Again, wouldn't it be better to find a single Domina for yourself than get tangled up in other people's emotional sh*t?

4   I have occasionally had a primary partner and a secondary sub at the same time. It was never a good idea to have the two of them in the same space. They would be insanely jealous of one another. With good reason!! Love might not a finite resource, but time and effort certainly are.

If this "Dom" husband couldn't care less what his wife does with you (a virtual stranger) I wonder what's wrong with their relationship (or - more likely - her!).    If he does care, you are likely to be the loser in the resulting sh*t fight between husband and wife when she starts liking being with you more than him. This looks like a lose -lose proposition for you.

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 11/4/2007 11:50:31 PM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)

Post #: 30

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/5/2007 1:43:15 AM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline

Just in reponse to the last post..very heavy stuff indeed from what i have gained from my online with her i would have never had that kind of concern..she has assured me he is totally straight and not at all interested.
But sounds like that sort of thing is out there which is more than scary.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 31

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/5/2007 4:59:35 PM

MsCfromMelbourne

Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

Uh huh....isn't New Zealand the World Wide Capital of Freaky Dungeon Accidents?

You are lucky to have a thriving BDSM scene, but there's been more than one death at the hands of dommes over there, hasn't there? Including the cricket umpire, Peter Plumley-Walker whose Domme and her male partner thought was dead in the cupboard after a heavy bondage session so they threw him over a waterfall.....and then he drowned. The Dominatrix Renee Chigall was aquitted after three trials

Don't forget to set up a safecall so the NZ cops know where to find your body!!!!

(PS: This post is tongue in cheek....we have had just as many "accidental" BDSM deaths here in Melbourne as the whole of NZ! )

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 11/5/2007 5:03:39 PM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)

Post #: 32

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/5/2007 5:49:02 PM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for the ribbing MsCfromMelbourne..good to see the transtasman rivallary still as strong as ever!
Im not sure about thriving BDSM scene here..i live in Auckland and dont know of any clubs etc?
Also i got the impression that Renne Chignal was an experienced hooker but an unexperienced Dominatrix and that whilst having the before mentioned deceased strung up via his neck she and her partner decided to go to another part of the house whereby he chocked and lost consiousness.
Do you ever come to this neck of the woods?

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 33

RE: Dommes Husband - 11/5/2007 8:26:19 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

As far as I know there is still a thriving scene in Auckland ... haven't seen LadyHeart here in a while but she used to be in Auckland and still had contacts there I think.

Re this situation ... it really does depend on what you are looking for and what they are looking for. Previously I have looked for play subs ... Master has been around to meet them and assure Himself of My safety (His job as my Master), then He has left Me alone to play with the sub. Not threatening to the male subs, and the only interaction required was friendly and respectful over drinks or a meal before and after.

More recently, We have been looking for a potential 24/7 sub, and have a lesbian fem sub under consideration (please, let's not get off on that term again, it is a mutual process of considering each other that suits U/us!). Because this person might end up living here as "family" it is obviously way more important that all 3 of U/us get on well, can interact comfortably in everyday ways, appreciate each others humour etc etc. So Master has naturally been much more involved with her, though by agreement that DOESN'T include sex (though He has seen her naked and she has seen Him likewise), generally I give her orders but He has the right to and she should obey Him just as she would Me, and He is respectful of time that she and I spend together talking, playing or sexually, just as she is respectful of the private time He and I share. It can work BUT there needs to be a lot of discussion beforehand between the primary couple as well as between them and new subs. From your post, it may be that the primary couple in this case do have it sorted ... in which case, it is up to you to consider whether this situation is one you appreciate or not ... and whether you want it to be long term or just experience play. Given that My recall is that you are new to all this, it might just be great to accept the experience, learn a lot from it, and move on from there!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)

Post #: 34

RE: Dommes Husband - 12/18/2007 10:38:21 AM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline

I have come back to this post just so i can say what has happened to me since my first message.
I did pluck up the courage to meet this couple face to face and i did find it a bit uncomfortable but they could not have made things any more relaxed for me.
I have since the meeting signed my first contract with my beautiful Mistress.
Since being owned i have been accepted into there lives they have made me feel welcome and at ease.
Husband is a top bloke with his own lovely subbie and i am have already learnt alot about this lifestyle and myself.
Merry christmas everyone.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 35

RE: Dommes Husband - 12/18/2007 2:03:31 PM

HottLicks

Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline

Nice...

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)

Post #: 36

RE: Dommes Husband - 12/18/2007 2:15:34 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

first, it will not be him in the background, but you; he is your Domme's primary and Her love... she will, ideally, never leave him for you or place your needs above his... this is a horribly difficult situation for any man, submissive or not, to be in; because men are generally wired to be the Head of the Household and you may possibly not even be consulted in matters that involve not only their household, but you as well

are you a jealous person? do you think you may cringe and hide or even be angry when you hear or even see him pleasuring your dominant, who will always be his wife first and foremost?... he may very well be turned on by seeing you submit to her, whether it be in an everyday manner or in a scene, how do you feel about the possibility of her leaving your side after a cursory aftercare session (tending you just enough to make certain you're alright) to go to him while they take advantage of the sexual energy produced by your beaten flesh and agonized shrieks?

they will live their own lives and make their own decisions, and your needs and welfare will, if not be totally disregarded, not be the first concern to enter their minds

now that i've given word to some of the more difficult situations that you might expect to experience, here are the good things... you will be part of a family, and ideally will be treated and loved as they would their own child (and no, i'm not talking about any ageplay kinks here); as you said they both have their own submissives, then you will have sisters and brothers to commiserate and share their joys with you, you will be able to have an instant support group... this is a valuable tool to keep you centered and balance those ugly feelings that may rise in you

now, poly is not for most people and is not even for everyone who is involved in a poly family; and the great majority of male submissives will never be able to make poly work, as we are generally very selfish in nature (just ask any female dominant, lol)... i would recommend that you see if you can enter the situation for a probationary period for 30-60-90 days before making any lasting commitments, where you can step out or be released without any hard feelings... also, if you decide to go through with it; GET TO KNOW AND CARE FOR THE OTHER SUBMISSIVES; they are pretty much in the same boat as you and will give you better advice than any of us here can, they know what's going on in their family and they are the ones who will likely make or break your stay in their family

remember, poly means "many loves" not "many lovers"; if you aren't ready to give your heart to everyone in the family (yes, even her husband; you will have to have some kind of relationship with him) and to take advantage of the advantages that will be there; then you won't find yourself happy in poly for very long

edited to add: the above is not an exact reflection of my relationship with Ma'am or the family She has brought me into, but these are all things that i have had to consider at one time or another

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 12/18/2007 3:10:14 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to MuscleCuteClever)

Post #: 37

RE: Dommes Husband - 12/18/2007 2:52:21 PM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

The problem with this type of post is the assumptions that are made.
Most things in life have some risks attatched to them.
BDSM relationships are more risky than vanilla ones because of the nature of the physical activity but they are no more dangerous in the emotional risk.
Can we assess emotional risk and protect ourselves from it?
If you want a ltr romantic relationship with a beautiful Domme and you can ignore or enjoy the fact that she maybe poly then go ahead.
You may even be first in her affections. If not does it matter to you if you are making her happy? Relationships are complicated even when they are one on one. With the 'right' person they may be far less complicated even if the situation seems more so.
If you think that she lives by the no harm principal then why not go ahead.
It's often the things we don't do in life that we regret not the things we do.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 38

RE: Dommes Husband - 12/18/2007 4:14:53 PM

fit2pleaseu

Posts: 77
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline

Interesting last 2 posts there are some comments that do apply to my situation and some that have no bearing at all.
The most important point i think here is trust..i trust my Mistress completely to treat me with as much respect as she expects from me.
I find being around this couple where there love for each other is unquestionable to be an uplifting experience and i feel humbled in a way that they have let me into there lives.

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 39

RE: Dommes Husband - 12/18/2007 4:37:33 PM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

I don't tell other people what to do, and I try not to be judgmental about other's preferences. There is a undercurrent of PC here on the forums when it comes to poly, so there is a shortage of people speaking against it here. I will say this, it's not for me. I take marriage seriously, and it is a vow to love one person and no other. I don't fool around with married women, even if they tell me it's totally cool with their spouse. There are a number of reasons for that. I am a jealous person, and I will admit it. I won't be second best to any other person, and you better believe that you will be the one to go if problems arise.

I don't believe it's ever totally cool with any man or woman to have another person in their SO's life. Note that I said "totally cool"; I realize many people accept others and learn to deal with it. People can adjust to almost anything, and many will endure things to make another person happy. But I have met too many poly people that say those things, than say other things when their partners aren't around. I have seen arguments between poly couple, and heard the sub or auxillary person's name get brought up in a moment of anger. Jealousy is an emotion, and we all have it.

It sounds like you have serious misgiving and apprehensions about this. I would advise you to tread carefully and be sure you are willing to accept all the negatives that can come with that sort of lifestlye. It's your heart that is going to get broken the most. She will still have her husband's shoulder to lean on if it fails.

< Message edited by slaveboyforyou -- 12/18/2007 4:41:28 PM >

(in reply to fit2pleaseu)

Post #: 40

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