Help for Master (Full Version)

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NakedOnMyChain -> Help for Master (8/4/2005 4:26:10 AM)

I need an honest to goddess intervention here. My master/hubby is new to the scene and has developed a bad case um...master's block. Any advice for a master starting on the scene? Things need spiced up pretty badly. Thanks.



LordMinty -> RE: Help for Master (8/4/2005 7:03:42 AM)



you may be able to help Him find His way again by letting Him know how much you NEED His mastery. Show your pleasure at any attempts on His part. On a philosophical level He may feel guilt that you are doing this only to please Him not because you must serve and submit.

"Yeah, my wife blows me but it's only because she loves me. She really doesn't like doing it." is an example of this paradox. How can He really trust her gesture as genuine? Now this is just a sexual example but it illustrates a dilemma that He may be facing.

The order of things must be the other way around. you must be compelled to serve, and then, one of the ways in which you serve is to please Him. Another way to look at it is if He were suddenly out of the picture would you still be desperate to serve and be submissive? If yes, then let Him know this. In a way it authenticates your intentions. The corollary to this is that he is now also allowed to be Master because it is an authentic inclination on his part, independant of you.

Also, another thing that may impede his inclinations is there is no one and only and right way for Him to be Master. He may not know this yet and it further thwarts His notions. But on some level letting Him know that Master will figure it out because Master is a Master may help. Good luck.


Lord Minty



plantlady64 -> RE: Help for Master (8/4/2005 7:39:48 AM)

Hello There,
My advice is to be patient and tantelizing.
Don't nag or beg too much. It will only push him away furthur.
Do things you know really turn him on. Scrub the tub in a thong, heels, nipple clamps & garters. Cook dinner in a see through apron, basically do things like that guys usually find hot enough to stir up some heat. Appeal to the unconsious Dom inside him. Keep yourself adorned in ways you know he finds hot.
If he's been turned on by BDSM contact before he'll come back to it before too long.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne



CaringDom -> RE: Help for Master (8/4/2005 8:02:39 AM)

Let me suggest a few books, "Different Loving" and "Screw the Roses Give me the Thorns" Having him read those and yourself too, will gain greater understand in how to grow and evolve the relationship, and help explain the whys for him. Whith greater insight and understanding it may help him to become more focused.

The other thing you can do, is even though he is wrestling with Masters block, it doesn't mean you can't continue act submissive towards him anyway. In fact I think you should, because it will keep the aspect in the forefront and not let it slip away.

You can also help him, by reminding him, how important it is for you and that it is a positive thing that you crave, need, want and desire. Like any relationship these issues need to be brought up, talked about and WORKED on. Relationships take work, hard work and lots of it.



Kinkypupper -> RE: Help for Master (8/4/2005 11:21:07 AM)

Introduce him to something different like "fire flogging"
This is the season for "campout" type events they are happening all over the coutry a weekend in the woods with a few other like minded people may spice things up a bit.



Elegant -> RE: Help for Master (8/4/2005 11:41:48 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kinkypupper

Introduce him to something different like "fire flogging"
This is the season for "campout" type events they are happening all over the coutry a weekend in the woods with a few other like minded people may spice things up a bit.


A bit OT but relating to the above comment:
Be aware and informed of risks with any new technique, especially fire! We recommend that one seeks knowledgable instruction in person and have someone else around when trying fireplay for the first time.



Niran -> RE: Help for Master (8/4/2005 12:44:50 PM)

Know the feeling, and all I can say is "read, read, read." Here are a list of links out of my favorites. The more he reads, the more ideas will plant themselves and will come at opportune times.

http://castlerealm.com/

http://castlerealm.com/library/dammit.shtml Helped a lot on both sides

http://members.shaw.ca/vixxxen1/resources.html

http://www.fetishalliance.net/

http://www.bcwsd.com/backroom/library/articles_us/bond_jap_karada.htm

There are many articles contained in these pages that were helpful. If I listed out every one of them, we would be here til tomorrow, and then none of them would appeal to him. LOL


Hope it helps.


Niran



NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Help for Master (8/4/2005 5:26:46 PM)

Thank you all for helping me out. I suppose I was fairly vague though. I've been a submissive for years, but he was new to the scene when we met. He tried to humor me at first and ended up truly enjoying it. I own a number of books on the topic, and have been desperately trying to spice things up, but it seems that the past few months have simply not held any surprises in store for us. Once again, thank you all.



MstrHellsFury -> RE: Help for Master (8/4/2005 5:46:34 PM)

I would also add...find a local group...attend...ask questions...don't be shy about the lack of knowledge in all areas...you'd be pleasantly surprised at the wealth of information exchanged and the need in most of us Dominants...both male and female...to want to impart what we know to others...also along those same lines...he should get a mentor...this person can and probably will have truckloads of ideas to bring a newness into the relationship...it could be a suttle as the way you get flogged...hope this add on helps...


Fury



subversiveone -> RE: Help for Master (8/4/2005 6:47:07 PM)

Kinkypupper, could you tell me more about "fire flogging" please???



Zenar -> RE: Help for Master (8/6/2005 8:28:51 PM)

The "Master Block" Syndrom

Let go of the pre-concieved notion of BDSM mastery. Be the Master of nothing and inherit the mastery of every thing. It is a Zen approach I know, just look at my nick. If you find your self getting into a rutt with the phisical, cant think of any thing new to try, done all the toys, just burnt out on whips and flogs, look at the other aspects of mastery. The control, the power play itself, stop and appreciate the small things that a submisive does that you dont notice becouse you were to busy having fun with the bright and shiny stuff. Can you sit together in silence with out a single word said and simply feel the power you have over your girl? We get so caught up in who has the longest single tail and who has done the most outlandish scene. Who has felt the power of nothing in a fleeting moment that lasts forever? It is so delicate, so fragile, so insignificant so many miss this entirely and never get to experience it, yet it is the most powerfull and fullfilling event I have ever felt in my entire life.



anopheles -> RE: Help for Master (8/16/2005 3:36:49 PM)

I too am a new master over my Luvdragon and have probably felt the same way that your Master does. One thing to understand that being a Dominant is very difficult, it takes a lot more energy and thought than it might appear before actually doing it, particularly if you genuinely care and love your submissive. Your Master might be experiencing this. My opinion would just be to simply help him find his place, his style, his likes and dislikes. That way, you two can form a lasting relationship where both of you are fulfilled.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Help for Master (8/16/2005 4:05:52 PM)

quote:

need an honest to goddess intervention here. My master/hubby is new to the scene and has developed a bad case um...master's block. Any advice for a master starting on the scene? Things need spiced up pretty badly. Thanks.


Michelle,
Really not enough information to give you any definitive advise. "New"? How new? There is something akin to a honeymoon with the lifestyle that I've observed. Men, especially young men, find the idea of having a submissive or better yet a slave, to be Utopian. But often the reality is more involved then the "idea". They run out of things to do and get into a "now what?" mental state. What do you do if you have the ability to fulfill ALL your fantasies, did them, and can think of no other?

Anyway you look at it, it is a crossroad. For some it's the determination that they don't want to be a Dom/Master, at least not full time. Some decide they really are submissive and want to be the object of the activity instead of it's originator. Then again, maybe it's not a mental block. Maybe it's just the opposite. Maybe it's that he wants to take the dynamic further and he thinks his ideas are too extreme.

I think one of the most important things a new Dom/Master must keep in mind is that the lifestyle dynamic it is NOT just sex. In fact it's the non-sex aspects of domination in daily life that make the desire for the physical stronger. It's the mental aspect of the dynamic that drives the long term physical.

You've gotten some great advise so far; getting out in the community and meeting other couples is always beneficial if you have that opportunity. But the best advise is to sit down, relax, and talk about it honestly with each other. It takes work. It is very exposing. Some aspects may even be embarrassing. It's one thing to be physically naked with your spouse or S.O.; quite another to be emotionally and mentally exposed. Trust in each other is not only needed - it's required!

You and he have the real answers. Everyone here is just helping you try to find ways of discovering them.

Good Luck! It's worth the effort!



sub4hire -> RE: Help for Master (8/16/2005 5:21:29 PM)

quote:

My master/hubby is new to the scene and has developed a bad case um...master's block. Any advice for a master starting on the scene? Things need spiced up pretty badly.


Is he asking for help or are you asking for help? Does he realize this is an issue or is it an issue for you?
Why isn't he here asking? Apparently you feel things are lackluster but does he feel the same way? If he doesn't then no matter what you try it won't end up working out the way you'd like it to.
Perhaps you are trying to mold him into something he isn't?

Just saying my thoughts here of your initial post. If he was experienced he may even say you are trying to top him from the bottom...at least the way I read it.



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