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When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 9:22:43 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		A few recent topics and posts have led me to wonder about the importance of enthusiasm within my submission.
There are a number of activities that I submit to but if I were given a choice I would not engage in them.  This, then, gives me two options: honesty or fakery. 
A previous dominant would say to me, “Ah, I didn’t hear the exclamation point when you said ‘yes, Sir.’  This is going to be a hard thing for you.”
I’m not good at faking it.  I can dig deep and come up with a boat load of satisfaction because I have pleased a dominant, but I can’t pretend to have that exclamation point when it just…. isn’t….. there.
Yes, I understand it is a matter of compatibility.  I am eager and passionate regarding much of submission but I don’t expect to find every aspect to be to my liking.  I certainly don’t expect the dominants in my life to be swayed by a less than enthusiastic response. 
Is it a mistaken belief that he/they can be gratified and fulfilled because I have obeyed despite my reluctance?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 9:31:11 AM   
gracieamelia


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline 		If you are referring to a relationship........ life is not always an exclamation point.
If you are referring to a specific service, then I'd want to always be an exclamation point.
Speaking with my owner everyday is a priviledge but also a responsiblity as his property.  I do not live with him.  There are days I would love to fulfill his needs.... of course, as I see them.  Just this morning he told me how his feet ached from over use yesterday...I said it would be a priviledge to rub them for him.
He was pleased with my need to do something for him, but said "not this time."
My response was not an exclamation point, it was real.

If you fake responses, then you fear ....  tis my reality.
If you fear, your submission is not from your heart/soul/mind, no matter what.

If life was always lived as an exclamation point, we'd burn out faster than we do.

< Message edited by gracieamelia -- 11/3/2007 9:33:20 AM >

(in reply to catize)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 9:35:36 AM   
gracieamelia


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/21/2007
Status: offline 		Is it a mistaken belief that he/they can be gratified and fulfilled because I have obeyed despite my reluctance?

I re-read your post after posting ...being saddened by this remark.
My owner has always said if I was not completely OPEN with him, he would need to reconsider his choice in property.

(in reply to catize)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 9:36:10 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
Is it a mistaken belief that he/they can be gratified and fulfilled because I have obeyed despite my reluctance?


Not in the least.  I know that for my Lord there is a particular kind of satisfaction when he is obeyed even though we are reluctant or even dislike the activity.  He values the things we do even though it is hard for us to do them.  He does not expect us to enjoy every thing that he wants from us, but he does expect us to do it with grace.  If we were to whine and complain about then it would just piss him off.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to catize)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 10:06:05 AM   
treehugger42


Posts: 29
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		I think forcing you to add the exclamation point even when you don't mean it is just another form of sadism, in my experience anyway. In real life very few of us are the graceful slave who is overjoyed to lick out their master's toejam, every single time.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 11:18:09 AM   
daddyscherry


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2007
From: Daddy's Tower, CA
Status: offline 		my Daddy seems to agree with KOM on this....he seems to get a special  pleasure when i submit to something that i am not 100% gung-ho for.

He told me that it's easy to submit to what is easy, it's when you submit when it is hard that really means something.

To me this makes sense, if i submit to only what i want to do then there is not as much surrender in it for me.

Sometimes there is a small pout (or lack of exclamation points) when i do something but then i still do it to the best of my abilities.


_____________________________

~cherry
a.k.a. charismagirrl

For today i won't say but...
For today i won't say just....
For today i will simply obey...
For always i will be your imperfect slave.

(in reply to treehugger42)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 11:25:36 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Expecting enthusiasm and exclamation points with each command or request is a set-up for failure. Do the task the best you can (or don't do it and accept responsibility for your non-action) and if he says "add an exclamation point" do so at that time. Doesn't matter if it's fakery. (Of course you may have to do it until it sounds convincing enough for him. ~chuckle~)

(in reply to daddyscherry)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 1:37:33 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I can't feign enthusiasm.  If M wants to see real joy, he knows exactly how to produce it. He doesn't expect to see it where it doesn't exist. If he wants something a certain way, he makes it happen, regardless of how enthusiastic I am. In most circumstances where obedience is required that's ALL that's required....he knows me well enough to know how *thrilled* I'm likely to be in most scenarios.

I can't always obey with unbridled passion, I wouldn't go as far as to say that he finds it gratifying and fulfilling in those cases; it's closer to *good enough* .

agirl


(in reply to catize)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 1:46:41 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists


Not in the least.  I know that for my Lord there is a particular kind of satisfaction when he is obeyed even though we are reluctant or even dislike the activity.  He values the things we do even though it is hard for us to do them.  He does not expect us to enjoy every thing that he wants from us, but he does expect us to do it with grace.  If we were to whine and complain about then it would just piss him off.

Knight's Kyra


That is exactly how my Sir sees things as well. He is never more pleased with me than when I submit with grace and docility during a request or action that is difficult for me.

Like others have said, it is easy to have that exclamation point when it is something YOU want to do. I would also add that a dominant who thinks we submissives can always show unbridled enthusiasm for their wicked ways needs to grow up and taste some reality. Just my opinion of course.



_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to kyraofMists)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 1:49:14 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		In my opinion, honesty is always better than faked enthusiasm.  However, enthusiasm can be for the service generally as opposed to the paticular activity you do while serving.  To suggest you should fake cheesy enthusiasm would to me be contrary to open communication.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to catize)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 1:53:41 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyscherry
He told me that it's easy to submit to what is easy, it's when you submit when it is hard that really means something.

To me this makes sense, if i submit to only what i want to do then there is not as much surrender in it for me.


It's impossible for a person to always love everything all of the time.  People, even slaves, get tired, feel under the weather, etc.  It would be easy to only submit to what one loves to do.  Master loves for me to suffer for Him.  Where is the suffering when i'm only doing what i love, yes, indeed where is the surrender? 

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to daddyscherry)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 3:34:10 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Best thing to do is ask the other person what they want- do they want you to fake it occasionally, or do they want total brutal honesty?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to eyesopened)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 3:57:39 PM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline 		Just a thought here.... but, could his comment about no "exclamation point" after the "Yes Sir" possibly be a way of ribbing you?  Is he using it as a way of letting you know he realizes it is not something you enjoy doing?  Is he then pleased that you have done it anyway?

Communication is crucial and I doubt he wants you to seriously "fake" anything... but then, I don't know him, or you, so it is all relative to your relationship.

Example... I was paddling a sub... hit him with a particularly wicked oak paddle... he let out a yell and yelled "Oh Fuck!!"  I don't happen to allow that word used in my presence.... so I admonished him for using it and smacked him even harder for doing so.  When I said I didn't want to hear that word again, he loudly yelled "Yes Ma'am!!!!!"  (lots of exclamation points).... so then, of course... I had to smack him and admonish him for yelling at me.   <chuckle>  That's an example of one using too many exclamation points.

Was I scolding him?  Yes... Was it fun?   OHHHHhhhhh yes....

If I tell him to do something that he doesn't like are the exclamation points there?  No.  Do I sometimes comment on it?  Yes.... but, it is to tease him and actually drive home the point that I know he isn't thrilled about doing what I have requested.  But, it brings me pleasure knowing he will do it anyway.  If everytime I requested something all I got was enthusiastic "Yes Ma'am" responses, I would just have to think of things until I found something that would get a much less enthusiastic response.  <grin>

It all really comes down to your relationship.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

check out: www.enclaveproductions.com
www.enclavewest.com

(in reply to catize)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 7:20:36 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		The response to "this is going to be a hard thing for you" is "yes, that's true. I'm not interested in this activity, in fact I don't see any value in it, and I'm not going to have any enjoyment in it. However, if knowing that, you still want to do it, then I will do my damnedest to grit my teeth and get through it but I can't promise I can take too much of it".

Unless he said he wants you to act as though you absolutely adore everything on earth, you should be giving an honest answer about your feelings and capabilities. And that's all you owe, plus to try your hardest.

Because honestly, sometimes that's all anyone can ask from someone else. And some doms want to see you suffering for them without getting anything for yourself. Now if he never wants you happy, that's a sign of an unhealthy relationship, but asking you to put up with it occasionally for him is fine.

Just like it's fine for you to pick Mexican food for dinner on occasion even though you know his preference is Italian. Everybody should have a chance to be selfish and happy from time to time.

(in reply to MystressDream)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/3/2007 8:54:44 PM   
Kalari


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline 		I am a firm believer in communication and honesty.  It reminds me of faking an orgasm.  If your partner doesn't know that he isn't pleasing you, then he will continue not to please you.  Different people have different opinions in D/s, but I personally believe that the relationship should be mutually pleasurable.  If you feel that you aren't being satisfied as a submissive, you owe it to yourself to let your Master know so that something can be done about this terrible problem.

(in reply to catize)
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RE: When I can't find the exclamation point - 11/4/2007 8:25:14 AM   
TotalState


Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

Is it a mistaken belief that he/they can be gratified and fulfilled because I have obeyed despite my reluctance?

Not at all.  That's a big part of why I enjoy my submissive...she will go to lengths to obey even when she is reluctant - and I personally think a little whining is cute, as long as it doesn't come with disobediance.  ;)

Whatever you do, don't fake enthusiasm.


_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to catize)
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