Out of element?

Out of element? (Full Version)

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grlneedstolearn -> Out of element? (11/3/2007 3:55:14 PM)
Would you take your sub/slave to an enviroment where you know she will be uncomfortable, (such as a vanilla or lifestyle party)? And would you try to get her to relax and go with the flow? Or just let her hang around you while you mingle with the other people?

Dragynsfury -> RE: Out of element? (11/3/2007 4:14:50 PM)
I've taken my subs/slaves to vanilla avenues and parties because I wanted thier company. I do my best to get them to relax but if they are nervous they are just nervous. Sometimes they just don't get over it. Well...my new cutie - we went to a bookstore. He was rather twitchy til we went to the Sexual Interest aisle. He promptly found a book on BDSM and he was good to go after that. LOL.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Out of element? (11/3/2007 5:10:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn Would you take your sub/slave to an enviroment where you know she will be uncomfortable, (such as a vanilla or lifestyle party)? Sure, if it was on the schedule. I have no desire to force someone into situations they don't want to be in- I take them where I want us to go. If they are comfortable, great. If not, ok. quote: And would you try to get her to relax and go with the flow? Obviously I would want to help them have the most fulfilling experience they could AND try not to let their energy effect the ones around them. Generally, as long as they know good manners then everything is taken care of already. quote: Or just let her hang around you while you mingle with the other people? Is that different from relaxing and going with the flow? I HATE mingling. Just hanging around and smiling is a pretty good showing for me at most strictly social events.

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Out of element? (11/3/2007 5:29:21 PM)
Thank you to both. i had to ask because i went with someone last saturday to a vanilla halloween party and, like you LA, i hate mingling as well. But afterwards, he told me that if i was his sub then he would make me go mingle with his vanilla friends. So i had to ask it. At least this question wasn't as confusing as my others [:)]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Out of element? (11/3/2007 6:05:41 PM)
As long as, as the dom, he had trained you in the proper ways and means of mingling and communicated well what his expectations were in that domain- sure. Again, good manners take care of most of that anyway. This isn't really to help make YOU feel more comfortable either- it's more that before he foists some date he brought to a party onto his supposed friends, he should make sure that the sub will be able to hold a positive mingling session. It would be very rude if the slave were lacking in manners or made his friends/party guests uncomfortable just so he could flex his domly muscles.

Celeste43 -> RE: Out of element? (11/3/2007 7:26:11 PM)
So why did he bother taking a date to a party if he didn't want to spend any time with her? Sorry, that one just doesn't compute. And if he knows this is what he expects out of a date, he should mention it ahead of time so you could have refused the invitation. "I want you to walk in the door with me at a party, but spend the next three hours not talking to me or coming near me, however you have to be ready to leave whenever I finally come over and tell you I want to go". Me, I'd rather wash my hair. And if he was honest about not wanting to be seen with me in public, then I would honestly tell him I wasn't interested in a relationship with him.

goodgirl08 -> RE: Out of element? (11/3/2007 9:00:31 PM)
Hmm, I don't see how it's different from a new boyfriend (in the vanilla world) taking you to a party where you don't know anyone, and you have to make an effort with new people. Yes it can be awkward or uncomfortable but you can put on a good public face and make the best of it. Well, unless he's holding you on a leash, then you might have trouble mingling at a vanilla event. [;)]

juliaoceania -> RE: Out of element? (11/4/2007 5:15:26 AM)
He would definitely take me somewhere out of my element and probably enjoy my discomfort... he is just like that...

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Out of element? (11/4/2007 7:40:52 AM)
No he did want to spend time with me, but also wanted me to meet some of his friends as well. There was no pressure on his or my part that i had to make friends, that i had to mingle with the people. Yes i did talk with some, but mostly i was watching and "observing" i guess you could say, on how his friends were. He also knew that i would be shy and awkard at first, and he is trying to get me out of my shell a little more to be comfortable around people. Now i can give public speeches to a group of people no problem. He knew the host of the party and that was it, otherwise he was as lost as i was. Hope this answers on why i still went with him

Celeste43 -> RE: Out of element? (11/4/2007 7:48:15 AM)
Sorry, grl, guess I got confused by the "if you were my sub, you couldn't stay with me" bit. Basically it sounds like he doesn't understand how best to help someone with shyness or social anxiety. His way seems to be to throw you in the pool and that you will magically learn to swim. A lot of people who aren't shy feel like that. He obviously isn't shy because he accepted an invite to go to a party where he didn't really know anyone and still had a great time making friends and talking to new people. That works for him, but he needs to know it doesn't work for everyone. Honestly, in a situation like that, if I wasn't allowed to stay near him, I would probably wait about 45 minutes, thank the host for having me, and claim a phone call and leave. I wouldn't even say goodbye to my date because if he demanded I do something I couldn't do, suddenly change my entire personality from shy to outgoing, then he wouldn't be someone I would want a relationship with. I'd send him some info on shyness and social anxiety because it's obvious he doesn't understand.

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Out of element? (11/4/2007 8:40:06 AM)
It is no problem Celeste43, it is hard. Except it's a lot harder when he's the one who drove [:o]. That's what a cab is for :D. He's used to being around a lot of people (military), so for him it's no problem. And i told him that i will work on it, on my own terms, since most of my other friends are trying to get me out as well.

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