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mentoring - 11/3/2007 8:03:37 PM   
lilprincess25


Posts: 28
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline 		hey i was wondering if anyone ever thought of creating a big brother/sister program for bdsm???  you know where veteran's to the lifestyle take the newbies under their wings to guilde them within the loving world of bdsm, basicly a mentoring program so to speak.  i mean its a thought to keep those whom are new to the lifestyle safe from those whom abuse their ignorance to it and keep the negitivity more to a minimum within our lifestyle.

what do you all think?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: mentoring - 11/3/2007 8:23:25 PM   
daddyscherry


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2007
From: Daddy's Tower, CA
Status: offline 		This could be really great but...

There are already alot of mentors and "mentors"...the difference being, some are ethical and want to be helpful and others, well, they want to help themselves to a new and vulnerable person.

Also, one of my closest gfs got into trouble with her Dom when she was being mentored by someone else. She had no idea, didn't even know the word, and was looking for some help and someone was talking to her about lfestyle stuff
.
The problem is, not everyone wants their slave to be pre-trained or guided by another ( i don't think that is what you meant, but that generally seems to be what mentoring in BDSM is all about) This can be problematic if their styles differ or for other reasons.

i think here on the boards and on other sites those with experience try their best to be helpful to newbies...although maybe some kind of "safe place' would work.


_____________________________

~cherry
a.k.a. charismagirrl

For today i won't say but...
For today i won't say just....
For today i will simply obey...
For always i will be your imperfect slave.

(in reply to lilprincess25)
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RE: mentoring - 11/3/2007 8:43:02 PM   
lilprincess25


Posts: 28
Joined: 8/29/2005
Status: offline 		trust me i know there are some that will say they are guilding them about bdsm, my first Dom told me that and he was just a wolf in sheeps clothing, which i learned the hard way unfortunatly.

and i am not meaing training at all.  just someone to answer some questions about some stuff and to lead them to good resourses out there.  i had one and he was just there with new resourses for me to read up on to learn more about different things.

(in reply to daddyscherry)
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RE: mentoring - 11/3/2007 8:45:59 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		In a way my relationship is like that already with my current Dom. i've seen it where more experienced Dom/me has taken a newbie under thier wing, so no i'm not oppsed to it since i have one already

(in reply to lilprincess25)
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RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 8:07:14 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have thought it was a great idea, but of course who decides who is "okay" to be a mentor?  I am not one to spread scary stuff, but I see the predators being happily welcomed to events, so that really is an issue.

As an Old Timer, I try to do my bit to help out those that need help.  In turn, the people who want to set up a mentor relationship have to be willing to get out there and ask.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to grlneedstolearn)
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RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 8:10:40 AM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		I'm  more than willing to be a "big sister" to someone new in the lifechoice. When I first started out I wish I had someone like that. If I can help sure why not. Anyone can get ahold of me via CollarMe. My profile is posted.

_____________________________

Every story has two sides , much like a coin and neither one is totally perfect.
If it doesn't float your boat, then don't get in the water~!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 8:18:43 AM   
MystressDream


Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
Status: offline 		Hmmm... well, from the other thread running, just make sure you don't use the word "protector" anywhere in your posts.  LOL

I mentor both Doms and submissives new to our community.  But yes, they have to approach me and ask, and they have to be willing to listen, learn, read, and explore their own feelings and desires when it comes to this.  But, I mentor it as a lifestyle, not as a role playing fun time for all.

_____________________________

Knowledge and experience are wonderful things to share. When we stop asking questions, we might as well "hang it up".

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(in reply to lilprincess25)
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RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 8:41:50 AM   
MistressMelissa


Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilprincess25

hey i was wondering if anyone ever thought of creating a big brother/sister program for bdsm???  you know where veteran's to the lifestyle take the newbies under their wings to guilde them within the loving world of bdsm, basicly a mentoring program so to speak.  i mean its a thought to keep those whom are new to the lifestyle safe from those whom abuse their ignorance to it and keep the negitivity more to a minimum within our lifestyle.

what do you all think?


Greetings,

Over the years I have opened my house to those who wish to learn. Unfortunately many are looking for the fantasy they read about on the Internet. Reality clashes with their fantasy.

As one friend put it, "I dreampt of a life on my knees before my owner, I just didn't think it would be cleaning floors, weeding and laying tiles." 

It is true that predators will use "mentoring" as a guise to trap new people. But new people need to look past "the man dressed in black with the flogger hanging off his belt" and watch who the others turn to for advise.

Mentoring also works best in person or at least that is my opinion and I'm sure your mileage will vary.


< Message edited by MistressMelissa -- 11/4/2007 9:03:31 AM >

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to lilprincess25)
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RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 8:46:54 AM   
mya75


Posts: 300
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Nothing is wrong with offering someone advice from your point of view ..I do think having someone **prior** to being collared is a great idea..I myself keep a mentor..However I am not the type of person who believes 100% of what everyone says and I can make a sound decision on my own.....people who are similar would probably do fine with a mentor but those that cant think for self and come back to reality when their mentor has moved on..will have huge problems..

_____________________________

~**Mya Papaya**~

"A fool learns from his own mistakes, a wise person learns from the mistakes of others."

(in reply to MistressMelissa)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 8:56:04 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Nope, I'm here to live as an adult and expect others to do the same.  I'm fine offering advice, making friends- but I think if they need a "big sister" then they either aren't ready for adult relationships, or they have some false ideas about how things work and need to open their eyes on their own.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to mya75)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 10:43:54 AM   
Squeakers


Posts: 489
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lilprincess25

hey i was wondering if anyone ever thought of creating a big brother/sister program for bdsm???  you know where veteran's to the lifestyle take the newbies under their wings to guilde them within the loving world of bdsm, basicly a mentoring program so to speak.  i mean its a thought to keep those whom are new to the lifestyle safe from those whom abuse their ignorance to it and keep the negitivity more to a minimum within our lifestyle.

what do you all think?
   I think the concept is good, but---I can see where this would be very difficult to do.  First---what would be considered a 'veteran'.   Five years, a decade, a score?   To further that there are those who are merely 'vetrans' of the online community and have no experience outside of the cyber world---and honestly I am not bashing that---but there is a difference.   Then there are the gray areas.   It's sort of like the red flags list that was recently presented, there are so many variables.   For some people there is only one way to do things and they will stand firm on that, for others they are going to say it will all depend on the individual and the circumstances.   I think this would be rather confussing for a newbie.   I know it really confused the hell out of me---I floundered, I struggled, and at times, I simply said 'fuck this'.   But I kept at it, made mistakes learned from them and found my place.
    I would never ever want to mentor anyone.   Will if offer advice and wisdom, if asked, most certainly but I really do not want to impose my lifestyle on anyone else simply because it may not work for someone else.  
    Maybe it might work very well, but on the net---I have my doubts.

(in reply to lilprincess25)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 10:45:32 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyscherry

There are already alot of mentors and "mentors"...the difference being, some are ethical and want to be helpful and others, well, they want to help themselves to a new and vulnerable person.


Hiiss...  GAH!  I've been revealed!

(in reply to daddyscherry)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 10:50:06 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		i think the best way to learn is to learn from everybody you come across...everyone you meet has the potential to be a mentor to you, whether its for the 5 minutes you talk ot them or the lifetime of friendship...and if its from nothing more than learning how you don't want to act, you are learning something...

having one person be the be all and end all of your lifestyle, in my opinion is a bad idea...even your Master (isolation is an abuse tactic...)

chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to lilprincess25)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 10:56:39 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Yeah, sure, whatever helps people I guess.

For some of us, it's difficult to see why anyone would need a mentor.  I mean, what, are mentorees without their common sense or emotionally unstable enough that they need to be catalyzed into a relationship?

LA's response strikes me as sort of what someone who matured earlier on in life probably feels.  It's sort of like, "Why the hell does anyone need to be guided?  There's nothing here that's all that difficult!  You should be able to do this stuff by the time your'e an adult."  At the same time, I suppose it's only realistic to acknowledge that there will be those who do need it.

So, if it will actually help people, sure, go for it.

(in reply to lilprincess25)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 11:09:20 AM   
LadyLegs


Posts: 176
Status: offline 		I consider people mentors if they inform me about munches, direct me to safety information, and in general answer my questions.  It has never been a formal relationship as the OP suggests though. 

(in reply to CuriousLord)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: mentoring - 11/4/2007 11:39:34 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		If we are talking about a Dom mentoring a new submissive, I'll give odds in every circumstance that she will end up convinced her mentor is the one for her and he will fuck her brains out sooner or later.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to lilprincess25)
Profile   Post #: 16
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