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sexyred1 -> RE: Which is more important (11/4/2007 7:36:00 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gillybean
This is not such an easy question as others have implied. It all depends on the kind of relationship you have with the Dom.
. However if you are merely 'playing' and the Dom likes to hear things said in a certain way, or doesn't like to know particular things then, as long as you are being true to yourself by pleasing him and it is hurting neither of you to not be completely honest then i have done that. But only with someone i knew i would never have a relationship with.
Yes i do sometimes question whether i should be completely honest about what i feel and how certain things he does to and with me actually don't do very much for me, but i know if i did then things would end completely and there are other things he does that i do like and want. So i am prepared to 'compromise' a little and say things he wants to hear rather than be completely 'honest'. For example he likes to use the cane much harder than i like. Sometimes he uses it in a way i enjoy, sometimes it's far too hard. But even when it is far too much, although i don't like the caning itself, i still like that he wanted to use me and that i am giving him pleasure. He knows i hate the cane generally and he can tell when it is too much and he usually ensures he does other things during the session that i do enjoy to 'distract' me or make it worth my while in some way (not phrased that too well but you know what i mean i'm sure). And when he says afterwards did i like that the answer i keep to myself is 'don't use the cane that hard again', but the answer i give him is that i did enjoy it, because i enjoyed the whole session, parts of it more than others and even though i didn't like the caning i would do it again for the rest. So i tell him what he wants to hear in a way he wants to hear it rather than being completly honest. Because when i go away and think about it afterwards i know that it doesn't matter how hard he used the came, i will want to see him again. Of course i also know the time will come to end the 'fun' and find someone i can have a full relationship with which includes honesty in all things.
I have in the past said exactly what i think and feel to him, and i get reminded that i am taking the fun out of it and i don't get spoken to again until i speak in a way he finds acceptable and say things he wants to hear. The relationship is only about 'fun'. So rather than saying things exactly as i find them i have to think a little and phrase things in an acceptable way to him. This pleases him and as pleasing him is important to me and gives me a certain amount of pleasure it itself i am prepared to be less than completely honest. But as i said i know the relationship will never be anything more than it is. The situation is not one i would accept with a relationship partner, nor would i want to have a relationship with this Dom precisely because he is not prepared to listen or hear me. I do question at times whether he is a Dom or merely likes to be sadistic. Saying that though he does listen on occassion and surprises me when he does something that i mentioned in passing or in an email and thought nothing more of.
So the question you have been possed by this friend really comes down to which particular Dom and in what circumstances. Only you know what is right for you and what you can and can not compromise on.
I know someone like this as well and I don't worry whether he gets upset or won't speak to me if I speak my mind; I always do, especially if I do not like something we are doing.
What do you have to lose by being brutally honest, especially when it is just casual?
It seems counterproductive to have a casual relationship whereby both your needs should be met and then have to withold that you are not happy about certain things to please the other person, when you are not even commited to them and they to you.
I believe in total honestly in all relationships.
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