Making the Most of CM

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SylvereApLeanan -> Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 9:22:43 AM)
I've been here a few days and have browsed through all the profiles that fit my search parameters. I've noticed a couple that were obviously created as "warnings" about certain members because the user has been viewed as a "fake." I realize that in many cases, it's nothing more than sour grapes but it does make me wonder what happened to create such friction. I've also received a few messages that interest me from CM users I would like to get to know better. However, I would like some input from those who have been using the site for some time. I'm not experienced with deliberately searching for a submissive/slave via a site like this. All of my BDSM partners have also been romantic partners or have been casual play partners at a party. Do any of you have advice or pointers for weeding out the headcases, posers who only want online role-play, or golddiggers who are looking for someone to support them? Thanks for your help!

Raechard -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 9:27:52 AM)
If this was a site about bus drivers would there be people claiming to be bus drivers and others accusing them of being fake bus drivers? I avoid profiles that mention certain keywords and phrases: Fake, real, player, poser, genuine, time wasters.

Lordandmaster -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 9:28:42 AM)
In the old days, when moderators used to review every new profile, you would never see anything like this. Now there are too many profiles for them to do that, so they rely on other users to report objectionable profiles, which an automated system will supposedly delete once a certain number of complaints have been logged. I used to report profiles all the time, but I've never seen one taken down, so at this point I've given up. Look on the bright side: Someone so devoid of class as to badmouth another user in his or her OWN profile is giving you valuable free information. STAY AWAY, I'M A NUTCASE! quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan I've been here a few days and have browsed through all the profiles that fit my search parameters. I've noticed a couple that were obviously created as "warnings" about certain members because the user has been viewed as a "fake." I realize that in many cases, it's nothing more than sour grapes but it does make me wonder what happened to create such friction.

Raechard -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 9:43:49 AM)
What is to stop someone reporting a profile ten times with various profiles? It’s not that hard to hide your real IP address either.

MystressDream -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 9:50:08 AM)
I may not be the best one to respond to your question as I have become rather jaded over the years when it comes to actually meeting someone of quality on these sites. I don't know why, but I seem to attract all the "do me" bottoms, and "online game players". My only advice is if you connect with someone that sounds like a promising prospect, ask them for a phone number. (After a few emails and/or chats, or course.) The "online only" ones will usually either refuse, or will run away and disappear. This the age of cell phones. It's not like we can track someone down from having that number. It also shows that they don't trust enough to even exchange cell numbers. However, the biggest telling factor is, you find out in a hurry that they are probably married and don't want you calling in the evenings or on weekends, and/or they are only here for fulfillment of their online fantasy and have no desire to actually meet anyone real time. Either way, I am finished wasting my time with them. I have spent way too much of my time in lengthy conversations with potential slaves... to the point where they say they will relocate if we have chemistry in real time, and if I choose to consider them.... to the point of even discussing living arrangements if they should do so... (I NEVER offer any slave the opportunity to move in with me, and they are told that kind of comittment takes time to reach).... down to actually setting dates for them to come and meet me. Times... flights... arrangements... then "POOF"... they are gone. Profiles deleted, won't answer IMs, etc. I just won't go that route anymore. But, that's just me. If they want to explore the possiblities, they better get themselves to Denver and sit down over a cup of coffee or dinner and talk to me.

juliaoceania -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 9:53:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Raechard What is to stop someone reporting a profile ten times with various profiles? It’s not that hard to hide your real IP address either. Nothing can stop someone from doing that, but the powers that be can review the profile under suspicion and delete it if necessary. It is just an alert.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 9:56:08 AM)
Like I said, I'm aware of the "sour grapes" effect. I also know there are, in fact, plenty of psychos and game players in the scene. I'd take your advice, LordandMaster, but the phony profiles are set up as copies of the original. There's no way to know which user created the fake. I've also seen photos that look like professional modeling shoots. As much as I'd love to think that the SMOKIN' person in the picture is who I'd be meeting (if it got to that stage), I'm not an idiot. I know that people can and do copy photos from other places and use them as lures. I guess what I want is the benefit of your experience using this type of site. Should I commit a lot of time to the message boards and chat rooms in order to get to know people? Or can I stick with email and do equally well? Are there any questions you like to ask that help you weed out the phonies? Have you met anyone from CM and have those experiences been primarily positive or negative? That sort of thing.

charlotte12 -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 10:05:33 AM)
My advice would be to meet people as quickly as possible. If you're looking for locals meet for a cup of coffee as soon as possible. If they show up you should be better able to judge them as a person than online and if they don't well then at least you didn't waste months talking to someone, you just spent 20 minutes at a coffee shop. If talking to people long distance that presents much more of a challenge. All i can say is listen to your instincts. If something smells fishy then it's probably a fish (unless someone's wearing fish scented cologne in which case i would stay away from them anyway.) charlotte

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 10:15:16 AM)
My recomendation would be to stay fairly local and to arrange to meet any prospects, face to face, as soon as possible. If you get excuses as to why she can't make it to a r/t meeting, move on. I recommend staying local due to my own experience with "online" chemistry. Several times, I've spent quite awhile talking to somebody online, who was quite a distance away from me. When I was finally able to travel to meet them, I found that "online chemistry" did not mean face to face chemistry. This isn't to accuse any of them of being "fakes" (Another in my lexicon of hated words.) It's just to say that the way people present themselves online can be quite different from the way they actually are in person. In most cases, I don't believe this is due to a deliberate attempt to deceive. Rather, it's due to people presenting themselves as they see themselves, which is often quite inacurate.

slimcontroller -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 10:25:25 AM)
quote: certain keywords and phrases: I have certainly met, as in 'in person', some nice people from sites like this one and have met one lovely person from the US when she was over here. That said I have spent many hours writing messages and 'chatting' to people who seemed genuine and keen; but disappeared or were never available in the event. A couple of them made dates and then chickened out. Then there are the many letters composed and sent that were not even acknowledged. We must bear in mind that people come to on line sites from different backgrounds and for different reasons. Many it seems stray on to CM from role play sites and one questions how in touch with life they are ( although I have a personal friend met on here from just that background). Another ' pit fall' is the person locked in to an unhappy relationship and unable, for whatever reason, to leave it. I can well see that the fantasy is attractive; but that the step of meeting someone they have never seen and really hardly know is too great. It is just a shame that we are not able to be more specific as to our needs in the first instance. But that is hardly human nature is it? Slimc.

bipolarber -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 10:28:22 AM)
Well, in evaluating profiles, I usually am wary of any that are written with an eye toward "fantasy-based expectations." If they are seeking "the one," that immediately causes a red flag to pop up. Also, if they reference any work of fiction like it was the Bible, I'd say (like the comic Bill Engvall) "there's your sign." If you go down through their journal, and you see a great deal of bitterness towrd several people they've attempted to have a relationship with, you might wonder how you will look when you are added to that list.

missAnn77 -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 10:29:23 AM)
I agree with you harry about staying local, I've only found in the month or so that I've been on CM that if you are single or married and part of a couple that will also affect the amount of mail that you get not just the type of emails. I think the topic was once covered that had to do with people who email others on CM who don't even read the profiles they somehow manage to do mass generic emails. I've also been burned recently by someone who went through the whole thing of saying we'd meet in person and they just turned out to be someone that is all talk and no action. Miss Ann

slaveofKaos -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 10:33:22 AM)
I like to ask for a special pic, mabe they make a funny face or something so that I dont waste a week or so talkig to someone who's not real and I of course am always willing to do the same.

amiciaN -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 11:30:19 AM)
using fast reply You've been given some good advice, but as someone in a long distance relationship who found a Man who was more than I dreamed of online, I have to caution against an absolute ban against anyone who isn't local. Then again, we won't be long distance forever either. One tool I can see that would help greatly to weed out the fakers, liars, players, etc., is video chatting. No, I'm not talking about cyber-sex here! I'm talking about simply using a webcam and headset to be able to hear and see the person you are talking to. Of course it still isn't the same as face-to-face, but it sure beats email, chat rooms and phone calls for being able to read all the things simple words cannot convey. You can hear how the person speaks to you, the tone of voice and which words are stressed. You can see the facial expressions, the look in their eyes, and at least part of their body language. They may still be lying, but it will be far easier to tell. A cheap webcam and headset is around $50. It doesn't take too many saved trips to Starbuck's to cover the 50 bucks. If they are free to get involved in an adult relationship, I haven't yet heard a vaild reason why they should object to simply chatting via video. Hmmm... sounds like a good thread for a Sunday. [:)] (edited for clarity because thankfully, I think faster than I type)

azropedntied -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 12:05:26 PM)
I think Collarme is different for all people and classes . What i mean by classes is the sub , slave ,bottom switch female VS male in the same roles .If you a female expect mail wanted or not . I feel for most of you Women out there i have been told what is inside your mail and have seen some of the poor examples first hand ,I can see why Many are just fed up and pissed and say fake n flakes etc with rude emails and penis pics getting shoved in your mail boxes . Maybe its just me but i have some people looking at the profile but VERY few mail me .Maybe 20-25 per year "shrugs" I know females who are getting 20+ a day . I totaly agree with ya there Harry not only is it a safety issue in a face to face meet n greet but being in your own comfort zone is much better all around . Besides if your looking for more than a casual play partner local is better unless you have your own jet . I have been on both alt and collar me and other places a long time and seen people come n go , chatrooms expand and die then pop back up stronger again .There shall always be the goofballs fakes and time wasters and all around vimpires who try and suck you dry and not in a good way .Be yourself keep your gaurd up and be self protective , be clear of what you seek , and take no crap nor drama .one of the better lines i heard on Cm was " I have been a Domme for 10 years and now a Pro Domme " (she was 23 years old ) .

kc692 -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 12:08:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Raechard What is to stop someone reporting a profile ten times with various profiles? It’s not that hard to hide your real IP address either. The various profile reason is why it takes x number of reports to get it tossed automatically. That is why some get discouraged.

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 12:12:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bipolarber Well, in evaluating profiles, I usually am wary of any that are written with an eye toward "fantasy-based expectations." If they are seeking "the one," that immediately causes a red flag to pop up. Also, if they reference any work of fiction like it was the Bible, I'd say (like the comic Bill Engvall) "there's your sign." If you go down through their journal, and you see a great deal of bitterness towrd several people they've attempted to have a relationship with, you might wonder how you will look when you are added to that list. yikes my name throws up reds flags..........although it doesnt mean seeking the one really.....it was made after the end of my first d/s relationship, in which i learned i dont do sharing well (ok not at all) i agree with others-be careful, meet soon, and especially dont give any part of your emotions to a font on a screen.....too many "my online dom isnt typing to me and im heartbroken" threads already... i guess im the only person left on earth without a cell phone.......the 3 times i have had my gut tell me its ok to give this person my home number, it has been all right. i tend to go with my gut on most things though.....

Raechard -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 12:15:18 PM)
I’m all for self moderation but obviously it needs some kind of oversight. People that report profiles often do so out of some personal emotional response to them rather than a dispassionate reading of the rules and seeing if they have been broken.

CuriousLord -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 12:22:44 PM)
Too many different views on life. Too many lies and misunderstandings. Really, this place is just one big mess. Navigating it in a manner that it suitable to one's interests is a skill. Such is life?

PsyVamp -> RE: Making the Most of CM (11/4/2007 12:28:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amiciaN You've been given some good advice, but as someone in a long distance relationship who found a Man who was more than I dreamed of online, I have to caution against an absolute ban against anyone who isn't local. Then again, we won't be long distance forever either.... If they are free to get involved in an adult relationship, I haven't yet heard a vaild reason why they should object to simply chatting via video. Hmmm... sounds like a good thread for a Sunday. [:)] Congrats on the find. To the OP. It takes time to find the right someone or someones and long distance isn't impossible, but it does take a lot of communiation. If I only met locally, I'd only meet couples, or married people whose spouses "don't understand their needs" rolls eyes I meet a lot of people in NYC, but I go there once a month so there is opportunity. As for phone or video chatting.. I have UM's at home and I'd rather they were not privy to my conversations. While I can keep them from reading over my shoulder, I cannot always keep them from overhearing. I only take it to the telephone level when I'm comfortable with the person. Sometimes I've actually met them before I let them call me or I'll let them call me if I'm out of town and away from the UM's (which again, is only once a month) I've met some great people on this site, usually if I've done the initial leg work of first contact. Strangely enough, I only do that if I'm really bored. ;) Since my time is very limited, I try to weed through potentials very quickly. I ignore anyone who sends me lengthy emails telling me that they will sell their house and live off of the profit..or the latest oddness, that some nurse told them they need to be locked up. Good luck! Psy (Lady Jag)

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