RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath?

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (Full Version)

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slimcontroller -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 8:31:34 AM)
quote: importain I though of her If she had read it, surely she would have found ample reason to chastise you ? How about some proof reading ? Slimc.

ownedgirlie -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 9:16:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: openmindedslave Recently I had been writing a story from a subs postion using a Dom with real places and times for her to realize how importain I though of her. In any case, I was told after several writings of this continous saga that I was topping from underneath. I explained to her that I tried to share my feelings through the writings but she was upset becasue I had suggested that these events and actions would be possiable if she wished. She took it as I was telling her what to do to me. The fact was I was taking her ideas and experiences, I thought,.. that she wanted to explore but had not due to the lack of trully good subs/slaves in her life so far. I was just woundering if anybody else has had similar experiences with those who shared their passion with them but misunderstood or di not realize themselves they were topping themselves??? My Master feels exactly the opposite of this woman you are speaking of. I once asked him if such writings was a way of topping from the bottom. He said no, only if I coerced, pushed, pursuaded, etc., for him to actually do those things, and didn't understand that what he does to/with me is HIS choice and option, not mine. Conversely, he requires such writings of me, as detailed as possible - times, places, people, activities, and exactly what I am thinking and feeling as I am writing them. This way he can know me better. He can gauge where my mind is, and what affects me, and what my desires are. He can use this knowledge to his advantage. Such things may or may not occur as he sees fit. But how else can he get the exact reaction from me that he wants if he doesn't know where all my buttons are? I do not understand a dominant would not want to know what's in his/her submissive's mind and heart. Such a concept is foreign to me.

Prinsexx -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 1:56:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Drifa Yes, within such play a sub sometimes asks for something they want - but the dominant always decides then. If you hope to serve as a submissive by writing, you should do it just as if you were there serving them in person - by offering them what pleases THEM and not yourself. Very clearly put and yes I agree...serve it! be it in writing, on a dinner plate or on your knees.

Durus -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 3:29:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross It's extremely common for inexperienced dork doms to use this ploy when they reach something they don't understand C'mon leave the Dorks out of it.

slaveofKaos -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 3:48:58 PM)
I also don't think you did anything wrong. You were writting a story, who cares if you used real times and place and people. My Master recently told me to write out some of my fantasies, and in them I wrote about real people I know. I didn'y do this because I would rather them do whatever it was to me, but rather because when I originally fantasized about it I was not with Master and those are the people I pictured in my mind. Sometimes just using real time and places and people is a way of making it sound and seem more real when you read it or write it. I also think it was great that you used things she had mentioned she would like to do, it would show me you listened to me and are just as enthusitastic as I am. I would talk to your parter tell her your sorry it came off like it did as it was definatly not your intensions and that you were just trying to write a good story using things to make it feel colser to home for the two of you.

Celeste43 -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 4:27:03 PM)
It's just information. Unless you're jumping up and down saying "you have to do it just like this or I'm taking my bat and ball and going home" then the dominant has no requirement to do anything you asked for. Of course, if the dominant wants a continuing relationship, it behooves them to incorporate things that makes the sub happy occasionally. Basically, it's like inviting someone over for dinner and they bring a bottle of burgundy. If I've made a beef stew, I'll open it. If I made a shrimp and pasta dish, I'll serve the Pinot Grigio I have chilling and just thank them for their kindness. It's very nice of them to offer, but it doesn't mean I have to change the meal around at the last minute to use their offering.

TNstepsout -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 4:39:15 PM)
Interesting how the viewpoint of female sub and female Dommes are completely the opposite on this issue for the most part.

Misstoyou -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 6:13:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout Interesting how the viewpoint of female sub and female Dommes are completely the opposite on this issue for the most part. Also, how the female subs report their Doms saying, "Yes, tell me every fantasy you have in detail," but female Dommes, not so much. [:D]

MaamJay -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 6:25:40 PM)
Well in My experience of both male and female subs ... it's a damned sight harder to get out of female subs what they want ... whereas boys tend to be very upfront about that to the point that You just wanna shut em up! I find Myself agreeing with just about everybody which is odd because some of them have opposing views here! Yes I like to know what's in My sub's mind and heart and fantasy ... if I didn't know, how could I use that information to My and their advantage? But no, I don't want it all laid out for Me in every detail ... because then I become just a player in their fantasy instead of setting up the stage and writing My own play with them as the actor and Myself as Director. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

openmindedslave -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 6:42:41 PM)
So let me ask do Doms write their feelings or ideas in detail for a slave/sub to understand and relate the expectations too?

Decimus -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 6:55:40 PM)
I can't say whether you were topping from the bottom or not without reading the story and exactly how it was written I don't think anyone can. As to what you had briefly mentioned I can see points that could be percieved as either. Now personally as others have written before me I know in my case Aerith loves my stories. Thats how she realized she was Aerith [:)] but I do know had I written slightly differently it could have been taken horribly and as topping from the bottom. Instead of saying "I'd like this and that and that and that etc" try just writing a nice flowing story with parts of what you and her like intermixed with it so the flow of the story is not interupted but the point is gotten across in a tasteful manner.

MaamJay -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 6:58:49 PM)
Some do, some don't. I like to retain the element of surprise and subs I have played with enjoy that too ... for in that surprise is the vulnerability that makes the experience thrilling for the sub. But I obviously need to know about a sub's limits (what they don't want) and fantasies (what they do want) in order to steer an appropriate course through the scene and allow Myself to flow from one activity to another. I don't like scripting it out for Myself either ... I want to be able to pick up on a response I observe in the sub and run with it. It's one reason why I don't think I'd like to pro-Domme, as I wouldn't enjoy sticking to the script the client is paying for, although I acknowledge not all paying subs want a scripted approach. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/5/2007 7:20:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Why did you feel the need to use "real places and times" in the writings, if they were just meant to explore ideas you would be open to? That's probably where the pressure came from. In reality, if you were giving her control, the when/how/why would be up to her. There's no need for you to fill in all that information. Basically, it would mean that if she decided to take advantage of the information at the dates/times you suggested, she'd be following your script. Everyone on this thread seems to be telling you it's ok. I don't think it is. I think if you want to share your ideas/fantasies with your dominant partner, you should do it without spelling out specifics to "help" her "in case" she wants to do them. Let her do a little more of the guiding and deciding. Obviously it bothered her, so apologize and find out if you can communicate the information to her in a better way. Akasha I'll jump on the minority bandwagon and agree with Akasha. Make your apology to your Domina. You seem to be weaving across the line of fiction and non-fiction. In your next effort, do a better job of fictionalizing the piece. If her name is Mary, name the Domina Louise. If your name is Harry, call the sub Joe. Either eliminate the physical descriptions of the characters, or change them to "disguise" the identities as well as you can. Change the location, and maybe consider writing a "period piece" in a past setting. A way to improve your "presentation" might be to publish the story on any number of sites that accept such pieces. Then you can say something like "I wrote a story and XYZ Site posted it." Period. Do not "sell" her on reading it. If she asks for the link, fine. If not, drop it. As you've read in the other responses, some Dominas love this sort of thing, but you have to consider your Domina's feelings on the subject, not theirs. Good luck!

daddyscherry -> RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? (11/8/2007 10:46:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Misstoyou Also, how the female subs report their Doms saying, "Yes, tell me every fantasy you have in detail," but female Dommes, not so much. [:D] Although i have in the past written detailed things to my Master/Daddy he has since asked that i simply write him some basic ideas without expounding on them and then it will allow him to be creative and do as he pleases. He told me early on that the reason to write things out was not to make all of my fantasies come true, but rather to see where my head was...to find out more about how i am wired...then when he has the information he can chose what to do with it and if and when.

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