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When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 8:25:16 PM

openmindedslave

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Recently I had been writing a story from a subs postion using a Dom with real places and times for her to realize how importain I though of her. In any case, I was told after several writings of this continous saga that I was topping from underneath. I explained to her that I tried to share my feelings through the writings but she was upset becasue I had suggested that these events and actions would be possiable if she wished. She took it as I was telling her what to do to me. The fact was I was taking her ideas and experiences, I thought,.. that she wanted to explore but had not due to the lack of trully good subs/slaves in her life so far.

I was just woundering if anybody else has had similar experiences with those who shared their passion with them but misunderstood or di not realize themselves they were topping themselves???

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RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 8:33:10 PM

applecandy

Posts: 68
Joined: 10/18/2007
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I'm probably in a minority here, but I don't think you were in the 'wrong', per se.

As a top/Domme, I like to know what my sub/bottom wants me to do - that way, I can use that information to my advantage. If they've been good, I can give them what they want. If they haven't, I can very purposely avoid giving them something that I feel they may enjoy too much.

I understand that some dynamics work well like that, but I personally see it as a sign of insecurity when a Dominant figure can't even handle hearing what their submissive wants. I've seen some get so overly blustery and offended...but I don't understand why. Without at least some form of communication, how can it be a symbiotic relationship - as all good D/s dynamics are?

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Post #: 2

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 8:33:46 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Recently I had been writing a story from a subs postion using a Dom with real places and times for her to realize how importain I though of her. In any case, I was told after several writings of this continous saga that I was topping from underneath. I explained to her that I tried to share my feelings through the writings but she was upset becasue I had suggested that these events and actions would be possiable if she wished. She took it as I was telling her what to do to me. The fact was I was taking her ideas and experiences, I thought,.. that she wanted to explore but had not due to the lack of trully good subs/slaves in her life so far.

I was just woundering if anybody else has had similar experiences with those who shared their passion with them but misunderstood or di not realize themselves they were topping themselves???

LOL.

I had some male slave on irc who wanted to do a "bondage scene" a long long time ago. Every minute of so this guy would say basically."Now I see this item here, for you to use...."

Over and over and over....... Until I just got bored and told him....."yanno, you seem to be doing this scene really well all by yourself.........I feel sort of redundant....but my date for tonight-real time..........wants to make some arrangements with me-be well!!!!!"

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RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 8:45:39 PM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
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I seems hard enought to find someone who will write more than a line in a response to a question a dom may ask of a slave/or sub? The writings I see to me help to express ones self as wh they either hope to be or who they really are inside.In some ways instead of reading a resume of activities one has done alreay in life to impress someone, a person writng what they got out of it seems more importation for everyone involved.. In fact,could it not be in a sense similar to what use to be courting way back when. The time when others would share their thoughts through letter writing about those people they just can't get out of their mind...Not to be confused with stalking here..please lol

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 4

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 8:57:54 PM

ladysekhmetka

Posts: 94
Joined: 12/31/2006
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I won't consider this topping from the bottom. Rather, it is a creative way of communicating what you want. If I had a sub that did something like this, I'd read their story, keep what they want in the back of my mind, then surprise them when they're least expecting it. Kinda sounds like this woman isn't secure enough to take advise from a "lowly sub"

If it's really good, I might even encourage them to publish too. Nothing is better than a well crafted story

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Post #: 5

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 9:01:03 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings openmindedslave,

i agree that it is a creative way of communicating what you are interested in...not topping from the bottom (unless you're being particularly insistent, or something). personally, my master enjoys it when i send him stories/fantasies.

respectfully,
annabelle.

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Post #: 6

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 9:03:23 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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It's extremely common for inexperienced dork doms to use this ploy when they reach something they don't understand or aren't comfortable with. Shuts the sub up quick and makes them feel bad about it, thus assuring the dom won't have to deal with it again in the future.

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Post #: 7

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 9:08:06 PM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
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I'm not sure exactly what you are describing. I do enjoy some written fantasy play with a friend or two. It involves me writing a paragraph or three, sending them off, then my partner writing back their own paragraph or three advancing the story. This allows for both of us to express ourselves.

I also write stories for friends for their enjoyment. There, like any good writer, I seek to know my audience and what they will enjoy, then I write to that audience.

If I am writing for myself, that's basically masturbation - it doesn't need an audience. Actually, it usually doesn't need to be written, it plays inside the cinema of my mind just fine without.

If you are involved in a scene or relationship as a sub, it is during the negotiation before play that you should be communicating your fears, hopes, and desires.

Yes, within such play a sub sometimes asks for something they want - but the dominant always decides then.

If you hope to serve as a submissive by writing, you should do it just as if you were there serving them in person - by offering them what pleases THEM and not yourself.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 8

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 9:25:17 PM

CruelMistrezz

Posts: 26
Joined: 11/28/2006
Status: offline

Personally I would think it depends on how the story was given to the Dominant.

I normally require a submissive that serves me to keep a journal. The purpose of keeping a journal for me is to allow me to run my fingers within their mind and explore. Now some has simply wrote about how they felt, what they experienced and so forth but others use as a creative outlet stories. This may involve what happened during our time together or things they imagined in their mind that could happen. Great way to exploit the submissive's darkest desires for the Dominant's pleasure. Of course this has not been limited to after a meeting either. I allow open communication even if it means allowing the submissive to express themselves thru stories. While I will read them, perhaps even enjoy them and I make the choice to use the information that Ive gathered from the stories to use at a later date.

MsPatty

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(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 9

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 9:40:27 PM

Koala

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/5/2007
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A story is a window into someone's fantasies... and those fantasies can open the door for discussion and exploration. Someone who rejects hearing their sub's fantasies is probably pretty damned insecure. Just because they express it as something they would like doesn't mean they're going to get it... unless a reward is in order. ;-)

Call me a softie, but I love feedback.

(in reply to CruelMistrezz)

Post #: 10

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 9:41:28 PM

daddyscherry

Posts: 85
Joined: 7/10/2007
From: Daddy's Tower, CA
Status: offline

i agree with the others....i use this way myself to tell my Daddy what is going on in my twisted little brain....

Where the control happens is when they choose what to do with what you've told them...Doing as you say verbatem is not good but using what you've said to get a better idea of where you are is great.

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a.k.a. charismagirrl

For today i won't say but...
For today i won't say just....
For today i will simply obey...
For always i will be your imperfect slave.

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Post #: 11

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 9:41:52 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Recently I had been writing a story from a subs postion using a Dom with real places and times for her to realize how importain I though of her. In any case, I was told after several writings of this continous saga that I was topping from underneath. I explained to her that I tried to share my feelings through the writings but she was upset becasue I had suggested that these events and actions would be possiable if she wished. She took it as I was telling her what to do to me. The fact was I was taking her ideas and experiences, I thought,.. that she wanted to explore but had not due to the lack of trully good subs/slaves in her life so far.

I was just woundering if anybody else has had similar experiences with those who shared their passion with them but misunderstood or di not realize themselves they were topping themselves???

Why did you feel the need to use "real places and times" in the writings, if they were just meant to explore ideas you would be open to? That's probably where the pressure came from. In reality, if you were giving her control, the when/how/why would be up to her. There's no need for you to fill in all that information. Basically, it would mean that if she decided to take advantage of the information at the dates/times you suggested, she'd be following your script.

Everyone on this thread seems to be telling you it's ok. I don't think it is. I think if you want to share your ideas/fantasies with your dominant partner, you should do it without spelling out specifics to "help" her "in case" she wants to do them. Let her do a little more of the guiding and deciding. Obviously it bothered her, so apologize and find out if you can communicate the information to her in a better way.

Akasha

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(in reply to openmindedslave)

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RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 11:00:05 PM

Willowmoon

Posts: 227
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

I dont think you did wrong and dont think you are topping from the bottom. I write stories for Master all the time in fact he orders me to do at least twice a month. They give him ideas of what I am wanting and he chooses to use what he wants from them.

Willow

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 13

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/4/2007 11:35:11 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
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With the information you provide here I think I'm with Aakasha on this one. You say this was an ongoing saga and that you had sent her several installments but did she ask you to do this? Was this something she assigned you to do? A way she devised for the two of you to explore and communicate? If not, perhaps she felt this was your subtle way of pushing her into becoming the Domme of your fantasy. Perhaps your writing veered off into a direction that she had absolutely no interest in. If that's the case, what is she to do with that information? It really puts her on the spot.

I say this because I've experienced similar things with submales I was trying to get to know. They focused so much on their fantasy of how they could "serve" me or please me, that they weren't even listening to me or getting to know me. Many of the things they suggested were THEIR fantasies, not mine. She let you know she didn't like it so you should back off. Don't take it upon yourself to do things you think she'll like until you've taken the time to know her better. Don't take it personally, just don't send her any more stories unless she asks for them.

(in reply to Willowmoon)

Post #: 14

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/5/2007 1:41:30 AM

HollyBlue

Posts: 144
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's extremely common for inexperienced dork doms to use this ploy when they reach something they don't understand or aren't comfortable with. Shuts the sub up quick and makes them feel bad about it, thus assuring the dom won't have to deal with it again in the future.

I suspect you are correct. I know my Master loves knowing what nasty thoughts are percolating in my mind...even if I write about things he doesn't decide to do, it helps him understand me better. I can't even imagine him telling me I was topping from the bottom by sharing my fantasies.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Koala

A story is a window into someone's fantasies... and those fantasies can open the door for discussion and exploration. Someone who rejects hearing their sub's fantasies is probably pretty damned insecure. Just because they express it as something they would like doesn't mean they're going to get it... unless a reward is in order. ;-)

Yes.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

Perhaps your writing veered off into a direction that she had absolutely no interest in. If that's the case, what is she to do with that information? It really puts her on the spot.

I'm not sure about this one. If he is super-aroused by something she has no interest in, not only is she better off knowing, but it gives her the ability to direct him away from her and to another Domme if that is the best solution. I'm not a Domme, but I think if I were one, I would want a sub who was compatible with me, not one who held secret desires I could never fulfill.

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RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/5/2007 3:46:06 AM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
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To give update on some of the ideas shared here..The concern that I might be taking some control or in fact expecting certain actions to be made? Some of the story involved what she had explained she wanted to try out. This included some equipment I built for her also. In so that the expression of fear or humilation my stories containes was in a sense what I might feel when in those postions in reality.In fact ,I really tried to express what she shared with me she would like to do.In many ways,I seem to ind new ideas for play that she says her imagination doesn't get all of the time until she can see it first hand. And since she can see anyone she cares to ..the goal was to show her how usefull some of the equipment she has can be given the right situation..

But I really do understand how many of you see what I did as taking control or direction of play? And while directly it was never meant to go in that fdirectio, I can easily see how someone may see that if they are expecting total control as she has been seeking through the years.. In fact I think of myself asa sub first..and not as a slave as my name might suggest here.For the long term she is really seeking a slave who will sign over their lives to her.. In long term she will not settle for anything less

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RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/5/2007 5:19:52 AM

LadyLegs

Posts: 176
Status: offline

I was very very new & taking a class in bondage. I was talking to 2 subs at the time. One told me of all his experiences with bondage, how much he loved it, that he had a winch for suspenion., etc. The other offered to be my male model while I learned. I am sure neither one thought they were topping from the bottom. From my perspective, one was.

I can't judge whether you were topping from the bottom. but too much enthusiasm can sometimes feel like the sub is pushing. Good luck sorting it out with your Dom.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

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RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/5/2007 5:32:52 AM

Synocense

Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
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How is a person suppose to meet the needs of another if they don't know what they are in the first place? This sounds suspiciously like a person very insecure in their role. I am able to tell my owner what I might like to try, what I would like to do and even how I would like it done -- the key is, what I try, what I would like to do and how it will be done is untimately his decision and he knows this. No power struggle, no worries : )

Syn

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RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/5/2007 5:44:01 AM

diaperboy99

Posts: 19
Joined: 4/13/2007
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There is the argument that it is not about what the sub wants, but what the Dom(me) wants and nothing more....

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Post #: 19

RE: When your writings come off as toping from underneath? - 11/5/2007 7:12:24 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

I actually like reading stories people write-it lets me know how thier minds work.

The only time I dislike them-is in the context of them trying to manipulate how MY mind works-that may have been the percieved issue here.

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Post #: 20

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