RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in?

RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

RRafe -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/6/2007 1:37:15 PM)
I have never used "bait and switch" tactics to try and 'ease in" someone I didn't think could handle the sort of relationships I like.

daddyncherry -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/6/2007 1:41:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: charlotte12 Ah yes that makes much more sense. Thank you for clarifying. I did not mean to jump in and question your relationship. I think the last thing you said pretty much answers your own question though. "Granted, what is in my mind and the reality may be dfferent and maybe that is why my Daddy knew to go more slowly." When i find myself trying to figure out what the best way for my Master to make me his slave is i end up driving myself to a huge crying fest (in which i always forget the tissues.) It is certainly an interesting question to consider and you have gotten me thinking. But i would say that just as a child could not know how to raise themselves so a slave cannot know how to "become a slave." Of course the Dom or Master may (and probably will) make a few mistakes but none of us can know the "what ifs." So if you're approaching this from an interesting discussion to gain insight i say great question! I guess my compassionate "care-giver" instincts kicked in and i wanted to remind you that if you are trying to figure out what could have been you will drive yourself crazy. Forgive me if i have come across as assuming some self-doubt on your part that wasn't there. Sometimes i read too much of myself into other people's posts. *warm wishes and a thank you for the thread that has gotten me thinking all day (work is boring so i needed a distraction) [:)] Hischarlotte Thank you for the compassion...i can put that in the "teary day account" and remember and pull it out for comfort later :) i understand that Masters are human and can make mistakes and don't expect mine to be perfect. The whole topic had been going around in my own head for some time and when i found another couple going through issues as he tries to take her along at a faster pace it made me really wonder about it on a larger scale.

daddyncherry -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/6/2007 1:48:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe I have never used "bait and switch" tactics to try and 'ease in" someone I didn't think could handle the sort of relationships I like. And i don't think my Daddy has done that either....the idea that we would be swingers was on the table from the start....the idea that he would share me was out there too.... We are both of the mindset that we can't be every experience to one another....if he wanted a tall asian girl i could no more be that than he could be a gang bang for me. What was never discussed was doing anything without eachother....but i kind of knew that that could be a possibility...so i asked him. At the time he said he didn't want that.....He has told me how he has done things much more slowly with me than he might've with someone else.....We had such a difficult beginning and i think it was more a concern initially about maybe losing that which he had gone through hell to aquire (but i'm speculating)....about making me skittish or something.

charlotte12 -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/6/2007 2:09:54 PM)
I know my Master worries about pushing me too fast or making me skittish as well. Sometimes i remind him that when he grabs control i have always only responded well. But i have to remember that it is a matter of the Dom learning to trust the submissive as well. He doesn't want a broken slave after all and so he must learn not only how we respond to things but how well he can trust our own judgement of what we can take. Just because i think i want harsher control doesn't mean it will be what i have imagined it to be like and he has to trust that he will not emotionally damage that which he is planning on possessing for a long time. Although it may be frustrating to me not to be treated in quite the manner we have discussed will eventually occur i am also grateful that he values my service to him enough to be erring on the side of caution. I don't see it as a weakness on his part so much as responsible ownership. *sigh...if only the belt would come out more often though.. [:D] His charlotte (who feels more owned every day)

daddyncherry -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/6/2007 2:29:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: charlotte12 I know my Master worries about pushing me too fast or making me skittish as well. Sometimes i remind him that when he grabs control i have always only responded well. But i have to remember that it is a matter of the Dom learning to trust the submissive as well. He doesn't want a broken slave after all and so he must learn not only how we respond to things but how well he can trust our own judgement of what we can take. Just because i think i want harsher control doesn't mean it will be what i have imagined it to be like and he has to trust that he will not emotionally damage that which he is planning on possessing for a long time. Although it may be frustrating to me not to be treated in quite the manner we have discussed will eventually occur i am also grateful that he values my service to him enough to be erring on the side of caution. I don't see it as a weakness on his part so much as responsible ownership. *sigh...if only the belt would come out more often though.. [:D] His charlotte (who feels more owned every day) i forget that sometimes....Masters having to trust the submissive to handle what they desire etc....but in speaking to the other couple (the one that is in a similar situation but going faster) and after you mentioning it...i realize that they must have their reasons for some things (i mean i KNOW they do but...) i guess it has to be a gradual blending of the desires under everything, and the reality of how things will be on a person by person basis once brought to the light of day.

SylvereApLeanan -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/6/2007 4:40:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SoHott This girl has experienced instant TPE and going slowly... TPE was a real put up or shut up experience that worked out well, and going slowly proved unworkable because it left me feeling insecure about my place. She desires to please, to engage in the politics of mental-emotional relationship potty training is incompatable with her desires. This girl begs to apologize in advance for speaking and offending anyone. How well did you (or anyone who cares to reply) know the other person/people involved before you entered into a TPE situation? I would think that the better you know someone, the easier it would be to submit in that manner. (Not being a sub, I'm speculating here so feel free to correct my perception.)

NovaDragon -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/6/2007 5:33:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: awmslave At first, TPE stands for "total power exchange" and there is no "slowly" option. So, the question would be rather if the relationship should have some semi-vanilla starting point developing into TPE. I think such development is not likely with the same master. So, if you are not ready for TPE relationsip I would recommend having softer side dom first and then find a skilled master who is capable of TPE. I have to take exception to this, since parts of what you have written seem unrealistic to me. Are you implying that if a sub is ready to become a slave (enter into a TPE relationship) that she should find a master who claims to be skilled and capable of TPE and fully commit herself to him immediately, no questions asked? My opinion is that total submission requires total trust. The kind of trust required to surrender every part of your being cannot happen that quickly; it takes time and experience to know whether or not the person to whom you are considering giving yourself is worthy of that trust and will not misuse it. Jumping headfirst into a TPE relationship without finding out if you can trust your "master" is like jumping off the high dive without checking first to make sure there is actually water in the pool. Having been owned before, having been in a TPE relationship, there is no doubt in my mind that I am "ready" for a TPE relationship now. But there is no way I am going to surrender myself to a man simply because he calls himself a "master" and says he wants a TPE relationship. But finding a "softer side dom" would be a waste of time, since that is not the relationship I ultimately want to have, and would delay the possibility of finding the right one. If I have misinterpreted your point, please correct me.

NovaDragon -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/6/2007 5:40:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry So that is the question....putting aside the fact that you are taking time to know one another etc....when you know that you are already going to be TPE or 24/7 and that of course, things will deepen and surrender will be more intense. Would you rather have some of the bigger things that might become common place later in place from the get go? Or would you rather have something you grow accustomed to yanked out from under you later on? Since this is (I think) the original question you started this thread to answer, I will put in my two cents: For the "bigger things" like sleeping in his arms vs. not in his bed, monogamy vs. polyamory, changes in living situations and/or jobs, I would prefer to know ahead of time if those things are going to change in the future. For the smaller stuff like furniture privileges, it doesn't make that much difference how much lead time I get when the new rules and protocols are put into effect.

Stephann -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/7/2007 2:56:16 PM)
Hi cherry, Something overlooked so far, is that the question your asking won't give you the answer you want. What you're really asking, is "Would you rather tackle every major issue you'll ever face in the entire course of your relationship initially?" Obviously, the answer is "no, we can't" even if you'd like to. Relationships may start at full speed, or at 5mph depending on the folks involved. It sounds a bit like you're in the same boat as charlotte, in that you were hoping for full speed initially, and when that didn't happen, the higher/deeper speeds may seem difficult to cope with or accept now that a year has passed. Essentially, that you're facing a new (and possibly difficult) direction in your relationship right now, and maybe you're finding it easier to pin the frustration on not having incorporated those changes from day one. This isn 't intended to sound harsh; they're actually something I had to deal with recently as well. Instead of trying to assign the frustration on a mistake or lack in your owner's methodology, you'll probably feel much more successful as a slave if you simply embrace his will the way you have been spending these many months he was taking to teach you. If, in striving to obey, you genuinely, over the course of a sufficiant amount of time, find yourself unable to comply with his wishes or embrace his will, then you have a whole other problem on your hands. Warm regards, Stephan

JoyfulMistress -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/8/2007 1:06:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyscherry my Daddy has been slow with me on alot of things, but sometimes it feels like a band-aid being slowly ripped off, even though i know he is watching out for my well being. Sooo how do you all feel about going slowly? VS. beginning with a TPE mindset and then allowing that to grow more deeply? What an interesting way of expressing how it feels when your Daddy is taking things slow and I am sure many can relate to that bandaid feeling. There can be both types of relationships those that start off in the deep end where there is complete and total power exchange from the giddyup.... as well as those relationships that start out slow and build up as the trust builds. It is all a matter of where the people are in their trust levels etc. I know with My kitten if I simply took TPE from the start he would be long gone as that would have frightened him to no end ... however I can see at times the frustration as he wants Me to take more control in one breath ... but we are not there yet , in time as things build he and I will have the relationship we both want and crave .. untill then well I have to say it sure is a lovely path we are on while we explore and write our own story in our lives.

Durus -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/8/2007 5:20:16 AM)
I think that as a lot of people here have said in various ways, relationships are unique, and as such they will have to adapt to the circumstances. You do bring up a good point however in that sometimes the habits one develops in "taking it slow" are going create new barriers to the goal. Sometimes that is the way it has to be.

daddyncherry -> RE: TPE- Going slowly? Or jumping right in? (11/8/2007 9:16:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann Hi cherry, Something overlooked so far, is that the question your asking won't give you the answer you want. What you're really asking, is "Would you rather tackle every major issue you'll ever face in the entire course of your relationship initially?" Obviously, the answer is "no, we can't" even if you'd like to. Relationships may start at full speed, or at 5mph depending on the folks involved. It sounds a bit like you're in the same boat as charlotte, in that you were hoping for full speed initially, and when that didn't happen, the higher/deeper speeds may seem difficult to cope with or accept now that a year has passed. Essentially, that you're facing a new (and possibly difficult) direction in your relationship right now, and maybe you're finding it easier to pin the frustration on not having incorporated those changes from day one. This isn 't intended to sound harsh; they're actually something I had to deal with recently as well. Instead of trying to assign the frustration on a mistake or lack in your owner's methodology, you'll probably feel much more successful as a slave if you simply embrace his will the way you have been spending these many months he was taking to teach you. If, in striving to obey, you genuinely, over the course of a sufficiant amount of time, find yourself unable to comply with his wishes or embrace his will, then you have a whole other problem on your hands. Warm regards, Stephan Thank you Stephan for your thoughful response. .... i do my best to try to just obey and embrace or accept the different things he is doing and the different ways he opts to do them. We can't go back to the start and implement things earlier than they were, so it is truly water under the bridge and out of anyone's control. i guess i have to trust that he had his reasons. Some things came to mind yesterday after reading another thread, where the issue of trust came up, the Master's trust in the slave, and how the would react to given circumstances. ...This was actually sort of new to me, and yet helped something fall into place that my Daddy has been trying to teach me. Another thing that came up during the time i was chatting with your charlotte is...when i met him, although i knew i was loved deeply, i also knew i was a slave...now...i have gotten some of those girl friend feelings (still 100% slave but with added girl friend feelings)...i think that girl friend syndrome is a big reason for some of my unrest. EDITED TO ADD: ohhhhh and in regard to your first paragraph, no, that wasn't actually what i wanted or was asking for...but knowing myself, and my history (especially in the beginning) better than he..this is one that i thought i would've been better suited to do from jump....the furniture stuff....other things....they aren't as difficult for me to deaal with....some probably are better as time goes on. (so i wasn't wanting EVERY big thing done at the onset)

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

3.100586E-02