quote:

ORIGINAL: PhoenixRed

Enjoy strap-on sex...oh my yes! lol.  I must admit, I didn't really go through a lot of the roleplay and such you mentioned Aakasha.  Just seemed to come naturally and I enjoyed it right away.  Anyway, you asked for tips on how you can enjoy strap-on sex more.  Here's my 2 cents (oh, and my experience is only in reference to men):

1.  Take the time to find out if the guy (sub/slave/SO/whatever) really likes it or whether it is a form of humiliation and/or a reinforcement of their submission.  Many men really enjoy it and it feels good to them.  Some like the power exchange and/or role reversal. Some view it as the ultimate in their Domme exerting control over them because it is a "violation".  This speaks to your second point of learning to talk through it... use the same advice that public speakers are given - "know your audience".  Then you can determine what "language" to use. 

2.  Take a little time with fingers or smaller toys to find his prostate and learn what angles/positions stimulate it the best.  If you can elicite the wild moans and groans that usually accompany "hitting that magic spot", it can really intensify the experience for both of you.  And, if you as a woman are new to this form of sexual play, it may provide confidence to you, knowing that your partner is truly absorbed in the experience and simultaneously really feeling the power you can derive from it, knowing that you are the driving force behind it (pun intended ;) ).

3.  Positions.  You can do a lot with these.  No one ever said it all had to be "doggy"!  One of my subs (a big, muscular guy) loves the fact that he can be "manhandled" during strap-on play, especially when being taken on his back.  Experiment.  See how different positions feel and the logistics of how they work, for both you and your recipient.  Definitely consider using a foam wedge, pillows, etc to get the desired effect. Try bound and unbound.  Some love being "helpless" when they are taken...adds to the surrender, and hey, it's fun for you too seeing them like that!  Make him ride you so you can see his face and his reactions.

4.  Enhance your own experience - try dildos with vibrators.  Try a harness that can take either a vaginal or anal plug for you, or both!  Try using a plow belt with handles on it so you can really ride'm!  Do some sensory work while working the strap-on...have the nipple clamps already on with a chain you can tug.  Keep the pinwheel handy.  The possibilities are endless.

5.  This is probably going to sound kinda funny to some Dommes, but I'm gonna say it anyway - gulp! lol  When YOU are with a man you enjoy having sex with, take note of how he moves, how he changes penetration angles, etc.  Hell, if you feel comfortable enough to, talk to him about it! Honestly, having a man under a woman with a strap-on isn't a whole lot different (in the mechanics of it) than having a woman under a man.  Course, the guys do have a handle to hold on to! lol  I must admit, I learned a lot initially from my mate (thanks honey!)

OK, that's all for now.  Hope this was the kind of post you were looking for, and that it's useful to someone.  Saddle up and ride!

You make some excellent points, some of which I've highlited above in bolded italic text.  One thing I'd like to add which is particularly related to the submissive male being on his back is that it's a very good position for a D/s couple to share a more intimate, loving experience which could be considered the same as "making love".  For some, it may be what you were referring to when you mentioned a "role reversal".  I can only say that in my experience, it's very hot to be able to passionately exchange kisses with Mistress during this kind of sharing.

Another tip I'd add to the list is the companies who make "plow belts" also make adjustable nylon straps/harnesses which run behind the neck (usually have a pad there) and attach to the ankles, usually with velcro cuffs, to help hold the receiver's legs in the air.  The straps are easily adjustable to raise the legs higher as needed to assist in achieving the desired entry angle.  They're especially useful for strap-on play when a man is on his back as many Dommes aren't physically able to position a sub's lower body to receive her strap-on for an extended period of time.  The dildoes on many, if not most, strap-on harnesses aren't positioned anatomically nearly as low as the penis is on a man's body, nor are the dildoes nearly as flexible at the base as a real penis is.  The latter are a couple of things besides fit that you ladies may want to keep in mind and consider when shopping for strap-ons/dildoes. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Get the Carol Queen video, "Bend Over Boyfriend".  CQ is awesome, and there is plenty of good advice and good scenes to watch.  There's a sequel, as well, that I haven't seen.  It's way impressive to watch Carol come from ramming her partner with her strap-on!

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhoenixRed

Thanks pixel!  Always love to hear your position on a topic. The point you make about sharing intimacy in role reversal is very good.  It does feel wonderful to have you man's legs wrap around your waist and draw you into him for a kiss, as he would normally do to you.

You're very welcome.  I'm always happy to share when I have the time and Mistress encourages me to do so.  Thank you for the kind words.

quote:


The straps and harnesses that go behind the neck when a man is on his back....I've seen them.  They do support the legs. I'm going to throw up a word of caution about those, though.  If the guy really starts moving his legs, or if you're going at it for a longer period of time, this can really cause strain on the neck.  If you must use an attachment point at the neck, use his collar...that's why I always put 3 rings on a collar, not just one in the front. I also don't like attachments at the ankles to support the legs (they're fine if you want to restrain the legs in another position).  If the man isn't that flexible, it can cause cramps in the hamstrings and calves after prolonged periods of use. 

Another option that's been mentioned in something I read which should eliminate the neck situation mentioned entirely, is to attach the straps to something else located directly above the head.  This totally elimnates the problem of strain being applied to the neck.  I've not tried it yet, but it's in the plan.  The cherry finish sleigh-style headboard on my Thomasville bed isn't exactly what one would want to put an eybolt in the middle of.    I plan to rig the harness to attach directly to it via a strap covered with protective material that will wrap over the top of the headboard from the back side.  That way it will normally be hidden & totally out of sight from prying eyes, except of course when it's in use. 

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The best things (in my experience) to use are thigh cuffs right above the knee to pull the knees up and out to support weight. Then the knees don't have to be locked in a straight position. Trust me on this one. Ways to use the thigh cuffs - a) Use restraints that are on the bed.  If they're too short, get or make tethers that are adjustable; b) if the arms are restrained to tethers on the bed, attach a tether from the thigh cuffs to the wrist cuffs; c) if he's wearing a belt with attachment points, you can use short tethers to attach to that.  You don't need for him to be fully restrained to use any of these options. 

Excellent idea!    Thank you for sharing it.

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Word about the dildos - you're right.  I've found cyberskin ones work the best for a combination of flexibility and enough rigidity to penetrate well.  Harnesses, yup, most are too high.  I never found a commercial harness I liked, so I designed my own leather one - it's able to be adjusted higher and lower to accomodate whatever the needs may be. 

Didn't mean to rain on anyone's parade.  I've just found some things work better than others.  It's also nice when I don't have to worry so much about him being very uncomfortable, even though I do check with him throughout.  Have fun all!

Mistress is rather fond of using a feeldoe supported by a very low hanging strap which we modified to fit it.  The feeldoes are not nearly as flexible as the cyberskin dildoes you  mention, but are far more pleasurable for her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AMADF

I found this comments sooooo good!!

AAkasha me i use yours in a mexican mailgruoup with propper credit?

About myself, strap games are one of my favorites and have 2 advices: one of them is to fuck them till get them horny and then stop and ask them to fuck themselves (and by this i mean let the dildo inside them and then ask them to move at their own will). Iv found very interesting this excersise since like pixelslave said you can learn a lot not only about angle, but also about rithm and how does THAT slaves want to be fucked (slowly, just the tip, all inside, etc) You might also be surprised if youre a newby with straps, acuse they are so many combinations between positions ad rithms when it comes about ass play.

Second advice it to actually NAME your dildo :)  My favorite dildo has a name: carlos :D Iv found that this makes it so much personal to me. In the begginig its was just a "stranger" on my toy box, one tool more. But after i baptice it, it was more easy to become one with "him". Now i consider "he" as my best friend, an with time i even developed kind of emotional attachs for all the good times we spend togeather.

Also name has help me to express my lust to my subs "me and carlos are DESPERATE to visit you" or "carlos and me waitig for you". Also works with those who hate strap games "you are being rebel today, lets see if stay so brave after Cralos talks to you" Find this more fun and sexy than actually saying "i want to put you in your 4 and penetrate you with a plastic dildo"

This were my 2 cents.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

You're very welcome.  I'm always happy to share when I have the time and Mistress encourages me to do so.  Thank you for the kind words.
No problem, sweetie, you deserve them!

I'm not certain how attaching the straps to a collar would be any different than running them behind the neck via the cushioning pads the devices come with.  Either one would still apply the same amount of force to the neck.  This subject is rather near and dear to me as I have a 2 level fusion in my spine at the base of my neck (result of a car accident), so am extra cautious in regard to any strain that is placed in that particular area.  
I never use attachments at the neck.  Tried it and it causes the same problems the sling would.  It does cause a lot of strain on the neck.  That's why I said "if you must..."  Not my recommendation, though.

Another option that's been mentioned in something I read which should eliminate the neck situation mentioned entirely, is to attach the straps to something else located directly above the head.  This totally elimnates the problem of strain being applied to the neck.  I've not tried it yet, but it's in the plan.  The cherry finish sleigh-style headboard on my Thomasville bed isn't exactly what one would want to put an eybolt in the middle of.    I plan to rig the harness to attach directly to it via a strap covered with protective material that will wrap over the top of the headboard from the back side.  That way it will normally be hidden & totally out of sight from prying eyes, except of course when it's in use. 
tThat's one way to go!  I don't even have a headboard!   I use a nylon web restraint system that goes between the boxspring and the mattress.  12 attachment points total, 3 on each side. Put a longer comforter or bed cover over it, and no one will be the wiser! I got mine on eBay for less than $60.  Great thing, is when I go to parties in which there may be an "afterparty" at a hotel, I can bring it with me and it works fine.  E-mail me if you'd like more specifics.
 
Mistress is rather fond of using a feeldoe supported by a very low hanging strap which we modified to fit it.  The feeldoes are not nearly as flexible as the cyberskin dildoes you  mention, but are far more pleasurable for her.
I have a feeldoe and the harness that was made for it.  Never use it any more.  Just prefer the cyberskin toys.  Glad it works for you though!  Enjoy!
  
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik

quote:

ORIGINAL: PhoenixRed

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

You're very welcome.  I'm always happy to share when I have the time and Mistress encourages me to do so.  Thank you for the kind words.

No problem, sweetie, you deserve them!

 
I'm not certain how attaching the straps to a collar would be any different than running them behind the neck via the cushioning pads the devices come with.  Either one would still apply the same amount of force to the neck.  This subject is rather near and dear to me as I have a 2 level fusion in my spine at the base of my neck (result of a car accident), so am extra cautious in regard to any strain that is placed in that particular area.  


I never use attachments at the neck.  Tried it and it causes the same problems the sling would.  It does cause a lot of strain on the neck.  That's why I said "if you must..."  Not my recommendation, though.

I can fully understand.  The neck is easily injured when stressed.   

quote:


Another option that's been mentioned in something I read which should eliminate the neck situation mentioned entirely, is to attach the straps to something else located directly above the head.  This totally elimnates the problem of strain being applied to the neck.  I've not tried it yet, but it's in the plan.  The cherry finish sleigh-style headboard on my Thomasville bed isn't exactly what one would want to put an eybolt in the middle of.    I plan to rig the harness to attach directly to it via a strap covered with protective material that will wrap over the top of the headboard from the back side.  That way it will normally be hidden & totally out of sight from prying eyes, except of course when it's in use. 

That's one way to go!  I don't even have a headboard!   I use a nylon web restraint system that goes between the boxspring and the mattress.  12 attachment points total, 3 on each side. Put a longer comforter or bed cover over it, and no one will be the wiser! I got mine on eBay for less than $60.  Great thing, is when I go to parties in which there may be an "afterparty" at a hotel, I can bring it with me and it works fine.  E-mail me if you'd like more specifics.

LOL!  I have the same sort of between the matress & box spring restraint system here!  I think mine is older and doesn't have the middle attachment point that yours does, but it still works just the same and is as "conveniently portable" for hotel use as you said.  

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Mistress is rather fond of using a feeldoe supported by a very low hanging strap which we modified to fit it.  The feeldoes are not nearly as flexible as the cyberskin dildoes you  mention, but are far more pleasurable for her.

I have a feeldoe and the harness that was made for it.  Never use it any more.  Just prefer the cyberskin toys.  Glad it works for you though!  Enjoy!

Mistress likes the feeldoe in part because she has the muscle strength to use it without the harness.  However, the harness allows her to relax now and then without losing/dropping it.  She also likes the insertable vibrator that can be used with it.  But they definitely aren't particularly soft or flexible, requiring more precise control of entry angles and such.  There's also an older Doc Johnson vacu-loc system here, which I wouldn't necessarily recommend.  The attachments are quite expensive and not located nearly as well as they could be, except perhaps for straight-on rear entry.  Which cyberskin toys and harness do you prefer?  They might be something Mistress would like to try.