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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/9/2007 9:47:14 AM

Obedient1nPA

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hmmm! ~innocently snickering~

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/9/2007 11:49:38 AM

Tigrita

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=P I just have to say that I keep getting excited every time I see the word 'rope' in the topic list. Damn, not quite what I'm aching for.

Since I'm here, I might as well write an actual reply to the OP. As far as poly, I'm there and have no qualms whatsoever, but it has been a little harder for Charlotte I think. I don't want to speak for her, but I'll bet you two would relate really well; I think having it be a slave expectation helps her when she gets stressed out about it, you should get in touch with her on the other side (Charlotte12), she's a sweetie and always happy to have people to talk to about stuff.

I'm a few hours away from Stephan and he's been very consumed by some big logistical issues lately, so he doesn't have much time/energy (physical and mental)/opportunity to set up many expectations, rules, boundaries for me so I have a ton of freedom. Sometimes I get restless with these things lacking, but I know it will pass.
Last night I was told to swim for 23 minutes, which was oddly sexy, as that silly micromanaging stuff isn't really our thing, maybe because I've been hungry for more domlyness. Four peas!!!!!! Oh, baby!!!!!

< Message edited by Tigrita -- 11/9/2007 11:57:52 AM >

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There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/9/2007 8:00:27 PM

sakidorei

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It's funny ... Master and i just talked today about the silk thread that He allows me ... . He calls it an inch of silk thread because for me ... it's usually in some way that i am either consciously or unconsciously questioning Him. He says, "I allow the inch of silk thread because you'll take a mile if I let you and then, you'll hang yourself." ~laughs~ Sometimes i only really see where He is going after i'm dangling from my silk rope. He uses those times to give me some of my profound lessons.

i'll be honest. It's not comfortable. i'd much prefer as you said, to just be told. However, He is not that kind of Master and He doesn't wish that kind of slave. He wants me to come to my own conclusions regarding my priorities. He does not wish a slave that can not reason out her devotions and committments but one who will CHOOSE Him above all of my other choices.

i don't know if you are a slave or a submissive. In my mind each carries it's own parameters within the relationship. Perhaps you are a submissive and have an understanding with your Dom that you both negotiate your comfort levels and needs and then choose how to meet them. However, you call Him your Master and with that perspective ... i'd ask very gently. What as a slave is your greatest drive and calling? His pleasure? Or your own?

Undoubtably sharing one's Master is, in my opinion the hardest lesson to learn of all the slave lessons. Anyone who says it should simply be a matter of accepting what your told has no soul in my opinion. ~laughs~ It's an adjustment when you first reach that facet of M/s ... it's a struggle. It's not pretty and it's not quick. You have moments of selfishness, self pity, jealousy, resentment, frustration, humiliation, and fear. It's just how it feels. HOWEVER, how it feels isn't the end ... it's a PART of the process. i think it's probably one of the most soul searching aspects of examining your life and heart as a slave.

Your Master sounds like a wise man ... who wants you to make a choice. This is a critical point for you in your slavery (assumption on my part) and it will be something that you look back on with a real understanding of exactly how pivitol it is later. You now look your slavery full in the face and ask ... what is a slave to her Master? What am i? What is my duty as a slave?

No condemnation for your decision either way ... it's just a place on the path. i wish you the best!

~saki
Property of Master D.

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/10/2007 6:03:55 PM

velvetears

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden

Master and I have a new relationship, ...... He has expanded his private life to include another, in short making our relationship a polyamorous one, and he has given me the choice how I wish to deal with that. He has also been completely honest with both of us, fully disclosing his feelings about me to her and vice versa.

So, I can walk away (although he has said that is the least desireable outcome), I can fully immerse myself in the poly lifestyle and embrace them both, I can be friends with her, be fuck buddies with her, or have absolutely nothing to do with her and continue my relationship with him pretty much as it was before. My choice. So many choices!

i have read the thread so i know what the general replies have been and have to say i feel the odd man out on this one. Maybe i am missing something someone will point out to me but to me it appears you have no choice at all really.

The first red flag i see is that you say you have a new relationship with your master. i am sure you probably knew he was into poly but it sounds to me like he sort of sprang this new sub on you and it caught you a bit off balance. i personally would be cautious if my "new" master brought someone into the picture before we got a chance to get out of the "new" stage ourselves. Maybe he had his own reasons for doing it this way, that you know and have not shared, just sharing my own thoughts on what you have so far revealed.

Second thing i question is his telling you you have choices when really what i hear is: i want this other sub, and us to be a poly family and you can either accept it, leave, be friends, or not etc.... Sorry but to me it just sounds uncaring. Sounds like he wants what he wants - which is fine, but he's not taking up the responsibility for helping to make it work so everyone is happy, not just him... he doesn't want problems. If you have any, well he did tell you you could walk... i just would not be comfortable with that. i would rather my dom tell me he expected me to make efforts to accept his new sub, at least i would know he had made an investment in the outcome.

i don't mean to "rain on your parade" so to speak. You seem happy and content and i guess that is all that matters in the end. i hope it all works out for you. Hope you don't mind my sharing what your op sparked in my own mind.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 11/10/2007 6:04:59 PM >

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/10/2007 10:23:05 PM

MidnightMaiden

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Dear Velvet,

It's hard to convey the depth of what happens in a relation in the scope of a thread on a forum, and also hard to convey the full story and protect the privacy of those involved, especially as the story behind it wasn't the point of the thread, it was to ask if other subs/slaves were at a loss when their leash was loosened a little. As I mentioned before the only reason for giving the background was so that readers would understand that Master is not a "sloppy owner" and gave me free roam, but rather than extenuating circumstances occured.

Suffice to say that yes I did feel a little suprised, but it was by no means a case of him making sure I was collared and then going out on the hunt for someone new. There is a lot of history involved, and I could easily have been discarded or asked to leave to make allowances for older bonds. As is the case with all stories there are at least two sides, it was not easy for anyone involved, and you only got to hear my side.

He spent days where he stood there and weathered my storm. I was unruly, defiant, beliggerant, petulant, all things that should rightfully have deserved a punishment as I was still under his service. He listened, he gave logical suggestions and advice, different points of view. He said he would understand if I left, he didn't show me the door and say dont let it hit me on the way out. He said all good relationships are worth fighting for and putting in the effort for. He did everything he could to help me come to terms with this on my own.

He just slackened the leash a little, stopped making the little everyday commands of me while I was taking space to make my choice, basically he stopped being Master and took on the role of my best friend. It was that brief shift in the relationship that my post was meant to be about, not the poly shift... but all comments are welcome and read with appreciation. It's easy to gloss over a post and hit the back button without saying a word, I appreciate that you took the time to share your thoughts with me. Thank you. :)

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/10/2007 10:31:05 PM

MidnightMaiden

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

Last night I was told to swim for 23 minutes, which was oddly sexy, as that silly micromanaging stuff isn't really our thing, maybe because I've been hungry for more domlyness. Four peas!!!!!! Oh, baby!!!!!

O M G I love that movie! Favourite part is when she tries to spank herself with the hairbrush. I have felt her pain (or lack of)! Thank you Tigrita, I shall drop Charlotte a line

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/10/2007 10:35:45 PM

MidnightMaiden

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sakidorei

Undoubtably sharing one's Master is, in my opinion the hardest lesson to learn of all the slave lessons. Anyone who says it should simply be a matter of accepting what your told has no soul in my opinion. ~laughs~ It's an adjustment when you first reach that facet of M/s ... it's a struggle. It's not pretty and it's not quick. You have moments of selfishness, self pity, jealousy, resentment, frustration, humiliation, and fear. It's just how it feels. HOWEVER, how it feels isn't the end ... it's a PART of the process. i think it's probably one of the most soul searching aspects of examining your life and heart as a slave.

Beautiful words, thankyou. We had a picnic yesterday and he asked me what dirty, depraved, horrible thing could I think that up that scared me the most (trying to find my limits I guess, you know scat that kinda thing). I sat up and looked directly at him and said "Being together with you and her". I got the biggest hug and we talked a lot. Wow, everyday I learn something new. You are right, its only part of the process, and I know with my heart who I am and where I belong.

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/11/2007 6:18:50 AM

velvetears

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Thank you for taking the time to repply to mein such depth, i appreciate it. i wish you all the best with your Master and new sister and hope it all works out for you.

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/12/2007 9:45:04 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden

I am both grateful and proud that I belong to him. I feel that he did "spring" this new situation on me a little (in that I was the last of the three of us to know but somebody had to be right?) but he has never said "This is the way its going to be" or worse "If you don't accept this then you lose me". He has even given me the option of being able to maintain a very large portion of our previous relationship without involving myself in the poly aspect at all. I feel very loved and treasured that my feelings are that important.

This post wasn't a complaint at all, but rather to discover whether other subs/slaves felt at a "loss" when their leash was loosened a little, and I knew without giving the details a lot of posts would say "well I don't know your circumstances so I can only guess..."

Edited to add: I am grateful for all the replies though on the circumstances, it is always helpful to get different perspectives, particularly from others not in the situation, so thank you to all who contributed.

Did you know about the other when you entered into this relationship? If you did then he has been good and honorable. If he kept it from you until you were enslaved then he is not worthy of your enslavement and operated in a less than honorable way.

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/12/2007 10:46:58 AM

lusciouslips19

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It also doesnt really seem like much of a choice. You have the same choice as many having an affair. Live with it or leave. So you get to choose if you want to have an "affair" with him only,involve her casually or in a poly or walk away and say goodbye. I have seen other posts from you. You were miserable when he went to see her. What you really want is him and you in a monogomous relationship. So really you are just being told to like it or lump it.

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/12/2007 4:43:44 PM

MidnightMaiden

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Yes, I knew of her presence in his life from the outset, from our first introductions when I asked him about his life, where he lived, etc. I don't recall any posts where I have been miserable, about him seeing her or about any aspect of my life with him, so I am a little confused on that regard.

In my life before him I was not in a monogomous relationship, in fact I don't think in my entire life I have ever been. Entering his service only increased the depth and entanglement of my own poly relationship... I don't believe that I am really seeking a monogomous relationship with him. There were feelings of jealousy and displacement, all of which are somewhat hipocritical given my own living environment, and I acknowledge that. Suddenly I am coping with not being the centre of the universe, a wonderful learning exercise. However my post wasn't about helping me to deal with his decision, her inclusion, my ego, or any of the other things that would probably have been juicy topics of conversation on the poly board... but rather how does a slave feel when given slack to their leash?

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/12/2007 10:57:26 PM

tulitukka

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It's not about fairness. I, as a dominant, am willing to take on that responsibility. Willingly. Even gladly. But only as long as I know that my girl truly means it and has really considered it and come to the decision that she can and wants to live how I choose in this regard.

This is not the place to make promises. If the submissive feels she cannot abide a decision the dominant makes, she shouldn't promise to give it up. But if she does, and she has the right kind of dominant partner, it will be something that deepens the relationship and the submission. If my girl approached me that way, I would question her motives and feelings regarding it before accepting, though.

From my point of view that is what dominance is very much about. Enjoying the power and the responsibility that comes with it.

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/12/2007 11:05:19 PM

tulitukka

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Give that inch back to master and thank him?

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/13/2007 2:28:08 AM

MidnightMaiden

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Indeed

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/13/2007 2:45:01 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden

Yes, I knew of her presence in his life from the outset, from our first introductions when I asked him about his life, where he lived, etc. I don't recall any posts where I have been miserable, about him seeing her or about any aspect of my life with him, so I am a little confused on that regard.

In my life before him I was not in a monogomous relationship, in fact I don't think in my entire life I have ever been. Entering his service only increased the depth and entanglement of my own poly relationship... I don't believe that I am really seeking a monogomous relationship with him. There were feelings of jealousy and displacement, all of which are somewhat hipocritical given my own living environment, and I acknowledge that. Suddenly I am coping with not being the centre of the universe, a wonderful learning exercise. However my post wasn't about helping me to deal with his decision, her inclusion, my ego, or any of the other things that would probably have been juicy topics of conversation on the poly board... but rather how does a slave feel when given slack to their leash?

Well the post I am referring to to is one where after a month of you having him to yourself you were jealous and depressed when he went to see her. Contacting the board in your "dark time of need".

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/13/2007 3:29:57 AM

littlebitxxx

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Congrats Maiden on your new sister. I wish the three of you much happiness together.

In answer to the OP, I'm of the opinion that a little slack in the leash in order to come to grips with a decision he has made is a good thing. You seem to have a very supportive Master in that regard. For some Masters though, a slacking of the leash is more a sign of a wishy-washy temperament. Not Dominating enough? So to speak. I think that being given a bit of rope is great as long as there is a strong hand on the other end of it to reel you in before you hang yourself.

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/13/2007 5:11:41 AM

MidnightMaiden

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quote:

Well the post I am referring to to is one where after a month of you having him to yourself you were jealous and depressed when he went to see her. Contacting the board in your "dark time of need".

Are you sure I was the author of that post? Are you able to link it for me please? It doesn't ring true of our circumstances, nor does it sound like something I would do. I have used the search function to filter out posts that only I have contributed to, and I cannot find one where I have made such comments. You have my curiosity peaked!

< Message edited by MidnightMaiden -- 11/13/2007 5:21:43 AM >

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/13/2007 3:03:51 PM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightMaiden

quote:

Well the post I am referring to to is one where after a month of you having him to yourself you were jealous and depressed when he went to see her. Contacting the board in your "dark time of need".

Are you sure I was the author of that post? Are you able to link it for me please? It doesn't ring true of our circumstances, nor does it sound like something I would do. I have used the search function to filter out posts that only I have contributed to, and I cannot find one where I have made such comments. You have my curiosity peaked!

Of course I could be wrong and have you confused. it may be from the poly board. It was from a few a couple of weeks ago. I think it was something like "im depressed". So if I have you confused, I am sorry. But I still think you need to figure out what it is you really want out of a relationship with a master and if Poly is what you really want or sharing your Master. You have to be clear with yourself and not just sacrifice to be with this particular one if deep down it is not what you want.

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/14/2007 12:16:42 AM

MidnightMaiden

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How many people in our lives can we say that we feel unconditional love for. Say it and mean it. That we love without expectation of anything in return, we love despite flaws, despite failures, we love for the pure joy of giving, we love because it completes us to do so.

Um's know what unconditional love is, they understand the principles above. They are born with it and at that point its pure and perfect and the magical thing on earth. Part of the reason for this is their utter dependency, their inability to take care of themselves, they love and trust so completely because they have no other choice but to do so, but that fact does not minimize the purity of their love.

It doesn't stay that way though, we as fractured and broken parents and caregivers corrupt and twist it. It doesn't matter how shitty a parent you are, it doesn't matter if you hit your um's, starve them, raise them in filth, break their bones and blacken their eyes, an um will always seek it's parents love and approval to the very day they die, whether or not they as adults will admit to that. As they in turn become adults, the perfect and pure love they knew as an um becomes distrust, and although we can still give love, we have learnt to place conditions upon it to protect ourselves.

None of us, not one, can claim to love their spouses with such purity of heart. A vanilla relationship is based on games, a complex interaction and exchange that can fulfill us, make us happy, bring us joy and many other rewards, but it is not unconditional. It's often not all that different in BDSM or D/s relationships either, its just the games manifest physically. We all have something in our minds that is a relationship breaker, some kind of condition that our spouses must meet in order for our continued love. A perfect example is "If he cheats on me then I will leave". The message this sends is that the condition of my love is his faithfulness, I don't love them enough to forgive a transgression.

Whilst I have not attained unconditional love for anything other than my um's, me being the only slave in his life is not a condition I place on my love for him. I may struggle with the repurcussions of that decision at times, but it is a choice I gladly make.

< Message edited by MidnightMaiden -- 11/14/2007 12:20:07 AM >

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RE: Enough rope to hang yourself - 11/14/2007 7:20:08 AM

pseudopsychotic

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quote:

Have you, as a submissive/slave, felt like this? Have you ever felt like you have too much freedom?

More times then I can count.
But on the flip side, if I wasn't givin the choice on a few things, I would have been pissed and walked away.
Because somethings just HAVE to be up to me.
Not because I'mma bad sub or I dont get the whole lifestyle thing, but because my life isnt just my life, its my kids and my sister as well.
Eh, now I'm rambling.

And I do feel he forced this on you just by putting you in this situation..Now I dont know if you two talked about this before hand (as in before the other girl came into his life) and if that's the case, if you havent talked about him being with other people and such...Then I think its crap and idk.

You have to figure out if its worth it to you.

I know, that doesnt help.
Sorry.
Hope it all works out for you.

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